How to distinguish ISFJ and INFJ?

[tibby]

She (ISFJ) is very kind but is not gentle.
I (INFJ) am very gentle but I am not very kind.

How well put

 

[FantailedWall]

Wow. I've come to closely know/observe to two ISFJs (my mother and my best friend's sister) and three INFJs (one ex, two friends) so far - and I cannot see the similarities (introversion aside) at all.
I can't speak for 'em all, but I'll note the differences they've had in common.

ISFJs
- Tend to be more irrational, and are more inclined towards displays of emotion (if they are upset at you, they won't hide it - and they'll often have a 'poor me' complex)
- Tend to have an outward appearance of caring more - will directly ask you if something is the matter
- Are more generous with their observations
- An open book once the trust is there
- Have a penchant for gossip
- Are more likely to be swayed by appealing to their emotions
- (When calm) Feet deeply set on the ground

INFJs
- Appear more aloof, have to 'peel back the layers' (can even seem uncaring)
- Come out with the most curious of statements backed by their own personal brand of logic
- Appear to be more 'guarded', even once you've gained their trust
- Are more likely to guess what's the matter, and catch you off guard by saying things like 'so - your mum went to therapy again? Sucks. Sorry.' etc.
- Appearance of general apathy towards what they deem to be 'trivial' everyday matters
- Are more likely to be swayed with a logical argument
- Head in the clouds

 

[Paisley]

Wow. I've come to closely know/observe to two ISFJs (my mother and my best friend's sister) and three INFJs (one ex, two friends) so far - and I cannot see the similarities (introversion aside) at all.
I can't speak for 'em all, but I'll note the differences they've had in common.

ISFJs
- Tend to be more irrational, and are more inclined towards displays of emotion (if they are upset at you, they won't hide it - and they'll often have a 'poor me' complex)
- Tend to have an outward appearance of caring more - will directly ask you if something is the matter
- Are more generous with their observations
- An open book once the trust is there
- Have a penchant for gossip
- Are more likely to be swayed by appealing to their emotions
- (When calm) Feet deeply set on the ground

INFJs
- Appear more aloof, have to 'peel back the layers' (can even seem uncaring)
- Come out with the most curious of statements backed by their own personal brand of logic
- Appear to be more 'guarded', even once you've gained their trust
- Are more likely to guess what's the matter, and catch you off guard by saying things like 'so - your mum went to therapy again? Sucks. Sorry.' etc.
- Appearance of general apathy towards what they deem to be 'trivial' everyday matters
- Are more likely to be swayed with a logical argument
- Head in the clouds

If I didn't find them so annoying, I couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[Cimarron]

Unfortunately most mass marketed products are aimed at SJs in some way or another, since they are by far the largest of the four temperamental subgroups.

Well, of course. And look, doesn't it bring in profits?

 

[lorkan]

FantailledWall: Why did your boyfriend and you broke up?

 

[FantailedWall]

FantailledWall: Why did your boyfriend and you broke up?

In short? 'Coz he was a very screwed-up individual who had a martyr complex, and wouldn't allow me to help him - he'd rather push me away and dwell in his darkness.

Why do you ask?

 

[Giggly]

Ladypinkington, hit the nail on the head!! Wow! Well said!

The less time I spend with an ISFJ, the better! I have great difficulty with them, as they usually rub me the wrong way, as I find a general "fakery" about them, not all, but most.

I find their sense of loyalty to be insane, to the point of covering up the tracks of their friends who've possibily committed a crime and insulted their own family, if the bond is strong enough. Just think of any nurse who's given you an IV, she was probably an ISFJ. Willing to go the extra mile and follow orders and please everyone, but at what cost to your self respect??? Why can't you guys just be yourself, why is the herd so bloody important to you? At the same time, they have a horrible time expressing how they feel. In a relationship, it's gone beyond,the old adge (which they like), "do as I say, not as I do" and is now at, "do as I think, not as I say"!!! They're the teachers that drive you nutty, and often, do not think outside the box and can't see brilliance if it came up and shot them in the face. The guys are the worsed I'd say, and in the extreme cases, live with a false front, because they have to act like the norm, rather than be themself. The ones who've honed their inferior traits, they are unstoppable forces of nature, able to lead, because they really do know the attitude of the herd. That said, the ISFJ drives me nuts, and more often then not, I do not like or appreciate their sense of humor, not to mention the deer in the headlights look when I've explained something to them that I find simple, or the fake laughing at a joke that they didn't really get or understand.

As an INFJ male, I look at the billion or so ISFJ's out there, wondering, "Ok, now what was the point of that?" They are the ones I have to be nicer to, and be patient with, over and over.

