How to like oneself?

[ygolo]

How do you learn to like yourself?

Thoughts?

Practical advice?

 

[RaptorWizard]

2 great self-mastery quotes that I live by:

"Unless you make yourself equal to God, you cannot understand God: for the like is not intelligible save to the like. Make yourself grow to a greatness beyond measure, by a bound free yourself from the body; raise yourself above all time, become Eternity; then you will understand God. Believe that nothing is impossible for you, think yourself immortal and capable of understanding all, all arts, all sciences, the nature of every living being. Mount higher than the highest height; descend lower than the lowest depth. Draw into yourself all sensations of everything created, fire and water, dry and moist, imagining that you are everywhere, on earth, in the sea, in the sky, that you are not yet born, in the maternal womb, adolescent, old, dead, beyond death. If you embrace in your thought all things at once, times, places, substances, qualities, quantities, you may understand God." - Giordano Bruno

and...
"The will is a world architect and composer, the will is a world power and mover. The world is shaped in the image of our wills and by the power of our wills. Will has essentially the nature of a force. Like all forces, will has a magnitude and a direction, and just like things move in the direction of the strongest force, things move in the direction of the strongest will. Whenever you loose something, you faced a greater will and were overpowered by it. If you want something to happen strongly enough, if the world wants something to happen strongly enough, then it is going to happen. The will is a creator. Will is a living organism, it grows and develops along with the individual. Weak individuals are characterized by a weak will or lack of will. Ill people are known by an ill will or a destructive will. Hence the presence and development of will is absolutely essential for personal and spiritual ascension. The key to the higher and diviner life is a strong and healthy will, a will to improve, a will to exceed, a will to life, but most importantly a will to ascend. The seed transforms into a flower by a will to ascend in the instrument. The will to ascend is an elevator to the higher levels of being, a key to unlock the higher potentials of life and a power to manifest them. I do want to climb a high mountain today!" - Friedrich Nietzsche

 

[Fluffywolf]

I am sometimes having a struggle on this spectrum as well. Although my question would be

"How to not love yourself so much that it is blinding."

Expectations and acceptance. I am pretty sure that is the crux of the matter.

 

[Cellmold]

In my case, delusion.

I'm serious. I can like myself in those brief moments when I am able to suppress any nagging thoughts or doubts about what I have or will do.

When I can forget myself and become somebody else for a short while. In those few social groups I am comfortable, this is most evident.

The rest of the time is back on track and remembering what I really am.

 

[gromit]

Oooh that is a tough one. I'd have to say things that I have seen working include...

Patience
Honesty about who you are, about the impacts you have in the world (good and bad)
Doing something or engaging in something that you consider worthwhile
Not over-thinking it

 

[93JC]

Honesty about who you are, about the impacts you have in the world (good and bad)

I couldn't agree more.

 

[gromit]

Oooh that is a tough one. I'd have to say things that I have seen working include...

Patience
Honesty about who you are, about the impacts you have in the world (good and bad)
Doing something or engaging in something that you consider worthwhile
Not over-thinking it

In the long run, there's not really any inherent reason to like yourself or not. Plenty of people have plenty of reasons to like themselves, and yet don't, somehow. I think it has to do with how content you are with your life, do you compare yourself to some imaginary ideal too much? Do you focus only on negatives instead of seeing bad in perspective with good. How much do you feel you are actually able to shape things instead of being a helpless bystander in your own existence? That sort of thing.

 

[Fluffywolf]

In my case, delusion.

If it makes you truely happy, is it really a delusion? And what makes you think that the times you hate yourself isn't the delusion?

 

[Anew Leaf]

How do you learn to like yourself?
Thoughts?

Practical advice?

I think that this is something that everyone struggles with to a certain extent in their life - either as an ongoing process or as moments in time where it's harder to like yourself than others.

I think a lot of modern society today is one giant distraction fest from confronting this issue within ourselves. There is a great deal of comparing done between people and a holding up of a select few to be some unobtainable ideal form of humanity that we should be and yet aren't and can never be because it doesn't actually exist. No one is able to be alone with themselves anymore because we are bombarded with a cacophony of external things clamoring for our attention and money and pieces of ourselves.

So how to deal with all this? I think it takes patience and forgiveness and acceptance on a level that doesn't always come naturally to us. And more than a pinch of courage to start the process and even more to continue it.

Practical advice? Hmm. Do you like books? If so I would recommend picking up a copy of this somehow. Otherwise reading this free ebook can help as well.

Essentially I think we have to start from a place of self-acceptance and to not judge who we are. If there are things we want to change then we have to assess how practical and realistic that kind of a change is. On some things just simply being aware of these faults may be enough. And on other things a process of change may be in order.

Overall it is not easy or quick to do something like this. If it was then everyone would be genuinely happy.

 

[Cellmold]

If it makes you truely happy, is it really a delusion? And what makes you think that the times you hate yourself isn't the delusion?

Because my self hate is built upon factual actions I have taken. My like is built upon only whims.

Well I say factual...for this reality at least.

 

[Qre:us]

How do you learn to like yourself?

Thoughts?

Practical advice?

Minimize affiliations with people who bring negativity into your life. You need to have those genuine friends who will call it like it is, and yes, sometimes, what they say will be negative, but their sum effect in your life is positive.

Do something you love, that doesn't hurt anyone, and keep doing it. Bonus points if it helps others, has a positive impact beyond your own satisfaction.

I am a firm believer that what you do (or do not do), you become.

 

[Galena]

Because my self hate is built upon factual actions I have taken. My like is built upon only whims.

Well I say factual...for this reality at least.

