How do others percieve me?

[TenebrousReflection]

Although this most recent post comes in part from self doubt of me enneagram type, I'm mostly just curious what perceptions others have of me, so I'm compiling a few things I did in the past that got lost and forgotten over time.

The main focus is to resurrect my Johari and Nohari windows and request feedback on them.

Interactive Johari Window - Describe TenebrousReflection
The Nohari Window - Describe TenebrousReflection

My secondary interest is to get some feedback on what functions show up to others in my writing style. (a poll will be attached if I cna figure out how to do that again ). My posting paterns can be unpredicatable in both frequency and topic of interest, but a while ago I compiled a small collection of non-TC stuff I've written over the years to use as a writing sample for anyone who is saying "WTH are you" but might still want to give feedback . The other value in it is that it refelcts my thinking and writing at times where MBTI would not have been on my mind and is more true to self for that reason.

These are various fragments of things I've written over time

The tertieary concern is the orignal idea of narrowing down my enneagram which I will explain my current thoughts on.

For a long time, I just read the basic descriptions of the Enneagram types on places like the Enneagram Institute and beleived I was either a 4w5 or a 5w4, but a while back I ordered a couple books on the enneagram and I've been reading them (not in their entirety yet, but enough to start questioning my enneagram type a bit more. I still strongly identify with aspects of both 4 and 5, but also see a good amount of traits from 1, 2 and a few from 9 and 6 (the 6 stuff may be to economic uncertainty being on my mind tho).

1
I do have the "if I want somethign done right, I'll do it myself" attitude when it comes to things I have competency in, but I also know enough to knwo when I'm clueless and am better off placing trust in a professional. I can be critical of others and lack trust in their competency, but more often my critical aspects are focused on myself being content to let others do things thier own way but holding myself to a higher standard. Thats pretty much the extent to which I identify with 1s, but it is pretty strong on the self critical part(ummm, clearly that tendency does nto extend to speeeling or grahmer .

2
I like doing things for others. I feel a LOT more motivated if I'm doing something for someone else than I do when I'm doing it just for my own benefit. I like to surprise firneds with random gifts if I find something that I think they might like (usually music, but sometimes trinkets or books). I also like to feel useful to others. I do not identify with the 2 aspect of doing these things to get others to like me or from any sense of obligation, I do it because I want to enrich the lives of others when the opportunity to do so arises. I also am NOT very giving (of time or material goods) when it comes to strangers (I'm not sure if 2s are supposed to be all encomposaing in their giving nature or if they also limit it to freiends and family) but I do sometimes feel think about donating time to get involved in causes that align with my values.

4
The main thing I do NOT identify with about the 4 description is hypersensitivty and being easily offended by insensitive remarks and such. I also do not relate too strongly to the idea of 4s having a "idealized fantasy self image" or feeling .

According to "Wisdom of the Enneagram" by Riso and Hudson, 4s have a basic fear of "having no identity, no personal significance", a basic desire of "to find themselves and their significance, to create an identity out of their inner experience" and a superego message of "you are good or okay if you are true to yoruself". I agree with that superego aspect of it, but my basic fear and desire better corrospond to that of 2s (fear of "being unloved and unwanted for themsleves alone" and desire of "to feel loved"). but I do not relate to the 2s superego message of "you are good or okay if you are loved by others and are close to them). I also have an aditional core desire I would describe as "wanting to find a sense of purpose" but I don't equate that to personal significance (it may be a syntax issue of how the authors word and see things)

5
I relate to a LOT of the description of the 5 and the childhood patterns descriptions better match 5 than 1, 2 or 4 for me. The problem is I don't really relate to any of the basic desires, fears or superego descriptions of the 5 (fear of being "helpless, useless or incapable", desire for "to be capable and competant" and superego of "you are good or okay if you have mastered something).

6
I do find myself quite concerned about stability and security, but I attribute it to being a rational reaction to the current state of the economy rather than being a more constant concern as I beleive a 6 would be.

9
I find it natural to take on the role of mediator when I see a conflict (if I think my insights can help anyway) and I think I naturaly see potential conflicts brewing before they reach a serious point and those are the ones where I'm likely to try to step in and do something to try help others avoid conflict. If I feel that a potential conflict is due to anything other than misunderstnading however I am much more likely to have a strong opinion on who is in the right and argue on their behalf (diplomatically if possible) or offer advice and encouragment to one side or the other feeling that conflict is nescessary to reach closeure and ultimatly peace of mind. That is about the extent of 9 qualities I see in myself.

My current thought is that I am either a 4w5-SP or a 5w4-SX or SO, but I feel that I should not completely rule out either 1, 2 or 9.

