[INFJ] How does an INFJ show interest in someone?

[AutumnReverie]

Why this fear of appearing too desperate through repeated texting and asking about your hang outs? I think it's a nice subtle way to let him know you're interested, without making a bold move on him, which you don't feel ready to do right now.

Oh, I just know how annoying it can be if someone (that you're not interested in) keeps texting you or asking you to hang out. So I'm always cautious not to do that to anyone else, since I know how it feels. But, I guess, if he does like me then there's no problem!

And no, asking him where he hangs out for lunch is not bad or stalkerish. See above paragraph! And be honest, let him know that you're asking because you want to get that time with him that you're too busy to get anywhere else at the moment.

Yay! Okay, I'll definitely ask him then because if we could see each other at least once or twice during the week, that would be great.

Or you could just wait longingly and painfully until November, making the eventual hang out all the more satisfying. Cos of the abscence making the heart grow fonder stuff. And your survival throughout the no hang out period would be maintained through that good ol' subtely ish "Can't wait to hang out again" texting.

I could do that...

Definitely useful! Thanks souffle

You sound like you're doing good.

Thanks, BlackCat!

 

[21%]

I definitely agree that for things to progress you need to show him that you're really interested, because even when you're genuinely busy, your INFJ might be thinking "Is she really busy or is she just trying to be nice and say she is busy so as not to hurt my feelings?".

I agree with souffle that you can ask him where he eats lunch, but make it casual. "Hey, do you still go to x for lunch?" sounds cool. To make it really smooth, you could try to come up with something else to say about the subject, like "I haven't been there myself much -- I remember they make good x", to which he might pick up the cue and ask "Do you want to go grab x some time this week?". Or, you can say something like how busy you both have been and how you and him used to eat lunch together all the time but now it's a shame that you never do that anymore. If he's an INFJ, he should know what you're hinting at

 

[souffle]

Oh, I just know how annoying it can be if someone (that you're not interested in) keeps texting you or asking you to hang out. So I'm always cautious not to do that to anyone else, since I know how it feels. But, I guess, if he does like me then there's no problem!

Yeah, I understand.

I've just realised something I want to say to you- don't be afraid to make mistakes! You like this guy, and he's been giving you good signs so far. So being eager to make sure the next hang out time happens, feeling the need to contact him more often, or whatever, these are perfectly normal human responses, and I don't think anyone could blame you for acting that way. So if the absolute worst situation happens- he realises you must like him, doesn't like you back, and totally rejects you- at least you knew you were doing what you needed to do, and if it didn't work out, better luck next time. In fact, that's not even a mistake, it's just a learning experience.

Advice another NF gave me once was "You just have to realise that the outcome is unimportant"- regardless of how it turns out, make sure you act in a way that is true to yourself and how you feel, and don't hold back because of fear, particularly fear of the outcome. The same guy also told me he doesn't worry about appearing desperate when he goes for people, he just goes for it- that's easier said than done though .

 

[21%]

Advice another NF gave me once was "You just have to realise that the outcome is unimportant"- regardless of how it turns out, make sure you act in a way that is true to yourself and how you feel, and don't hold back because of fear, particularly fear of the outcome. The same guy also told me he doesn't worry about appearing desperate when he goes for people, he just goes for it- that's easier said than done though .

I like this

 

[Cimarron]

I've just realised something I want to say to you- don't be afraid to make mistakes!

Hah, you're telling this to an ISTJ.

 

[souffle]

I like this

I'm glad! Thanks.

Hah, you're telling this to an ISTJ.

Hehe. Everybody needs to be told! I need to be told! I torture myself whenever I make a wrong move!

 

[AutumnReverie]

I definitely agree that for things to progress you need to show him that you're really interested, because even when you're genuinely busy, your INFJ might be thinking "Is she really busy or is she just trying to be nice and say she is busy so as not to hurt my feelings?".

I'll keep that in mind.

I agree with souffle that you can ask him where he eats lunch, but make it casual. "Hey, do you still go to x for lunch?" sounds cool. To make it really smooth, you could try to come up with something else to say about the subject, like "I haven't been there myself much -- I remember they make good x", to which he might pick up the cue and ask "Do you want to go grab x some time this week?". Or, you can say something like how busy you both have been and how you and him used to eat lunch together all the time but now it's a shame that you never do that anymore. If he's an INFJ, he should know what you're hinting at

Thanks! I'll ask that. Probably next week though, since this week is midterms and I'm sure he'll want to study during any breaks (as will I) this week.

