[INFP] INFPs, do you wear personas to get along in society?

[Dreamer]

A little tangent....but it was striking to me when I came to these online typology forums at how familiar ENFP thinking is to my own, and yet, our outer personalities can be soooo different.

I see a lot of genuine excitement in ENFPs in real life, and it's probably why they are often regarded as charming.

I sometimes wonder how people ever confuse INFPs and ENFPs

I feel the same with INFPs. As I mentioned a while back in another thread, I have a coworker that came to me and must have trusted me more than other coworkers, because he spilt the beans on his true thoughts about his place at work and how it all relates to his real passions and desires in life, and that he was having trouble seeing the big picture of it all. I didn't stop him mid sentence (don't wanna be rude!), but literally only a few moments in I knew exactly what he was feeling and going through. I was in his exact position just a few years ago. There's still some things I have to figure out and I don't think any of us will ever really know all the answers, but it's moments like this that I feel just a tad less odd. To know there are others out there with such idealistic visions. Not just dreams in general, everyone has those, but the sorts of dreams tied to the realities all NFPs share.

Out of curiosity, I did ask him at the end of our chat if he's ever heard of the Myers Briggs types, and he said ya. He's an INFP. I spotted that a mile off

As for confusing the two types, I feel like it's easy to confuse the two if you're doing some self discovery and want to be able to type yourself, since we share many of the same inner workings, but externally, I don't know. I'd say we look pretty different hahaha. I was really quiet growing up and kept to myself so I could've passed as an INFP, but upon reflection, that was due to insecurities, not whether I gain my energy from being around people or not.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Well, that's probably where someone like me comes in.

No question I'm so dominant and like [MENTION=25763]Enthusiastic_Dreamer[/MENTION] see the social game, where everyone stacks hierarchically and who's trying to influence who. I don't always know why but I see when the game's afoot. So, when I was in my twenties, I made a conscious decision to learn the "rules" of these games better because I wanted to be more connected to people. I grew up in a rural area without a lot of social contact outside of school -- even making a hair appointment for myself I had to write down what I would say before I picked up the phone. So, I read, I went to seminars, I started a business and worked in sales. All of these things contributed to my learning of how to "play". Now, that doesn't mean I am super suave all of the time lol and some of what I learned was counter-productive. I am still awkward and well, that's just the way it will be. I'd like to think that's charming somehow anyway. And at this point, I have shed the construct of what I now consider stepping stones of this learning to favor an approach that is more combinatory of social grace and authentic connection.

The vestiges of my learning are a quick smile (even smiling first!), simple and polished answers to questions in the social realm, and the grace to navigate social events with relative comfort since I have a lot of the "moves" and "scripts" memorized to the point of being automatic. Those scripts ironically free me to be more authentic. I laugh rather freely too so that contributes to an overall kind of friendly appearance. To answer the OP, I do have personas and used to feel rather inauthentic about that, and wondered why I was so malleable when others seemed so settled and defined. So, in exploring that over the years, I've identified which elements of persona are borne of self-protection or self-aggrandizement and taken great effort to dispense with them. Funnily enough, although I don't pop into a maladaptive state too often anymore, I can still occasionally come away from an interaction with an awareness that I was operating from that place.

I do see the ability to adapt now as a skill and feel comfortable in being able to fit many situations. I do hold key though that this must always be monitored from a quality control perspective lest I lose too much of what I value in the process.

My best friend is INFP (maaaaybe ISFP) e9. I am not sure of her stacking...but she can appear like a social butterfly, and I would never call her shy.

BUT, to me her energy is still quite different, and I knew immediately she was an introvert and a feeling type. The hard part was whether she was an IxFJ or IxFP, but a lot of that is explained by being 9w1 and probably not social last in her instincts.

In a blog online, introvert warm energy was described as being more of a glow and extrovert warm energy as a sparkle. To me, that's ENFPs - sparkly fireworks. Not all the time (and perhaps why Ne feels so energy intensive), but big bursts seem more frequent for them. [MENTION=5494]Amargith[/MENTION] I can see the feeling of having to "hold back" at times and how that is a challenge for extroverts not talked about as much as the challenges facing introverts socially.

With INFPs and introverts in general, I think there is more of a steady glow. I see that with my INFP e9 friend. She has a pleasant, inviting warmth and people respond positively to her immediately. For me, the glow really subtle, so many miss it and call me cold; but really there is also a blazing fire internally that I am concerned about unleashing (some kind of e4 temperamental thing).

