[ENFP] I HATE being an ENFP

[King sns]

Yes, OP, I am definitely inclined to agree with you. (But maybe not so feverishly.) I don't always understand the use for Ne Fi, and feel that I am always "working on something" about myself. Trying to balance it out somehow. I guess that's part of the combo though, values and possibilities is going to lead the person to attempt to be more and possibly forget who they actually are.

I don't think intelligence is always classical NT sense. Though, they do have a certain thought process that is like, "wow! Why didn't I think of that???" But, IQ test wise-.... we all have certain abilities to figure things out, we just all come from different directions. Also, haven't you ever noticed the value in being charming? I can say what I feel has been the most harsh, rude, or ridiculous thing, I can get away with murder and somehow always remain popular and well accepted. (As shallow as this sounds on paper, it is extremely important in the world- it helps us navigate easily without having to do much legwork.)

The beauty of Ne Fi is just adaptability. It sounds so soft. Being kind of a mirror reflection of everything around you, but it definitely has it's value- it's just hard to see the value when you are living the situation. It just feels so fuzzy and non-descript. Our logic is fuzzy, our speech is fuzzy. The other cool thing about this chameleon combo- is that we can literally pick up and adopt any mentality we want to, and that translates into doing almost anything we want to. Except for maybe doing the taxes or showing up on time. But THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT.

Ne pride!!!

(weakly holds up fist)

 

[sculpting]

only read the OP, but I do agree in some sense that I hate being an enfp.

I suppose it is because I want to care for others and have then care for me in return. Before this forum, I knew I was an ENFP and thought it was okay-it helped me accept myself.

Once on this forum, I could see how many different types of people truley hate and detest enfps...it was heartbreaking. They never stopped to take the time to understand us, yet judge us. It is so wierd, as i try so hard to accept and understand others, even if their actions confuse me-I seek clarification.

Most sad were the INTPs. In my life I always understood and accepted them as they were and even felt very caring and nurturing towards them. However to see how they judge me in return in their minds, has been so very sad for me.

Anyways, yeah, I'd rather be some other type that is more accepted by society.

 

[Elfboy]

only read the OP, but I do agree in some sense that I hate being an enfp.

I suppose it is because I want to care for others and have then care for me in return. Before this forum, I knew I was an ENFP and thought it was okay-it helped me accept myself.

Once on this forum, I could see how many different types of people truley hate and detest enfps...it was heartbreaking. They never stopped to take the time to understand us, yet judge us. It is so wierd, as i try so hard to accept and understand others, even if their actions confuse me-I seek clarification.

Most sad were the INTPs. In my life I always understood and accepted them as they were and even felt very caring and nurturing towards them. However to see how they judge me in return in their minds, has been so very sad for me.

Anyways, yeah, I'd rather be some other type that is more accepted by society.

haterz gon' hate

 

[Lady_X]

what i think sucks is that i feel like enfps are such accepting people...we're not blind to others faults but we empathize with them. i can see someones character make up and think...he's really abrasive and controlling and always thinks he's right about everything and everyone else is stupid...which bothers me...but there are some really incredible traits that come from the same place...he wouldn't be so ambitious and responsible, confident...etc etc without those other things because they come from the same place...i do this with everyone i know...and it doesn't come from a judgy place...tho it may sound otherwise...it's just seeing them with all their strengths and weaknesses but understanding and accepting them...i find the whole beautiful...and real...i love the humanity of it. the authenticity...the flaws make you just as special and worthy of love and understanding...truly.

but...i often feel that others don't view me/us in the same light...or with the same loving eyes and it's a lonely feeling...i think we're just as aware of how imperfect we are...we just want it to be accepted too.

 

[kyuuei]

I'm not talking about an idiot so much as a shallow, ignorant person who would not be willing to hear my views and would be offended by my unconventional behavior. such a person is absolutely worthless to me and can provide no real benefit to me unless I hire them as a maid a hooker (either gender). I have no use or need for someone who can't make intelligent conversation or think outside of the brainwashed, politically correct box that most people are trapped in.

