How to like oneself?

[ygolo]

The very question, "How to like oneself?", shows that one is alienated from oneself, that is, one is separate from oneself, that is, we are a divided self.

It is only a divided self that can ask the question, "How to like oneself?".

It is only someone completely alienated from oneself that can even ask the question.

So the question is not, "How to like oneself?", but the question is, "How to be oneself?".

Then what is the answer to that question?

 

[Evo]

it just seems so cruel not to.

i have never had to try to like my mother, father, sisters or kids....or myself. like ever. those people are a part of me...and i them... it's this completely sacred thing that would make angels weep and lil fairies turn to dust if i ever felt anything but love for them.

i don't know how to live in a world where i could be so cruel as to not have love for myself or any part of my foundation.

which in no way means i think any of us are perfect....but perfection has nothing to do with it.

(I didn't see this before ha ha)

My personal belief is that it is essential...even though I dont' have much evidence to back that up (left brain fail)

I don't think many people are exposed to that kind of foundation. I know I wasn't. I had to find this out on my own.

***

I know I also read a study that was done where they had a bunch of kids come together and play. (not that I can find the source )

When the kids started to fight and the adults intervened, the problems kept recurring. However when the kids were left alone to figure it out amongst themselves (supervised of course), more resolutions were made.

I just though that was interesting.

 

[Mole]

Then what is the answer to that question?

Good question.

And the answer lies in, "What is being?".

And found in, "Being and Time", by Martin Heidegger.

 

[Mole]

I like this a lot. How to be one with one's own self.

Rather than being with one self, we become ourself.

So we start with the dance, and as we surrender to the dance, the dancer becomes the dance, and in the same way, we become ourself.

 

[prplchknz]

stop caring what others think. works for me

 

[Amargith]

You start by asking yourself why it is that you are so forgiving of others and their flaws, and so harsh on yourself. Really. Check yourself and the unreasonable standard you expect yourself to live up to. Part of it is hubris 'I can be perfect/God' and part of it is self-flagellation due to the messages we get as we go through life 'I *have* to be perfect not to disappoint others.'

You do not have to do anything. You're human. To be human, is to fail. In fact, you cannot improve without it. And it is hard to accept that you are always going to be imperfect. That you fit the description of your current definition of 'failure' or even 'evil'. It's time to toss those old beliefs as to what you should and shouldn't be out as well as those old definitions.

You're a wonderful human being, with strengths and weaknesses, eager to learn and with his heart in a good place. And that's all you'll ever have to be. Be happy with who you are right now, with what you re learning, experiencing. Remember what it was like to be a child and just be, without worrying or being self-conscious. It is the most fruitful state to be in when facing life and learning how to cope with it, and even celebrate it.

And all those people who would put you down, tell you how imperfect you are...smile at them. And feel compassion for them. Coz they are just projecting their own fears, imperfections and self hate onto you. They too are just trying to find their way through this life and figure out how to live with themselves. They too are imperfect, and human, and erring.

Concretely, what you re doing is going to help a lot already. Get more reality checks, gain more perspectives, *BELIEVE* the people who tell you what good they see in you and try to see things from their pov. Kill that inner Judge. Get mad at how much you're causing yourself to be in pain, all because of that oppressive son of a bitch in your head. And decide from now on to be your own judge. Not from external perceptions, from preconceived prejudice that you've been taught and now hold as your own beliefs, but take the time to deconstruct those beliefs and figure out which ones are *truly* valuable to you and chuck out the rest without mercy. It is time to clear out the clutter and pain in your emotional house. It is time to stop fighting yourself. It is time to be free. And yes, it will cost energy, blood, sweat and tears. But it's worth it

 

[Qlip]

Rather than being with one self, we become ourself.

So we start with the dance, and as we surrender to the dance, the dancer becomes the dance, and in the same way, we become ourself.

At one time I thought this was the answer, and it is part of it. But in being yourself you find there will always be that in you that regards itself, and that thing needs guidance.

