[ISTJ] How to Escape Female ISTJ

[d@v3]

Can someone PLEASE explain to me how to evade the clutches of a female ISTJ? It seems like she is out to get me, but I can't just say "no" because that would be mean.

She was in the military so she is very tough on the outside when I see her in public. She changes her posture a little when talking to me though, as if she were trying to be softer. However she called me on the phone the other day to confide in me and she was crying! What am I supposed to say to that?! Naturally, I tried to use my empathy/sympathy skills, but obviously they suck. (Especially when your playing a video game while talking to her. )

I just can't bring myself to be blunt with her because what if I am wrong? Then our friendship would be awkward.

Obviously, I am NOT romantically interested in being with her, as I can only imagine what two ISTJ's would be like. I can barely handle myself!

Why am I always the one that gets victimized? Surely I'm not THAT vulnerable! I guess that's what happens when your "too nice" to people (as an ENFP said about me)! Poor me.

 

[Gauche]

Just be cold; I mean, don't rapport, give short simple answers, don't get affectionate. But don't be rude.

She should notice there's no interest from your side, then you can return back to more hearthy approach, but be on guard for the repetition.

 

[Edgar]

Tell her you think the institution of marriage is stupid and all it does is pigeonhole people into an unnatural state of monogamy.

She will argue with you a little bit, but if you manage to keep a straight face for more than 15 minutes, you'll be home free.

 

[kyuuei]

^

=( Im not sure what you're saying.. that you think she is confiding in you because she's interested in you?? And you're not sure if that's entirely the case?

 

[Habba]

Now what would an ENFP do? Smile to her, talk nicely and flirt for a month, and then tell you are not interested and "Don't want to ruin your friendship".

 

[Edgar]

Now what would an ENFP do? Smile to her, talk nicely and flirt for a month, and then tell you are not interested and "Don't want to ruin your friendship".

Sounds about right.

 

[Shaula]

Im not sure what you're saying.. that you think she is confiding in you because she's interested in you?? And you're not sure if that's entirely the case?

I'm curious about this too. Are you sure this is what's really going on? If you're not then I'd ask her about the kind of feelings she has for you before taking any further steps. If she is ambiguous then tell her that based on your observations of her behaviour it has led you to believe that she's got a thing for you and that you need clarification. If you are incorrect about your assumptions then she'll probably correct you.

However she called me on the phone the other day to confide in me and she was crying!

She really must trust you then. That's something you don't want to loose.

What am I supposed to say to that?! Naturally, I tried to use my empathy/sympathy skills, but obviously they suck. (Especially when your playing a video game while talking to her. )

1. Turn off the video games and just listen. Don't feel pressured to solve any problems.
2. Be honest and tell her that that you suck at this sort of thing but you are doing the best you can.
3. Put yourself in her shoes in order to understand what she is going through. This will be easier since you are both ISTJs.
4. Rinse and repeat.

I think you need to be straight with her. Avoiding the situation will only prolong her interest in you and further deceive her into believing that a romantic relationship is possible. You are afraid of loosing a frienship with her (in fact let her know this) but going on like this is more likely to complicate/jepordise it. The earlier this is dealt with the better for both parties. What do you value more in a friendship? Honesty or kindness?

I understand that not knowing the future outcome of this situation is bothersome, but there isn't much else you can do. I'm only suggesting what I believe to be the less painful route. Good luck. I hope you find this post useful.

 

[d@v3]

Now what would an ENFP do? Smile to her, talk nicely and flirt for a month, and then tell you are not interested and "Don't want to ruin your friendship".

LOL! That is exactly what an ENFP would do. But, I'm not an ENFP. You see, there is a twist in this story. She was (and according to her will be again) my student. Now, I don't mind helping her with her academics, but honestly. She invited me to her house "for the weekend". (I used my cunning to get out of that one. ) Before anyone shuns me, there is no policy on dating a student, it's just "not a good idea"- and I truly believe that "it's not a good idea". Hence the reason I am trying to stay as far away from this as I can.

Anyway, yes, I'm pretty sure she has a "thing" for me, as I can sense it in the subtle things she will do. The confiding just worstened my suspicions.

