[Traditional Enneagram] Hypothetical Motivation Scenario

[Luminous]

Someone you care about is upset about something, but doesn't want to talk about it.
What would you do and why?

If you would press them, why?
If you'd not do anything, why? Please elaborate in detail.

Now say you already knew what the problem was, and you knew a way to fix it without the person knowing you did anything.
Would you do it?
What if you knew they wouldn't want you to interfere (but they'd never know you did)?

Please state your enneagram type. And remember that it's the motivation that is the most important thing here-the motivation behind what you would actually do, and not necessarily what you think would be best to do.

 

[Lord Lavender]

I am a triple postive with strong infulences from all 3 fixes but for this lets go with 7w6 . Id let them know that i cared about them and that its okay to cone to me but id not press them as I dont feel its the right thing to do and id hate it if soneone pressed me so Golden rule I suppose. I just domt want to cause upset or distress for the other person plus i beleive generally people prefer to have a option be there than have it forced on them.

Hmmm if i knew a way to solve what was troublimg them id probably just do it tbh but id still tell them.as i feel they deserve to know the truth and its like id wamt to.do somethimg just so i can feel i lifted a weight off their shoulders.its like whats the harm if the problem is solved and no other issues are caused. However if i knew it would really upset tbe other person if i took action id probably end up doing nothing tbh as i feel icky being sneaky .

 

[Saturnal Snowqueen]

E9.

I wouldn't press them. I might get a hunch about what they're feeling and ask them, but outside of them I wouldn't try to make them talk. Those are their private feelings, and personally I don't want my private feelings choked out of me. I don't like to intrude on people. Usually I'll try to move on to a lighter subject or suggest to do someone fun with them, but later I'd check in on them and see how they're feeling then. I think if I see it getting worse I'd pry more, but I'd be worried about overwhelming them with too many questions.

Fixing problems, even though they won't know I did anything, I still feel like I was intruding on them and feel guilty afterwards. I think it definitely depends on the scenario, but I'm imagining something like, my friend having troubles with another friend. The friend magically is on good terms with my friend again, and so then my friend is like, "Are you plotting on me?" with the other friend. It's like magically everything is solved but there's an awkwardness in the air. At least, that's how I'd picture it for me. But say they needed money or something. If I could make it magically appear for them, that would be awesome.

 

[Earl Grey]

5w4 sp/so, double competency (in overly simplified mundanespeak: emotion-ignoring)

I tend to pretty much take people at their word, and tend to focus on the issue / the 'what needs to be done?' part. The 'upset' part of the equation won't register much. As a result, I probably wouldn't say/do anything if I see that I can't do anything- while forgetting that the emotional component exists, i.e: forgetting that other forms of help, such as emotional support can be done- even simple things like "Do you need company?" "Do you want to talk?" "I care about you." When I get told that the person doesn't want to talk about it, I just go 'okay', and the thought process / assumption tends to be something along the lines of; "They must have a handle on it already." as a result, I wouldn't press, simply because I would not perceive any reason to press at all (in other words, if I do, I probably would, provided I could actually do something about it).

If I knew what the problem was and knew how to fix it, I would likely tell the person first, because I see no reason not to, unless there was some kind of reason to hide it at all. If they wouldn't want me to interfere, I wouldn't- why should I? Though I would readily give advice if I could (back to 'What needs to be done? What can I do about this?'). I would not push to interfere unless it was sufficiently urgent, or if it affects myself in some way. Or they have specifically asked me to interfere before. I have overridden requests for no interference very few times- but yes, it has happened- for those reasons.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

This is too circumstantial for me to answer. Generally though, I want the people I care about to be happy and taken care of, so I offer my support, but I naturally have a tendency to stay parallel, meaning I give people the space they need to have and experience their own feelings and make their own decisions. I do not like telling people what to do, but I do say "if I was in this position, this is what I would do, but you aren't me, so do what you feel is right for you". Otherwise, I just present an option for consideration, as well as how I think that might improve their situation, but gently so.

I like to think I'd know my loved one well enough to know what lines are not to be crossed in terms of doing something against their wishes, and I would try to respect that, but perhaps bring the situation up later to check in on them again.

- - - Updated - - -

Most people know my type, but I'm not going to mention it.

 

[RadicalDoubt]

sp/so, double comp. Probably 3w4 core now that I've come into my personality as an adult...

A lot of this is very circumstantial, so I suppose it would depend primarily on how much I actually care about this person or how severe the situation at hand was. If I actually noticed they were upset, I'd definitely ask at least once if they were alright, but not pry. Information means a lot to me, so I automatically assume it means a lot to others as well. If they don't want to share then it isn't my place to be told (although that doesn't bar me from speculating). If I really care about them or they seem highly effected, I often am inclined to try to ease their stress in other ways by making their tasks easier or pushing away other annoyances in ways they won't necessarily notice I did, but will make a difference (ie. if they're a neat freak I organize the work space, maybe "forget" it was their turn to do the dishes that night and do it for them, etc). I'm not super great at making people feel good anyhow since I'm not naturally attentive, but I find getting the meticulous little things out of the way helps them focus on solving whatever issue they're involved in.

