How Do You Deal with a Narcissist?

[Amargith]

Depending on the level - befriend them, get them to respect you, then selectively oppose them in a gradual way in things where your opinion only slightly differs from them. Instead of pointing out the lack of empathy, make them actively practice it by asking them repeatedly how a person would feel hypothetically in a situation.

From what I recall, narcissists got their 'narcissistic wound' at a young age, getting them stuck in the emotional development stage where they are in fact the center of the universe. Approval for things they actually do well, as well as balanced disagreement and sound boarding tends to give them what they missed out on and allows them to complete the other stages. As their primary drive is self-preservation, it takes time and effort to overcome such a root fear of not being preoccupied with oneself and protecting their ego.

Once they feel that you are in fact important to them and respectful of them no matter what happens (and that is the hard part as they are incapable of returning that favour for now), you can openly and candidly start disagreeing with them in order to make them take on board different perspectives while still feeling safe and secure in the love and respect they get from you. Building the muscle of empathy while introducing novel ideas will allow them to build the 'muscle' and self confidence to let go of the fear that is holding them back.

Of course...all this is only possible if the narcissist is in fact looking to bond with someone *and* wants to learn more about the outside world. Those ensconced within themselves are probably the biggest long shots and the riskiest investments. And then there is the fact that for most people, this just aint worth doing. You cannot blame them for that. In fact, it can be downright dangerous to your own self-esteem and mental health to do this for a long time. Even shrinks shy away from patients such as this.

So yeah, navigating around them and removing them from your life works

Meanwhile, attacking the narcissistic wound/ego only makes them worse as it confirms their worst fears, though it might help in deterring them from interacting with you. It doesn't help them though.

 

[Azure Flame]

Persistently tell them daily how they are vastly more intelligent than you are, and continue eating your pizza and watching battlestar galactica.

 

[93JC]

Being a narcissist by definition of this definition I disagree with your definition of narcissism. Narcissists are losers who think they're more capable than they actually are. A narcissist is not...

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Persistently tell them daily how they are vastly more intelligent than you are, and continue eating your pizza and watching battlestar galactica.

I've already seen most of the episodes. I don't like pizza that much. Although some frozen brands are good.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Some thoughts on "narcissism":

A lot of people use the word narcissism just to mean "selfish." Evidently, I'm not terribly Randian or Nietzschean in my outlook, but I did like this part of their writings: as a criticism, it's relatively meaningless. Everyone has to be a little bit selfish to stay sane. Usually, when someone is accusing someone else of being selfish, they are referring to their own needs or values not being satisfied. I think that's selfish, too. What makes my selfishness worse than yours, other than fact that it belongs to me and not you? Everyone thinks their values and beliefs represent the ultimate truth... so the problem is, for someone who believes in objective reality as I do, how do you arrive at truth?

I don't think selfishness is inherently bad, because, if applied properly with a sound mind, it can often result in win-win scenarios. It does not necessarily require that everything be conceived in terms of a zero-sum game. It is in my best interest to listen to other people and consider their perspective, because this means I will get along better with them, for instance.

 

[Nicodemus]

Attack said person's ego.

What do you think this would achieve?

 

[Forever_Jung]

You will find this well set out in the book by your countrywoman, Alice Miller, in For Your Own Good and other books.

Anyone interested in psychology should read them.

I read "The Drama of the Gifted Child" by Miller, and it blew me away. I tried to explain it to my friends, and they told me it was all over-sensitive psycho-babble garbage.

 

[ginniebean]

I avoid them. I'm not socially with it enough to keep up with their games, it's exhausting, and I'm aware when it comes to manipulations I'm outclassed. I will keep far from them.

 

[Kullervo]

What do you think this would achieve?

You should ask yourself that.