[ISFJ] how to seduce an ISFJ?

[KarenParker]

I searched to see if this was already a thread and nothing came up but if someone does find it, my apologizes and I'll try to delete this. So anyway, if it's not already a topic that's been discussed, how does someone seduce an ISFJ? I'm guessing do their dishes?

 

[Snow Turtle]

No idea - Lots of light teasing works for me. Give me the opportunity to poke fun back at you. This of course is the slow method.

You could just go and make it so OBVIOUS that they will just naturally start thinking about you.

 

[Grungemouse]

Having a good sense of humour often helps.

 

[ajblaise]

Put them in some sort of fake danger and then come to their rescue.

The closer your romance lines up with classic Disney movie storylines the better the chances you'll get the ISFJ.

 

[Habba]

I think many ISFJs have a low self-esteem. They are used give-in for others, and are constantly afraid of being seen as rude or selfish. They like to help others and have a need to be needed.

Therefore, make sure that the ISFJ has noticed that you have noticed him/her. Give them a chance to help you, and be sure to show that you couldn't have done it without their help. Someone referred ISFJs as "Sidekicks". That would mean that they are looking for someone they can help and support.

But generally ISFJs are somewhat reserved in these matters.

Use my advices at your own risk.

(Oh, and if I sounded harsh towards ISFJs, I didn't mean to be harsh. They are just the kind of people you always find helping and looking after for you. )

 

[Eiddy]

I think many ISFJs have a low self-esteem. They are used give-in for others, and are constantly afraid of being seen as rude or selfish. They like to help others and have a need to be needed.

Therefore, make sure that the ISFJ has noticed that you have noticed him/her. Give them a chance to help you, and be sure to show that you couldn't have done it without their help. Someone referred ISFJs as "Sidekicks". That would mean that they are looking for someone they can help and support.

But generally ISFJs are somewhat reserved in these matters.

Use my advices at your own risk.

(Oh, and if I sounded harsh towards ISFJs, I didn't mean to be harsh. They are just the kind of people you always find helping and looking after for you. )

Low self-esteem sidekicks that will always give in?! I don't think so. Yes, I like to help others, but most of time I consider my energy and resources. If I helped everyone or did something everyone wants I wouldn't have time to sleep. I would rather live the life of a hermit and go into hiding than have to take care of everyone. What reason would I need to be rude or selfish unless it is to defend myself, like any other person.

As for the OP, make it apparent enough that you are interested in them. Smile softly when they look your way. Spend a little more time talking about things that matter.

 

[Kasper]

I'm guessing do their dishes?

I wouldn't think so. It's not about an act of service on your behalf, they feel good about themselves when they can do something for others so it's more about noticing when they do something selfless for you, the best way to please them and demonstrate that you care is to show appreciation for all the things they do for others.

 

[Grungemouse]

I wouldn't think so. It's not about an act of service on your behalf, they feel good about themselves when they can do something for others so it's more about noticing when they do something selfless for you, the best way to please them and demonstrate that you care is to show appreciation for all the things they do for others.

I agree with this. I'm not sure this example is what you were getting at, but when I was going over to meet up with my ex (going out at the time), she offered for me to sleep over the night instead of meeting up then going home - we lived two hours apart, so. When I politely declined, "Oh no, I don't want to take up your time any longer than I have to", she kept insisting I stay over. I showed my appreciation by giving her a hug afterwards.

 

[Eiddy]

I wouldn't think so. It's not about an act of service on your behalf, they feel good about themselves when they can do something for others so it's more about noticing when they do something selfless for you, the best way to please them and demonstrate that you care is to show appreciation for all the things they do for others.

+1

Grungemouse that is very sweet. Those are the moments we cherish. It seems you do to.

 

[BerberElla]

I wouldn't think so. It's not about an act of service on your behalf, they feel good about themselves when they can do something for others so it's more about noticing when they do something selfless for you, the best way to please them and demonstrate that you care is to show appreciation for all the things they do for others.

I think this is a changeable thing, my friend really treasures the times that her partner takes the load off of her. She is very very self sacrificing, and fights him all the way when he tries to do things for her, but she flushes with pleasure so much when he insists and helps ease the pressure off of her.

In the sense of showing appreciation to her for the things she does, that's only if the things she does are for you. Showing appreciation for the things she does for other people doesn't take away the small resentments she can build up towards the people she is doing far too much for.

They need to show her they appreciate it, not you.

Or at least this is how it is with my isfj friend. She is female though, and the OP's ISFJ is male, I could see the traditional part of an isfj enjoying a man providing for her in a mans role, so very much appreciating it if he put up a shelf for her, an isfj male I would assume would have a different desire.

 

[KarenParker]

She is female though, and the OP's ISFJ is male, I could see the traditional part of an isfj enjoying a man providing for her in a mans role, so very much appreciating it if he put up a shelf for her, an isfj male I would assume would have a different desire.

