I'm angry

[INTJMom]

I've just realized that I'm angry. Now I have to figure out why.

I think I know why. I feel abandoned. I need help to do stuff, but no one is helping me. I ask my kids and it takes them forever to get around to it. If I want something done, I just have to do it myself. But when I say that out loud, my kids protest. Yet when I tell them I need something done, their eyes glaze over like I'm interfering in the agenda and all the plans they have for their day/week. It's my life. I'm alone.

 

[INTJMom]

My daughter and my youngest son help me put my bed back together again... this afternoon... finally. It's been leaned up against a wall dismantled for 5 weeks. It's going to be a little traumatic to sleep in it again now that my husband is gone. I cried while we were putting it back together.

 

[Windigo]

I remember the time I was driving my (first) husband's Chevy Nova. You see I had moved up to live on an Indian Reservation with him. After a few months he asked me to quit my job at the gold mine because he didn't like my 10 hour shifts (with 2 more hours of driving).

He died on the Rez while driving my car and left me in the middle of Nowhere, Nevada with his fixer-upper and no job.

I had driven 5 miles to the gas station/mini-mart for eggs, milk, etc. I couldn't stop the car because it would stall and it was a bear to get started again so I had to time it just right and coast across HWY 50 in between the trucks and get a jump for the return trip.

I forgot a turn on the way back and found myself in the middle of the desert on a dirt road where the teens would drag race on the weekend nights. I tried to turn around but the Nova (ironic, I know) died across two lanes perpendicular to the flow of traffic. I couldn't push it off the road (there was no shoulder) because two irrigation ditches made it impossible.

So I am standing there next to his car as the sun begins to set, listening to the coyotes and remembering that someone said they had spotted a mountain lion on the Rez recently and I'm thinking, "1. I can't move the car, 2. I can't sleep in the car because I will get smashed by some drunk teens (it was Friday night), 3. I can't sleep on the side of the road because of the coyotes, etc.

Oh, did I forget to mention I was a few weeks pregnant?

You should have seen me go ballistic! I was kicking his car and calling him every name in the book for leaving me all alone like this!

No wonder the locals thought this was one crazy white girl! LOL

You're angry because you're alone and because it shouldn't be this way but you have no control over it. But it's good, because it means you're healing.

PS Oh, and crying while you put up the bed is healthy too.

 

[INTJMom]

Thanks for sharing your story.