[MBTI General] intp and isfp relationships

[Dali]

...By tricky start - I'm meaning the very typical ISFP "touchy-feely" and the "500-texts-per-day" which i found extremely difficult at first..

Um, not really very typical ISFP... or even typical ISFP.

 

[Skyline]

If someone I'd date would send me more than 10 messages a day, I'd start to think he's invading my privacy. Lol. Yes, I like my space. Hence why I don't send someone many messages a day. I don't even do it with let's say BBBBFFFFF's. It's not something that's on "automatic" for me. If sometimes there would be nice fuzzy funny or surprising messages sent, I'd be fond of it though. It would be refreshing and sweet.

I suppose I like variety in affection, just not every day all the time...
in my language: *invasion + monotone stuff = no air*

 

[Kasper]

Oh snap an ISFP sending 500 texts a day? I'm an ISFP and I send like 5 if that

Up to 5 a day

 

[wolfy]

Up to 5 a day

5 is a big number.

I send one if I get one.

 

[maliafee]

This is a fun thread!

I will say this -- my INTJ brother's fiance is INTP and we get along great (but then we're not dating!).

We might get along partly because
a) my INTJ holds me in high esteem and can influence the INTP(?)
b) we both have individual clothing styles and admire each other for them.
c) she (the INTP) is HILARIOUS and we always joke together (well, I joke with my INTJ brother and she joins in)

However, the only thing offensive about her is that sometimes out of nowhere she will start comically talking about sex, but in terms of MY BROTHER. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! At that point, I cover my ears and say something like, "Never again, don't say that ever again, never again..."

And I tell my brother, right in front of her: "Please explain to Ada (INTP) that you don't talk about that stuff in front of family." But of course I have to laugh at the same time.
She seems unphased and just chuckles to herself at this point, not understanding why a sister wouldn't want to hear about her brother sexually... ew.

Anyway, I think that I would have trouble living with her because she seems picky about everything she wants to do or eat or whatever. I can spend like three hours making them a special breakfast when they visit, and she will be like, "Oh that's ok. I have to make oaties [her word for oatmeal, ;-)]."

!!!

Hehe...

 

[maliafee]

One more thing, about ISFPs and texting:

I don't text much, and if I'm with someone, I typically control the impulse to text them all day (if I even have it)...

I think a lot of maybe unhealthy or immature F types would text effusively... it's not an ISFP thing.


And the complimenting:

When my ISFJ and I were first together, after a time, he asked me not to compliment him so often. He said it made him a little uncomfortable.

But so y'all know, from an ISFP point of view, here is what happens: You all of a sudden realize you're with this great person and you're so pleased by and happy with the situation you just have to tell them how great they are. It's not automatic or fake... you just keep realizing stuff, over and over. That's because ISFPs don't carry around a big-picture understanding of this. They are focused on the moment often enough and so when they see said love-interest, their delight is renewed.

If you see it this way, how can you NOT love when we compliment you?

 

[callmemigs]

Hello

Anyone experienced an INTP-ISFP relationship? Can it work at all? I know a couple that have split up all cuz the ISFP was dissatisfied with the INTP. No matter how hard he tried to save the relationship, even by simply saying "i love you", she responds negatively and ignores resolving a conflict.

Do you know anything about these kinds of relationship? What's the best course of action- should they be advised to continue the relationship or not bother?

-PB.

INTPs (and INTJs) are like this. If we know a relationship would hurt us or would not satisfy us emotionally, we will never look back no matter how hard someone would try to reach out to us.

 

[INTPatricia]

My last boyfriend was an ISFP. We got on well at first, but (for me) the relationship fizzled out pretty soon. Our face-to-face communication was poor for one thing. When it came to deciding on what to do when we went out, we could never decide because both of us "didn't mind" what the activity was going to be. And thanks to him, I now detest words of affirmation, and e-hugs.

Honestly. The occasional "Wow, you're so awesome ^^ I'm soooo glad you're my girlfriend *hug*" was all very well, but saying it over and over with no justification soon became irritating. I sometimes wondered whether he had it on copy + paste.

