[INFP] INFP Guy Chasing ENFP lady

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

Like no? But we had some amount of physical contact.
I'm quite conservative being INFP so it too a while to get used to her being like that.

"Being like that" ????

Ok wise conservative boy. Now let TIME become your friend to seduce that unicorn lover.

 

[ordinance]

And how would you rate your own attractiveness, 1-10? ( I know some of the girls in here are getting super pissed at me for asking these questions but there is a method behind this madness )

Well I didn't mean it as an insult and I'm sure she didn't either. Her unicorn comment can mean she really thinks you're unique and special but also unique and special enough to be an exception to what she finds attractive in a romantic partner. So far, she doesn't find what you have to offer very aligned with her preferences. I'm not saying that actually is the case but its the data you have to go on thus far.

Well, I guess I would like to say I'm a 7. Unfortunately, I've not had much time to give her "intellectual intercourse".
And that might be the trouble with insufficient engagement. The other INTJ dude is probably more direct and she might like that kind of 'direct cold response' and she feels her chemistry with that dude is higher.

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

Well, I guess I would like to say I'm a 7. Unfortunately, I've not had much time to give her "intellectual intercourse".
And that might be the trouble with insufficient engagement. The other INTJ dude is probably more direct and she might like that kind of 'direct cold response' and she feels her chemistry with that dude is higher.

Don't worry, INTJ suck at "unicorn stories"

 

[ZNP-TBA]

Well, I guess I would like to say I'm a 7. Unfortunately, I've not had much time to give her "intellectual intercourse".
And that might be the trouble with insufficient engagement. The other INTJ dude is probably more direct and she might like that kind of 'direct cold response' and she feels her chemistry with that dude is higher.

Well just don't cuck after her. You might have just innocently misunderstood your place in her feelings towards people. You sound like a decent guy and plenty-o-fish brotha.

 

[ordinance]

Don't worry, INTJ suck at "unicorn stories"

Hahha, that cracked me up!

 

[ordinance]

Of course it makes sense. I think I understand her contention maybe a bit more now.

Basically she became close with a pretty cool guy, a compassionate feeler no less, and somewhere in that process she set your tent up in her friendzone, perhaps inadvertently.

Then after some time you approach her romantically and she is genuinely perplexed but also feels awful maybe that you didn't understand fully that you are just a friend. It's possible she really loves you as a friend but its incredibly awkward and uncomfortable to tell such a friend that there is no romantic interest.

This is also probably why she reacted negatively when you questioned her about her feelings. It broke some internal harmony she had with you as a friend in her heart ( perhaps some Fi voodoo thing )

Sounds like nobody did anything wrong here but you might have to be told directly where you stand and that's uncomfortable for her but after 3 years of friendship I think she should.

Yeah and so now she's kinda conflicted between the dude she likes and me? (I don't know where I stand at this point and my head just can't process further) I get tired from all this shit processing sometimes. I'd still give it a shot though I'm not 100 percent sure it will shift anywhere. After all I've rocked the friend boat but I'm wondering why is she so frustrated and upset about her self and goes ballistic when I'd try to clarify and communicate via text.

[MENTION=13748]five[/MENTION], what's your take on ZNP's mention?

 

[Poki]

Well, I'm waiting for a chance to hear from her or communicate that to her.
I pretty much would like to confront the situation, funny how I'm an INFP but I'm not sure if that would just result in the doorslam treatment of ENFPs

How well do you know her, doesnt sound like you do.

 

[ZNP-TBA]

Yeah and so now she's kinda conflicted between the dude she likes and me? (I don't know where I stand at this point and my head just can't process further) I get tired from all this shit processing sometimes.

Not sure but I don't think she's necessarily conflicted between you and the other guy especially if she's not cold shouldering the other guy like she is you. It's possible she doesn't want to pursue romance with you but doesn't know how to 'let you off easy and gently' back into the friend zone.

I'd still give it a shot though I'm not 100 percent sure it will shift anywhere. After all I've rocked the friend boat but I'm wondering why is she so frustrated and upset about her self and goes ballistic when I'd try to clarify and communicate via text.

Its possible she doesn't want to talk about romantic feelings with you. I think its kinda lame that she isn't more straight forward with you though. I'd kick back and wait for her to make the next move. Give it a break and be prepared to be content with being just a friend or ditch everything altogether, your call.

[MENTION=13748]five[/MENTION], what's your take on ZNP's mention?

She probably thinks its gross.

 

[ZNP-TBA]

How well do you know her, doesnt sound like you do.

