[INFP] INFP-INFP Relationship?

[INFPtheQuietOne]

What would a romantic relationship between two INFPs be like? How well would it work out? Are they better off as friends/brother-sister relationship?

 

[INTP]

What would a romantic relationship between two INFPs be like?

Both sitting silently and occasionally taking a quick eye contact, followed by blushing.

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

It would be intense and passionate for a short time. What happened after the initial honeymoon period would depend on whether the relationship was solid or just built on each person's overly idealized image of the other. INFPs have to be careful about falling into that pitfall of idealizing the other person because when that person fails to meet those ideals or standards, it can bring the INFP hurling down to earth from their fantasy. Now take two INFPs and imagine the great potential for disappointment on either side.

Not saying it couldn't work, just saying they would have to be somewhat realistic about what they were looking for. The more you build up a potential lover, the greater the potential for disappointment when they inevitably fail to meet the standards you've set.

 

[lulabelle]

from what i've seen, it pretty much never works out. tooo many feelings, too much instability, too low motivation from both parties. generally one INFP ends up having to be the J and resents the other one for it. we INFPs are prone to despair and melancholy, and if there isn't a balance within the relationship it won't work.

i have heard of one successful INFPx2 relationship though, but generally speaking longterm prospects seem bleak. most of the time INFPs end up with XXTJs

 

[INFPtheQuietOne]

I've always heard people say two INFPs are too alike for a relationship. It's like adding fire (Dom Fi-Ne) to fire (Dom Fi-Ne) with no water (Judging). There wasn't any other types besides INFP that I heard can't be in an intertype relationship. I actually thought INFP-INFP relationship would've worked well just like any other relationship because other types in general didn't want to be in relationship with an INFP. But also, what doesn't make sense is that, INFPs in a relationship are with other types like ENFJ, INFJ, ENFP, ISFP, any type besides INFP. It seems to be really hard for two INFPs if they really liked each other. And it's like saying two INFPs make more weakness, if there isn't a different type with an INFP, there is no strength. Still I definitely do believe INFP intertype relationship works well.

 

[fetus]

Any types can have a successful relationship. It's really more about communication than personality type.

Dated an IxFP once. We were both pretty needy and spineless. Although we were pretty young, so I guess it doesn't count for much.

 

[lulabelle]

Any types can have a successful relationship. It's really more about communication than personality type.

Dated an IxFP once. We were both pretty needy and spineless. Although we were pretty young, so I guess it doesn't count for much.

sure, in theory any pairing can work but it's pretty telling when you hear the same story of how INFP-INFP failed over and over and over again. it's very rare to find a super longterm INFPx2 pair.

if personality type really didn't matter, you'd be seeing just as many INFPs with ESTPs as with INTJs

 

[gold3005]

It would be intense and passionate for a short time. What happened after the initial honeymoon period would depend on whether the relationship was solid or just built on each person's overly idealized image of the other. INFPs have to be careful about falling into that pitfall of idealizing the other person because when that person fails to meet those ideals or standards, it can bring the INFP hurling down to earth from their fantasy. Now take two INFPs and imagine the great potential for disappointment on either side.