I've just realised something I want to say to you- don't be afraid to make mistakes! [...] Advice another NF gave me once was "You just have to realise that the outcome is unimportant"- regardless of how it turns out, make sure you act in a way that is true to yourself and how you feel, and don't hold back because of fear, particularly fear of the outcome.

You're right. If nothing else, this will be a learning experience. Hopefully, however, I can learn and avoid an awkward or embarrassing rejection moment...

Update: So, I forgot to take the "text him while you're doing your busy night" advice and I felt bad because he did text me during that time...BUT I ended up replying when I got home (around 4am ).

Anyways, we talked on the phone this morning and he asked me if I wanted to go with him to the football game tonight and I asked him if he wanted to rent a movie over at my place tonight. So, that's what we're doing now! An impromptu "hanging out". I said "maybe" to the football game, because I've got studying/homework I want to finish before we do the movie. But he said a definite "yes" to renting a movie tonight after the game. So I decided not to go with my original Saturday night plans (which was just a friend's party/networking with our sister universities' organizations).

Wish me luck! Hopefully I'll get more of an idea about how he feels about me tonight. But you all have made me see that the signs look good, so I'm a bit more optimistic (but still cautious, as I do not want to be too greatly disappointed if he actually isn't interested in me). And thanks for the advice everyone, I'll try to stop worrying so much about looking desperate or making a mistake.

 

[souffle]

Good luck!

 

[AutumnReverie]

Thanks, souffle!

Well, honestly, I've decided that I don't think we're "dating". He keeps using the phrase "hang out", so that's what I'll believe until he clarifies. I've decided this mostly because he hasn't really done anything "romantic-like" (i.e. try to hold my hand, explicitly say that he likes me, etc.) which is what would usually be the distinguishing factor between a "friends" get-together and a "more than friends" get together, right?

Anyways, I still believe that progress is being made though, thanks to everyone's input!

Thursday night "hang out": Last weekend, we ended up not doing the movie night thing because of upcoming midterms and his need to study for them. But we made plans to do it on Thursday night (during the week, because I told him that I'd probably be busy that weekend). So, Thursday night he came over to my place and we watched a movie, then talked for awhile afterwards. At the end of the night, he gave me a hug...at first it was a normal hug and then he squeezed really tightly (which surprised my hug-averse ISTJ-self ) but it was fine . After saying that he had a good time and enjoyed the movie and such, he said that if I ended up being free tomorrow night (on Friday), I could come with him and some friends to this musical performance (local singer/songwriter/musician) at a local theater downtown.

Friday night "hang out": I called him and told him that I would go. He told me that he thought it would be a group thing but something happened and now it would only be me and him plus his friend and his friend's girlfriend...and he asked me if that was okay. I said it was fine. He offered to pick me up that night for the show and I told him that he didn't have to do that, but he said that he would. We went (he paid for my ticket when we got there) and it was really good, the performance was great! Although... he didn't really do anything obviously flirty or touchy (in my opinion) at all the whole time (which points me in the "friends" direction ).

Afterwards, we all went to eat at this Irish restaurant. Again, I didn't really see any flirtatiousness coming from him to me the whole time. But he did pay for my meal and said "together" again when the waiter asked about the bill.

Since both his friend and his friend's girlfriend live on-campus and I live off-campus, the INFJ dropped me off first. When we got to my apartment, he asked if I wanted him to walk me to my door. I told him that he could if he wanted to, and he did. At the door, he said he had a good time and asked if I did too. I told him that I did and that I thought the performer was amazing, because she definitely was. He said that he was glad and was hoping that I'd have a good time, and then he asked if I wanted her CD. I said that I'd love her CD! And he said that he would get it for me then. Then we hugged goodnight and he told me that he wouldn't be able to hang out again with me on Saturday or Sunday because he was visiting his parents on Saturday and he had to study on Sunday for his final midterm on Monday and a project, but for me to text him during that time.