I found compassion to be the key. Find it in yourself in regards to someone you love and then realize how illogical it is to withhold it from yourself.

 

[Mole]

At one time I thought this was the answer, and it is part of it. But in being yourself you find there will always be that in you that regards itself, and that thing needs guidance.

I found compassion to be the key. Find it in yourself in regards to someone you love and then realize how illogical it is to withhold it from yourself.

It is scary to become oneself for we are left without our psychological defences and are open to the world.

Far better to hide behind our psychological defences in the name of love.

 

[Haven]

1. Imagine a self that you would want to be, rich, powerful, popular, anything you'd want to be
2. Try to become that ideal self
3. fail horribly
4. learn valuable lessons along the way, such as you are the best there is at being you and you can't be anything else better than what you already are.

 

[alcea rosea]

1. Learn to know how/who you are (the good, the bad and all in between)
2. Aprrove your qualities as they are
3. Focus on good sides of yourself and
3. Improve yourself if you want in areas where improvement is possible

 

[Rasofy]

Recognize that you have positive and negative traits, improve what you can change, accept what you can't change, get rid of toxic people and atmospheres, find people who like you and don't try to change who you are, aim to be tour best self but don't sacrifice substance in order to fit in, remember that most people criticize more than compliment and take that into consideration when dealing with feedback.

 

[five sounds]

Hard to do. Love love love. The unconditional kind. The kind, patient, forgiving kind. Just trying to get to know myself, understand myself a little more. Seeing the "whys" behind the parts of me I don't like , and trying to look at the answers objectively. Looking around at humanity and seeing the beauty that is imperfection complimenting imperfection. We fit together, fill in each other's cracks. If I hadn't cracks, I I'd be alone. But as it stands, I'm one with creation. Part of the puzzle that other pieces need just as I need them.

 

[ygolo]

Has anyone gone from not liking yourself long-term to liking yourself long-term?

Or have most people liked themselves(for the most part) as far as they can remember?

 

[Qre:us]

Has anyone gone from not liking yourself long-term to liking yourself long-term?

As you personally know, this is essentially asking how one has overcome chronic depression or other similar chronic mental health issues that skews one's perception of self. I have experienced episodic depression, for about 2 years, that was directly related to an life event (episode) - health of a family member and juggling grad school pressures and being socially isolated did not a positive mental health cocktail make.

It was debilitating in that it definitely, and significantly, impacted my every-day functioning and responsibilities. I paid the price for it.

I didn't get any "help" other than remove myself from that environment, eventually, and trudge through the stressors, and let time move me to another stage in my life. And it passed.

But, my case is greatly different than yours. You have chronic depression or bipolar, you said?

I wish I could say the simple answer, that getting help will help, but from what I'm reading, nothing has significantly worked yet. Antidepressants + CBT, rather than either alone? I'm guessing you're seeing a psychiatrist and a clin. psychologist?

Or have most people liked themselves(for the most part) as far as they can remember?

For the most part, I truly enjoy who I am, and look forward to playing around with all the potential I hold. You seem smart, kind, and like you have a lot to offer to the world - be it in mathematics, or any of your other talents (which I'm sure you have many).

Have you thought about volunteerism? Do you like working with animals? Pick a population that holds value to you. Find volunteer work with that population. Maybe put aside thoughts of getting to like yourself, just for a bit. As an experiment. Because we can't force ourselves to like ourselves - the very act of forcing creates a distaste. Maybe, do something where who YOU are in the capacity of how you serve others is a happy thought? You will feel needed, like you're making an impact, and it could well be a social outlet too.

Even if my life is not an adventure, I aim to make it so. It's terribly hard though, to practice this when the head-space isn't there. I think, therefore I am takes a very cruel turn for those dealing with mental health issues. The mind can be a cruel master.

Be thirsty, be hungry, be curious.

If you think about "ending" it, that's it. The curiosity is dead. You will never find out what MIGHT HAVE been around the bend. Good, bad, or whatever. It's the potential, however weak, however dim, that gives hope.