To me, it seems unnecessary to remind people of flaws they're aware of..
If they're an idiot and they know they're not on the smarter side of the spectrum: Telling them this over and over it's like telling someone overweight they're fat. It does NOTHING positive, for you or the other party..
If they're an idiot and they have no idea: Telling them will only start an argument.. So you're not just "being honest" with them. No one calls another person an idiot to their face without being malicious about it.

Now, on to the OP: If I wasn't ENFP, I'd probably complain about how I'm not ENFP. I'm okay with my type--everything has a balance to it. I like being extreme about this.. I like that my passion is there, even if I have to frequently calm it down for the sakes of social graces, and I love that I'm not "NT" smart. I don't think I'd get along with anyone at all if I had the arrogance of that sort of intelligence coupled with the blind determination I already have. The fact I'm smart in a completely different way seems to humble me--it's not always useful, so I step back and listen to others more. Things like that help a lot, whether we see it or not.

 

[CzeCze]

Anyways, yeah, I'd rather be some other type that is more accepted by society.

Some bitter opinionated people on an obscure online forum do not a society make.

 

[Crescent Fresh]

Knowing that how sensitive it is for both INFJ and ENFP to take any form of criticism, I can really empathize your pain. I honestly think that not all INTJ is as brutally cold as your INTJ, but perhaps you should take the lesson positively by cutting him out of your life. There's really no point to invest in a relationship with anyone who abhor people in this way.

Though I'm not entirely sure if you'll come back to read this, I honestly think that life is much easier for being an ENFP. At least with your type, you'll have a lesser chance to face an obstacle in job hunting and building network. What's more, many people are naturally drawn to people with various facets of personalities which most ENFPs are skilled to apply them in the most appropriate situation accordingly. Also, ENFP is so empathetic yet they're not overtly emotional and that's what many people are drawn into.

I hope you'll be able to regain your confidence in speedy recovery as that's what most ENFPs are good at. Contrastingly, I think being an INFJ is much harder as it'll take "much" longer time of recovery if I were in your shoes.

Hope you'll feel better soon and just erase that guy out of your memory lane ASAP.

 

[Crescent Fresh]

Btw, I know one thing for sure is that although INFJ + ENFP isn't the best type to be romantically involved, I consider them as one of the few types that I can trust them because they all tend to share a very kind-hearted soul.

Hope that will make you feel better!

 

[Antimony]

Antimony really wishes the ENFPs would stop hating themselves. Except for the ones that should hate themselves. But in general, Antimony thinks ENFPs are cool folk

 

[Xenon]

Huh. I've been dealing with some intense, self-pitying envy toward a particular person because of the natural strengths she has in areas that have caused me an endless amount of grief. I've had, almost verbatim, some of the same thoughts you've had toward others. (Everyone loves her...it's so effortless...how does she do it....) And guess what? She's an ENFP.

"The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" is a cliche for a reason. We often don't see other people's struggles nearly as easily as we see our own. And our own strengths often seem insignificant; they come so easily to us that it doesn't even occur to us that others might have a hard time in these areas. It can be very difficult for me to watch people who are naturally charming and engaging, who can just unhesitatingly chat up anyone in sight and draw people to them. I consider myself an intelligent person, but I can feel really stupid when I watch that sort of thing in action and compare myself to those people. They make it look so easy.

And here you are dismissing those very things: I may be charming, but so what? I'm not "smart" like NTs. I may be good at being entertaining and getting along with people, but so what? I'm not "genuinely kind" like ENFJs. I really see no reason why the traits you value in others are so much more important than the ones you have. You may think 'so what, that's nothing!', but if you were very poor at getting along with people and couldn't be charming or entertaining to save your life, you wouldn't be brushing that stuff off as insignificant.

Well idiots are idiots, but you don't have to tell people they lack intelligence although they appear to be a pretty package. That's condescending and rude, unless the person is rude or mean to you first, it seems nasty and totally unnecessary.

