[ISFJ] is this isfj guy serious?

[INTP]

okay so heres the deal. i have a huge crush to this girl who's boyfriend is most likely an isfj. i was late on telling her about my feelings(as usual) and i told her about my feelings the next day i heard that they started dating, things(me) got messy for about 10 months and this time i didnt see neither of them(by my choice), but i texted to this girl for some time after that and i later heard that the guy got pretty jealous. the guy left the country for about 2 months and in that time i started hanging out in same group(she is friend of about all of my real friends) again. now the guy is back and doesent want me around, because some time ago before he left the country my friend accidentally invited him to same place that i was going to and i told my friend to tell him not to come or i wont come, so my friend told him that he cant come. he said to this friend of mine that he is pissed off at me because i didnt want him to come there. but the reason that i didnt want him to come was because i didnt want anything to do with this girl back then.

i dont know what he has told the reason is to this girl, but what he told to my friend sounds like bullshit excuse to me and i bet he is just jealous.

so my question is that is this guy really that sensitive and retarded or is he just using this as an excuse keeping me away from his girlfriend?

also if this is an excuse i wonder if he is telling this bullshit to this girl also to control the situation while hide his insecurities. or to make this a valid question, would isfj's hide their insecurities from their SO and try to manipulate situations like this?

 

[InTheFlesh]

IXFJ's are incredibly sensitive. If someone invited me to a party and then uninvited me I'd probably hold a grudge and do something like that. But I don't know if the S and the N makes a big difference

 

[INTP]

IXFJ's are incredibly sensitive. If someone invited me to a party and then uninvited me I'd probably hold a grudge and do something like that. But I don't know if the S and the N makes a big difference

it wasnt a party, it was this protest parade on one holiday, i wasnt the one who invited him and its nothing personal that i didnt want him there, i just didnt want anything to do with this girl at the time and im pretty sure that she would have came there also.. not to mention that this parade wasnt the only place that he could be at since their(he, she and several of their friends) plans was to celebrate this holiday at one park

i find this really odd that someone would be so retarded that he would get offended from something like this because the reason i didnt want to see him had nothing to do with him..

 

[InTheFlesh]

As ridiculous as it is I would probably hold it against everyone in the group. We're some really emotionally messed up people=/

 

[FDG]

you tried to snatch his gf then "uninvited" him to an event...who wouldn't be pissed off?

 

[Thalassa]

He's trying to keep his gf away from you, is smart to do so, and I would do the same thing in his position. Who are you trying to kid here? You want his gf, and you're acting like he's the one who is acting crazy?

 

[INTP]

As ridiculous as it is I would probably hold it against everyone in the group. We're some really emotionally messed up people=/

well, he has nothing against my friend who invited him

you tried to snatch his gf then "uninvited" him to an event...who wouldn't be pissed off?

i didnt try to snatch her from him other than asking her to coincider me after i told her about my feelings(or well when he was out the country and i saw this girl i was really drunk and stoned and started teasing her by playing with her neclace, but i wasnt trying anything i was just too fucked up to think straight and i found her neclace intriguing, maybe this is the real reason he is so pissed off at me?). i saw him 3 times after that and he didnt seem to have anything against me(he came to chat with me in a party etc). technicly i didnt uninvite him, i just told my mate that im not going if he is and my mate felt that right thing to do was to uninvite him because we planned to go there together and he accidentally invited him.

He's trying to keep his gf away from you, is smart to do so, and I would do the same thing in his position. Who are you trying to kid here? You want his gf, and you're acting like he's the one who is acting crazy?

so you think its just an excuse? i think he is acting crazy only if its not an excuse

 

[Thalassa]

As ridiculous as it is I would probably hold it against everyone in the group. We're some really emotionally messed up people=/

Is it really emotionally messed up to dislike someone who says something to the effect that they're not coming if you are, then gets you uninvited? Also, the ISFJ guy doesn't know INTPs reasoning, does he? Could just think he's being a douche. Perhaps this is F logic, not just an IxFJ thing. I think Ts can be pretty nasty and selfish sometimes then are just all like "oh why are you butthurt" and it's like

 

[digesthisickness]

i think you're the one who sounds weak. trying to control who goes where and putting your friend in the position of confronting a person he'd previously invited because of feelings you claim not to have?

the only thing i see wrong with his reaction is that instead of being angry, he should be laughing at you.