That is all that stands in my way on the issue. That you should unconditionally love/respect yourself seems, as far as I know, to be a fact accepted unquestioningly. It's hard to get a reason why out of anyone. What if you have behaved in ways that would prompt you to write off any other human being? What makes sense to me is that if you are not appealing to yourself and your sense of value, you should start doing things characteristic of someone you can respect, and through that the self-respect will come.

But I can see merit to approaching the problem from the other side even if the leap of faith turns me off as an evidence freak. Self-love in healthy amounts brings substantial benefits in mental health and quality of life, and even if that love is not objectiveley backed at first, those two payoffs breed more respectable behavior.

So, what I have today is this: if down on yourself, do what you feel it takes to become respectable if you think you can swing it in your psychically weakened state. That would be my first choice because it's an empirical method throughout, but it's a tough one. If you can't do that, it's okay to find some intrinsic core inside to love, because failing severe psychopathologies, it'll logically work itself out into a self as strong in the objective world as the first. Just have patience.

Note: there is a central assumption running through this post that we are what we do. I'd be delighted to hear a good refutation of it.

 

[Rail Tracer]

How do you learn to like yourself?

Thoughts?

Practical advice?

I just recently finished reading The Republic. I have to say, philosophy has actually taught me quite a bit.

Long story short, an ordered (virtuous) soul of that between the mind, will, and the emotion. In typology terms, it is the equivalent to the Ego, Super Ego, and the Id.

When one's life is disordered, one's happiness is disordered. And when one's life is ordered, one's happiness is in order.

 

[Mole]

The very question, "How to like oneself?", shows that one is alienated from oneself, that is, one is separate from oneself, that is, we are a divided self.

It is only a divided self that can ask the question, "How to like oneself?".

It is only someone completely alienated from oneself that can even ask the question.

So the question is not, "How to like oneself?", but the question is, "How to be oneself?".

 

[Qre:us]

The very question, "How to like oneself?", shows that one is alienated from oneself, that is, one is separate from oneself, that is, we are a divided self.

It is only a divided self that can ask the question, "How to like oneself?".

It is only someone completely alienated from oneself that can even ask the question.

So the question is not, "How to like oneself?", but the question is, "How to be oneself?".

I like this a lot. How to be one with one's own self.

 

[Lady_X]

it just seems so cruel not to.

i have never had to try to like my mother, father, sisters or kids....or myself. like ever. those people are a part of me...and i them... it's this completely sacred thing that would make angels weep and lil fairies turn to dust if i ever felt anything but love for them.

i don't know how to live in a world where i could be so cruel as to not have love for myself or any part of my foundation.

which in no way means i think any of us are perfect....but perfection has nothing to do with it.

 

[Evo]

Note: there is a central assumption running through this post that we are what we do. I'd be delighted to hear a good refutation of it.

Yes, there is this assumption.

(this next part isn't necessarily directed at you Misty)

How can someone be soley what they do?

I don't believe an alcoholic is a bad person.

That seems like bs.

How can a person be bad because of a behavior or belief that they have practiced.

Beliefs and behaviors are only thoughts that are thought over and over again, until they've reached the subconcious and become a habit.

That means everyone is a bad person. Because everyone has thoughts and habits.

[MENTION=15392]AffirmitiveAnxiety[/MENTION] you are innately worthy. The only reason people feel like they're bad is because they cut themselves off from the flow...the flow is still there, you just aren't in sync with it.

You cannot walk into a room and turn the "dark" switch on. You can only cover up the light. There is no dark. There is only absence of light.

How do you learn to like yourself?

Thoughts?

Practical advice?

Find out what you don't like about yourself and don't try to change those things. What you can do with those things is look at them in their greatest light. Almost like evolving them or exalting them.

You can also start to give yourself your own advice or treating yourself like your own parent.

Everyone has an inner child that has been covered up or ignored. If you let yourself have your own guidance system and play the parent role that you never had, to your inner self, then you will be able to offer yourself the compassion you need.

If you are to do this, you are supposed to treat your inner child in a consoling way as if you were giving your friend advice (from yourself)

I say parent though, because your innerself is still a child and needs boundaries.

Or so I've heard.

 

[Lady_X]

Yes, there is this assumption.

(this next part isn't necessarily directed at you Misty)

How can someone be soley what they do?

I don't believe an alcoholic is a bad person.

That seems like bs.

How can a person be bad because of a behavior or belief that they have practiced.

Beliefs and behaviors are only thoughts that are thought over and over again, until they've reached the subconcious and become a habit.

That means everyone is a bad person. Because everyone has thoughts and habits.


[MENTION=15392]AffirmitiveAnxiety[/MENTION] you are innately worthy. The only reason people feel like they're bad is because they cut themselves off from the flow...the flow is still there, you just aren't in sync with it.

You cannot walk into a room and turn the "dark" switch on. You can only cover up the light. There is no dark. There is only absence of light.



Find out what you don't like about yourself and don't try to change those things. What you can do with those things is look at them in their greatest light. Almost like evolving them or exalting them.

You can also start to give yourself your own advice or treating yourself like your own parent.

Everyone has an inner child that has been covered up or ignored. If you let yourself have your own guidance system and play the parent role that you never had, to your inner self, then you will be able to offer yourself the compassion you need.

If you are to do this, you are supposed to treat your inner child in a consoling way as if you were giving your friend advice (from yourself)

I say parent though, because your innerself is still a child and needs boundaries.

Or so I've heard.

this is true.

and this.

and i'd just like to thank my parents for giving me a positive one...it's so important.

 

[Evo]

and i'd just like to thank my parents for giving me a positive one...it's so important.

Yea I personally believe that letting your children have their own guidance system and inner voice can really improve a child's life. But what the hell do I know? I don't have kids lol

I do think you were lucky though...not many parents do that!

 

[Lady_X]

it's so key tho...what you brought up about being your own friend and parent to your inner child. i think we need that.