A number of people are blaming this guy for the OP feeling bad about herself. To be fair (and to throw another idea out there), we don't know what he actually said. According to the OP, he "implied" she had a number of good qualities but lacked intelligence. It's very possible he didn't mean that at all; he may have said something else that she took as an insult on her intelligence. When someone is prone to self-criticism and feeling worthless, it's easy to perceive others as being more judgmental than they are.

 

[Esoteric Wench]

Plenty of extremely intelligent, logical NT's sitting behind neon screens in dark rooms with no friends, no social abilities, no love, and no passion. FUCK THAT.

This made me belly laugh. Nicely said. (And very true... which made it all the more funnier.)

:yim_rolling_on_the_

 

[Esoteric Wench]

<segue>

Btw, I know one thing for sure is that although INFJ + ENFP isn't the best type to be romantically involved, I consider them as one of the few types that I can trust them because they all tend to share a very kind-hearted soul.

I think (based on my experience as well as my understanding of MBTI theory) that ENFPs and INFJs can be a very good match... if they interpret the other's Fe/Fi correctly.

</segue>

As far as the OP, I'd encourage you to shake off your self-deprecating ways and embrace the beauty of being an ENFP. I feel very lucky to be an ENFP and I think the advantages of being an ENFP extend beyond me just loving myself. In other words, there are some real-world, fact-based advantages to ENFP-ness. I would focus on these... not just because that's really the only choice you have to be happy with yourself... but also because ENFPs can kick ass in certain areas in ways that others can only dream of.

 

[Esoteric Wench]

Here's an old post of mine where I list what I think are the best things about being an ENFP. Hope this helps:

My Favorite ENFP Strengths (In No Particular Order)