So...what do you all think? If he was interested in me, wouldn't he have said something or tried to make some kind of "move" by now? What's with the lack of obvious flirtatiousness? Perhaps he's been subtle, but I don't really read subtly well...I need things to be direct and blunt for me to see it. Right now, I'm thinking that perhaps he is still undecided as to whether or not he likes me, so he's trying to go as slowly as possible about the whole thing. On the positive side, he keeps mentioning things we "need to do together", like movies we have to watch together in the future so I guess that's a good indicator overall that he likes spending time with me at the very least.

 

[BlackCat]

So...what do you all think? If he was interested in me, wouldn't he have said something or tried to make some kind of "move" by now? What's with the lack of obvious flirtatiousness?

He's an INFJ. They are generally afraid of actually taking any action when it comes to romance. Lots of them don't actively show their romantic interest and rely on a partner to initiate. With my INFJ best friend he was talking to me about his (now ex) girlfriend and stuff. He basically wasn't going to make a move with her, but commented on how he knew that she liked him. She was talking to him and stuff... he knew she liked him. But she had to make the move in conversation. And you're going to have to as well.

 

[AutumnReverie]

Hi, BlackCat! Thanks for answering.

He's an INFJ. They are generally afraid of actually taking any action when it comes to romance. Lots of them don't actively show their romantic interest and rely on a partner to initiate.

Ah, so I guess the appropriate question would be "How does an INFJ act when they're not interested in someone?" or "How can you tell the difference between an INFJ showing friendship-interest in someone and them showing romantic-interest in someone?" According to what input I've received here, he definitely has a general interest in me if he's setting aside time to be with him. But, how can I differentiate between friendship and romantic if he doesn't do anything obviously flirtatious or make an explicit statement of interest?

With my INFJ best friend he was talking to me about his (now ex) girlfriend and stuff. He basically wasn't going to make a move with her, but commented on how he knew that she liked him. She was talking to him and stuff... he knew she liked him. But she had to make the move in conversation. And you're going to have to as well.

Oh geez... that's not good. Have you ever seen an ISTJ initiate something like that? I try to avoid talking about or explicitly expressing my feelings and, if I do, I'll most likely be very blunt and awkward about it It must be my Fi and Te

Oh well, the next time the opportunity presents itself I'll try to hold his hand or something . Last night, I was already more "touchy" than I usually am - which was really not much at all (i.e. whenever I wanted to tell him something, I would make sure to touch his arm or shoulder which is something I have not done in the past with him).

Side Note: I know you all said that INFJs are usually hesitant to initiate something or make the first "move" (so I wasn't surprised or anything)...but I thought INFJs also will eventually make a move once they are sure of the other person's feelings? In your experience, do you find the feelings of ISTJs hard to read? I also, for the first time, saw that with his friends he is really quite extroverted and outgoing. So I don't think I can use the "he's an extreme introvert" as an excuse as to why he's being hesitant. Although, I guess whether or not a person is shy when it comes to romantic things doesn't necessarily have anything to do with their extroverted/introverted levels...?

 

[Billy]

1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?

I find INFJs to be kind of self conscious, like hyper self concious, everything they do, wear or say has the room in consideration already. When I want to catch someones eye I will usually find an opening, then start talking to them and if I am feeling the vibe I will usually start asking a lot of questions, and if that pans out well I might suggest going to dinner or something or getting a quick coffee to get away and see if we have chemistry out in the real world etc. Usually INFJs are slow to react to a romantic situation, we are worried about hurting peoples feelings and we are worried about how we come off, we are very subtle with how and what we say, but if we are interested we will definitely make time to be around you if we can and we will make sure we bump into each other in public. INFJs who suffer low self esteem have a hard time making a move.

2. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?

What does distinct mean? i would ask someone out after I got to talking to them and I felt comfortable enough. But I usually dont mind going by cues like eye contact and body language.

3. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating
relationship? Or do you go with the flow?

I generally go with the flow until I know whether or not this is a person I would like to date, unless its someone I know I don't want to date up front. Usually I will know within 2 or 3 dates at which point I will bring up the situation and check with the girl I am seeing and see how she feels, if its a go, its a go, if not then not.

4. On a first date, how do you usually act?

I usually bring my best face forward, I make sure I look nice I put a lot of effort into my physical appearance for a date because I want to make a good impression. As for how I act, usually I am curious. I tend to ask a lot of questions then relate to your answers with an experience of my own. I like to make witty and funny comments and connections too about stuff because in my experience I find if I can keep a girl laughing then things are going good. But overall I would say I act inquisitive and I act friendly and generous. I try to remain chivalrous but not look like a sucker.

