[INFP] How To Get An INFP To Sleep With You

[*poke*]

Hi, I'm just kidding, so please don't immediately go out and smack the nearest ENFJ for being a conniving and manipulative jerk . But out of all the relationship threads here (and conversation in the private forum seems to be heavily populated with INFPs) I was wondering how many of you have had or desired casual relationships, rather than a lifelong search for The One. It doesn't have to be unemotional since we're all about the connection (I'd like to encourage my newly adopted word "kinship"), but simply not a serious commitment. All the ones I know are looking for something so deeply meaningful that they would rather jump right in once they experience that connection .

I also could be completely wrong about this perceived norm, but I'd love to hear your thoughts!

 

[A window to the soul]

...All the ones I know are looking for something so deeply meaningful that they would rather jump right in once they experience that connection .

^Very interesting way to put it. I agree with that because a "deeply meaningful" connection is a rare thing. It's not that I "would rather jump right in" (as you say); rather, it would be the sudden (unplanned) result of encountering something rare. In other words, the surprise causes the enthusiasm to go off the charts; thus resulting in a fearless "jump right in" attitude. Keep in mind, a fearless "jump right in", might be followed by the uncertain "jump right out".

how many of you have had or desired casual relationships, rather than a lifelong search for The One.

i don't.

 

[OrangeAppled]

^Very interesting way to put it. I agree with that because a "deeply meaningful" connection is a rare thing. It's not that I "would rather jump right in" (as you say); rather, it would be the sudden (unplanned) result of encountering something rare. In other words, the surprise causes the enthusiasm to go off the charts; thus resulting in a fearless "jump right in" attitude. Keep in mind, a fearless "jump right in", might be followed by the uncertain "jump right out".

Agreed - it would have to be VERY extraordinary circumstances for me to jump right in, and I just might jump right out. I don't trust too quickly formed feelings, so it's very unlikely for me to act on them in the moment. I am almost too cautious. People tend to grow on me rather than impress me immediately anyway. But I am looking for something "deep & meaningful", which to me means that there is some substantial emotional/intellectual/spiritual connection in addition to physical.

I don't consider casual relationships, because when I've dipped my toe in that water I found it unpleasant and non-satisfying (if you catch my drift). I think I NEED some connection for it to be worth it to me on any level.

 

[woolgatherer]

I'm rarely if ever seeking something casual, but sometimes it happens while you're looking for something deeper.

 

[Udog]

I don't do "casual" very well - sex has always been about more than just the physical pleasures to me. Not that the physical is bad (by any means), but rather, I find the physical sensations to be tools to express greater messages. Perhaps this is my hypocritical maleness speaking, though, because *deep love* doesn't necessarily need to be what's being expressed, but neither could I do something like a one night stand.

In your case, where the INFP is already crazy about you, I'd be careful about escallating it. He's going to have a very hard time detaching once that line is crossed.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

I like the fantasy of casual relationships -- the more casual the better, but the reality is a lot different. Among other things, unless I was absolutely certain we were both on the same page I'd dread finding myself forced to give the post-coital "I'm sorry, I thought you knew this was a casual thing" speech. I gave a variation of one of those once and felt like a complete heel for months after.

So I guess though the idea of casual sex is appealing on a certain level, in practice I'm not interested in a relationship unless I think it could lead to something permanent. Otherwise it's just likely to fuck with emotions and get someone hurt. I hear about sex-as-sport (aka ESTP sex), but I can't bring myself to believe it actually exists as described.

 

[Eckhart]

I never had the interest to even try a "casual" relationship actually. Probably most people would call my views on relationships naive, but I don't think I could feel well with sharing so much of myself and my life with someone I don't feel something special for. Then I would rather stay in a friendship (or alone, how it looks in reality to me). I am ok with it. It is more difficult when there actually IS someone for whom you have these feelings and still have to be alone, but so it is :/

To be honest it is also not like I have much choice currently to do it different, since I don't even get to know any women currently (besides the fact that I don't see much opportunity to talk with other students in gneeral at university, there is barely women studying informatics etc., and I don't go somewhere where I have other opportunities currently). But it was a bit different in the years before, but there I never really tried to get into a relationship or so.

It was always impossible for me to understand how people could have a new bf / gf few months after they broke up with their old. Not in a way that I would judge the people, just I cannot see how myself would fit in such a life style.

In short: "Relationship" and "Casual" don't fit together in my own world.

 

[soft]

i never really try to hook up with girls.
i guess it's because
A) i lack the confidence.. even if she is being forward i'll still be awkward.. so i end up just ignoring her
B) i'm afraid i'd fall for someone who was only interested in something casual
C) i've been caught up on the same girl for the longest time :\. it's hard for me to get past thinking about her once i meet someone. chances are if i like someone new it will be only because she REMINDS ME OF THIS GIRL... ugh. sometimes i wish i wasn't such a puss

 

[Rebe]

I am more of an all or nothing sort of person. I can do one night stands but not an extended casual relationship because then, it'd just confuse me. It's like sharing but not sharing, loving but not loving.

 

[stringstheory]

I found that through casual relationships I was able to find 'the one' (or at least one of them, i don't believe there's only one!).

unfortunately it's REALLY hard for me to describe what exactly attracts me to someone enough to want to get involved with them sexually; i either feel it or i don't, although i do have some general rules.