1. Genuine Interest in People. Like all Feelers, ENFPs are people people. But when you combine Fi (which values authenticity) and Ne (which loves to take in new information), you have a person who is curious to understand those around them, especially what makes someone tick (i.e., their true essence). I once read on this forum that ENFPs were akin to social scientists in that they loved to watch people and understand them both on the individual level as well as at the species level. ß And, I think this is very true of ENFPs. An ENFP’s secret weapon is their genuine fascination with all things people.
2. Great People Skills. ENFPs seem to have a sixth sense about what makes people tick; and they can pick up on the subtle nuance of the social game play going on around them. This is due, in part, to their acute awareness of their outside environment (Ne) which is constantly scanning for new information combined with their desire for positive interpersonal relations (like all Fs). The result is a person who is keenly aware of the motivations and perceptions of others. When you combine this with an ENFP’s good communication skills and warm and affirming nature, it’s easy to understand why they tend to connect with people quickly and easily, and why they are generally well-liked.
3. Unafraid to Be Different. Here again, we see where the combination of Ne and Fi is foundational to the ENFP experience. Ne looks at the world from the 20,000 foot view. This desire to get the big picture perspective is most concerned with understanding the big picture rather than being bound by minutiae like the social expectations of others. ENFPs are almost always aware of these expectations; they just don’t feel bound by them. Couple this with their Fi that seeks internal (instead of external) validation, and you’ve got a person who isn’t afraid to push the social envelope. This can come across as zany charm, boat rocking, or social cluelessness. But this ability to operate outside of societal norms can also be a tremendous advantage. If an ENFP feels that they are behaving in a manner that is consistent with their Fi values and is an authentic expression of their selves, then they are unafraid to act as their conscience dictates.
4. Fiercely Independent. ENFPs don’t want to be in control, but they don’t want to be controlled either. Fi is all about authenticity and truthiness. Sometimes outside forces (like a boss’ direction, a task’s requirements, or a social group’s expectations) impinge upon Fi’s desire to express itself authentically and truthfully. When this happens, it’s easy for the ENFP to become hostile and obstructive to the perceived threat to their Fi. It also means that ENFPs have an amazing ability to live and think unfettered by outside forces.
5. Ability to See Patterns & Connections. An ENFP’s dominant function is Ne. Extraverted Intuition looks outside oneself and tries to put all the things it sees into a big picture understanding of the world. Everything has meaning. And, everything is connected to everything else. Ne can feel like your constantly trying to put together a huge jigsaw puzzle. This lends itself to an ENFP’s astounding ability to see patterns and connections that others do not see… almost to the point of being painful. Take, for example, my personal experience of learning about MBTI theory. Whether I want to or not, I am constantly seeing how people’s behavior fits their personality type per the theory. And I regularly ruminate on the patterns in behavior I see… to the point that I can’t shut it off. While sometimes this is overwhelming, it also means that I do see patterns and connections in human behavior that allow me to navigate my relationships with aplomb. So while Ne can be overwhelming, it can also lead to bursts of creative thinking and powerful insights.
6. Comfortable in New & Fluid Situations. ENFPs are Perceivers which means they have Pe-Ji or an extroverted perceiving function (Ne) and an introverted judging function (Fi). This means they tend to be drawn more toward observing and experiencing rather than deciding and taking action. (For a great article about Pe-Ji versus Pi-Je click here.) I once explained to an INFJ, what being a P was like in this way: “As an ENFP, I like to just sit back and soak it all in. Of course, I can and do make decisions. I do this everyday. But my default behavior is to observe and keep my options open.” Thus ENFPs tend to be very flexible, spontaneous, and open to possibilities. Of course there are downsides to being so loosey-goosey, but ENFPs can leverage their ability to change on a dime, succeed without a plan, and think on their feet, to great advantage.
7. Getting Things Done. ENFPs are great thinkers with their heads oftentimes stuck in the Ne clouds. But they can also be great doers if they are able to tap into their Te. Since Extraverted Thinking is 3rd in the ENFP hierarchy of functions, it can take years of practice for ENFPs to be able to use this function in a nuanced and mature way. But an ENFP with mature Te is all about executing things in a logical and orderly manner. Take for example, how I’ve tried to organize this post into logical bullet points. This is very Te of me. And being able to work out the logical steps backward from an identified goal is also very Te.
8. Seeing All the Possibilities. To me at least, this is one of those aspects of being an ENFP that is smack-you-in-the-face obvious. In fact, observing this trait is one of the first ways I type someone as an ENxP. This ability to see every permutation of every situation is the hallmark of dominant Extraverted Intuition. There is never just one answer for an ENFP. While it is easy to get lost in all the possibilities when your an ENFP, it also means you can see very creative solutions to any given problem.
9. Intellectual Breadth. ENFPs are usually interested in all sorts of subjects and bring a wide variety of skills to the table in whatever project they are involved in. This breadth of knowledge is due to an ENFP’s dominant Extraverted Intuition which loves to learn new things. And because ENFP are Perceivers that like to observe and experience things, they tend to be very open to new avenues of intellectual exploration. The blend of these two traits means that ENFPs know a little about a wide variety of subjects. While sometimes they sacrifice depth of knowledge in the name of taking in new information, breadth of knowledge can be a great strength. ENFPs have a wide array of interests and experience that they can draw upon. This gives them flexibility in careers and allows them to connect with people from all walks of life.
10. Able to Inspire Other. Inspiring others is a hallmark ENFP characteristic that is the culmination of several other ENFP traits. ENFPs really care about people and give high-priority to fostering positive personal relationships. They also tend to place great value on helping others and making their world a better place. They have a natural ability to read people. And, they are flexible enough to tailor their approach based on the needs of others. Finally, ENFPs have an almost spooky ability to see the potential in other people. All these traits combine into an uncanny ability to motivate and inspire others to do their best.

 

[finalcount]

Guys!

I just want to thank everyone that replied to me and posted a kind word! I really do appreciate everyone and everything they contributed, even if did stray a little from the topic at times!

I said a lot of things in frustration. I'm often caught between having such self-hatred, and thinking that I'm an awesome person. Go figure!

To clarify, elaborate and answer certain questions:

Your self-hatred is really sad. That guy is a loser if he made you feel this way about yourself.

Awe, thanks Marmie Dearest for the hug! I appreciate the bashing of the guy to make me feel better, but he really isn't a loser, just someone that lacks a little bit of tact. OR, alternatively, it isn't that he lacks tact, but that I see subtext that isn't there and read far too much into things that were never the intent. We are pros at that! I'm actually pretty good with criticism now, but a shot at my intelligence is enough to really upset me; it's my biggest insecurity coming from a family of NTs.