 

[INTP]

Is it really emotionally messed up to dislike someone who says something to the effect that they're not coming if you are, then gets you uninvited? Also, the ISFJ guy doesn't know INTPs reasoning, does he? Could just think he's being a douche. Perhaps this is F logic, not just an IxFJ thing. I think Ts can be pretty nasty and selfish sometimes then are just all like "oh why are you butthurt" and it's like

when this happened i havent seen him or her for about 9 months and i had made it perfectly clear that i dont want to see neither of them because it was emotionally way too hard for me. and its not an F thing, its an Fe thing because Fi user could set himself to my shoes and understand my feelings.

i think you're the one who sounds weak. trying to control who goes where and putting your friend in the position of confronting a person he'd previously invited because of feelings you claim not to have?

the only thing i see wrong with his reaction is that instead of being angry, he should be laughing at you.

my friend invited him to hang out with me and my friend. i didnt claim not to have these feelings.

 

[digesthisickness]

why not just call him up and invite him somewhere. for instance, out for a drink or whatever you guys do. that should clear up any misunderstandings he has about you and your motives.

if necessary, invite a few others and then call him up to invite him too.

 

[Thalassa]

when this happened i havent seen him or her for about 9 months and i had made it perfectly clear that i dont want to see neither of them because it was emotionally way too hard for me. and its not an F thing, its an Fe thing because Fi user could set himself to my shoes and understand my feelings.

lol you really think that? I'm trying to imagine myself in the reverse situation where a woman wanted my bf, then got me uninvited places, then expected me to be understanding of her feelings. lollerskatez omgz

 

[digesthisickness]

the girl you're speaking of really dodged a bullet.

 

[INTP]

why not just call him up and invite him somewhere. for instance, out for a drink or whatever you guys do. that should clear up any misunderstandings he has about you and your motives.

if necessary, invite a few others and then call him up to invite him too.

i dont really care what he thinks about me or my motives, the main thing is that the girl understands me. neither do i really care about hanging out with him because its pretty(maybe too) hard for me. im just interested to hear an isfj opinions if this is an excuse that he is using to control the situation or is he retarded.

luckily the guy is going to study to another country and she isnt going with him, that is if he is accepted to that school. and even if he is not he needs to fuck off from my country in like a month unless he finds a job, they get married(and i dont think that will happen) or he has like 15000€ extra money.

 

[Thalassa]

i dont really care what he thinks about me or my motives, the main thing is that the girl understands me. neither do i really care about hanging out with him because its pretty(maybe too) hard for me. im just interested to hear an isfj opinions if this is an excuse that he is using to control the situation or is he retarded.

luckily the guy is going to study to another country and she isnt going with him, that is if he is accepted to that school. and even if he is not he needs to fuck off from my country in like a month unless he finds a job, they get married(and i dont think that will happen) or he has like 15000€ extra money.

You just want his girlfriend and have somehow managed to twist the situation to rationalize your own irrational feelings.

Well done!

Seriously, if I was this guy, I'd hate your guts - and I'm an Fi user, I swear.

He quite sensibly regards you as his enemy, and you're pretty much admitting here that you ARE.

 

[INTP]

lol you really think that? I'm trying to imagine myself in the reverse situation where a woman wanted my bf, then got me uninvited places, then expected me to be understanding of her feelings. lollerskatez omgz

it wasnt like he didnt have anything else to do than hang out with me and my best friend.. the reason my mate even invited him in the first place was because he was drunk and didnt think about the situation at all(what i find incredibly weird since i kinda isolated myself from nearly every of my friend for about 10 months because of this situation and because this whole thing was so hard for me to handle). i dont understand why he even thought it would have been ok to hang with me in the first place.

the girl you're speaking of really dodged a bullet.

how so?