ISFJ's are the reason all the CSI's and Law and Order's, do so well on TV, just keeping the status quo and enjoy all that tactile investigation. LOL!

Hi :hi: how are you doing?

 

[FantailedWall]

Hi :hi: how are you doing?

LOL
You tell him, girl.

 

[Giggly]

LOL
You tell him, girl.

Oh, I'm not mad at him or looking for a fight with him, but I get the feeling that he thinks we're not human or something. I dunno. I'm just trying to understand where people are coming from.

 

[FantailedWall]

Oh, I'm not mad at him or looking for a fight with him, but I get the feeling that he thinks we're not human or something. I dunno. I'm just trying to understand where people are coming from.

(To stereotype) You're an ISFJ. Of course I don't think you're looking for a fight!

I was just giving the famous ENFP cheek.

 

[Giggly]

(To stereotype) You're an ISFJ. Of course I don't think you're looking for a fight!

Well, I'm not.

paisley...curious, have you lived with, dated, or been close friends with ISFJs?

 

[FemMecha]

The INFJ is described in MBTI literature as the most poetic of the types, thinking in metaphor and symbols. They are also future thinkers and system builders focusing on subjective systems. They are described as one of the most abstract types. They are also described as complex and layered, having unexpected sides of their personality emerging.

I understand ISFJs to be more consistent, practical, and self-sacrificing. They are sensitive and loyal. I think ISFJ is not as abstract as INFJ, but is capable logic and analysis as well with Tertiary Ti.

Both tend to perform consistently, are quiet, cooperative, and therefore are easily confused as the same type although their cognitive styles are opposite in many ways.

An ISFJ may notice details in the facial and physical expression of feelings whereas the INFJ might notice patterns in language and intuit how others might feel and perceive the world in a more abstract way. The ISFJ will be more likely to melt in response to sad puppy eyes, whereas the INFJ might tend to put that expressive quality into a context of what it means from the inside of the bearer of the sad puppy eyes.

 

[Paisley]

Well, I'm not.

paisley...curious, have you lived with, dated, or been close friends with ISFJs?

I'm vewy vewy sowwy if I huwt youw feewings.

An ISFJ friendship has never lasted with me, so would you like to be my friend?

If I've started a fight, that was unintended, I was simply venting and looking for some resonance from other INFJ's who also feel that their or asshole side comes out when attempting to have a deep conversation with an ISFJ. That's just the thing, I've never HAD a deep conversation with one, the conversation just doesn't go there, compared to other types, like NF's and NT's. It's like for some reason I ALWAYS question their motives and then realize I have to back down and learn to be patient and kind, all over again with the ISFJ. Like a communication barrier sign stating, "Depth will only go THIS far!"

I'm holding out an olive branch here Hmm. Who are you, what are you like, what's important to you, what inspires you, how's life been treating you? Let's play a game: See if paisley1 can learn to love Hmm.

You might find this interesting about me, out of all the careers listed for the INFJ from Careers for INFJ Personality Types :

Possible Career Paths for the INFJ:

* Clergy / Religious Work
* Teachers
* Medical Doctors / Dentists
* Alternative Health Care Practitioners, i.e. Chiropractor, Reflexologist
* Psychologists
* Psychiatrists
* Counselors and Social Workers
* Musicians and Artists
* Photographers
* Child Care / Early Childhood Development

I've done 1, 2, 7, 8, and 10. I worked as a director of a therapeutic group home run by a religious organization for orphans under the age of 13 and provided couselling, education and child care for them, and taught a few how to play the piano, drums and guitar.

Just in case you doubt my INFJness!

 

[SUPER]

ISFJ's are incredibly annoying. INFJ's are not.

ISFJs have Si first and Ne last. INFJ have Ni first and Se last. Huge difference there.

 

[lorkan]

FantailedWall: Because I was curious.

 

[cascadeco]

Wow paisley...you've got a great attitude about ISFJ's!

I've become good friends with an ISFJ over the past few years. She's about 20 yrs older than I, so perhaps some of it has to do with maturity. And, as with all types, there are immature/unhealthy examples of a type, and mature/healthy examples of a type - so there are hellish, annoying ISFJ's out there, and the same goes for INFJ's!

The ISFJ I know is just as insightful as many NF's when it comes to relationships and interactions with people, and emotions, and in some ways more so. I know I can talk to her about dilemmas I have, and she'll listen and provide genuine empathy or constructive feedback/suggestions. It's just different - I don't know that she has an immediate understanding with what I'm saying, or if she can totally relate, but she for sure relates to the feelings in general and can be really supportive with that stuff.