When people get to know me and decide I am not aloof and cool after all, then I get words like "patient", "gentle" and "sweet" ascribed to me, which is more immediately obvious in my INFP e9 friend. I am not a vivacious person, which is how I often see ENFPs. I mean, I have these Roman Holiday Audrey Hepburn girlish moments which I think are the "childlike wonder" people speak of for INFPs, but (sadly) I don't think that kind of energy defines me (and neither did it for Hepburn, who seems decidedly more calm in interviews). I am also fiery at times (perhaps explosive), which is no advantage socially.

I have a e2 ENFP friend who has a rather calm energy for an ENFP, but IMO, she still sparkles more than she glows. It's like there is a neon sign flashing about her saying "I am emotionally open to you", whereas my e9 friend kind of sneaks up on you. It's like noticing a cozy fire in the room.

As for confusing the two types, I feel like it's easy to confuse the two if you're doing some self discovery and want to be able to type yourself, since we share many of the same inner workings, but externally, I don't know. I'd say we look pretty different hahaha. I was really quiet growing up and kept to myself so I could've passed as an INFP, but upon reflection, that was due to insecurities, not whether I gain my energy from being around people or not.

In the case of social anxieties or shyness, then yeah, there may be a chance of mistyping.
Of course an e4 ENFP may be easy to mistype as an INFP, although I think an e4 INFP will be to markedly introverted to mistype. I think with INFP 9s, being positive triad can create some confusion, given the other common INFP enneatypes (4 or 5) are withdrawn but not positive thinking types. I don't think ENFPs are commonly 9s though (most often 7/4/2).

This is totally off-topic, isn't it?

 

[Dreamer]

My best friend is INFP (maaaaybe ISFP) e9. I am not sure of her stacking...but she can appear like a social butterfly, and I would never call her shy.

BUT, to me her energy is still quite different, and I knew immediately she was an introvert and a feeling type. The hard part was whether she was an IxFJ or IxFP, but a lot of that is explained by being 9w1 and probably not social last in her instincts.

In a blog online, introvert warm energy was described as being more of a glow and extrovert warm energy as a sparkle. To me, that's ENFPs - sparkly fireworks. Not all the time (and perhaps why Ne feels so energy intensive), but big bursts seem more frequent for them. [MENTION=5494]Amargith[/MENTION] I can see the feeling of having to "hold back" at times and how that is a challenge for extroverts not talked about as much as the challenges facing introverts socially.

With INFPs and introverts in general, I think there is more of a steady glow. I see that with my INFP e9 friend. She has a pleasant, inviting warmth and people respond positively to her immediately. For me, the glow really subtle, so many miss it and call me cold; but really there is also a blazing fire internally that I am concerned about unleashing (some kind of e4 temperamental thing).

When people get to know me and decide I am not aloof and cool after all, then I get words like "patient", "gentle" and "sweet" ascribed to me, which is more immediately obvious in my INFP e9 friend. I am not a vivacious person, which is how I often see ENFPs. I mean, I have these Roman Holiday Audrey Hepburn girlish moments which I think are the "childlike wonder" people speak of for INFPs, but (sadly) I don't think that kind of energy defines me (and neither did it for Hepburn, who seems decidedly more calm in interviews). I am also fiery at times (perhaps explosive), which is no advantage socially.

I have a e2 ENFP friend who has a rather calm energy for an ENFP, but IMO, she still sparkles more than she glows. It's like there is a neon sign flashing about her saying "I am emotionally open to you", whereas my e9 friend kind of sneaks up on you. It's like noticing a cozy fire in the room.



In the case of social anxieties or shyness, then yeah, there may be a chance of mistyping.
Of course an e4 ENFP may be easy to mistype as an INFP, although I think an e4 INFP will be to markedly introverted to mistype. I think with INFP 9s, being positive triad can create some confusion, given the other common INFP enneatypes (4 or 5) are withdrawn but not positive thinking types. I don't think ENFPs are commonly 9s though (most often 7/4/2).

This is totally off-topic, isn't it?

I just loved reading your post, Orange Actually, which do you prefer, oranges or apples? I can call you either or stick with Apples?

Whoa... Back to my initial thought. I loved reading about this glow and sparkle to describe people, and I feel as though I know what you mean. With the glow worms, there's ugh... Just this calming and content presence. You just want to be around that person for hours, alone of course. A quiet chat on a picnic bench with the leaves of the trees above, rustling ever so gently. The sparkle energy, hmm, trying to think of a moment or two I came around that sort of energy. I'd actually say my dad had it. He was an INTJ and did need his down time, much more so than me, but when he extroverted, his charisma and warmth absolutely shown through. He was also very witty and knew how to make anyone laugh.