Yes this was the point I was sort of raising too. 3 years should be ample time to get to know someone. I think its even more accurate to say he doesn't know his place in her hierarchy of relationships.

 

[EcK]

Hey Dudes,

I'm new to this forum but I wanted some advice on my situation so here it goes.

So basically me (INFP) and this ENFP lady started hanging out about 6 months ago and we got pretty good chemistry going.
We hang out once or even twice a week at times.
She being ENFP would argue that she has good chemistry with every other person ( which I think is fair enough to say )

So it came to a point where I started liking her and I considered dating her after some time.
So I decided to buy her flowers, take her out for dinner and get my act together.
Told her she was kinda like sunshine and I pretty much liked her quirkiness and shared common interests. We are both in our 30s by the way.

Now, here comes the tricky part. So I found out she liked another dude, probably with a TJ temperament. ( He isn't a concern or competition for me )
So I told her, hey lets cool off and take some time to slowly think about it.

So 3 weeks passed on and I text her and she responded like this.

She said she found herself not thinking of me and not considering me made her really upset.
She said I deserve someone better than her ( which I read either as a polite way of declining me or she has some issues about her own self image )
I kinda actually got pissed by that remark really..
Then she repeats herself again that she doesn't want to consider 'us" as this made her very upset that she isn't considering me.

So after her response I said, hey can we like meet up to talk or chat? Help me understand why you're feeling this frustration and being upset about yourself.
Unfortunately she went ballistic with my text and told me I was making her even more upset by doing that. ( which i am totally puzzled now? )

Like how does the above make sense to you guys?
So basically she's frustrated for not liking me and it upsets her, and my attempt for a clarification upsets her further? hokay?

So I am contemplating using a more INTP approach to sort things out but she is just so emotional at the moment.
I would like to have a face to face conversation but I don't really know if she's up to it at the moment really.
I would think INFPs are less confrontational but it really got to a point of frustration when she's acting like this
Something tells me she is pretty conflicted and emotional about her response and that makes me feel uncertain about turning me down.

ENFP ladies and INFP dudes, any suggestions as to what I should do? I'm really getting mixed signals about this though we have really good relationship.
We've been friends for about 3 years prior to us hanging out this much recently.
So while I don't think there is one better approach? Should I actually pursue a conversation or just be a nice INFP and wait it out till she comes talking to me.
Anyway, I'm not sure if she is already in the escape mode. But perhaps some TJ perspective would help chill things a little.
We do meet monthly at some common gatherings but that's all. She's pretty much ignored me during our cool off time for I don't know whatever reason and that's kinda drove me nuts

Like Sheesh, I just gave her flowers and asked her to date and she thinks we're getting married with her infinite flow of ideas. Did she seriously get cold feet?
So, i kinda would like to bring things back down to earth since it went ballistic to the stratosphere now.
Well, i mean I like her, and I think we should pull back a little coz she is just freaking out right now.

Cheers,
Zane

Dude. Its simple- if she doesnt like you don't waste energy trying to date her, it ll only appear needy and put her off further.

Just, get on with your life

 

[EcK]

Ok I'm just gonna throw this out there. Flowers and dinner dates are NOT my preferred way to be wooed. I like things to feel natural, relaxed, like best friends with sexual tension. I get the feeling that she might have turned when you decided to do the "I'm gonna date you" thing.

Maybe try no strategy. You said you were friends with her previously. Try to just friend it up. It's a lot easier for me to fall into a relationship than feel pressured to accept or decline one.

Dude, why give him hope. She s not attracted to him, its very unlikely to change.

 

[Forever]

Dude. Its simple- if she doesnt like you don't waste energy trying to date her, it ll only appear needy and put her off further.

Just, get on with your life

I approve and support EcK's statement.

 

[EcK]

I approve and support EcK's statement.

I approve and support this message

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Well, I guess I would like to say I'm a 7. Unfortunately, I've not had much time to give her "intellectual intercourse".
And that might be the trouble with insufficient engagement. The other INTJ dude is probably more direct and she might like that kind of 'direct cold response' and she feels her chemistry with that dude is higher.

Man. I know [MENTION=18819]five sounds[/MENTION] gave you a lot of good insight into ENFP's and I think she was on point saying that this one considers you close and likes you.

But does she like you enough? I'm with an ENFP and my best friend is one and they don't like outright rejecting people - at all. They will just distance themselves and then sort of keep you around in their orbit. The fact that you have feelings for them doesn't register as something they take responsibility for. You have to take that on yourself.