Just, stay curious.

 

[Lady_X]

Zoloft I've heard is fantastic.

 

[SensEye]

That is all that stands in my way on the issue. That you should unconditionally love/respect yourself seems, as far as I know, to be a fact accepted unquestioningly. It's hard to get a reason why out of anyone. What if you have behaved in ways that would prompt you to write off any other human being?

It seems a basic tenant of human nature to like oneself. I don't see how I can be happy if I don't like myself and it's my job to make myself happy, not anybody else's (this is not to imply relationships with other people don't contribute to one's happiness).

I can't fathom your behavior question. I simply won't behave in a fundamental way I don't respect. I suppose if I ever did under circumstances of extreme duress I may lose respect for myself, but then I would go about making amends/getting back to normal once I could address whatever circusmstances caused the behavior in the first place.

I think it's hard to change your true nature, but if you clealy don't respect a certain behavior, even if you behaved that way a time or two, it should be easy to stop this behavior. Otherwise I would question whether you truly believe said behavior is so dispicable.

Has anyone gone from not liking yourself long-term to liking yourself long-term?

Or have most people liked themselves(for the most part) as far as they can remember?

The latter. What young child doesn't like his/herself? A more pertinent question might be what caused a person to lose their self respect in the first place.

 

[Ginkgo]

How do you learn to like yourself?

Thoughts?

Practical advice?

I'm not sure if liking oneself is as important as liking ones accomplishments. If you've achieved something of value to you, then confidence follows, even if that confidence isn't ego-based.

Then again, it always helps to know that you don't have the genetic predisposition of a cold hearted killer.

 

[ygolo]

For the most part, I truly enjoy who I am, and look forward to playing around with all the potential I hold. You seem smart, kind, and like you have a lot to offer to the world - be it in mathematics, or any of your other talents (which I'm sure you have many).

Have you thought about volunteerism? Do you like working with animals? Pick a population that holds value to you. Find volunteer work with that population. Maybe put aside thoughts of getting to like yourself, just for a bit. As an experiment. Because we can't force ourselves to like ourselves - the very act of forcing creates a distaste. Maybe, do something where who YOU are in the capacity of how you serve others is a happy thought? You will feel needed, like you're making an impact, and it could well be a social outlet too.

Even if my life is not an adventure, I aim to make it so. It's terribly hard though, to practice this when the head-space isn't there. I think, therefore I am takes a very cruel turn for those dealing with mental health issues. The mind can be a cruel master.

Be thirsty, be hungry, be curious.

If you think about "ending" it, that's it. The curiosity is dead. You will never find out what MIGHT HAVE been around the bend. Good, bad, or whatever. It's the potential, however weak, however dim, that gives hope.

Just, stay curious.

Thank you for the vote of confidence.

I do volunteer--usually in a tutoring capacity. I am currently also a cyber-buddy for a HS student interested in engineering. I donate regularly to Save the Children. It has been a little while since I've been to the food-bank. I may do that this Thanksgiving.

I do socialize fairly often outside of work. I am learning how to dance various types of dances. What I do to get paid is also inherently social. I am in the process of starting a business as well, which is a social endeavor too.

My diet is not that great, and I only exercise about 2 to 3 times a week.

I do try to stay curious. I believe I am immensely curious about a lot of things.

However, this aspect of not liking myself seems pretty central to a lot of things I want to do, because that feeling does not go away even in my higher energy states. I don't hate myself. But neither do I like myself.

It's funny you say I cannot force myself to like myself; that rings true to me. But most advice about gaining confidence and learning social skills start with that as step 1).

The advice usually goes further to "love yourself". But "love" is a gaudy word and often difficult to know what is meant by it.

 

[Azure Flame]

How do you learn to like yourself?

Thoughts?

Practical advice?

Stop thinking about yourself
do stuff.

 

[Mole]

Stop thinking about yourself
do stuff.

The unexamined life is not worth living.