5. How would you like to be approached/asked out by an interested person?

I would like it very much, it takes a lot of effort for me to do the same thing because I am so hyper aware of myself and I over think things. If a girl I like comes up to me and asks me out, I would be very excited.

6. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?

earliest, 2 or 3 dates, latest 5 or 6 dates.

7. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like
somebody?

I call them..... on the phone.... no seriously. I never call I HATE the phone if someone can get me on the phone talking and talking and talking then Its pretty obvious to most people who know me I like you. But an obvious give away to you, would be that I would take an active interest in staying in contact with you and try to spend time with you.

8. How often do you take the initiative/make the first move/ask someone out?

As a male I am at a disadvantage here, I would say 8 times out of 10.

9. What would be your ideal date (activity)?

1st date? coffee at a nice coffee place, so I can talk to you face to face and pick your brain and figure you out and see if there is a connection worth making. 5th date, maybe something awesome like a drive down to Manhattan, dinner at Maze (Gordon Ramsays place) A walk through the park, maybe a broadway show, or a museam. Just something FUN.

10. How should one go about pursuing you?

Just be up front with me, dont give it all away right up front I like to be teased a little and I like flirting and I enjoy the 1st few weeks of a budding relationship a great deal. Just take things easy but be honest and be up front. If I am interested believe me I will be up front too.

How do you show interest in someone?

By taking an interest and making sure I am able to spend time with them.


Also if other types want to jump in that's fine too. My personal situation
aside, I'm definitely interested in seeing how other types would answer these questions as well!


On a side note, I must say.

I am an INFJ male and my roomate is an ISTJ male we have qualities that match up, namely our love for order and structure, we both keep the place clean and we are on time with our bills...

other than that though we have a hard time understanding one and other at times. He doesn't see things the same way I do and we clash over this sometimes because I will have the right answer and he wont see it because he is looking at things way too literally. I am currently trying to help him find a girlfriend lol.

 

[BlackCat]

Oh geez... that's not good. Have you ever seen an ISTJ initiate something like that? I try to avoid talking about or explicitly expressing my feelings and, if I do, I'll most likely be very blunt and awkward about it It must be my Fi and Te

That's how it was with his girlfriend, who was an ISTJ.

And the feelings of ISTJs aren't difficult for me. I imagine an INFJ will eventually confess their feelings as you said... but it would be much quicker if you did that. Traditional gender roles aren't gonna work in this case.

 

[AutumnReverie]

That's how it was with his girlfriend, who was an ISTJ.

And the feelings of ISTJs aren't difficult for me. I imagine an INFJ will eventually confess their feelings as you said... but it would be much quicker if you did that. Traditional gender roles aren't gonna work in this case.

Okay, well then I will say something then! I'm committed to doing it, if it's the only way. I'll just tell him that I like him the next night we go out together one-on-one (which probably won't be next weekend since we both have separate Halloween plans, but most likely the weekend after next).

But...I have no idea how to bring it up in the conversation or even what to say. I've never done it before, usually guys tell me how they feel about me, not the other way around. Help?

I'm afraid that he'll say that he just likes me as a friend, but I guess knowing is better than not knowing. It seems like he has a lot of female friends and that he probably fulfills the "nice guy" role for them. So I'm still unsure as to whether or not he likes me or he's being nice just because he is nice, in general, to all his female friends. The one-on-one Friday or Saturday night dinner and/or movie outings though make me a little more confident about everything. So I'll go into it thinking about that.

I'll just try and see.

Thanks for answering my questions, Billy!

I call them..... on the phone.... no seriously. I never call I HATE the phone if someone can get me on the phone talking and talking and talking then Its pretty obvious to most people who know me I like you. But an obvious give away to you, would be that I would take an active interest in staying in contact with you and try to spend time with you.

This sounds exactly like the INFJ I'm interested in! He rarely ever uses his phone and he's horrible (self-admittedly) at calling people back or texting them back right away because of this aversion to his phone (I'm guessing). So, last week, I told him that I knew how he felt about texting but then asked him how he felt about talking on the phone, pro or anti? He replied "pro", to my surprise, and actually texted me multiple times and talked to me on the phone a few times ("just to talk", instead of just calling to say he's "on his way" or something) that weekend. So I'm really glad that I asked him about it.