He was also too needy for me. I needed my space, and sometimes when I would forgot to take my phone with me when I went out I would return to 5+ text messages. When having an IM conversation, he would assume I didn't reply to any of them because of "something he did."

So if you're an ISFP and wish to enter a relationship with an INTP, keep the compliments to a minimum and don't take it personally when you don't hear from them for a day (or more).

Strangely though, I'm with an ISFJ now and we get on fine, despite the distance. Despite having almost completely different functions, we seem in-synch. It's strange, but lovely.

when my current isfp typed in the following in our instant messages: smileys and : ; and the Yahoo IM equivalent of and then he would type out the word in all caps: SMILE! .....

I felt WAVES of nausea.

I would respond by typing: "You FEELER!"
He didn't realize this was the height of insult...

well, why would he?
...he was a feeler...

I guess I was unwittingly egging him on...eh gads! He not only kept it up...he increased it...so don't follow my strategy. They do NOT take insult at being called a Feeler as I would! I would be horrified!

Well, lucky for him...we have other things going for us...we seem to have a real connection, he loves my sense of humor...I love so many, many things about him...truly I do...he is stable, sincere, wise, virtuous, reliable, steady and has great energy...and he is quiet...i simply cannot abide a yakker...and I need a man who won't run around because I am way too easy to run around on...I tune out most of the time...I am pretty innocent and trusting and I don't run around at all...maybe a little cyber flirting but you will never get me out of my apartment to actually act on it...i wouldn't anyway...not while in a relationship.


Rather than make him stop it, all those insidious smiling and heart things, I have forced myself to reinterpret that horrid stuff as sexual come-ons...which always works for an intp.

I also take note of what makes him do that so it does show me the key to his heart...which is good to know.

I also told myself that he isn't going to score any hot chicks with that Mr. Rogers Neighborhood crap so don't tip him off...lol...I am so evil...a true intp...he is all mine until i am done with him...hehehehe...let him shoot himself in the foot if he ever decides to play around on the internet behind my back...lololololo...only an 8 year old or another isfp will go for it...no threat there.

I guess he is
1. just trying to use something as "impersonal" as IM and let me know when he is having
a. an emotion or
b. an affect (a smile), or

2. when one of his sentences "reads" too clinically or harsh and he wants to soften it with a "smile".

So, I do get it...because he NEVER wants to offend or hurt...which is
really a GREAT quality...something I have NEVER been known for

Anyway...I have been patient and we are finding a real connection...he has a hot (though maybe not kinky...darn!) romantic side and I have lots to learn about being nice (understatement of the millennium). Anyway...he is a babe...so there is no rush to dump this one. We are holding off sex as I always do...so we will see what happens...

He seems to know more about me than I know myself when it comes to reading my body language...I love hearing him decode me to me. And, he is easy to take care of...feed, entertain, read to, spend time with...neither of us leave our cell ringers on, pick up calls from others, do the call waiting thing, allow interruptions, over schedule (schedule for that matter), rush, or control the other. He helps me sort through boxes of junk/paperwork and toss it very patiently. He soaks in my lavish and sincere praise. He appreciates the intent and tenacity with which I explore and attempt to understand his personality...loves this 1:1 attention and focus.

He is sweet and he thinks I am unique. That is true about each of us. That is all I have to say for now.

 

[BlackCat]

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/sp-arthouse/16617-isfp-intp-relationship.html#post641863

 

[INTPatricia]

One more thing, about ISFPs and texting:

I don't text much, and if I'm with someone, I typically control the impulse to text them all day (if I even have it)...

I think a lot of maybe unhealthy or immature F types would text effusively... it's not an ISFP thing.


And the complimenting:

When my ISFJ and I were first together, after a time, he asked me not to compliment him so often. He said it made him a little uncomfortable.

But so y'all know, from an ISFP point of view, here is what happens: You all of a sudden realize you're with this great person and you're so pleased by and happy with the situation you just have to tell them how great they are. It's not automatic or fake... you just keep realizing stuff, over and over. That's because ISFPs don't carry around a big-picture understanding of this. They are focused on the moment often enough and so when they see said love-interest, their delight is renewed.

If you see it this way, how can you NOT love when we compliment you?

