How to stop disintegrating

[011235813]

This thread was originally supposed to be about 9s disintegrating to 6 but I want a wider pool of feedback so I decided to open it to everyone.

All this is completely prompted by personal issues, of course.
I feel like I disintegrate to 6 at the drop of a hat these days. Anytime anyone says something that irritates me or strikes me as a little bit off, I get extremely paranoid and wonder if they did it deliberately to get at me. I stew in all of that for a little bit and then get angrier and angrier at my perceived ill-treatment and then I start thinking of ways to pay them back or act on my frustration because then at least I'll have done something and that's good for 9s to do, right?

Except it really isn't because I don't have a good grasp on whether or not I'm overreacting, whether or not someone actually intended to hurt me, whether the inner tempering influence is actually a voice of reason or just plain old laziness talking. I think it's probably a good thing to stop living on autopilot all the time like I kind of used to do but this is ridiculous.

I thought disintegration was a limited period kind of deal but this honestly feels pretty much constant. And it's TIRING and I hate being tired and not being able to trust my instincts.



Why is this happening and how can I make it go away?

 

[brainheart]

I would say you need to do more things that make you feel better about yourself and improve your independent self-worth, not focus on relationships so much.

 

[Amargith]

I think 9s can stop their disintegration by focusing on the good qualities of the 9 and by extension - their integration point aka the 3. Focus on what *you* want out of life, how to accomplish it and use your 9-ness to mediate and navigate people. Who cares what they are up to, what their agendas are - they are only people, after all, and they have their own issues to cope with. With your ability to see their pov, and merge it together, mediate it with others - as well as your own, it isn't something you should be worried about. You're ideally equipped to handle this shit, after all. Don't let them get under your skin, frustrate you or drive you mental - voice what you want and don't apologise for it. Others don't either, and there aint nothing wrong with it.

So. Be more selfish. Focus on yourself and what you want in life. Trust in your own abilities. You'll do great

 

[011235813]

OK, I wrote this in the morning because I was frustrated ... and I don't even remember what or who it was that pissed me off. Haha.

I will come back to this with more thought at a later time, maybe the next time I'm irritated. I never want to ruin my buzz when I have it.

 

[violet_crown]

[MENTION=13147]senza tema[/MENTION]

I'm gonna be one of those people and quote something I wrote in another thread on the Missing Piece theory of enneagram development that I think might be of some use here:

Thank you for posting that, [MENTION=15799]acronach[/MENTION].

This article mirrors some of my own thinking lately, starting actually with the article you posted not too long ago about most common enneagram marriage types. Specifically, I think [MENTION=8936]highlander[/MENTION] asked something to the effect of whether it could be harmful for someone to marry along the path of their disintegration, which got me mulling the subject.

I arrived at basically what this article pointed out. Considering the process of integration as less of a path per se, but more of a triangle where both legs contribute to an optimal self. The disintegration point shows where the deficit is and where the real work needs to be done. As a 9, my issue is complacency, and it would be easy enough for me to fake 3 without addressing this underlying problem. The antidote really is in the 6s perspective, which at it's heart is about taking nothing for granted.

For a 9, the process of integrating that lesson is excruciating, because to do it any justice we have to "unmerge". It's biting the apple and knowing a self distinct from the Source. It's to be truly aware for the first time of self with its limitations and its questions and its confusions. It's to be suddenly responsible for all that frailty where before there was nothing.

How we deal with that responsibility is what decides us. Even if we run, we can't un-know, so the options open to us are the kind of self-inflicted oblivion of the unhealthiest levels of our type. If we stick it out, I'd like to believe that what happens is a rediscovery of faith. Going back to the Fall analogy, we don't get a pass back to Eden, but are restored to our relationship with the Source as separate, thinking and actualized individuals. This jives with the Level 1 description:

Level 1 (At Their Best): Become self-possessed, feeling autonomous and fulfilled: have great equanimity and contentment because they are present to themselves. Paradoxically, at one with self, and thus able to form more profound relationships. Intensely alive, fully connected to self and others.

Anyways, I brought up @highlander's post simply because I think that interacting with someone whose type matches your point of disintegration can be a catalyst for this kind of growth in a way that even someone at your integration point cannot. For the simple fact that I mentioned before that the actual work seems to take place at the disintegration point. Similar to what @skylights was getting at, the integration point is about comfort. It feels good for me to be around 3s because I can simply merge with their stronger sense of identity, go along with whatever program they've come up with, and keep on truckin' as my usual self-effacing and complacent self. There's certainly grounds for compatibility there, but it smacks of the easy way out.

 

[WALMART]

There is one reoccurring theme in all the solutions to this immemorial question: mental fortitude.

I'm reading The Unconscious Self at the moment, if I pick out anything interestingly relevant I'll let you know. I'll tell you, he does talk a lot about religion and The State.

 

[011235813]

There is one reoccurring theme in all the solutions to this immemorial question: mental fortitude.

I'm reading The Unconscious Self at the moment, if I pick out anything interestingly relevant I'll let you know. I'll tell you, he does talk a lot about religion and The State.

When did you switch to SiTe, Jon?

Mental fortitude sounds good. If I were asked to distill my values down to a single value, it would probably be fortitude. Probably why I like the Strength tarot card so much.

It's just really hard for me to recreate a moment of irritation when I'm not actually feeling it. Right now, I feel like the solution to my problems is just to be the best 9 I can like Amargith said because I enjoy being a 9 when I'm happy ... the only problem is, it stinks when I'm unhappy.

 

[Elfboy]

[MENTION=13147]senza tema[/MENTION]
to integrate to 3, you need to focus more on YOU. try thinking for awhile about what it is you really want in life, then make a plan and take some initiative. the people who will get in your way aren't worth it and the rest of your friends will support you.

so go get'em tiger! (never said this to a woman before, but it seems like the right thing to say )

I would say you need to do more things that make you feel better about yourself and improve your independent self-worth, not focus on relationships so much.

seconded.

 

[WALMART]

When did you switch to SiTe, Jon?

I don't think I'm keeping it, I miss Se. I've just been thinking about it more than I had in the past, so I wondered what it'd be like walking in their shoes.

Mental fortitude sounds good. If I were asked to distill my values down to a single value, it would probably be fortitude. Probably why I like the Strength tarot card so much.

It's just really hard for me to recreate a moment of irritation when I'm not actually feeling it. Right now, I feel like the solution to my problems is just to be the best 9 I can like Amargith said because I enjoy being a 9 when I'm happy ... the only problem is, it stinks when I'm unhappy.

You never did give me a reading. I am sad about this.

But yeah. Being unhappy sucks, and it isn't exactly something you can prep for like you would a road trip. You gotta whittle away, year after year, episode after episode... blah.

 

[011235813]

You never did give me a reading. I am sad about this.

Sorry for my flaky Pness (though I promise it's not as bad as it sounds.) I'm going on vacation for a couple of weeks but I will give you a reading once I get back. In fact, I've been thinking about starting a 1 question 1 card thread or something for whoever wants to participate ... but I'll still give you a special reading.

 

[WALMART]

Sorry for my flaky Pness (though I promise it's not as bad as it sounds.) I'm going on vacation for a couple of weeks but I will give you a reading once I get back. In fact, I've been thinking about starting a 1 question 1 card thread or something for whoever wants to participate ... but I'll still give you a special reading.

There's a cream for that, you know.

That would be a very neat thread, mostly to see how karmically imbalanced all the various people around TC are I shall await your return impatiently!