[ISTP] How do ISTPs feel loved/appreciated?

[seamaid]

I'd love to hear all your responses.

 

[markscol]

As an ISTP-- i would feel appreciated and loved if someone consistently kept in communication with me. Just wanted to spend time with me. I dont need gifts or anything like that. Those are always sweet, but usually make me feel guilty for some wierd reason. I am usually a giver, so if someone shows lots of physical affection, makes it known that my giving/affection/attention is wanted and appreciated, that is enough to make me beam from ear to ear If we can laugh a lot together-- that is reaaaally good. ISTP girl, i am, by the way

 

[millerm277]

As an ISTP-- i would feel appreciated and loved if someone consistently kept in communication with me. Just wanted to spend time with me. I dont need gifts or anything like that. Those are always sweet, but usually make me feel guilty for some wierd reason. I am usually a giver, so if someone shows lots of physical affection, makes it known that my giving/affection/attention is wanted and appreciated, that is enough to make me beam from ear to ear If we can laugh a lot together-- that is reaaaally good.

2nded.

 

[Unique]

When I feel loved is when someone is really genuine with me and doesn't send mixed messages or toy with feelings, I love hearing genuine compliments

We are very aware of the unspoken expectations people have on things but do not agree with them, in relation to the gifts we feel guilty because we are concerned we wouldn't be able to do something as nice in return

I agree that physical affection is very important, just little things too like sitting right next to us instead of across the table etc we say a lot with our bodies rather than our words, someone who responds well to facial expressions is really nice

 

[Amargith]

Hmm, so seeking you out when you're being aloof isn't considered stalking?

 

[Jonathanthegreat]

When I feel loved is when someone is really genuine with me and doesn't send mixed messages or toy with feelings, I love hearing genuine compliments

We are very aware of the unspoken expectations people have on things but do not agree with them, in relation to the gifts we feel guilty because we are concerned we wouldn't be able to do something as nice in return

I agree that physical affection is very important, just little things too like sitting right next to us instead of across the table etc we say a lot with our bodies rather than our words, someone who responds well to facial expressions is really nice

Gotta say that I love ISTPs and I've always wanted to sit next to a girl on a date instead of across from her. ISTP females are so rare in my parts! A lot of ENFP females though. weiiiiiird.

yea love ISTPs SO much. My little brother is an ISTP and he is my world.

 

[seamaid]

just little things too like sitting right next to us instead of across the table etc

I've always wanted to sit next to a girl on a date instead of across from her.

Where ARE you guys? I used to do that to my ISxJ exbf and he'd look at me like I was an alien.

I'm SO glad ISTPs seem to like being physically close (but I guess in subtle ways). Should try that with my ISTP tonight.

Oh and please do keep going: the suggestion box is still WIDE open!

 

[Speed Gavroche]

As an ISTP-- i would feel appreciated and loved if someone consistently kept in communication with me. Just wanted to spend time with me. I dont need gifts or anything like that. Those are always sweet, but usually make me feel guilty for some wierd reason. I am usually a giver, so if someone shows lots of physical affection, makes it known that my giving/affection/attention is wanted and appreciated, that is enough to make me beam from ear to ear If we can laugh a lot together-- that is reaaaally good. ISTP girl, i am, by the way

Oh I'm exactly like that!

 

[markscol]

If i am ever acting aloof, it is because i am in a way detaching from the situation, almost like a protection mechanism to keep myself out of something before i can fully assess the situation. If i am acting aloof, it could either mean i have no interest in you whatsoever, or i am SO interested in you that I am nervous the feelings aren't reciprocated, so I am waiting to see what you do. Ha, i guess that isn't helpful, but! I notice this is what i do...

 

[seamaid]

As far as kisses go, do you ISTPs mostly prefer the quick peck? Are mini makeout sessions too much unless in the appropriate context (right before the horizontal mambo)?

 

[jixmixfix]

As far as kisses go, do you ISTPs mostly prefer the quick peck? Are mini makeout sessions too much unless in the appropriate context (right before the horizontal mambo)?

we hate getting into things too quick but if you gradually get close to us we'll notice it right away and appreciate it. SO start with a peck then a full make out session

 

[Kingfisher]

i also like physical closeness, spending time together.

i don't like getting gifts or compliments. they make me uncomfortable. i usually just say "okay" when i am complimented, and then i end up looking like a huge ass.

I agree that physical affection is very important, just little things too like sitting right next to us instead of across the table etc

i prefer sitting across the table so we can see each other. i like to be close to her, but only if it makes sense, i mean if we are having a conversation i don't want to have to crane my neck around to look at her.
we can sit across from each other at the table for conversation, and then be close afterwards.
so, i like closeness that is situationally appropriate, haha.
of course with double dates, only a tool doesn't sit next to his date.

As far as kisses go, do you ISTPs mostly prefer the quick peck? Are mini makeout sessions too much unless in the appropriate context (right before the horizontal mambo)?

i prefer long and passionate kisses, i don't do quick kisses/pecks.
they don't have to be makeout sessions, but i like a kiss to be intense.
but i don't mind getting quick kisses, i just don't give them.

 

[markscol]

i also like physical closeness, spending time together.

i prefer long and passionate kisses, i don't do quick kisses/pecks.
they don't have to be makeout sessions, but i like a kiss to be intense.
but i don't mind getting quick kisses, i just don't give them.

i agree with all of the aboveeee

 

[Unique]

Yeah one would imagine that Se being about sensations that ISTPs would prefer kisses to be a little more than a peck

In other words if you're going to kiss us, kiss us passionately or not at all (starting slowly of course and all that jazz)

In response to kingfisher on compliments, I'm usually quite awkward when getting them as well, as in I don't really respond in the right way but if you just take them for what they are and don't worry so much about the response they can make you see yourself in a way you never thought of before

 

[Lookin4theBestNU]

I get asked often when I talk about ISTPs why I like them SO much and this thread answers it! I know people can find my spouse IRL to be intimidating (heck even I did at first) but all in all they are simply interesting people. They can be extremely affectionate and have the added bonus of not being a real jealous type.