Hahaha! That is so funny that you say that because I just moved into this new apartment a month ago and so far he has built my bed, built my bookshelf, fixed my flat iron, fixed my sunglasses, changed a light bulb that was too high for me to reach (I'm 5'2", he's 6'5")... I LOVE it and I always gush about how impressed I am that he can do that. It's weird because I'm not used to not being the dominant one in the relationship (I was previously with an ISFP and an INTJ). I wonder if when two personalities get together, one of them naturally becomes dominant and it is predictable...

 

[Shadow]

It's weird because I'm not used to not being the dominant one in the relationship (I was previously with an ISFP and an INTJ). I wonder if when two personalities get together, one of them naturally becomes dominant and it is predictable...

Hmm, it must depend on which type is with the ISFJ, because there's no question I'm the dominant one. Not that I used to think of myself as a 'dominant' person.
I think that's why my ISFJ was 'seduced' by me. Actually he said right at the start that my independence attracted him, so there's an example.
I was honestly just my normal, annoying self. He said I was "charming", which is the exact inverse of most people's opinion of me!
He seems to be attracted to 'strong women' in general, and likes to be useful, of service. I've never really gone for men like that, but it's definitely my best match - no real arguments as yet, after 3 years together. Makes a change.

I've heard that ISFJs like someone strong with a hint of vulnerability, possibly that other people might not notice - they like to be needed, and to help in a private behind-the-scenes kind of way. That's probably true.

 

[KarenParker]

Hmm, it must depend on which type is with the ISFJ, because there's no question I'm the dominant one. Not that I used to think of myself as a 'dominant' person.
I think that's why my ISFJ was 'seduced' by me. Actually he said right at the start that my independence attracted him, so there's an example.
I was honestly just my normal, annoying self. He said I was "charming", which is the exact inverse of most people's opinion of me!
He seems to be attracted to 'strong women' in general, and likes to be useful, of service. I've never really gone for men like that, but it's definitely my best match - no real arguments as yet, after 3 years together. Makes a change.

I've heard that ISFJs like someone strong with a hint of vulnerability, possibly that other people might not notice - they like to be needed, and to help in a private behind-the-scenes kind of way. That's probably true.

Over the weekend my ISFJ met an ISTJ friend of mine and they instantly became best friends! They seemed to have a lot in common and a really good understanding of each other. I think ISFJ/ISTJ is a good team.

 

[d@v3]

Over the weekend my ISFJ met an ISTJ friend of mine and they instantly became best friends! They seemed to have a lot in common and a really good understanding of each other. I think ISFJ/ISTJ is a good team.

Yeah, my ENFP friend is dating an ISFJ girl and he came up last weekend and I met her. It was like an instant connection... the wierdest thing in the world that I have never experienced before. It was so weird.

I'm convinced now I need to find an ISFJ.

As for seducing them, I would agree with the others. Put yourself in a position where you need to be helped and don't be afraid to ask them to help you.

 

[Clonester]

For guys, be strong and confident in your approach (straight posture, commanding eye contact, neatly dressed & groomed). Show her you are a provider. Then flirt on the female ISFJ. ISFJ's memorize the little details of life that an ENFP misses. Get her to talk about the details of something she loves.

Switch the genders, hmm. Not sure, since I know one ISFJ man. I think they are attracted to very kindhearted women.

 

[Wiley45]

I was going to post something, but my mom is an ISFJ, and I just keep getting creeped out by this thread.

 

[d@v3]

I was going to post something, but my mom is an ISFJ, and I just keep getting creeped out by this thread.

Stop being such a girl! This is pertinent information we're talking about!

 

[Wiley45]

Stop being such a girl! This is pertinent information we're talking about!

Oh, I'm sorry ... did you want me to think about how someone might go about seducing my mother? *shudder*

And Dave, friend ... girls are ... fantabulous. Sent straight from the heavens like a beam of radiant light to warm and brighten your dark, cold world. That's right.

 

[d@v3]

Oh, I'm sorry ... did you want me to think about how someone might go about seducing my mother? *shudder*

Okay, point taken. But can't we pleeez come to some kind of compromise Maybe uhh.... you have an ISFJ friend?

And Dave, friend ... girls are ... fantabulous. Sent straight from the heavens like a beam of radiant light to warm and brighten your dark, cold world. That's right.

They are? .....Explain!

 

[Wiley45]

Okay, point taken. But can't we pleeez come to some kind of compromise Maybe uhh.... you have an ISFJ friend?

I know a couple ISFJ's, but not very well. They really like baking and interior decorating and stuff I'm horrible at and find boring. :sad: They're great at it, though. All the SFJ's I know well besides my mom are extroverts.

They are? .....Explain!

If you need me to explain this to you, I'm going to instead advise that you run out and get yourself a woman as fast as possible. An ISFJ, yes? I don't have much useful advice, but I'll definitely be cheering you on. I'll stop blathering in this thread now, since I have nothing much to offer those who need information on how to seduce an ISFJ.