I'm sorry that he made you feel bad about yourself though.

I think you should forget about him and find someone who appreciates your gifts and strengths.

Gee, thanks for the hug Giggly! I'm working on that forgetting him part! I'm sure that one day I'll find someone that appreciates my gifts and strengths, but my primary objective is to appreciate them myself first.

Yes, he did make me feel bad, but it's important to know that he is not entirely the reason for this feeling of lack of self-worth and importance in this world. I've been feeling this way for awhile, it's as though he added that one tiny straw that broke the camel's back; what he said was absolutely the last thing I needed to hear at the time.

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYLMTvxOaeE"]This[/YOUTUBE]

Hahahaha! Thanks, phobik! Funny, yet perfectly true AND really good advice. It's just that it's one thing to say "Stop it!" and temporarily fix the problem, and it's another to get to the root of those insecurities and doubts so those two words are never necessary. Do you have any advice?

Dude, don't fight yourself. You gotta go with your strengths and run with it. If you are the typical unfocused, energetic ENFP.. once you get those impulses and inclinations trained, you'll be dynamite.

I don't doubt you you've got some changes to make in your life, but it's not your type.

This is exactly how I feel, but I have no idea how to start, or where to begin. I want to harness all of this incredible energy, passion, this drive that I have, and I want to do some good, and feel good, but how do I get those impulses and inclinations trained? Is it development of Fi or Te? How do I develop those, besides the inevitable maturity that comes with life?

...ENFP's are one of the more sought out types. We've got all kinds of good things going for us...I think you're in an E4 funk.

You've got to put this into perspective. Your E4 is making you envious and coveting. Maybe you can't do anything about those feelings, but you can sure channel them into action. I suggest you either run with the positives (and we have a lot, I'm not blowen smoke here.. ENFP's have an almost endless list of amazing traits) or channel that self-hated into improvement.

Huxley3112, thanks for the hug and the really good advice! (Awe, the hug emoticon is so, so cute)! I'd like to do both; run with the positives AND become engaged in self-improvement. I guess what it comes down to is recognizing the amazing attributes that come so easily to me and I take for granted, AND seeing what could use some improvement. Development of Fi? Te? How does one do this? Should I not be thinking so cognitive-based and be thinking in a generalist sense instead?

maybe your problems are enneagram related

I think this is totally spot on, Elfboy. It's becoming an uphill battle, being an ENFP, the most optimistic of all types, and an Enneagram 4, the one type that thrives on negative emotions. It's such a paradox; it even confuses me! Does anyone have any words of wisdom specifically tailored for ENFP - E4s? It'd be so helpful!

rejecting someone based off of low intelligence is simply a matter of standards. that being said, I don't think the original poster is stupid...

Haha, thanks! You and me both!

...perhaps your Ne is way scattered and you aren't able to reign it in enough or filter it.

...in more seriousness, how old are you? People's cognitive functions develop supposedly in a pattern so by your 20s you're developing such and such and 30s your tertiary or something like that.

...I believe the one test results showing percentages of types in gifted programs had a lot of INFPs and ENFPs. There are a couple ENFP engineers, PhD holders and whatnot on the forum if you want to chat about how to step up your intellectual game.

As for the case of the guy, and also knowing you are a four, I'm more worried that you put so much credence into other people's definitions and standards instead of developing your own. What are your own strengths? What exactly do you mean about 'not being smart enough'? What exactly do you want to be better at?

Just please don't turn into one of those "ZOMG! I'm so dumb but I'm cute" girls who worships robotic terrible boyfriends because "OMG they're sooooooo smart".

Embrace what you are good at, take a deep breath, and go from there.

I think that problem lies not entirely with my Ne, but with being able to articulate my points the way that I have it in my head. Example:

My point in my mind: "Most know that whales are indeed mammals, not fish. There is, however, a misconception that whales came onto land and they are the evolutionary ancestors of the genus Canis (wolves, dogs, etc). This is false, as those in the Canis genus, primarily wolves, are responsible for the evolution as whales..."