I'm cool with you calling her out. It won't end in your favor but if you need closure that may be the best method to get it. Of course, you moving on will make her consider you again but not seriously. It will just make you sparkle and catch her attention again as a reminder why she liked you to begin with. But it is surface.

Fucked up? Yeah. A bit. If that is the case, this one hasn't gotten to the point where she has some balance to her Fi. It can be all over the place and it is hard for her to 'land on' long enough to have a level of introspection needed to think outside herself.

It's something they do. They view that as giving you an answer - by not giving you one.

She isn't interested. Even if she thinks she is. It isn't to a level high enough for her to concentrate on it.

Believe me when an ENFP likes you, they make it known. Or at least will show you their belly so you can pounce.

 

[five sounds]

Dude, why give him hope. She s not attracted to him, its very unlikely to change.

Whatchu know bout an ENFP bitch?

 

[EcK]

Whatchu know bout an ENFP bitch?

Well first off: language child.
Secondly; it's painfully obvious.

 

[Starry]

Have not read a single post in this thread aside from the OP and will probably be repeating all of what five sounds said so let's do this people!

Turning someone down...rejecting another person, especially an individual we consider a friend, is not one of our preferred pastimes. And since... based on probability and her reaction there's little doubt she's a 7... all of what I just said goes for double.

She's not conflicted as in "she's fighting-off feelings for you"... she's responding the way many people would if asked to do something that causes them distress... In this case being made to sit with a sense of obligation and have a sad conversation.

She just wants to pretend none of this happened.

 

[EcK]

Have not read a single post in this thread aside from the OP and will probably be repeating all of what five sounds said so let's do this people!

Yes, though [MENTION=18819]five sounds[/MENTION] didnt say that
She/he/it said that he should hang on and also litterally stalk that girl.

Gold in written form. If her/his goal was to make this guy waste his time and turn into a creepminal.

*slow clap*

Turning someone down...rejecting another person, especially an individual we consider a friend, is not one of our preferred pastimes. And since... based on probability and her reaction there's little doubt she's a 7... all of what I just said goes for double.

She's not conflicted as in "she's fighting-off feelings for you"... she's responding the way many people would if asked to do something that causes them distress... In this case being made to sit with a sense of obligation and have a sad conversation.

She just wants to pretend none of this happened.

Your post though was aligned with my opinion, as well as reason and general sanity.

hence the like

 

[Betty Blue]

I'm not sure how much things have moved on since the Op. Buuuutt.....

To me it sounds like she is wrestling with herself over not being that into you while really appreciating that you have some kind of relationship. Chances are she wants you around in some context but may have just freaked out with the flowers thing.

I know some people are saying you have zero chance and that's a possibility but heres some further supporting evidence in the non traditional dating tips section. It's doubtful you will meet many enfp women who want the flowers and chocolates treatment, the first time a guy turned uo at my door with flowers and chocolates i literally slammed the door in his face. I had no idea why other than I was super angry with him... In hindsight i felt he really didn't understand me which i found offensive... why would he think i liked these things? he clearly didn't have any idea who i was ... he had me all wrong.
I find them grotesque common and ugly. Yes i surprisingly feel that strongly about them.
However take you time to carefully consider something I would like, something different... something non material or at least not showy... thats a different story. A potted plant which can be nurtured and grow... tickets to a fringe theatre dostoyevsky adaptation... might have had a different reaction

It is possible that she has something similar going on.

However you do have the right to 'ask' for a face to face meeting. But as she may be trying to let you down gently it's probably best to say something like 'I really need closure on whats happening here. It's ok if you are not interested in me romantically, i'd like to remain friends but can we do this face to face?"


If she is confused at the moment this will make things very clear for her, she will have a nice tidy framework she can dip into to connect and communicate in. Make sure, if you do meet, it's on neutral territory

 

[Starry]

Yes, though [MENTION=18819]five sounds[/MENTION] didnt say that
She/he/it said that he should hang on and also litterally stalk that girl.

Gold in written form. If her/his goal was to make this guy waste his time and turn into a creepminal.

*slow clap*

Oh wtf? five sounds...wanting the whole [world] to suffer...
I honestly thought she was beyond this which is why I said what I did...but I guess evil master plans are hard to abandon. Well, now I know. *shakes head*

(fs is triple positive outlook and would be unlikely to rob the dude of all hope since he clearly has it from the looks of how he is interrupting things. Because of this she gave him literally the only way he might be able to make this happen if he's a betting man and possibly hell freezes over.)

Your post though was aligned with my opinion, as well as reason and general sanity.

hence the like

What if this means you are an ENFP too?