[MBTI General] How intense are we talking about here??

[Wild horses]

Theres an INFJ in my life who I really like. Adore them! And when I meet people like this, people that I make an instant connection with, I can be pretty intense, I like to get intimate very quickly (In a friendship sense) and like to arrange to do things with these people etc etc. (You know the ENFP drill I'm sure)

The thing is I really think I have met my match here and feel a little out of my depths. My weekends are evapourating before my very eyes as is my spare time in general.... And then there is the sensitivity. I feel that I can't say no to anything because the person will take it that I do not like them and as it is still quite early on in the relationship I think they are still a little unsure of my regard for them.

I just don't know if I can hack the pace of a friendship of this degree of intensity. I have not had many experiences with this type before and I need some help! Does the situation I have just decribed sound familiar?? What should I do??

 

[iwakar]

What are your intentions with this INFJ, long-term and short-term?

 

[entropie]

I guess you will get a lot of good hints and answers here.

But in the long run, if you want the thing to work, you eventually have to face him himself with your questions.

 

[Wild horses]

I just want to be really great friends with the INFJ I really feel there is a deep connection between us. I don't really know how that translates to long and short term but I just want a great friendship

 

[iwakar]

Are you two the same sex?

 

[Wild horses]

no why?

 

[entropie]

She asks, because she wants to know, why you only want to be friends if you like him so much.

But I came to understand that you want to let things evolve and just need a better understanding of him, before the evolvement part can start at all.

Was that right or did I fuck it up ?

 

[Jack Flak]

I believe she's married, which could be ONE reason.

Re: OP: That's why I like ENFs, you're engaging, so can click with introverts. Es are plugs and Is are outlets. Howerver, whether the blender works or the power's on are always good questions.

 

[entropie]

Damn I knew I fucked it up

 

[redacted]

Just have a conversation and be honest. It might hurt for a second, but the INFJ will likely prefer to know exactly how you're feeling. Most INFJs I've known are obsessed with fixing problems in relationships.

 

[iwakar]

no why?

Hrm.

Exercising tact is a cooperative balance between being honest and being kind. It is half art, half science, and 100% appreciated. If the INFJ knows you are being tactfully direct, they will be grateful, understanding, and maybe even admiring.

In your desire to be amiable, do not fail to be truthful; because unlike the possibility of injury with transparency, opacity will guarantee one.

Buena suerte.

 

[StoryOfMyLife]

Hrm.

Exercising tact is a cooperative balance between being honest and being kind. It is half art, half science, and 100% appreciated. If the INFJ knows you are being tactfully direct, they will be grateful, understanding, and maybe even admiring.

In your desire to be amiable, do not fail to be truthful; because unlike the possibility of injury with transparency, opacity will guarantee one.

Buena suerte.

Amen to that
I haven't been in a lot of relationships myself [count them: one and...one-half ] however in a general sense, life is confusing enough for us INFJs as it is. Direct honesty, done tactfully, would be your best bet. It's better for this INFJ to understand things from all aspects- your point of view and their own. If you're willing to be so open perhaps you will get feedback as well. Not a given, but a possibility. Discussing it may be better than wondering and winging it and having a disaster later on down the road. If this INFJ is important to you, let them know it and be sure to point out that you're doing this to avoid any possible future misconceptions.

Good luck...hopefully it goes well for you and the rest will fall into place.

 

[Wild horses]

Ok, I have to be tactful just in case the person visits here (Unlikely but welcome to my world of paranoia) Ok the situation is that I really truly just like this guy as a friend and no nothing 'will evolve' because it really isn't like that between us (issue of sexuality and serious lack of sexual chemistry would get in the way lol) But I really feel like this person is a soul mate to me... Such a nice person who tells me stuff I don't want to hear, not in a sugar coated way and still gets away with it some how lolol I love INFJs in the way they can just drop a real bomb with a smile on their face and would be really honestly shocked if it hurt your feelings. I get the sense that you couldn't do it back though lol. But anyway yea I take your advice on board I need to be firm about my need for time to do other things with other people and highlight the fact that I don't really spend time with people proportional to how much I like them so if I don't see my INFJ for a while it doesn't mean they are not number one. UMMMMM Me mastering the art and science of straight talking with some amount of tact ohhh this should be fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Domino]

Just have a conversation and be honest. It might hurt for a second, but the INFJ will likely prefer to know exactly how you're feeling. Most INFJs I've known are obsessed with fixing problems in relationships.

This is correct.

99% of the time, my ENFP sister manages to "break" things to me in an effective way. Trust your ability to naturally do this as an ENFP in the presence of an INFJ who likes you a lot already.