My point when articulated: "Um, I don't really think wolves came from whales. It's kinda the other way around...Like, it's super cool! Basically, it's like survival of the fittest! Imagine there's like all these wolves! And they're fighting for food! So, some wolves are better swimmers, and they think, "Man it'd be totally awesome if I ate some fish, because those other poor suckers can fight for all that land food and I have allllll this to myself!!!!!!..."

Truth is, I know I'm smart. In school, I was placed into all sorts of higher level reading and math classes; I was years ahead of my peers. When I have to articulate a point, or explain something, I just sound really dumb. It's not as easy as just saying what's in your head. It's not the fact that most people think I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed that bothers me-- I don't know those people, they're not close to me, and I really don't care. It's when people that I admire, respect, and/or have feelings think I'm a total idiot that I'm truly bothered. I come from an entire family of NTs, and you'd think that my parents and siblings and I would kind of speak the same language, do to our intuition, but it's been made explicitly clear that I am the dumb one. Gee, thanks for being supportive.

I guess I'm feeling let down because of the old adage, "Jack of all trades, master of none". When someone asks me what I'm good at, I can't think of a single thing because I try to think of something I'm a "master" at. I mean, I can write, but not nearly as well as anyone else that identifies themselves as a writer. I honestly think the one thing I'm good at is being introspective, but then again, that's not exactly a talent.

I'm kind of peeved because as much as I hate my enneagram, I do really love it, and the person that I am. It just upsets me to able to feel in such scope and such depth; I'm feeling that I might possibly have something to contribute to this wealth of knowledge of the human experience, and realizing that I'm a horrible writer, a horrible speaker; my words will never do my internal world justice. (Horrible run-on sentence, ignore!) I think that's why I reserve a special spot of hatred for INFPs.

And don't worry! I'm not one of those girls that dumbs herself down, but I'll be the first to admit that NT guys make me swoon!

Also, I'd love to speak to any ENFPs with a high level of education; I think they'd be such a great inspiration for me. I'm 18, turning 19 later this year btw.

BTW, I take exception to XNFPs agreeing that we're not logical.

I am SUPER fucking logical!!!??!!!?

I think I am too, it's just that sometimes I mistake being irrational and lacking logic with speaking in the abrupt, stop and start, excited way that I always do. See above for more details.

...do yourself a favour and tell that guy to go FUCK HIMSELF.

Naaah, I just told him that wasn't very nice! I kind of suck at telling people off when I should.

OP needs to stop being such a drama queen, seriously.

tl:dr Stop bitching, stop insulting ENFP's as a group. Find your own strengths and learn to overcome your weaknesses. Ugh. I'm type 4 ENFP too, but I've never saw my own shortcomings as a reason to hate my type(s).

animenagai, you included a lot of great advice and insight that I appreciated; I just cut it out because at the rate at which I'm quoting and writing, this reply is going to be miles long!

I'd just like to say a few things in reply:

Firstly, I made sure to add a disclaimer in my original post that I was actually only referring to myself, that I was at a low point, and that other ENFPs are totally awesome.

Secondly, yes, you may be an ENFP - E4, and you may not have experienced how I feel, but that in no way invalidates my feelings. This, "I'm like you, and I've never felt/done this, get over it" mentality is both dangerous in a general sense, and rude.

It's one thing to supply tough love; I was totally being a drama queen and I acknowledge this. It's another to have this poor mentality and invalidate my feelings. My feelings, both positive and bad, are paramount to who I am, and shape the person I currently am, and will BECOME. Obviously, there is a strong need for self-improvement here.

Don't think that I didn't know how irrational I was in my thinking when I wrote it. Classic E4, totally being in a shitty place, saying/doing horrible things, yet being self-aware, assessing my feelings/motivations the entire time, and knowing the absurdity of what I writing. It was just therapeutic to get it out. I see no harm in this.

They have Ne, Fi, Te, Si. How cool is that?

Ne with all that energy and bright ideas.
Fi with insight in to others and to bond with people.
Te to get shit done and bring closure to things one puts his/her head to.
Si with all that experience and clear memory.