I thought to stop playing the video game would imply that I cared to listen to her. I do, but still, that would have further instigated the situation. Anyways, I even told her that I was playing a video game but she didn't seem to care! I thought for sure that would get her mad!

I definitley can't keep a straight face for 15 minutes, whoever said that. lol

I have made some pretty strong actions so she knows I am not interested in her. (Like cancelling one-on-one appointments. And yes, I made sure she knew there was no reason for cancellation at all, except that I was too lazy to drive in that day) However, that seemed to intensify her persistence!

I DON'T pay her any extra attention. In fact, SHE is the one who pays attention to me as I have been noticing.

I can't be "cold" to her because that might be what she likes. I'm not exactly an emotionally expressive person around others. On the other hand, I DEFINITELY don't want to "smother" her because she might take that the wrong way!

 

[kyuuei]

Now what would an ENFP do? Smile to her, talk nicely and flirt for a month, and then tell you are not interested and "Don't want to ruin your friendship".

I can't be "cold" to her because that might be what she likes. I'm not exactly an emotionally expressive person around others. On the other hand, I DEFINITELY don't want to "smother" her because she might take that the wrong way!

Laughing at the above post even while I'm taking your thread seriously aside..

I've been known to have my behavior mistaken for affection, but as cold as you've been and her still persistent, I would say she might be interested. Going on that assumption, I think a talk is definitely in order.

Sometimes people don't get "hints", and even "straight forward" clues aren't enough evidence to deter them. I agree with the earlier post, sit down and just ask her if she's interested in you.. and if she says yes, (or even if she says no) just tell her how you're feeling on the matter and that you have no intentions of being anything more than friends.

Though, I'd hate to see her just needing a close friend during a phase in her life and you're mistaking her need of a friend that understands her.. but if this is the case, she's definitely being a bit too insistent.. so maybe that needs to be brought up as well.

 

[Habba]

Well, if she's an ISTJ, then she might be lacking "the third eye" for reading other people. Thus, she might only see what see wants to see, and ignores your hints completely.

Some ISTJs just need to have it said straight up.

"I am interested in you only as a friend." It will be difficult and it will hurt, but so does an amputation too.

 

[d@v3]

I suppose your right, but I REALLY don't want to talk to her about it lol. It would be very awkward.

So, unless someone else comes up with a better idea, I will let it go for a few days and if she stops, I won't bring it up to her.

If she doesn't stop, I will.

(And Habba, I'm not a surgeon. lol)

Too bad she wasn't one of those cute ENFP's!

 

[Tiny Army]

Am I the only ENFP who finds this HILARIOUS? Now you know what it's like to be pursued by an ISTJ. A little too intense, isn't she?

 

[d@v3]

Am I the only ENFP who finds this HILARIOUS? Now you know what it's like to be pursued by an ISTJ. A little too intense, isn't she?

Stop being mean! I was not like this with the ENFP! I did not push her like this ISTJ is pushing me. Besides ISTJ females are much different from the males! (At least I think they are )

I'm not even sure what an ISTJ girl would even see in me?!

 

[Shaula]

It would be very awkward.

Life is awkward sweetheart, grow some balls.

 

[d@v3]

Life is awkward sweetheart, grow some balls.

Well it doesn't have to be THIS awkward. I mean let's be reasonable here.

 

[Shaula]

Well it doesn't have to be THIS awkward. I mean let's be reasonable here.

You're adorable, you know that?

(Now the INTJ females are after you. )

 

[d@v3]

You're adorable, you know that?

(Now the INTJ females are after you. )

Damn, first the ENFP's, then ISTJ's, now you too?!

And havn't you read any of my threads before? There is a "no wubbies" rule!

This forum is relentless!

 

[Habba]

Davey, you've gotta teach that to me too!

 

[Shaula]

Damn, first the ENFP's, then ISTJ's, now you too?!

And havn't you read any of my threads before? There is a "no wubbies" rule! This forum is relentless!

Rules? How cute!

 

[d@v3]

Rules? How cute!

I make a thread to cry out for help and all I get is ridiculed! Your all going to be the death of me!

Stop diregarding the wubbie rule!