I consider her to be a very wise woman. Grounded and practical, yes, but she's certainly not incapable of talking about her hopes and dreams - she just may not reach for them as readily as I might, and it may be due to obligations she sets for herself. She's perhaps less selfish than I in that respect. She's pretty well-rounded.

In the working world, we had similar approaches - wanting to be diplomatic. However she was much more hesitant than I, and less apt to charge ahead and question someone, or state her opinion. That might be more of the behind-the-scenes thing vs. the one I'm supposed to do. haha.

She was much more thorough than I, and more attuned to details - paperwork, forms, documenting things, etc. We worked well in that sense - she took care of the stuff I didn't particularly like, as it was something she was naturally drawn to anyway. VERY organized.

I do think she was more sensitive to conflict than I, however, and I think she had a much harder time letting it not affect her. Easily stressed and bothered by workplace dynamics, and I was better at letting it wash over me. We had some interesting mbti-type talks, and I learned she had initial 'problems' with NT styles - really rubbed her the wrong way. I tried to show the other side of it, and why they acted the way they did, etc, and she was like...'Oh!'...and then she was able to take their ways of communication less personally.

She wrote up a peer-review of me, and part of it was - "Cascade knows how to 'get to the point'. When others can be bogged down with details, she has the remarkable ability to see clearly and concisely what needs to be done.' This was something she remarked about me on more than one occasion, and admired it because she WAS prone to getting bogged down with the details.

Oh! And related to that. Just general conversational style -- she's very specific and very detailed when describing what's going on in her life, and for example, what she did over the weekend. I'm the opposite - very vague, and I don't talk about the details because I don't find them that important or relevant to the overall story.

 

[Paisley]

Oh! And related to that. Just general conversational style -- she's very specific and very detailed when describing what's going on in her life, and for example, what she did over the weekend. I'm the opposite - very vague, and I don't talk about the details because I don't find them that important or relevant to the overall story.

That might very well be the EXACT thing that turns me off. The details aren't as important as the meat of the story. What is the point? What are you getting at? Why don't you just speak your mind? Why are we dancing around the issue? Those are the types of questions I run into with ISFJ's and it drives me bonkers to no end. I am highly turned off and disengaged by excessive verbosity that goes no where. Unless it's hilarious; like in the words of Burgess Meredith from Grumpier old men "There's no moral, I just like that story!"; I'm completely bored. So, just like you said Cascademn, you go to prove what I alreaedy said; I need to be patient with the ISFJ and have a long fuse.....just sometimes (shaking my fists before my fuse blows)......

 

[mlittrell]

to answer the title, learn to distinguish between temperaments. are they an SJ or an NF?

 

[Snow Turtle]

That might very well be the EXACT thing that turns me off. The details aren't as important as the meat of the story. What is the point? What are you getting at? Why don't you just speak your mind? Why are we dancing around the issue? Those are the types of questions I run into with ISFJ's and it drives me bonkers to no end. I am highly turned off and disengaged by excessive verbosity that goes no where. Unless it's hilarious; like in the words of Burgess Meredith from Grumpier old men "There's no moral, I just like that story!"; I'm completely bored. So, just like you said Cascademn, you go to prove what I alreaedy said; I need to be patient with the ISFJ and have a long fuse.....just sometimes (shaking my fists before my fuse blows)......

The reason that details are important for me, is because they allow me to create a picture in my mind. I have the habit of being too detailed when telling a story, but that's merely because I am actually speaking my mind. I'm retelling the image as I see it, trying to re-capture the situation.

Basically if I'm telling it. It's because I think it might be relevant to the scenario, that extra piece of information might be useful even if there might be no linkage. When I'm telling a story without details, it's just like giving a bullet point session. It feels extremly empty since it's not creating a full picture (with the main point).

Having said that... I identify with the feeling of just telling my parents to just get to the point behind a story. So a little hypocritical there. ~.~

 

[Paisley]

Hahaha, us INFJ's already see the picture in our minds, therefore no recreation is necessary. We often have YOUR picture in our minds long before you've finished describing it, that's why we'd rather you preface your sentence with, the point of what I'm about to tell you is _________, and then explain the details. We'll meet you halfway through the recreation. We'd like to avoid a lot of unnecessary verbosity because of our well developed intuitive abstact cognition. It's a weakness INFJ's have with you, because we can become very smug and condescending and finish your points before you. Like I said, I have to learn to be patient with ISFJ's, hahahahaha, as with old people...........I can't help it, I'm sorry, I couldn't resist describing ISFJ's as old people.....it's just sitting right there in front of me.......