As an intp I cannot take e-hugs, "smilies", commands for me to "SMILE" (makes me irate) or generic complements. However, as a girl with a high sex drive, I love texts, emails and im's from my boyfriend and specific complements...and sexy ones...and erotic e-cards...please...no cartoons or bear hug cards...

I get lovesick like any girl does...I have to restrain myself from overdoing the im's, emails and texts...my isfp and I text/im and email as often as possible...and he is indian and is now in india during monsoon season...electricity is often off for the whole village...so we are out of touch...when it comes back on after a few days we communicate constantly...it has made us desperate for each other...i think it may be an I/P thing...the p lacks self control and the "i" has limited social outlets and pours him/herself into the object of their love. IXXP's are probably the text-addicts...or maybe the IXFP males and IXXP females...just my guesses...your message made me think about this...so I haven't had this idea for long...lolololo...an intp only needs a hint and a few seconds to spin a new theory....

 

[Julie1962]

I've been in a few relationships with INTPs. Sex was good and we were intrigued with eachother in the beginning but it didn't last. I then met my ENFJ husband and that was better. However in the long term I'm not sure if that was the best match either. Although .. for the long term I don't know if any match would survive over another match. We've been married 23 years and not sure how much longer it will last.

 

[INTPatricia]

isfp and intp

I've been in a few relationships with INTPs. Sex was good and we were intrigued with eachother in the beginning but it didn't last. I then met my ENFJ husband and that was better. However in the long term I'm not sure if that was the best match either. Although .. for the long term I don't know if any match would survive over another match. We've been married 23 years and not sure how much longer it will last.

Sex with INTP will always be good, and frequent, lol...

Do you recall why didn't it last?

Agree that ENFJ is a good match in many ways. I find EJ exhausting but maybe the NF reminds them to leave you alone to be yourself.

Again, in my earlier comments I specified that I was referring to INTP female and ISFP male because in the case of the ISFP I think gender makes a huge difference. Maybe in the INTP male as well, not sure.

Thanks for your input! It is always great to hear from the actual type who was inside the relationship...male or female!!!

 

[jesmith09]

My last boyfriend was an ISFP. We got on well at first, but (for me) the relationship fizzled out pretty soon. Our face-to-face communication was poor for one thing. When it came to deciding on what to do when we went out, we could never decide because both of us "didn't mind" what the activity was going to be. And thanks to him, I now detest words of affirmation, and e-hugs.

Honestly. The occasional "Wow, you're so awesome ^^ I'm soooo glad you're my girlfriend *hug*" was all very well, but saying it over and over with no justification soon became irritating. I sometimes wondered whether he had it on copy + paste.

He was also too needy for me. I needed my space, and sometimes when I would forgot to take my phone with me when I went out I would return to 5+ text messages. When having an IM conversation, he would assume I didn't reply to any of them because of "something he did."

So if you're an ISFP and wish to enter a relationship with an INTP, keep the compliments to a minimum and don't take it personally when you don't hear from them for a day (or more).

Strangely though, I'm with an ISFJ now and we get on fine, despite the distance. Despite having almost completely different functions, we seem in-synch. It's strange, but lovely.

Hmmm. I realize that this is an older post, but I feel compelled to respond. The person might well have had ISFP preferences internally, but he does not seem like any kind of a well adjusted ISFP. My girlfriend is the stereotypical ISFP. I would describe her, but in INTP fashion I would tend to do so in excruciating analytical detail. Her abhorrence for abstract theoretical discussion has heightened my awareness of my tendency to expound logically without regard to my audience....or anything really. She noted that I tend to be more focused on what I'm thinking about than those I'm talking to....anyhow. Read descriptions of ISFP....that's her. Dead on. She came from a good and stable family that allowed her to be herself. Your ex sounds like an imbalanced ISTP, or an they are far more likely to try plug and play methods of communicating affection, or anything for that matter. The obsessive texting and so on sounds like insecurity rooted in his experiences rather than tendencies brought about by preference. Let's try to remember that type is not personality. The way we process, prioritize, and express information certainly plays a vital role in shaping our personalities, but experiences...(and in his case possible chemical imbalances ?) can cause specific types to seem like very different people.