 

[seamaid]

Some more observations from my date with my ISTP last night:

Since you guys suggested ISTPs love physical gestures, I started to just initiate more physical affection without worrying about who's initiating and he seemed to like it and respond back.

And everytime there was a lull in the conversation, I'd remind myself that he was probably just enjoying "being" there, rather than wondering why I'm not talking more. And also that if he didn't want to be in my company, he wouldn't be. His simply being with me was evidence enough of him wanting to be with me. It was much more comfortable thinking about it that way.

I still give him lots of compliments, but I can't help it! I find him so attractive, it almost hurts to look at him. I feel like I'd burst into flames. He likes the feedback on his hotness too.

I'm starting to think the pecking vs longer kisses thing might be more personal than type-oriented. My ISTP generally prefers pecks unless things are *very* intimate. Ditto on the jealousy thing, because he gets quite pouty when I get gushy over say, the Brazilian soccer team. So I've stopped doing that, even though I think it's really cute when he gets a little upset.

 

[seamaid]

Also wanted to add...

I'm watching what he does more than what he says (since he usually doesn't say much). On the way to work this morning, he pulled out a Korean language phrase book (I'm Korean; he's not), which I took to mean that he's serious about learning my native language and visiting my country of origin (with me, hopefully) someday.

And then just before I left him, he surprised me by saying "I really love you" in Korean (!). I think it's easier for him to say it in another language than to say it in English. And to do it out of the blue like that, when it's not expected at all. Needless to say, it was really sweet.

 

[soccerjunkie1996]

When I feel loved is when someone is really genuine with me and doesn't send mixed messages or toy with feelings, I love hearing genuine compliments

Yes! Holy s%*& is it annoying when girls play games and send mixed messages, it's unbelievable. As to the whole compliments thing, I really do like getting them, but it's more that I don't really know how to respond to them. So give compliments, just don't expect a whole lot of response to them.

2nded.

3rded

If i am acting aloof, it could either mean i have no interest in you whatsoever, or i am SO interested in you that I am nervous the feelings aren't reciprocated, so I am waiting to see what you do. Ha, i guess that isn't helpful, but! I notice this is what i do...

Same with me, it's always one of the two ends of the spectrum, either I really have no interest in the person or I really do and am really worried that they don't feel the same way about me. Kind of annoying I guess from the other person's perspective, but, there you are.

As far as kisses go, do you ISTPs mostly prefer the quick peck? Are mini makeout sessions too much unless in the appropriate context (right before the horizontal mambo)?

Personally a quick peck is kind of pointless to me, if you're going to do it, do it well haha. That's not to say every kiss has to turn into making out, but at least have it be more than a quick peck, the peck just leaves me wanting more .

They can be extremely affectionate and have the added bonus of not being a real jealous type.

Affectionate: yes. Not real jealous: hahaha, no. I mean, I think I'm reasonable about it (like if my gf, assuming I find a new relationship anytime soon lol, talks to other guys or whatever I don't care) but in general I get jealous easily. I can't really think of an example at the moment, but yeah, hopefully this is understandable.

Since you guys suggested ISTPs love physical gestures, I started to just initiate more physical affection without worrying about who's initiating and he seemed to like it and respond back.

Yep, good work, I'm always worried about initiating anything which again goes back to worrying about if how I'm feeling will be reciprocated by the other person. But yeah, if you initiate things I don't think you'll find there will be a problem .

I still give him lots of compliments, but I can't help it! I find him so attractive, it almost hurts to look at him. I feel like I'd burst into flames. He likes the feedback on his hotness too.

Again, we (ok, me, I'm assuming other ISTP's are the same) enjoy compliments, just don't expect too much of a response to them.

Ditto on the jealousy thing, because he gets quite pouty when I get gushy over say, the Brazilian soccer team. So I've stopped doing that, even though I think it's really cute when he gets a little upset.

Oop, example found, my now ex-gf, knowing I liked soccer (though knowing nothing about it herself) would always bring up David Beckham (who I loathe, especially after joining the Galaxy) which always made me feel extremely jealous. Is the jealousy rational? No, but I think it's the fact that if she ever compared me to someone like him I'd stand no chance which obviously isn't something a guy likes to think about.



Hope this helps

 

[phoenity]

I think all people are equally capable of feeling jealousy, regardless of type.

If your ego thinks you are a soccer player, and it also thinks David Beckham is a soccer player, and realizes that Beckham's soccer skills are (objectively) better than yours, jealousy arises in your mind.

Is the feeling relevant to anything at all? That depends on what you consider relevant or important.

If the issue was relevant to your girlfriend, which then caused her to dump you to find a better soccer player, what did you really like about her in the first place?




As for physical affection, since I experience it as a physical sensation, obviously the more touching involved, the better the experience for me

Quick pecks are nice, but it will leave me wanting more. So when it's my turn to give, don't be surprised when I steal you away from whatever you're doing and whatever else is going on around us.

 

[jixmixfix]

I don't know if this relates to all ISTPS out there but I actually do like compliments towards me but I really don't know how to give a compliment that well. Usually ill say things like "your hair looks yellow" or "I like the stripes on your shoes", but nothing like "you look so beautiful today". I find extreme compliments hard to give.