1. look for a friend first and foremost, don't be a creeper. i'm not a fan of extreme extroverts because even though my extroverted side is pretty well developed, they mostly came off as having only one thing on their mind. i like sex just as much as anyone else but i need to feel a certain connection first. i need to trust people first, and keep in mind that sometimes a certain person will earn that trust quicker than others. that's just how it is.
2. once the topic comes up don't hide any intentions. make sure she's being really clear about what she wants and you make it really, really REALLY clear what you want. and i mean REALLY clear because if the INFP has even the slightest hope of being exclusive with you she might be inclined to get herself into something hoping you will change your mind.
3. i like nerds. this is a personal thing, but if you're not her "type" then it's probably not going to happen. i don't necessarily need a deep love for a casual relationship, but i am going to want a good friendship...i'd like to roll over and play video games and feel like we're actually friends with some kind of connection when we're done i'm actually friends with most of the people i dated before i met the person i chose to get exclusive with.

 

[Sizzling Berry]

I'd love to know what you mean by connection, *poke*. To me all in all it sounds like friends with benefits. Or maybe even not friends - just with benefits. But seriously, I am interested in your way of understanding the connection. Depending on the meaning it can have different quality in my eyes.

 

[Udog]

After some deep reflection, I realize that I can be bribed for some Marshmallow Peeps.

 

[OrangeAppled]

After some deep reflection, I realize that I can be bribed for some Marshmallow Peeps.

I can't eat those...before I know it, I end up lying on the floor with a tummy ache, surrounded by plastic wrapping & cardboard boxes in pastel colors, wondering how I ended up there & where the last 2 hours went...

 

[Udog]

I can't eat those...before I know it, I end up lying on the floor with a tummy ache, surrounded by plastic wrapping & cardboard boxes in pastel colors, wondering how I ended up there & where the last 2 hours went...

Marshmallow Peeps: The INFP Rohypnol.

 

[LadyJaye]

I can't eat those...before I know it, I end up lying on the floor with a tummy ache, surrounded by plastic wrapping & cardboard boxes in pastel colors, wondering how I ended up there & where the last 2 hours went...

It's a massacre of sugary decadence - a pink bunny ear here, a purple peep tail there... I fight to win. They know they need to come prepared to defend their sweet fluffiness or suffer their fate.


*poke* - my twin sister is an ENFJ, and I've learned that the problem isn't type, it's your penis. The penis is the problem. Being a woman makes being an ENFJ a much easier experience. So, go blame your anatomy,

 

[stringstheory]

I'd love to know what you mean by connection, *poke*. To me all in all it sounds like friends with benefits. Or maybe even not friends - just with benefits. But seriously, I am interested in your way of understanding the connection. Depending on the meaning it can have different quality in my eyes.

Do ya mean me?

Yeah, more of a friends with benefits thing; i HAVE to be able to be friends with this hypothetical person, i can do a casual relationship but not a one night stand. It's really hard for me to explain because in the end i just go with a gut feeling. the person needs to be a potential match for me to consider starting the dating process, not just friend material. usually i get a feeling within a couple days to a couple weeks whether or not they are up to my standards enough for me to want to be with them, but at this point i have already decided that i want to be their friend (possibly with benefits if they are down). then we talk and decide if we want to continue with a casual relationship or if we're better off just ending it, depending on what we both want.

 

[poontanya]

Casual sex. Hmmm..... no, I think not. I am a feeler, a deep feeler... I don't think it's possible for me to see anyone consistently, and share something so intimate as sex and not become attached in one way or another. You get used to someone and then you're feelings are hurt later. It sucks. Why not just have sex with someone who you love and who loves you. I can see someone who's just really horny all of the time and needs to get laid not minding casual sex with someone they don't really care about or plan to be with... or maybe someone who's so desperate for any kind of affection that they would take anything even if it's just sex in hopes that it will turn in to something else. Sad!

How to get an INFP to have casual sex with you most likely involves making an INFP believe it's not just casual sex. There you go.

 

[Sizzling Berry]

Do ya mean me?

No, I meant *poke* - the author of the thread. Poke talked about connection/kinship and this was what I was refering to - that an INFP would follow it.

But thanks for mentioning the gut feeling.

As for INFP, for me there are at least two kinds of this (gut feeling, connection thing). First, the very basic, honest reaction I would have to a person. Second, the one where I would, after initial attraction, squeeze a person I see into some kind of "good" category I hold - adding some extra positive qualities that I am not sure if are there (it's done subconciously).

First one, i believe, is a way to go, but it requires time. It has nuances and I would need to check if this person fits into my emotional balance. Second is quick and for me the best way to disappointment - though when it's mild it can actually speed up relationship by sustaining hope.

Poke - was that the connection you observed INFPs following?

 

[prplchknz]

I have no problem with unconnected meaningless sex. I purposely lost my virginity to someone i didn't want a relationship with, we just had sex and that was that. I don't regret it one bit, peopel's mistake is often assuming that all INFPs are the same when it comes to sex.

though I might be ENFP so ignore this.

 

[runvardh]

I run too high on the oxytocin for casual sex to not hurt. It sucks and have yet to find something easy to access that will limit any chemical connection I may form. It will need to be something that won't do too much physiological damage though...