As for your post being off topic, is it? Wait... what's the thread topic? (scrolls up)...

 

[Amargith]

Don't sweat it, guys, compare and contrast is what Ne does, after all

 

[Ghost]

Do you wear personas to get along in society, or are you just being true to yourselves and authentic when you're dealing with other people?

I'm not talking about being totally phony. I'm talking about paying the smile bribe pre-emptively so that the smile police won't hassle you, and wearing on your face an emotion you don't really feel so that it will make things easier for you.

I'm not 100% authentic. I wouldn't want to be that vulnerable. I do have a "friendly" mask I wear as a response to being engaged. I don't lead with it, but I don it pretty quickly. It does make things easier for me. It's like a wall I put up to deal with unwanted social interactions. I almost never do it with anyone I know well.

My polite and friendly mask is like teflon. It keeps me hidden, it stops the other person from investing in anything real, and it makes sure the interaction just slides right off when we're done.

On a further level, do you think roles to yourself in the hope that you won't be perceived as fitting in a different role and be pigeonholed into a less desirable role by people you interact with? For example, thinking "soccer mom" when you go to a customer service desk, in the hope that this will give them a vibe that they'll be more likely to treat politely than if they saw you as a bashful weirdo or something.

Or do INFPs have a less invasive coping strategy?

Hmm, not exactly, but I used to do something similar as a teenager. I would exaggerate my weakness so people would let me get away with stuff or so they'd hold me to a different standard and I wouldn't have to work as hard.

Now, I feel like I wouldn't know what role would work much less how to act it out. Besides, it sounds like too much effort when I can just say, "Yeah, I'm not doing that. Bye."

Also, do any of you have anger issues due to having to suppress yourself in order to protect your privacy and security?

No. I'm intrigued the more I become aware of it. It means I don't understand myself or my motives completely, and there's a lot of subconscious habits that influence my everyday actions and reactions. I then extrapolate that to other people and assume everyone has undercurrents tugging at them. It makes people more complicated and more interesting to me.

I do get resentful if someone expresses the expectation that I put on a certain persona. I'm not a puppet, and I'm not an actor. I always opt out instead of dealing with situations that demand that kind of toll. When I was younger, it definitely made me angry because it felt like there was nothing I could do about it.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I just loved reading your post, Orange Actually, which do you prefer, oranges or apples? I can call you either or stick with Apples?

For eating, I actually prefer apples because they go better with peanut butter . But my name means an orange that is being appled (with apple being turned into a verb); so the orange is being forced to be like an apple. It's a similar metaphor to "square peg, round hole". So I suppose Orange is the better nickname for my screen name

 

[Forever]

I'm actually surprised no one has thought of us as forum "opposites" over in that Bonfire thread.

I'm curious how do you define forum opposites? I saw it as this person relates to me in no way/duals/literally opposite of everything that person does. i.e. "I go right, he goes left"

 

[Dreamer]

I'm curious how do you define forum opposites? I saw it as this person relates to me in no way/duals/literally opposite of everything that person does. i.e. "I go right, he goes left"

There are SO many ways you can identify as an opposite to someone else, there really is no answer. I'm sure that's why there are no specifics to the thread either. It's what the poster sees as that qualification.

*Edit: I'm actually not a great person to ask for definitions since they sort of change on a dime with me depending on the context. This applies to words mostly but many other things too are that way with me. Not like I try to be annoying like that, but umm ya, language to me is rather fluid like that.

 

[Seymour]

I wouldn't say I wear a persona, exactly. Still, I tend to adapt by limiting what I show. I do my utmost to only present what is true, but one does need to (mostly) limit oneself to what is appropriate. I try to push boundaries (in a friendly way) among friends, since that can open a window to being more open and real.

I have a strong idea of who I am, and don't feel like I lose myself, regardless of the situation.

Conversely, though, I have fairly strong social anxiety even at my advanced age. Over time I have become increasingly aware of how much that circumscribes what I express and expose externally. I wish that I hadn't let it limit me so much over the years. An area for later growth, I hope.

