I need ISTJs input..

[Luminous]

I think the above advice is very good, in suggesting a specific activity at a specific time. Whether it's to try a restaurant, see a movie, go to a park, you don't have to phrase it as it being a date. With it being a specific time, he can easily say no if he doesn't want to, yes if he does, and suggest a different time if he wants to but can't at the time you suggest. I agree that the sure, thanks! makes it sound like he would be interested and wasn't just being polite. You could even say that you'd like to buy him dinner to celebrate his getting the job.

I appreciate you coming back and keeping us updated. Hope it goes well, whatever you decide to do.

 

[itsapizza]

Hello my lovely people~
Sorry for not replying earlier.. been dealing with some family stuff...

I often read that we regret more the things we didn't do than the things we did. So, take the risk and ask him. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Think it through and keep it very low-key, low pressure, but ask. If you don't, he won't, and you will always wonder. It might leave him with the impression that YOU are not interested, or that your invitation was one of those vague, insincere ones people often make.

Thank you for this Coriolis. It's something I needed to hear, and not just for this particular situation <3

I think the above advice is very good, in suggesting a specific activity at a specific time. Whether it's to try a restaurant, see a movie, go to a park, you don't have to phrase it as it being a date. With it being a specific time, he can easily say no if he doesn't want to, yes if he does, and suggest a different time if he wants to but can't at the time you suggest. I agree that the sure, thanks! makes it sound like he would be interested and wasn't just being polite. You could even say that you'd like to buy him dinner to celebrate his getting the job.

During this time, I made up my mind to ask him, but I'm going to wait a little bit. Of course I want to buy him dinner to celebrate him getting the job, as well as graduating, but I'm always giving, and I don't want him to feel overloaded and uncomfortable -- for a lack of better words. As Coriolis had pointed out before:

You did mention helping him with some presentation, so he may be starting to feel like the giving has been all on your side, unless he has done small things for you that you didn't mention.

So even though I'm sure he'd appreciate the gesture, he might not feel too great about it.

Now, speaking of that -- I have updates

To my surprise, he went to the cafe on Monday, but I wasn't there (again lol) -- he broke his "silence" much earlier than I had anticipated, but that doesn't mean he will not steer away for the coming weeks. And today, I actually ran into him while going out to dinner with a friend. I didn't even notice him lmao, but he stopped to chit chat for a little bit. We talked about our communal friend (he hasn't been doing well and very much MIA) since he ran into him. He also said he hasn't been doing anything these days, and looks like he started working out -- he was coming back from the gym. But here comes the meat of the story -- before leaving, he said he's not working right now, but that when he does work, and he has money/gets his paycheck, we should go out to eat. And then included our communal friend to the plan too. He said we should all go eat together. Is this his "low-key" way of asking to hang out? Please correct me if I'm wrong

Those around me tell me to not read too much into it, and that it's not a big deal.. Am I the only one that thinks this? He has never proposed to do something, and there's the fact I told him about getting food last time. What are the odds.. but there are no odds with ISTJs -- they plan everything.

So my question now is, should I still ask him out in a week or two, or should I wait and follow his plan?

Also, tomorrow is his graduation ceremony -- I'm gonna text him to congratulate him, but my very very small potato-feeling side wants to add that I'm happy I got to see him. Perhaps "glad" is better -- we don't like feely stuff over here LOL. Something of the sorts, you get the idea. Thoughts? Leave it casual? Add some spice? Run Hide for my life?? SPARTA??

 

[Luminous]

It sounds like his way of asking to hang out to me. Not sure it gives any clues as to how he feels about you. But there is the fact that he kept coming to your workplace even though it may have been difficult for him financially to do so? Especially considering he's an istj, perhaps that's significant. (perhaps he's not right now because he's not working and can't afford to come in as often?)

I think you can't go wrong either way, by either just saying you look forward to going out to eat later or by asking to take him out to celebrate. You could always suggest someplace that's not terribly expensive so he wouldn't feel bad at you paying... You could even buy a gift certificate and tell him you have a gift certificate lol (you wouldn't have to tell him you bought it).

Also, you're still adorable

 

[Coriolis]

Hello my lovely people~
Sorry for not replying earlier.. been dealing with some family stuff...

