I've read here and there that INFJ's have the tendency to be moody (which I totally denied until recently). So for those that will admit it, how do you deal with it - or more importantly - CONTROL it?
I've noticed it as a fundamental difference between my ISFJ boyfriend and I, so I am beginning to think it may be Ni influenced. He is SENSITIVE, but his moods are fairly even. I'm way more prone to flip outs or mood change at the mention of a word. I can identify the sort of things that set me off, but I can't seem to control the destructive thought process that follows & inevitably effects my entire mood.
Thoughts?
nightning said:
My mood appears to cycle monthly... So I'm just going to attribute it as a bad form of the "non-existent" PMS. The downswings affects the way I see things, and to some extent my thoughts. Of control... I find it difficult. I try to keep it confine to myself so that I don't infect other people with it. I also try not to make any personal related issues during that period of time as damage control. Other than that... I don't know what else I can do. It's not going away...
I can totally identify, and have experienced it quite recently. But I wouldn't say my emotions are obvious to everyone aside from people I live with, unless I decide to talk to someone about how I'm feeling. If I'm in a downturn, I typically stay quiet and don't externalize it outside of email. Here's something I put in my blog last week -
Too much introverting is a VERY bad thing for me. And my thoughts grow tiring. I revisit the same themes over and over again and rarely make headway. It just ends up being an exhausting, confusing, and upsetting emotional experience, with thoughts whirling around non-stop because I can't effectively do anything with them or make headway when I have the emotions that are *really* overpowering me, and then I start feeling physically ill. By the end of the day, all I want to do is lie down and hide from everyone.
The questions I ask myself are never ones with easy answers, and I think I often dig too deep. Analyzing myself can be extremely counterproductive, but once I start introverting and contemplating myself, my life, my job, my relationships, etc, I get 'stuck' in it and can't really extricate myself. And then in that state I don't WANT to do anything, or talk to anyone, because I don't think I'm good for socializing one bit, and think I'm kinda toxic/pathetic anyway....but that's exactly what would be most helpful for me, it's just the last thing I want to do when I'm like that.
So Monday evening I allowed myself to just stay at home and not do anything, although I did work out at the gym, which helped quite a bit. I say 'allowed', because I tend to be rather self-disciplining. Although I know going out and doing something (Se'ing) would do me the most good when I get in these little funks, at times I just grow SO incredibly weary of self-disciplining myself. I just want someone else to be there to give me a gentle push or to encourage me....I get tired of trying to be 'strong', I guess.
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I also tend to think JAVO is onto something....perhaps INFJ's tend to be extremely attentive/hyper-sensitive to our inner world of emotions?? So any slight change will be something we will notice?? (well, at least I do). Maybe INFJ's tend to be the ones who 'sit' in the experiences longer because we want to 'work through them'?
As for how to control them, I do not know. I do think the answer to not letting the negative thought circles overwhelm is to simply get out, 'Se', and stay active in the world -- whether exercising, doing some sort of activity, or continuing to interact with people. I know this is what tends to help me and stop the infinite Ni/Ti circular loop in my mind, and tends to pull me out of my head. However, I also acknowledge that when I'm IN that place, doing some sort of tangible activity is the LAST thing I want to do -- simply because I'm tired and feel toxic to others, and don't want to be around others. So, I don't know. I'm still working on it. It's especially hard for me in the winter months when I can't get outside, and getting outside is what makes me happiest and **always** clears my head.
I've only become aware of my mood swings in the last 5 yrs or so. I've gotten a better grip of them, and whereas in the past a negative downturn might have lasted for a while, now it might only be a few days....there's still room for improvement. hahaha..that goes with the INFJ self-improvement thing I suppose.
One last comment -- the time in my life when I didn't have any 'swings' to speak of was in my mid-20's, when I'd built up a pretty hard shell/exterior and had rather shunned my Fe -- but I was also pretty disillusioned and cynical-- so, while I didn't have the mood swings at that time, it was because I'd effectively numbed myself from feeling much of anything, and was intellectualizing everything and being pretty critical of everyone/everything. Oh, also in college. Not many mood swings in college, because college was all about living in the moment, socializing, and just having a good time. I didn't have much time in college to just ponder things. ;-) And prior to that?? I couldn't have pinpointed my emotional state -- I think it was always there, but I didn't know to identify it as such. Basically I don't remember focusing on emotions as a child. I was certainly inward and sensitive, but I never dissected emotions at that time.