Any feedback is welcome, but unless specific questions are asked I'll try to refrain from comment and just read and reflect on it over time.

Thanks.

 

[Costrin]

Who are you?

 

[Thalassa]

If you aren't hypersensitive to criticism and don't have an idealized fantasy feeling or self, I would say you're the five with the four wing, especially since you say you see your childhood patterns in the five. From what you've said here I wouldn't rule out 2, either. I don't know you but I'm speaking as a 4.

 

[TenebrousReflection]

Who are you?

Well I did say I'd respond to specific questions...

The last few times I posted in this sub-forum, I've got similar responses so I tried to address that by mentioning that I expect a lot of who the bleep are you and since I mostly just post in the NF forums, and ocasionaly in a few others I don't expect many non NFs to recognize me, and evne then since I can go weeks or monts at a time just lurking even then a lot of them will not recall me. I guess posting in this forum instead of the NF forum is a bit like using a shotgun approach and hoping for a few more views than I would get there from the few others that might have some feedback to give.

As to who I am, well, do any of us really know who and what we truly are, and is that not the point in seeking such answers - futile as it may seem at times? I am a creature of curiosity, uncertainty and ocasional self doubt. I am a seeker of understanding and clarity. I am a soul looking for new and intersting paths to travel but not knowing what my true destination is but hoping I'll discover that along the way...

 

[Costrin]

Well I did say I'd respond to specific questions...

The last few times I posted in this sub-forum, I've got similar responses so I tried to address that by mentioning that I expect a lot of who the bleep are you and since I mostly just post in the NF forums, and ocasionaly in a few others I don't expect many non NFs to recognize me, and evne then since I can go weeks or monts at a time just lurking even then a lot of them will not recall me. I guess posting in this forum instead of the NF forum is a bit like using a shotgun approach and hoping for a few more views than I would get there from the few others that might have some feedback to give.

As to who I am, well, do any of us really know who and what we truly are, and is that not the point in seeking such answers - futile as it may seem at times? I am a creature of curiosity, uncertainty and ocasional self doubt. I am a seeker of understanding and clarity. I am a soul looking for new and intersting paths to travel but not knowing what my true destination is but hoping I'll discover that along the way...

Interesting.

So then my next question is, what made you decide on INFP for your type?

 

[TenebrousReflection]

Process of elemination.

I and N consitantly score outside the range of doubt.
F and P are both much more variable.

I eliminated INTx since I make more decisions based on my feelings and values than I do on logic (tho under stress I do sometimes revert to NTish decision making if there is not an overriding value). The goals and desires I ahve also seem to better align with NF than NT.

I arrived at the final conclusion of INFP after a lot of reading on INFJorINFP.com as well as seeing what members here I related to better from each type. P/J is a very close divide and I have a lot of what I consider "INFJ moments" where I feel like I'm acting more organized and methodically than an INFP probably would. The final factor is the descriptions of both types where I highlighted the traits of each that I felt matched me and INFP was a better match. I still have ocaisional doubts on it now, but don't see a lot of point in flip flopping on a monthly basis so I settled on INFp to signify the uncertainty of P.

Ok, I need to get some sleep now, so no more responses today.

Thanks

 

[Costrin]

Well here's my current theory that I'm processing:
INFJ 5w4 unsure on instincts.

I (think) I can see Fe and Ti especially in your writing.

Also:

I eliminated INTx since I make more decisions based on my feelings and values than I do on logic (tho under stress I do sometimes revert to NTish decision making if there is not an overriding value).

is consistent with Ti as relief function for INFJ.

Course, the more information the better.

 

[BlackCat]

You definitely seem like an INFJ to me. I can't see how you're an INFP, I don't get that "vibe" from you at all. Plus in the way you describe yourself you sound like an INFJ. Just because you're a P doesn't mean you can't be organized, and just because you're a J doesn't mean you can't be disorganized. J's tend to like bigger decisions to be final I've noticed and P's like the bigger ones to have the ends left open. But that could differ from person to person.

But yeah, pretty much what Costrin said. INFJ 5w4. You're "different" from the others, that may be why you can't relate to INFJs. Types tend to have an enneagram type that's very common to them. For example the INFP's most common is the 4w5, and I can't really relate to those INFPs very much. I'm an enneagram 9w8, with some 5 thrown in. The enneagram 9 INFPs I can relate to a lot. I can also relate to the type 5 INFPs. So this may be where the INFPorINFJ website went wrong, or maybe where you aren't seeing yourself in INFJs.

Just my 2c.

I (think) I can see Fe and Ti especially in your writing.

Pretty much.