Yes. Because it was an internet forum, with little to no real world consequences. So I would just have fun. A tradition I believe that went way back to Usenet in the early 90s, and I certainly wasn't the only one engaged in immature baiting under the guise of surreal humour, either on that forum or on many other forums. Although many did it more subtly, I will confess. I guess it was more of a vibe of the early, anarchic internet. I distinctly remember doing something similar way back in 2001 on a forum dedicated to an obscure videogame, exaggerating my outrage with a certain comment someone had made. I was only 14 then. These days these kind of antics can have real world consequences, which is why I wouldn't behave like that again in say social media. And frankly the last year of my time and engagement with the site where I actually got to know people got kind of scary when the consequences spilt into real life. Quite apart from also maturing and now also having an adult life without the need or time to indulge in those kind of juvenile entertainments. And everything back then was kind of a bubble world and I enjoyed the drama and the sense of intellectual superiority that came from manipulating people into anger. And also, if I am being honest, a lot of it was subliminated resentment at my own life, how it seemed stagnant and a sense of overwhelming loneliness that also made me a bit crazy. In reterospect the forum was really *not* the best place for me to have been at that stage I should have got out more and got to know people, many of whom were in a similar situation to me, but circumstances were against it then. Only after I moved country did my life start changing dramatically.
Anyway, yes I was a dick back then, but I mean... it was a long time ago. Things change.
The INTP forums I posted on no longer exist, so unlike with this forum, I don't have the luxury of going back in time. I occasionally do this here and I often end up reevaluating something. It's hard to escape the conclusion that I was obnoxious, and that the reactions of others weren't totally undeserved.
That being said, I can remember posting off-putting things. Something I feel especially bad about was how I behaved toward a user called Sandwitch. She was like me, into the nerdy dorky stuff, but also had an adventurous streak and was into outdoorsy things and left-wing politics. I think it was in 2013 or 2014 that I became very jaded and wanted nothing to do with politics. I was a little like Cipher from The Matrix.
I believe I started to get irritated by her around this time. I remember getting up in her face and shouting and ridiculing her for giving a shit. The worst part about all of this is that she did reach out to me at one point and express an interest an interest in getting to know me, but I (probably) threw that back in her face (hard to know because I don't have records), and that was a shitty thing to do.
I should also mention that in 2015, I was having other problems that were unrelated to the forum. I'm not willing to go into detail here, but they have resurfaced in recent years, regrettably. They did make me extremely paranoid, more than usual.
I do feel that I fucked things up royally. I think the worst is that I got things so wrong and made the stupid mistake of confusing abrasiveness for a lack of moral character. I should have known better. Sandwitch was one of the good guys.
On the off chance Sandwitch reads this at some point, I'm sorry I behaved like that.
