[MBTI General] IS_J and the past

[Fuent]

Changing how you say it won't change how you mean it. I think I know where you're going with this...

I've said before that I think a lot of "frustration" people on this board seem to have with SJs can be explained by their encounters with Si: because of its attachment to memories, and often resistance or reluctance to change. People may argue that Si tends to block innovation (that's what they say about SJs in general).

ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Fuent]

lol I've had this dilemma a bunch of times (ISTJ or ISTP?). As I like to say, I'm an ISTJ when I'm working, and ISTP when I'm not working.

Dude you're an ISTP.

 

[Fuent]

The child you were yesterday and the person you were yesterday are all a part of who you are today - they're not "dead". To deny the past is to deny a large part of who you are. Remember that the past is really the only thing that has any certainty to it; the only thing that has the ability to be clung on to. Everything else is an unknown.

No they're dead. Present me melted them down with my super hot past melting oven. Then i drank them. It's certain.

 

[Fuent]

You know, Shaula, that recognizing the wounded child and helping it heal is the way out of the bitterness and disappoinment? True.

Or you can smash him and drink his blood for power.

 

[Fuent]

That's the opposite of me. Usually if I get mad, I get very mad at someone for a little bit, and then forget about it a short while later and get along fine with them after then.

It's probably not an ISTJ thing.

DUDE OMG YOU'RE AN ISTP!!!!!!!!!!!

Lol at MBTI types always being "an."

 

[Fuent]

Oh no doubt, they were very unhealthy.

Oh you're a clever one...

 

[swordpath]

I live in the past.

 

[raz]

But, at some point, the future becomes the past.

 

[Halla74]

The here and now rules.

The past is gone, though we should accept it as part of our lives, learn from it, and use that knowledge to live better.

The future is not guaranteed at all. Once you have lost someone dear to you this becomes terrifyingly clear.
[OK, failure to plan for retirement is stupid, but if you spend your whole life working your arse off, saving every penny and never having any fun, then what did your life amount to?]

Being happy, successful, and vibrant in the here and now is a daily gift that only you can give to yourself.

Just my .02.

 

[Fuent]

But, at some point, the future becomes the past.

But you can't see it until it's the past right?

 

[Fuent]

The here and now rules.

The past is gone, though we should accept it as part of our lives, learn from it, and use that knowledge to live better.

The future is not guaranteed at all. Once you have lost someone dear to you this becomes terrifyingly clear.
[OK, failure to plan for retirement is stupid, but if you spend your whole life working your arse off, saving every penny and never having any fun, then what did your life amount to?]

Being happy, successful, and vibrant in the here and now is a daily gift that only you can give to yourself.

Just my .02.

Here's your receipt. You only get seven days to return it if you aren't satisfied.

 

[Cimarron]

The visual came to me, that my approach of usually looking to the past and everything that leads up to the present is like a building a base, a solid foundation. Actions are operated from the base, and even when I leave, I come back to base when I'm done.

 

[earthangel]

I personally don't hold grudges long, at least if the other person is willing to apologize, or won't hold a grudge against me. Of course, I won't forget what has happened, but I'm not very emotional person, and holding a grudge requires lots of negative emotions I think.

I do have a great memory. Just few days ago I was talking with a long time friend, and I noticed myself saying "Hey, you told me that already 10 years ago, no need to repeat yourself."

...

But I can't help myself from recalling the "good ol' times" from my past from time to time, and mourning what I have lost (possibilities, etc). But acknowledging this, I can push myself forward and tell my dominant Si that "Only direction we can go, is forward. And only in the future we can be something that we are not now". It helps... but I just have to keep doing that actively.

Throwing away stuff that reminds the me of the past has also helped. I bet you other Si's have plenty of stuff from the past, for the memories' sake. Do yourself a favor, and hide them!

This thread has helped me so much. I know I read of the general SJ traits but it just feels so much better to hear that i'm not alone in feeling this way. It is so hard for me to not wonder what could I have done better in a situation where something turned bad or failed where I was involved. The lost possibilities rack my mind, especially in its in the more recent past. I try to keep in mind also that I shouldn't hold onto the past, the past is only past and its unhealthy to cling onto the past in the sense of negative things that have happened, but I still often succumb to those feelings. The white noise of screaming "what if"s come-- I start fantasizing about the past or how my present or future could be if I only did something to make my past work out to how I wished it would.

I used to hold grudges but I don't anymore. I'm so quick to forgive. Its bad enough that I get myself down for things I did or should have done, I don't want to mix in any bad feelings towards anyone else. Everyone deserves forgiveness. I almost do it to a fault. I just don't want the conflict involved inside or with others by holding grudges.

Oh my SJ's, what are we to do with ourselves?! lol <3

 

[Habba]

I'm so quick to forgive. Its bad enough that I get myself down for things I did or should have done, I don't want to mix in any bad feelings towards anyone else. Everyone deserves forgiveness. I almost do it to a fault. I just don't want the conflict involved inside or with others by holding grudges.

Now that's ISFJ b***hit. Pardon my language, but I mean it. No offense. :blushing:

What I mean, is that not everyone deserves forgiveness. It's not okay if someone acts like a moron and just says "I'm sorry". Forgiving that is naive. People should never accept apologies that are not packed with immediate actions to fix the situation.