Thank you for this Coriolis. It's something I needed to hear, and not just for this particular situation <3

During this time, I made up my mind to ask him, but I'm going to wait a little bit. Of course I want to buy him dinner to celebrate him getting the job, as well as graduating, but I'm always giving, and I don't want him to feel overloaded and uncomfortable -- for a lack of better words. As Coriolis had pointed out before:

So even though I'm sure he'd appreciate the gesture, he might not feel too great about it.

Now, speaking of that -- I have updates

To my surprise, he went to the cafe on Monday, but I wasn't there (again lol) -- he broke his "silence" much earlier than I had anticipated, but that doesn't mean he will not steer away for the coming weeks. And today, I actually ran into him while going out to dinner with a friend. I didn't even notice him lmao, but he stopped to chit chat for a little bit. We talked about our communal friend (he hasn't been doing well and very much MIA) since he ran into him. He also said he hasn't been doing anything these days, and looks like he started working out -- he was coming back from the gym. But here comes the meat of the story -- before leaving, he said he's not working right now, but that when he does work, and he has money/gets his paycheck, we should go out to eat. And then included our communal friend to the plan too. He said we should all go eat together. Is this his "low-key" way of asking to hang out? Please correct me if I'm wrong

Those around me tell me to not read too much into it, and that it's not a big deal.. Am I the only one that thinks this? He has never proposed to do something, and there's the fact I told him about getting food last time. What are the odds.. but there are no odds with ISTJs -- they plan everything.

So my question now is, should I still ask him out in a week or two, or should I wait and follow his plan?

Also, tomorrow is his graduation ceremony -- I'm gonna text him to congratulate him, but my very very small potato-feeling side wants to add that I'm happy I got to see him. Perhaps "glad" is better -- we don't like feely stuff over here LOL. Something of the sorts, you get the idea. Thoughts? Leave it casual? Add some spice? Run Hide for my life?? SPARTA??

Absolutely text him congratulations. It is fine to say you were happy to see him, and also mention his offer about going out to eat. You could say (in addition to the grad stuff), "It was great seeing you the other day. I like your idea about getting some dinner together after you start your new job." I would absolutely consider asking him to something before you get dinner, though, especially if that is more than a couple weeks away. Ordinarily I would suggest getting coffee, but since you have been meeting in a coffee shop so far, perhaps something else. Maybe offer to buy him a drink to celebrate, assuming he drinks. Wait to see how he responds to your graduation text. Your invitation could follow onto that, based on what he says.

 

[itsapizza]

Also, you're still adorable

I think you can't go wrong either way, by either just saying you look forward to going out to eat later or by asking to take him out to celebrate. You could always suggest someplace that's not terribly expensive so he wouldn't feel bad at you paying... You could even buy a gift certificate and tell him you have a gift certificate lol (you wouldn't have to tell him you bought it).

Absolutely text him congratulations. It is fine to say you were happy to see him, and also mention his offer about going out to eat. You could say (in addition to the grad stuff), "It was great seeing you the other day. I like your idea about getting some dinner together after you start your new job." I would absolutely consider asking him to something before you get dinner, though, especially if that is more than a couple weeks away. Ordinarily I would suggest getting coffee, but since you have been meeting in a coffee shop so far, perhaps something else. Maybe offer to buy him a drink to celebrate, assuming he drinks. Wait to see how he responds to your graduation text. Your invitation could follow onto that, based on what he says.

Unfortunately, I had already sent him a text by the time I read your replies.. sigh. And I totally chickened out from saying I was happy to have seen him, so he only got a congratulatory message from me haha. The conversation pretty much died right there, after he said thanks.

Today, he appeared at the cafe, but I didn't get to have much of an interaction with him, apart from taking and making his order. I had to run home after work because of a meeting, so I didn't even get to say bye to him, so instead I texted him. Which then lead to me mustering a bit of courage and asking him out. I asked if he wanted to hang out next week, and his reply was "thank you for asking!" but that he's probably gonna stay out of town to play tennis next week. So then I asked, what about when he gets back? And his reply was "I will think about it ", to which I then responded "Oke. Let me know ". He then liked my message, and that's the end of it.

I'm not sure what to think of it. I'm 50/50. Is that his polite way of saying no? Or does he just have plans and needs time to figure out if he wants to hang out with me? Also.. why is the "I will think about it" giving me vibes that there's no way he has 0 idea I have feelings for him? Maybe I'm overthinking -- as an INTP does -- but what is there to think about? Unless there are repercussions, right? And if it's just friends on friends, then it's not a big deal, so no need to take the time to think it over. Like, to me it makes sense to think it over if there is something more, or at least if you are aware there is something more. Am I making sense? LOL. Moreover, is he going to let me know once he's reached a conclusion, or is this something that is going to get lost in time and space, and nothing will come of it? Because I sure don't feel comfortable asking him again.