The OP is interesting, [MENTION=28337]Metis[/MENTION], since I've always found the combination of INFP and enneagram 6 to be somewhat contradictory in the abstract. It seems like INFP preferences generally lead towards introspect and, over time, a tendency towards being able to be aware of and manage emotional state. Enneagram 6 seems to largely to be about a lack of self-knowing (or at least certainty about what one believes)... so it's interesting to hear about that combination.

 

[chubber]

INFPs would be way over dramatic, because they are just ...

• Dramatic men and women live in an emotional world. They are sensation oriented, emotionally demonstrative, and physically affectionate, They react emotionally to events and can shift quickly from mood to mood.
• They experience life vividly and expansively. They have rich imaginations, they tell entertaining stories, and they are drawn to romance and melodrama.
• Dramatic people like to be seen and noticed. They are often the center of attention, and they rise to the occasion when all eyes are on them.
• They pay a lot of attention to grooming, and they enjoy clothes, style, and fashion.
• In appearance and behaviour, Dramatic individuals enjoy their sexuality. They are seductive, engaging, charming tempters and temptresses.
• Easily putting their trust in others, they are able to become quickly involved in relationships.
• People with Dramatic personality style eagerly respond to new ideas and suggestions from others.

INFPs are good actors, for specific roles that requires melodrama, "it's a tough life" and "I can show/tell you how tough I am" and "I made it", etc etc etc.

How do they cope? Well, they order people around when they panic, very assertive. Then there is that seductive, engaging, charming temptress thing... Reminds me of American Pastoral with Valorie Curry playing Rita Cohen.

ISFPs on the other hand are loud, in your face, make a big deal about everything, but gentle. Yet, they will quietly sit by themselves and go about their lives. The loudness only happens when something triggers them.

• Those of the Exuberant temperament tend to experience a greater range of emotion than those of any other type. They are very emotionally reactive.
• The Exuberant type is the most inclined of all the types to be involved with the fine arts, music, or literature. They take an artistic approach to all aspects of their lives.
• Like "the majority of poets, novelists, composers, and to a lesser extent, of painters and sculptors," those of the Exuberant type "are bound to spend a great deal of their time alone."
• Those of the Exuberant temperament "are quite likely to choose relationships which will further their work rather than relationships which are intrinsically rewarding, and their spouses may well find that marital relations take second place."
• Persons of the Exuberant type are highly disciplined, gifted with superior powers of concentration, and capable of producing great quantities of high quality work; they also enjoy frequent periods of recreation and inactivity.
• They are hedonistic and impulsive; "they live Epicurean lives in the here and now, and as gracefully as possible."
• The Exuberant temperament is especially attuned to colour, line, texture, shading - touch, motion, seeing, and hearing in harmony. The senses of Exuberant individuals seem more keenly tuned than those of others.
• Although those of the Exuberant type may adopt an aggressive, tough exterior, they are remarkably gentle, kind, and generous.
• The interpersonal conduct of those of the Exuberant type alternates between the greatest extremes of sociability and social reticence.
• In many individuals of the Exuberant type there "may be found an instinctive longing for the natural, the pastoral, the bucolic. They are quite at home in the wilds, and nature seems to welcome them."

ISFPs can probably seem like an e9 because e9s are intellectuals but, no, they aren't e9s (perhaps disintegration is happening at the time, after they had their outburst). So no, ISFPs are 7w6/6w7

ISFJs who think they are xNFPs are because ...

• Are thoroughly dedicated to the relationships in their lives. They place the highest value on sustained relationships, they respect the institution of marriage as well as unofficial avowals of commitment, and they work hard to keep their relationships together.
• They prefer the company of one or more people to being alone.
• People with this personality style would rather follow than lead. They are cooperative and respectful of authority and institutions. They easily rely on others and take direction well.
• When making decisions, they are happy to seek out others' opinions and to follow their advice.
• Devoted individuals are careful to promote good feelings between themselves and the important people in their lives. To promote harmony, they tend to be polite, agreeable, and tactful.
• They are thoughtful of others and good at pleasing them. Devoted people will endure personal discomfort to do a good turn for the key people in their lives.
• Relationships provide life's meaning for this personality style. Even after a painful loss of someone around whom their life was centred, they are able to form new meaningful bonds.

So Actors would be ENTPs (inventive) and INFPs (melodrama). I find it interesting that they both share 3w4 (Leonard Nimoy) and 4w3 (Julia Roberts) types.

Sure actors could be any type, but these types are really good or is that popular?