Whether or not I get involved really depends as well. Especially if it's not my place or if they can do it on their own/desire to, I'd be more inclined to leave it instead of fixing it myself (unless it was something very simple or it was some situation that would cause them serious harm, but I think those are more obvious situations). "Fixing" something you're not directly involved in as well can not only be intrusive, but also can hide key pieces of information that can only be derived by context. I can't know for certain me trying to resolve things won't actually make the situation worse, so unless they want my help and provide me context, there's not much use in me helping directly. I'm more likely to ask if I can help/provide advice rather then do the thing myself or push them into acting on their own then anything else.

 

[Schrödinger's Name]

Not 100% sure about my type, but probably 4w5.

Errr, it's complicated. Depending on how close we are and if I know the person very well (so knowing they need a little 'push' to talk about things) I may 'pressure' them a bit to talk about it. But more in a sense of, repeatedly 'offering' them support. I would probably say something like "I know you are upset over X problem, if you'd like to talk about it, feel free to do so." If they say no I'd probably ask them if they are sure. Or I may ask why they don't want to talk about it. Maybe I'd ask what I call 'side questions' that don't really go deeper into the subject, but that are able to give me a bit more information and may help them to open up. Though I always try to make my intentions clear and tell them that if they don't want to talk about it, or go deeper into it they don't have to.
Honestly I think I would mostly 'press' someone... Just because I want to know what's going on. Maybe also from my own perspective, if someone 'presses' me it makes me feel as if they care about me. Though I can also imagine that some people really just want to be left alone, so I am more careful with those sort of things now.

I wouldn't fix a problem without them being aware of it. I would probably tell them that I know a way to 'fix' it and if they would be okay with me doing that. Simply because I don't think it's okay to take someone's problems out of their hands. Though I have definitely done that in the past. (When two friends of mine had a fight with each other par example. I told the other friend that I didn't think it was okay what she did and kinda 'pushed' her to own up her mistakes. At first it looked like it helped but it didn't turn out that well, lol.)
I may offer to fix the problem together.
If they are in a dangerous situation and still not wanting anyone to interfine, I would do it anyway.

Not sure if this answers the 'why' tho.

 

[Yuurei]

If it’s anyone but my husband I’d just be annoyed because “ Then why did you mention/ outwardly express it?”


If it were my husband I’d press him because he does that passive-aggresive thing where he’ll be pissy at me all day but wont tell me how to solve the issue.

 

[The Cat]

Someone you care about is upset about something, but doesn't want to talk about it.
What would you do and why?

It would entirely depend on how much their troubles were affecting me. I'm a strong empath and very keen observer so I can tell when something is wrong, and follow the string back to its source. So them wanting to talk about it or not doesnt have any bearing on me knowing all about it somehow. As to whether I let them have their grief privately or focrcing the issue, it really depends on how annoying theyre being about it. ^_^ Does it interfere with my own pensive brooding? If not, go nuts, if so, we need to fix you right quick cause you're stepping on my lines.

If you would press them, why?
If you'd not do anything, why? Please elaborate in detail.
Bringing me down. I will press you buck up if you're bringing me down. Or making me look bad by association. I might leave a supportive cardboard cut out of me giving you a thumbs up. But I'd probably press a bit:I want to know if this is the new dynamic, is this new mood forever now? If it happens a lot over and over again, do I feel like its tedious? If yes? How long is it likely to remain tedious? Is there a long term benefit to me for allowing to continue or heading it off at the pass? What would I want them to do if it were me being tedious? I might start to mirror them to pull focus a bit. Show them how to do it with style.

Now say you already knew what the problem was, and you knew a way to fix it without the person knowing you did anything.
Would you do it?
What if you knew they wouldn't want you to interfere (but they'd never know you did)?
Yep. Unless I liked them better the way they were with whatever it was broken.
Pretty sure it wouldnt matter. Depending on what it was. I might even tell them one day.

 

[Maou]

My type is up in the air.

I wouldn't press them. Because I woukd figure they have their own way of processing problems. If they keep complaining, but doing nothing. I would tell them to do something to solve the issue. Sometimes I can be really hard on people I care about.

If I could fix it myself, I would. Especially if they could not find out, even if they did not want me to do anything. I protect my friends.

 

[Morpeko]

Someone you care about is upset about something, but doesn't want to talk about it.
What would you do and why?

If you would press them, why?
If you'd not do anything, why? Please elaborate in detail.

Man. This sort of situation has always been hard for me. As much as I want to help them because I do care about them, I tend to give them space. This is because I don't want to do "the wrong thing" by pushing them on an issue that is clearly bugging them so I find non-interference to be more helpful, especially since I'm not very qualified to give advice. Also, and this is a selfish reason, but I know it would hurt me if they were to push me away after I ask them about the issue, so I'd rather avoid that as well, at the expense of seeming uncaring.

Now say you already knew what the problem was, and you knew a way to fix it without the person knowing you did anything.
Would you do it?

Fuck yes, I'd do it. My main issue in the previous scenario would be their potential reaction to me bugging them. If they didn't know what I did and yet they would stop suffering in that particular problem, I'd love to help in any way I can. I'd probably tell them about it after they felt better, since they have the right to know.

What if you knew they wouldn't want you to interfere (but they'd never know you did)?

I'd feel wrong about interfering in that case. Even if they were suffering, I wouldn't do anything because that's their wish and I don't want to meddle in that. I'm not exactly sure why. That's just what I think is the right thing to do.