You just want his girlfriend and have somehow managed to twist the situation to rationalize your own irrational feelings.

Well done!

Seriously, if I was this guy, I'd hate your guts - and I'm an Fi user, I swear.

yes i want his girlfriend, but i havent done anything to get her from him. being Fi, Fe, Ti or Te user has nothing to do if you would hate me because of this, but it has alot to do why you would hate me in this kind of situation. and i still dont care if he hates me or not, im just interested if this is an excuse to control the situation without looking weak or if he is seriously hating me because i told him not to hang out with me and my mate few months ago..

 

[INTP]

He quite sensibly regards you as his enemy, and you're pretty much admitting here that you ARE.

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbObujRjo8Y"][/YOUTUBE]

 

[Thalassa]

it wasnt like he didnt have anything else to do than hang out with me and my best friend.. the reason my mate even invited him in the first place was because he was drunk and didnt think about the situation at all(what i find incredibly weird since i kinda isolated myself from nearly every of my friend for about 10 months because of this situation and because this whole thing was so hard for me to handle). i dont understand why he even thought it would have been ok to hang with me in the first place.



how so?



yes i want his girlfriend, but i havent done anything to get her from him. being Fi, Fe, Ti or Te user has nothing to do if you would hate me because of this, but it has alot to do why you would hate me.

You know, Feelers can often pick up on social cues that Ts who have not yet developed their F function will miss. That means he could be reading this situation quite accurately, and you have no idea what his gf has told him about you, either.

The only reason you're calling him crazy and retarded is because you're jealous of him and want his gf. You're incapable of looking at this situation objectively because of your intense jealousy. That's fine - but you want us to say "oh yes you're so right and he's so wrong" and that's not what's going on here. The truth is that this is a very emotional situation for both of you, and as a feeler, I see HIS behavior as completely logical and normal.

In truth, I think you're being fanciful by expecting him to tolerate you even whilst you're plotting behind his back. You really want ISFJs to be doormats, don't you?

 

[INTP]

You know, Feelers can often pick up on social cues that Ts who have not yet developed their F function will miss. That means he could be reading this situation quite accurately, and you have no idea what his gf has told him about you, either.

The only reason you're calling him crazy and retarded is because you're jealous of him and want his gf. You're incapable of looking at this situation objectively because of your intense jealousy. That's fine - but you want us to say "oh yes you're so right and he's so wrong" and that's not what's going on here. The truth is that this is a very emotional situation for both of you, and as a feeler, I see HIS behavior as completely logical and normal.

In truth, I think you're being fanciful by expecting him to tolerate you even whilst you're plotting behind his back. You really want ISFJs to be doormats, don't you?

argh, im not calling him crazy or retarded, im just saying that if this is the only reason he is mad at me then and only then i think he is a retard. not to mention that he was totally fine with me when we last met.

and im not plotting anything behind his back(or atleast not going to execute any of my evil plans), im just interested if it is the only reason that he is mad at me that i didnt want him to hang with me and my mate back then.

 

[Giggly]

What type is she?

Considering your confidence level about the girl (which seems medium high) it sounds like the girl is feeding you both.

If this is true then you are truly a threat to the bf and it's no surprise to me that he is acting this way... he's doing what he has to do, which is to put his foot down in some way.

You and the BF are acting exactly alike actually.

The responsibility rests on her to draw the line, not on either of you guys unless you want to have a old -fashioned duel, winner takes girl.

I have a sneaking suspicion that she won't draw a line though (she technically doesn't have to when you hide behind friendship) until things escalate to ridiculous levels of drama or somebody breaks up and/or moves away.