 

[Dreamer]

For eating, I actually prefer apples because they go better with peanut butter . But my name means an orange that is being appled (with apple being turned into a verb); so the orange is being forced to be like an apple. It's a similar metaphor to "square peg, round hole". So I suppose Orange is the better nickname for my screen name

Love the reason behind your name! There is actually quite a bit of depth to my current avatar despite looking so simple and "Aww how cute" haha. But I feel that is a rather common sentiment shared between NFPs is being that mis-shapen object being forced into a hole. Though, which is mis-shapen, the object, or the hole? And what defines that hole's shape? I'm sure this common underlying feeling may be shared between all types and people but that hole is defined by a type's unique perspective on the world and how they view themself. Or, could it be that our perceptions of ourselves are misaligned with the outside world? That's another perspective. How does one know where the control lies and where the variable lies?

Oh boy... How's that for running off on a tangent?

Dang it though! You've got me thinking and I LOVE this train of thought. I won't be able to focus on work now.

 

[Asame]

Do you wear personas to get along in society, or are you just being true to yourselves and authentic when you're dealing with other people?

Most of the time there's nothing disingenuous about my behavior; it is all on impulse and behaving in a cooperative or friendly has just become my nature when dealing with strangers. This shallow interaction certainly doesn't show them my core, but I would still argue that it's authentic.

The shift comes in when I'm interacting with acquaintances (not quite strangers but not really friends [citation needed]).

Short-term exposure to this type of behavior for a particular person is normal, but when I still need energy on people who view me as their friend it becomes a problem and feels unauthentic and dirty.
This is the prime predator for my relationships - I end up avoiding people and never talking to them again. I really wonder what non-INFPs interpret from this or if anyone has had an INFP just leave them.

 

[Metis]

Wow! These are some really thoughtful and helpful responses! Thank you guys for your thoughts. I need to think about these some more. I'm overwhelmed.

 

[kotoshinohaisha]

I'm actually good at mirroring.

But i don't do that all the time. It depends on the aura of the person, like i feel the need to keep up with the person's level of energy or whatsoever.

Okay i remembered something. Like changing personas? XD

When i talk to my girl friends, my voice is like a man. XD or natural voice.

But i just discovered that my tone of voice changes when I'm talking with my boyfriend (before). XD

I was talking to him and I'm with my girl friend.. Then my bf left, And then my friend suddenly blurted out, (she's an istp) "why are you're voice changing?!!" xD

Like I voice like a fucking flirt hahaha. XD

Same with me talking to my crush on the phone, and my guy friend is there hearing me.. Hahahahaha. XD he said my voice change hahaha. XD

Like it's obvious that i like someone when my voice changes. Nyahahah.

And in person, my eyes.. Is sticky. I think you'll easily know! XD Because I'll definitely would make you know haha. XD specially if i know that you like me too ofcourse!

 

[INTP]

Persona is the side that you display to others. What ever you talk about, clothes you wear, your speaking manner, what personal interests you talk about etc etc are part of your persona. Its not a thing that you do or dont. Ofc some people might have drastically different persona that they really are(but that sort of persona is also part of who they are so..), but that sort of thing often leads to neuroses or just isnt good for the persons mental health(not as in going insane, but feel more stress about having to act up the certain way to keep up the role etc). Also having drastically different persona from true self can lead to the person starting to identify too much with this "fake" self and it can lead to all sorts of mental fuckery or just for example a doctor identifying with the role of a doctor too much in the spare time and starting to resemble a funny stereotype. And i would guess that it would also set the mood for free time -> cant relax properly, not getting rid of work related stress so easily in the free time etc.

Ps. Hellou typoc long time no write here

 

[thehealer]

It depends to who i am with.But for a really long time i had two groups of friends and i had two different personas for each of them, and non of them was the real me.It was so difficult to change your actions everytime you ve changed the group.But i was thinking that,that was a normal thing and noone had a personality that they ve showed to everyone.And it was kinda funny,i was feeling that i had no limits ,i wasnt have to be just one person,i could be a lot of person and i was feeling like i was free.It was like a game to me to understand the what kind of people who sit behind me and to plan how can i act around them.Besides i didnt want them to see real me,i wanted it to be just for myself,of course there was such a times that i felt terrible because no one understood me (i knew that that its because i ve never let them understood me). When i finally found my kind of people,i mean the persons who i can act completely like myself,i change my usual behaviors for them.Now still i have many personas but when there s a place who you can be yourself,it doesn't matter.Now i don't use the personas for survive in the society but for get in to society.Now it is like a role play i don't lose anything from my personality and i learn how to react in social situations.