By taking an interest and making sure I am able to spend time with them.

If you were interested in a girl in a friendly way, how would your actions differ in regards to trying to spend time with her?

I am an INFJ male and my roomate is an ISTJ male we have qualities that match up, namely our love for order and structure, we both keep the place clean and we are on time with our bills...

other than that though we have a hard time understanding one and other at times. He doesn't see things the same way I do and we clash over this sometimes because I will have the right answer and he wont see it because he is looking at things way too literally. I am currently trying to help him find a girlfriend lol.

Haha, well hopefully he has better than d@v3 finding one! Oh, ISTJs...we really need to get better at this sort of thing.

Hm, that's interesting about the INFJ/ISTJ roommate dynamic. One of my best friends (a gay male INFJ) currently is going to school in NY but told me that he's considering taking a semester off to work. He said that, if he does take a semester off, then he'd come over to my state and live with me (be roommates) because I'm the only friend he would want to live with. During the summer, I was over at his place practically all the time (spent the night a lot in his family's extra bedroom, woke up and made breakfast together, movie nights, etc.) so he's basing his assessment on how it was during the summer.

Now I'm wondering how well it would really work out... Honestly though, we rarely ever have problems and he considers me to be one of his best friends. Although, like you said, the few times that we have had problems it was a communication problem and, honestly, the problem came from my side. I blame the N v. S

 

[BlackCat]

Try holding his hand or some sort of physical move and see what he does. That may be a good pointer.

 

[AutumnReverie]

Thanks! I'll try that. Although, I'm sure the moment will be awkward somehow (for me, anyways). I wonder how F's make this sort of thing look so easy.

I wonder if there's a way for me to do it and still have an "out" if he actually doesn't like me or rejects the advance (i.e. be able to say "oh, I was just trying to hold your hand because of x, don't worry I'm not interested in you that way either...")

Actually, two weekends ago I hung out (for the first time and in a group) with this ESFP(?) new guy friend and while we were in the car, I mentioned that I was cold and he held my hand to make it warmer. So we were holding hands the whole car ride, because of the temperature.

So, maybe I should take a cue from the ESFP friend and try that with the INFJ guy the next time we're walking around at night, since it's been cold/chilly here lately. It works, right? Something that could be just "friendly" or possibly "more than friendly". Then I can just observe his initial reaction to it to gauge how he has interpreted it.

 

[Billy]

Autumn from what you have written it sounds like he is interested in you to some degree. like many INFJs he may be an ocean of feelings and thoughts of the future all bottle necked at his mouth waiting for the right time to come flowing out.

Next time you are with him ask him if you can hold his hand. and look him in the eyes. It will give him a "now or never" moment in his head that most INFJs get right before they do something that they usually wouldnt do but the chance is tooo good not to. Most of my early relationships were like that and the girl had to make most of the moves on me, but every time she did and we moved to a new level and she showed me what was appropriate I always toed that line. So if she let me feel her butt or her boob or something I would feel pretty comfortable from then on doing that without too much hesitation because its "safe"

If you want this guy you're going to have to take him, a lot of INFJ dudes need to just be "taken" a few times before they get comfortable enough with themselves and their experience to make moves initially.

In response to your question of how I would treat a platonic friend over a girl I am interested in?

I am intimately more nervous and self conscious around someone I have romantic interests for than I am around someone I am not. look for signs of that. Nervous = well prepared, possibly right on time, over generous, less prone to talking about subjects that might spark debate which is what we are trying to avoid.

Not nervous = how I look and act when I go visit any other friend, I might not look as nice, I might be more domineering and controlling and extroverted. I will definitely not be afraid to speak my mind truthfully.

 

[AutumnReverie]

Next time you are with him ask him if you can hold his hand. and look him in the eyes. It will give him a "now or never" moment in his head that most INFJs get right before they do something that they usually wouldnt do but the chance is tooo good not to. Most of my early relationships were like that and the girl had to make most of the moves on me, but every time she did and we moved to a new level and she showed me what was appropriate I always toed that line.

If you want this guy you're going to have to take him, a lot of INFJ dudes need to just be "taken" a few times before they get comfortable enough with themselves and their experience to make moves initially.

Hm, this rings true. I basically had to tell him that I wanted to talk on the phone with him before he actually felt comfortable(?) enough to do it.