 

[Luminous]

Mmmmm. I dunno. Maybe the "think about it" means he's not sure when he's getting back into town, or that he has an idea of how you feel and wants to think about it for some reason, which could be good or bad - he still might return the feelings, but need to have time to mull it over. Or maybe it means nothing.

I'm sorry. This part of relationships is so difficult and frustrating.

 

[Coriolis]

Today, he appeared at the cafe, but I didn't get to have much of an interaction with him, apart from taking and making his order. I had to run home after work because of a meeting, so I didn't even get to say bye to him, so instead I texted him. Which then lead to me mustering a bit of courage and asking him out. I asked if he wanted to hang out next week, and his reply was "thank you for asking!" but that he's probably gonna stay out of town to play tennis next week. So then I asked, what about when he gets back? And his reply was "I will think about it ", to which I then responded "Oke. Let me know ". He then liked my message, and that's the end of it.

I'm not sure what to think of it. I'm 50/50. Is that his polite way of saying no? Or does he just have plans and needs time to figure out if he wants to hang out with me? Also.. why is the "I will think about it" giving me vibes that there's no way he has 0 idea I have feelings for him? Maybe I'm overthinking -- as an INTP does -- but what is there to think about? Unless there are repercussions, right? And if it's just friends on friends, then it's not a big deal, so no need to take the time to think it over. Like, to me it makes sense to think it over if there is something more, or at least if you are aware there is something more. Am I making sense? LOL. Moreover, is he going to let me know once he's reached a conclusion, or is this something that is going to get lost in time and space, and nothing will come of it? Because I sure don't feel comfortable asking him again.

I do think that once again you are overthinking this. The only way you are going to find out is to take the initiative yourself. You need to be very specific, and not to leave the ball in his court. Regardless of how he feels about you, he is unlikely to return it. I suggest you wait until he gets back, then send a short, friendly text to the effect of "Welcome back! I hope you had a good week/time away," Then add something very short about how you spent your time: "Nothing new here - just busy at work." or "I finally got to spend some time in the garden." etc. When he replies - and I assume he will - then invite him to do something very specific but low key: see a movie, have lunch, go to a street fair, etc. How he responds should be instructive.

 

[chubber]

No one can mind read, be vulnerable and stop trying to control the outcome. Just make your intentions crystal clear and allow him to say no.

 

[The Cat]

Unfortunately, I had already sent him a text by the time I read your replies.. sigh. And I totally chickened out from saying I was happy to have seen him, so he only got a congratulatory message from me haha. The conversation pretty much died right there, after he said thanks.

Today, he appeared at the cafe, but I didn't get to have much of an interaction with him, apart from taking and making his order. I had to run home after work because of a meeting, so I didn't even get to say bye to him, so instead I texted him. Which then lead to me mustering a bit of courage and asking him out. I asked if he wanted to hang out next week, and his reply was "thank you for asking!" but that he's probably gonna stay out of town to play tennis next week. So then I asked, what about when he gets back? And his reply was "I will think about it ", to which I then responded "Oke. Let me know ". He then liked my message, and that's the end of it.

I'm not sure what to think of it. I'm 50/50. Is that his polite way of saying no? Or does he just have plans and needs time to figure out if he wants to hang out with me? Also.. why is the "I will think about it" giving me vibes that there's no way he has 0 idea I have feelings for him? Maybe I'm overthinking -- as an INTP does -- but what is there to think about? Unless there are repercussions, right? And if it's just friends on friends, then it's not a big deal, so no need to take the time to think it over. Like, to me it makes sense to think it over if there is something more, or at least if you are aware there is something more. Am I making sense? LOL. Moreover, is he going to let me know once he's reached a conclusion, or is this something that is going to get lost in time and space, and nothing will come of it? Because I sure don't feel comfortable asking him again.

i think y'all will end up going out, if you continue to take the lead. I wouldnt over think it, I'd just tell him I like him, think he's fascinating and attractive and would like to go out on a date and see if we have fun?
Or if you're feeling really froggy:

Leap big.​

 

[citizen cane]

We need to know what happened!