I see the advantage of being a enfp than being a entp.

Also, haven't you ever noticed the value in being charming? I can say what I feel has been the most harsh, rude, or ridiculous thing, I can get away with murder and somehow always remain popular and well accepted.

...it's just seeing them with all their strengths and weaknesses but understanding and accepting them...i find the whole beautiful...and real...i love the humanity of it. the authenticity...the flaws make you just as special and worthy of love and understanding...truly.

The fact I'm smart in a completely different way seems to humble me--it's not always useful, so I step back and listen to others more. Things like that help a lot, whether we see it or not.

..many people are naturally drawn to people with various facets of personalities which most ENFPs are skilled to apply them in the most appropriate situation accordingly. Also, ENFP is so empathetic yet they're not overtly emotional and that's what many people are drawn into.

"The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" is a cliche for a reason. We often don't see other people's struggles nearly as easily as we see our own. And our own strengths often seem insignificant; they come so easily to us that it doesn't even occur to us that others might have a hard time in these areas...They make it look so easy.

Thanks for the reminders, guys! It's just horrible, taking traits and gifts that come so easily for you for granted.

As far as the OP, I'd encourage you to shake off your self-deprecating ways and embrace the beauty of being an ENFP. I feel very lucky to be an ENFP and I think the advantages of being an ENFP extend beyond me just loving myself. In other words, there are some real-world, fact-based advantages to ENFP-ness. I would focus on these... not just because that's really the only choice you have to be happy with yourself... but also because ENFPs can kick ass in certain areas in ways that others can only dream of.

Esoteric Wench, your list of totally awesome ENFP qualities is AMAZING. I printed them off, taped it to my wall above my desk. It just never really struck me how amazing those gifts those are-- I had kind of just assumed that everyone had them, and they were nothing special. I see now how wrong I am. Thank you so much!

He/she's been a member since August of 2010 (oh ENFPs LOL).

Yeah, that's just how I roll; I lurk in the shadows, watching...

I'd rather be some other type that is more accepted by society.

NO! We're going to kick ass being ENFPs, and not wish that we're another type!

To everyone that contributed to this thread, thank you so much! I want you to know that you all really did make a difference!

 

[1487610420]

Hahahaha! Thanks, phobik! Funny, yet perfectly true AND really good advice. It's just that it's one thing to say "Stop it!" and temporarily fix the problem, and it's another to get to the root of those insecurities and doubts so those two words are never necessary. Do you have any advice?

Dare to let go of fear.

 

[Elfboy]

Dare to let go of fear.

ironic words from one with such a username

 

[Edgar]

I have many lovely attributes, such as looks and charm, but I lack intelligence. That crushed me.

Looks and charm go a lot further in this world than intelligence.
You've got nothing to bitch about, cupcake.

 

[complexcarbohydrate]

ENFJs aren't that great(no offense to any ENFJs reading this)

ENFJs- Seriously? Everyone f*cking loves ENFJs. They're genuinely KIND people. They want the best for PEOPLE, not just interested in impacting individuals. How can you not like that? I'm not at all a kind person. People seem to mistake bieng silly and making jokes and getting along with everyone as being a kind person, but that's not true. With them, it's just effortless. How do they do it?

ENFJs are not all they seem. They are subtly manipulative(not that we ENFPs aren't) and honestly a little intense for me. I don't know why, but I've always gotten a strange vibe from ENFJs. I don't know if any other ENFPs feel this way, but I wouldn't compare yourself to them. You are plenty smart and plenty kind.

 

[Starry]

Looks and charm go a lot further in this world than intelligence.
You've got nothing to bitch about, cupcake.

^This.

Whenever I catch myself bitching about how good looking and charming I am... I do everything in my power to immediately make myself stop.

 

[entropie]

Technically as an enfp you can charm any INTJ you like. Which brings you in a very valueable position of power cause you can build yourself an INTJ minion herd for completing various meaningful scientific tasks, like weapon development, defense tactics or suppression strategy what eventually will lead to World domination, if desired