My mother studies the MBTI while earning her EdD in Teacher Education and Curriculum development, so I've been forced to ponder type indicators by constantly being subjected to them. I've learned, among other things, that if you are an N with an S partner, you have to understand that they will never see you the way you want them to. Sensing and intuition are so different....
My girlfriend and I have a strange relationship in most people's eyes. It works because I am intensely fascinated with her inner world, which is difficult at best to to gain access to, because I'm intensely loyal, and because I've learned to give her the space to be who and what she wants to be, no matter how illogical it seems. I'm not a J, so I need no real convention in like. She hears the beat of her own drum.....and I like to watch..and facilitate her whims. We are both very principled people, and I think we like that about one another.

She and I both have our own little worlds. It was difficult at first to get her to see mine for what it is, but she has, and we give one another space. My mother did a lot when I was a kid to prevent me from being aloof 100 percent of the time. That helps. Anyhow, ISFP and INTP has not been completely easy..she does not communicate much at all, and I communicate in streams of abstract analysis...but I'm conscious of myself, and try not to impose. It takes a lot of patience....I know she has to have a lot with me...all my theorizing, and thinking about holographic physics and political theory while forgetting to tie my shoes and losing everything I own by blanking out and setting things down....she notices. She's learned not to judge me for that. I had to learn to laugh at myself so that she could laugh about those things. I take myself too seriously, and she could not deal with that, so I let her give me guff when she wants to. We have our struggles...but she is a wonderful person, brilliant, gentle, very reserved...and fascinating. She's a puzzle, and I like that. Oh.....and ISFP's do not naturally pay many compliments...to themselves or others. They do so with actions is they do. Your feller was off kilter.

In reading your response.....I wonder if you are INTP. Impossible to tell with so little information, but your lack of careful analysis makes me wonder.....that...and how does an ISFJ Forgive you abstractions? Seems like he'd spend a lot of time ignoring you.

 

[Grungemouse]

In reading your response.....I wonder if you are INTP. Impossible to tell with so little information, but your lack of careful analysis makes me wonder.....that...and how does an ISFJ Forgive you abstractions? Seems like he'd spend a lot of time ignoring you.

Firstly, she's a girl. Secondly, we've broken up now. But that's irrelevant.

The other part didn't make any sense whatsoever ("forgive you abstractions"), so could you clarify that? Were you refering to the distance? I meant in a physical sense; we live 80 miles apart. You sound annoyed, which is baffling. My feelings for this post have admittedly died with it, so I have to be honest and say I don't have it in me to read your response in-depth.

"Lack of careful analysis"? Er, this is relationships we're talking about. Besides, it is possible to be INTP and have poorly developed Ti. I'm rubbish at Science, IT and Maths. Although I have been doubting my type as of late. Partly genuine doubt, but also because I'm bored and want to look elsewhere.

 

[Julie1962]

And then I started getting told I have a beautiful smile and it all fell into place.

I'll never forget what my 11th grade english teacher wrote in my yearbook: "your smile is contagious, I wish I'd catch it". I think it's my best quality.

I have had a few relationships with INTPs in my lifetime. I feel very comfortable around them. I know I wasn't intellectually stimulating for them, but they seemed to like me for some reason.

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

I've been married to a fiery ISFP woman for eight years. Much of what I've read suggests this is a terrible match, but I can't imagine being with anyone else at this point.

I will admit that communication (or lack thereof) is probably the biggest hurdle to overcome, at least in my own experience. And yes, sometimes "I love you" is said to the point of becoming a meaningless, empty platitude to me. The way I see it (and I've read this is common for many NTs), it shouldn't need to be said repeatedly if one already feels it. The problem for me is showing my love in a manner that won't seem forced or insincere. If someone feels the need to constantly say, "I love you," then it starts to seem to me as if they are having doubts and need to hear it enough to convince themselves that they're still feeling it.

One of my biggest relationship pet peeves is when my S.O. repeatedly needs to ask, "do you love me?" Bitch, if I didn't, I'd already be gone.

Still, in many ways, it is a perfect match. So many differences, yet we are quite similar in a lot of ways. We compliment one another with our respective strengths while simultaneously making up for one another's weaknesses.