This is exactly what happened to my relationship. I know this thread is kinda old but I just wanted to say from my experience, unless both INFPs are mature, know what they want from the relationship, and not afraid to speak up when things aren't going well, then don't do it. You're just setting yourself up for a loop of frustration and passive aggressiveness. It was my first relationship, so just imagine how much more you would idealize your first love when you're already an idealist. We both did it and we both knew it wasn't working but we didn't admit it to each other until I confronted her about something small because I was tired, and then all this stuff came out, then break up...I also felt like she could be very self-centered. She would never show any interest or respect for hobbies or interests I held dear, she would always complain if I wanted to show her something & when I called her out on it, she would say she was just joking, but it would hurt my feelings because I always try to be open-minded about other people's ideas & interests, whether I like them or not. And since she would always write off my interests as weird (I mean, I am weird, most INFPs are to a certain degree ) I felt like I could never have an intellectually stimulating conversation with her. It's like she didn't have an opinion on anything. She didn't like deep conversations which is what I crave. I would try and go out of my way to find something she liked and could get into but it's almost like, if I suggested it, she'd write it off as weird and not give it a chance. I had her take the test early on in the relationship and she got INFP but I thought there had been a mistake because of the lack of abstract, deep thought and the lack of openness to new ideas, so I thought she was an ISFP but when I researched the ISFPs, it just didn't seem like her either. I guess we're just different INFPs. But I just couldn't stand how she would joke about almost everything or write something off as weird. While I love to laugh and have fun, I need someone I can also be serious with and enjoy intelligent conversations with. Another problem I had was that she didn't have any ambition or goals. It's as if she didn't care about anything and was just plain lazy. It frustrated me to no end but I felt I couldn't call her out on it because while I did have goals/ambition, I had nothing to show for them because I was also pretty lazy and hadn't accomplished much.

I just don't think it's a good idea to date someone so similar to you. It's good to date a type/someone who complements you, so if you're weak in one area, they can be the strong one. I feel like I was looking for an ENFJ in her, someone who was nurturing and supportive, someone who loved to theorize and think abstractly as well as someone who's ambitious and knows what they want to do with their life that way they can help me get into motion. I think a big thing for me is that I wanted to be inspired & I didn't feel that at all in this relationship. It was good at the high of relationship but once we started getting to know each other, everything just came crashing down. I'm not saying that she's to blame for everything. I'm sure she blames me for not being enough this or being too much that. It just wasn't a good combination.

And I do have to be honest. I felt from the start that it might not work but I didn't want to believe it because I was so eager to be in a relationship. Don't be like me. And don't be too afraid to voice your concerns or issues. Listen to your Te and do what you know you should do because it'll save your Fi a lot less turmoil in the end.

 

[Asame]

She didn't like deep conversations which is what I crave. I had her take the test early on in the relationship and she got INFP but I thought there had been a mistake because of the lack of abstract, deep thought and the lack of openness to new ideas. While I love to laugh and have fun, I need someone I can also be serious with and enjoy intelligent conversations with.

This has been my relationship entirely as well. My and my girlfriend are both INFPs, but she never seemed to give me the stimulation I thought another INFP would. Like you also said I questioned if she was even an INFP, but my understanding is that she has the capacity but just isn't mature enough to not be egocentric.

I just don't think it's a good idea to date someone so similar to you. It's good to date a type/someone who complements you, so if you're weak in one area, they can be the strong one. I feel like I was looking for an ENFJ in her, someone who was nurturing and supportive, someone who loved to theorize and think abstractly as well as someone who's ambitious and knows what they want to do with their life that way they can help me get into motion. I think a big thing for me is that I wanted to be inspired & I didn't feel that at all in this relationship. It was good at the high of relationship but once we started getting to know each other, everything just came crashing down. I'm not saying that she's to blame for everything. I'm sure she blames me for not being enough this or being too much that. It just wasn't a good combination.

And I do have to be honest. I felt from the start that it might not work but I didn't want to believe it because I was so eager to be in a relationship. Don't be like me. And don't be too afraid to voice your concerns or issues. Listen to your Te and do what you know you should do because it'll save your Fi a lot less turmoil in the end.

My problem is that I find it hard to find the balance in other types to find them romantically attractive enough to be my life partner (that feeling of course is just cognitive bias from my own ignorance and lack of exposure).

I can't help but to feel like my perfect match is someone nearly identical to me. I'm still dating my INFP, but I'm already seeing the acceleration turn negative in this relationship. Like someone said before communication is pretty much the main component of this. I'm set on keeping this relationship so I'm trying to work on building the foundation for realism. I've been looking to do that this whole relationship, but if I behave realistically (or attempt a change to make it a valid INFP-INFP relationship) then I become worried that her perspective is that I've lost interest (since, like also said before, the relationship started strong and passionate on idealizing each other).