Example: If I would be driving my bicycle and talking to my cell-phone the same time, and would accidentally happen to knock you down while passing by, I have made an error which I should apologize. However, the error wasn't me knocking you down, but being reckless and having failed to take into account the pedestrians.

You should only accept apology if the other person says something like: "Oh, I'm so sorry. It was all my fault. I shouldn't be driving like this. I really need to buy that hands-free". But most often they just say "Oh, sorry." and have no intentions of working their attitudes and behavior.

And don't avoid conflicts! Avoiding conflicts is the same thing as ignoring problems. Problems must be brought up (although in a sensitive manner) and they must be solved. Or else they'll grow to be catastrophes.

"Big concerns grow from small concerns. You plant them, water them with tears, fertilize them with unconcern. If you ignore them, they grow." -Londo Mollari

Sorry for ranting out like this, but lately I have dealt too much with ISFJ incapable of not being doormats. So nothing personal. I still like your types as reasonable people. (unlike ENTPs.. )

 

[earthangel]

Now that's ISFJ b***hit. Pardon my language, but I mean it. No offense. :blushing:

What I mean, is that not everyone deserves forgiveness. It's not okay if someone acts like a moron and just says "I'm sorry". Forgiving that is naive. People should never accept apologies that are not packed with immediate actions to fix the situation.

Example: If I would be driving my bicycle and talking to my cell-phone the same time, and would accidentally happen to knock you down while passing by, I have made an error which I should apologize. However, the error wasn't me knocking you down, but being reckless and having failed to take into account the pedestrians.

You should only accept apology if the other person says something like: "Oh, I'm so sorry. It was all my fault. I shouldn't be driving like this. I really need to buy that hands-free". But most often they just say "Oh, sorry." and have no intentions of working their attitudes and behavior.

And don't avoid conflicts! Avoiding conflicts is the same thing as ignoring problems. Problems must be brought up (although in a sensitive manner) and they must be solved. Or else they'll grow to be catastrophes.

"Big concerns grow from small concerns. You plant them, water them with tears, fertilize them with unconcern. If you ignore them, they grow." -Londo Mollari

Sorry for ranting out like this, but lately I have dealt too much with ISFJ incapable of not being doormats. So nothing personal. I still like your types as reasonable people. (unlike ENTPs.. )

The forgiveness thing is really only in reference to everyone I have or had a good personal relationship with. Anyone I have become close to, if they screw up, I will always forgive them. It saves me from conflict and from clinging onto a negative past like I tend to. I used to hold grudges over nothing, so I feel that forgiveness a better alternative. I hope that is not also considered a bad thing. I mean, if some reckless d-bag person HIT ME WITH A CAR then I would call the police and forgive them after they paid for my medical bills and they kissed my freakin ass. I wouldn't hug them and tell them not to worry about it or anything, lol. That would definitely be me being a pushover and an idiot.

There was this guy within the last month that fell in love with me and went on a psycho rampage and endangered my life, and irrationally threatened me. I initally was going to forgive him while I was in my daze of shock and potential beaten women's syndrome, but instead I called the police and am taking him to court to get a restraining order. But then again, it wasn't without some urging and prodding from my friends to make me call the police so I can't take full credit. But me continuing the decision to not forgive this person despite my tendency, and to follow through with the court appearance, I think will be a good change for me. He's probably the only person I've never straight up forgave in a long time.

But yeah, I'm probably a pushover to a notable extent, but at least I'm not completely lol! It sucks being so agreeable.

As for avoiding conflicts, is it really always avoiding problems? I don't know. I just don't go shouting things to people to piss them off, arguing with them about their limited viewpoint if I know my voice won't be heard. For example, I won't bother a waitress over a slight discrepency if its permissable. But say if a friend or boyfriend does something I find disagreeable, I'll tell them immediately. Its always me just being socially afraid, I guess.

 

[d@v3]

I forgive, but I don't forget.... even though I SHOULD forget because all those feelings do is up inside.

I don't hold grudges either, I just remember who the person is and avoid interacting with them ever again!

 

[maliafee]

Haha, people would probably mistake me as an ISTJ/ ISTP at school but at all the other times, it's fairly evident that I'm INFJ.

My first, gut reaction to this is to say, "Ha! NFs can say they think people might mistake them for S's but we never do. You can't fake being as S, not really."

Then again, I spent years thinking my mom was an ISFJ, not INFJ - probably because of my dad's S qualities rubbing off on her. So I know I'm completely wrong.

It's just interesting to reflect on immediate reactions to things, sometimes.

 

[Glycerine]

My first, gut reaction to this is to say, "Ha! NFs can say they think people might mistake them for S's but we never do. You can't fake being as S, not really."

Then again, I spent years thinking my mom was an ISFJ, not INFJ - probably because of my dad's S qualities rubbing off on her. So I know I'm completely wrong.

It's just interesting to reflect on immediate reactions to things, sometimes.

haha, it depends on how well they know me. My ESFJ father is convinced that I am very detail-oriented and some of my teachers do too. My mom thought I was ISTJ and my dad probably thinks I'm ESTJ. This is because I am very good at reminding people of things, remembering details and facts that I deem important. I've always had a good memory for history and those other fact-based classes. However, I will never be a true S because paying attention to detail exhausts me.