Aah, okay I'll do it! Like I said, it may be two weeks till we have another weekend "date" but, when we do, I'll hold his hand (or at least let him know that he can hold my hand if he wants to ). Then, I'll be back here to report my happiness or my epic failure and/or embarrassment. Once I make a commitment or decision about something, I follow through. So this definitely will be happening .

I am intimately more nervous and self conscious around someone I have romantic interests for than I am around someone I am not. look for signs of that.

Nervous = well prepared, possibly right on time, over generous, less prone to talking about subjects that might spark debate which is what we are trying to avoid.

Not nervous = how I look and act when I go visit any other friend, I might not look as nice, I might be more domineering and controlling and extroverted. I will definitely not be afraid to speak my mind truthfully.

This explains a lot about how I saw him act last night, when we were with his friends. He was a lot more extroverted with the two of them (the guy and the girl) than he had ever been when it was just the two of us. Also, when the girl (his friend's girlfriend), who he's friend's with, started talking about psychology...he actually (playfully but still seriously) argued about some of the points and stated his opposing opinions without hesitation. That really surprised me, because I'm a psych major and just the night before I was talking to him about psychology related stuff and he didn't argue with me once...in fact he seemed interested and kept asking me more questions about different topics.

There was definitely a contrast and I couldn't really figure out why that was. I just assumed that he was that way with them because he has known them longer than he's known me. I guess it could either be that or it could be your "nervous vs. not nervous" theory.

 

[souffle]

I'm excited!

 

[21%]

Aah, okay I'll do it! Like I said, it may be two weeks till we have another weekend "date" but, when we do, I'll hold his hand (or at least let him know that he can hold my hand if he wants to ). Then, I'll be back here to report my happiness or my epic failure and/or embarrassment. Once I make a commitment or decision about something, I follow through. So this definitely will be happening .

Personally, I like things very subtle. I'd wait until you're somewhere very private, preferably at home. You can be watching a DVD or something together. Make sure you sit on the same sofa, or on the floor with blankets around you. If he likes you he will try to sit very close, and you can encourage him to do this by, well, not moving away or shifting too much (because he might take that as a sign that you are not comfortable). Cold weather is the perfect excuse for this . Then, when he's right next to you, stay like that for a while, and then you can lean softly on his shoulder. This will be taken as a sign that you're physically comfortable with him. And... well, let him make the next move...

This might not result in things progressing very rapidly, but if you've never 'cuddled' before, it would be giving him an incredible "Maybe she really likes me" totally dizzying heart-pounding moment of sublime happiness.

If he still doesn't tell you how he feels, you can then look him in the eyes and tell him how much you love spending time with him, while you are still sitting really close.

Okay, I've gotta stop fantasizing. Honestly, that's what I had hoped would happen in my case, with everything flowing naturally and feeling 'so right'. But those perfect moments are hard to come by in reality. Maybe he is waiting for the 'right' moment to tell you?

On the other hand, if you do tell him directly that you like him and do not want to be just friends, he might be caught totally off-guard, but it will force him to tell you his true feelings. It might be slightly awkward, though, when he does it and you reach a "Now that we know that we like each other, what's next? Err.. kiss?" moment.

This explains a lot about how I saw him act last night, when we were with his friends. He was a lot more extroverted with the two of them (the guy and the girl) than he had ever been when it was just the two of us. Also, when the girl (his friend's girlfriend), who he's friend's with, started talking about psychology...he actually (playfully but still seriously) argued about some of the points and stated his opposing opinions without hesitation. That really surprised me, because I'm a psych major and just the night before I was talking to him about psychology related stuff and he didn't argue with me once...in fact he seemed interested and kept asking me more questions about different topics.

There was definitely a contrast and I couldn't really figure out why that was. I just assumed that he was that way with them because he has known them longer than he's known me. I guess it could either be that or it could be your "nervous vs. not nervous" theory.

When I'm with other people, especially with a group of people, I feel the need to keep them happy. He might have felt the same way. Since he's the one organizing the get-together, he might have felt it was his responsibility to make sure everyone was having a good time. This often results in INFJs appearing more extraverted (e.g. playful, joking, more energetic) than usual.

Also, he was probably trying to get to know you better and deeper by asking you questions about psychology. This is a very good sign! It means he really wants to understand who you are inside