Help with insinctual subtypes

[Doctor Cringelord]

Cut and pasted from that other thread:

I can't tell if I am Sp or So last, although I suspect I am Sx second.

CASE FOR So last: On one hand, I have poor recognition of things like social status, social importance, etc. The CEO or popular person doesn't get a pass if they're an asshole; the janitor isn't beneath me because he's the janitor. I maintain a general politeness with strangers, but overall my demeanor is cold and reserved, and I keep everyone, even close friends, at an arms' distance whenever possible. I utterly suck at making friends. Any meaningful friendships I've had are relationships I sort of just stumbled into, somehow. Often the case being that a third party was involved in connecting me to someone who became a friend, or the friend just approached me out of the blue and took the initiative to handle all of the social rituals. As a result of having burned people by mistake, because I am socially inept, sometimes I try to overcompensate and go into situations extra polite and preemptively apologizing for any eventual social faux pas I'm inevitably going to commit. So I think that might be why some on this forum were convinced I was an So first in the past.

CASE FOR Sp last: On the other hand, I have this terrible tendency to assume I will last forever, therefore putting off things like regular doctor and dentist visits, active care for my own health, etc. It's just not a high priority for me, and I have a terrible time "listening to my body" so when I see advice on preventative health with advice such as "listen to your body", I'm like "how?" because half of the time I don't even know when I'm getting a headache or catching a cold until someone like my wife points it out and I'm like, "oh shit, now that you mention it, I do notice my nose is stuffy and I feel a little feverish".

PLEASE ADVISE

 

[Luminous]

Please make a collage of images that you are drawn to.

Some questions... how focused are you on skills? How adaptable are you to changes in your environment? How focused are you on money and other resources? Are you always aware of how much you have in your account? Would owning property make you feel secure?

 

[The Cat]

Please make a collage of images that you are drawn to.

Some questions... how focused are you on skills? How adaptable are you to changes in your environment? How focused are you on money and other resources? Are you always aware of how much you have in your account? Would owning property make you feel secure?

Stop trying to spread your arts and crafts virus across the whole of christendom. The Craft Crusades are over, collages lost, and like The Norwegin Blue Parrot, and Disco, they aint comin back. So Give it a rest.

I'm just joshin ya, can you imagine if I talked like that? I obviously can, what times we all have on Type OC, anywho, what are we talking about?

 

[Peter Deadpan]

If you still like me, you don't have social.

I'm going to stick with Sp/Sx for now. I dunno why. I don't feel like thinking right now.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

Why do you think you're Sx second?

Because I commit to people at a glacier's pace, but once I do, it's for the long haul. I merge and understand them on a very deep level.

- - - Updated - - -

Leaning Sp/Sx

 

[EJCC]

If you still like me, you don't have social.

^ I know you're joking but I am obligated to say I'm social-second and like you.

 

[EJCC]

Your case for So last actually sounds like either So first or second...

I second this, though I don't have a strong opinion.

Worth noting (just so it's out there - folks probably already know this) the energy theory that social first = cool/cold, self pres first = warm, and sexual first = hot. I mistyped for a long time because I thought my warmth meant I had to be so/sx.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

Please make a collage of images that you are drawn to.

Some questions... how focused are you on skills? How adaptable are you to changes in your environment? How focused are you on money and other resources? Are you always aware of how much you have in your account? Would owning property make you feel secure?

I like images that are erotic, but not in a pornographic sense, it's kind of hard to explain. Images or art conveying joining, rebirths, etc. Maybe it could be an image of two nebulae or stars fusing, but that carries a lot of erotic undertones for me. I don't have any images readily available, I'll see if I can find some.

I have a few skills and talents that I enjoy, I can write and edit well when I put my mind to it, I have a very good musical sense for things like rhythm and recognizing harmony and melody despite no formal music training. Tend to learn new things and skills fast, but get bored before ever sticking with them and fully mastering them.

I tend to have a hard time managing money and staying aware of my account balance.

Owning too much property and stuff actually starts to feel like a burden, I'd almost prefer to keep to bare minimums and own things I can use, like musical instruments and a computer. I don't like having a ton of decorative stuff like knick knacks around because they feel like clutter and give me anxiety, though people seem to like giving me that shit. Minimalism appeals to me. I wouldn't want to go as extreme with it as some people, I just don't want a lot of extra stuff around burdening me, would rather stick to a few things I actually enjoy and value and dump everything else.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

I don't want to be one of these people who asks for typing help then immediately rejects people's suggestions, but I'm having a hard time seeing the case for soc first.

I'm extremely uncomfortable in group settings, not naturally talented at recognizing interweaving group dynamics and maneuvering accordingly. Not really interested in petty power plays and pitting subgroups within larger groups against one another, which seems to be one of the weak points for unhealthy social types, and that shit doesn't even make me mad so much as it bores the piss out of me--it's so boring, it makes me yawn and get sleepy when people come to me with their little power plays and who-said-what hearsay and games. I just want to be left out of those games. I never did like team sports, and by team sports I mean junior high bullshit social games. I'm not interested in cultivating and maintaining large social circles, not interested in cultivating group participation or strong interpersonal relations with people, would rather stick to business and instead focus on improving myself. If someone especially interesting or attractive comes along and ignites something in me, then that's a different story. They don't have to be attractive in a sexual sense, it just might be something in them that draws me to them. It's semi-rare though, that's why I don't think I am Sx first. Although I used to be more like that, but then I got married and found a mate who I could focus that energy on. I don't want more friends, but I'd take more soulmates if such a thing existed. But soulmates are few and far between if they do exist. One individual would be lucky to meet more than one in their lifetime who really fit that description. Should they meet many, they would truly be a wealthy man or woman. If I see a good candidate for one, I might latch onto them, but I never see them. Everyone is weird except for me.

Still, I asked because I wasn't sure, so if you think there's a strong case for So first, I'm open to any good arguments.

 

[Luminous]

If someone especially interesting or attractive comes along and ignites something in me, then that's a different story. They don't have to be attractive in a sexual sense, it just might be something in them that draws me to them. It's semi-rare though, that's why I don't think I am Sx first.

I think you're probably so last. Yes. Maybe sp/sx but, regarding what you said here... I identify with what you say. Finding someone I click with that way is fairly rare, it's not something that happens a lot for me. And I am sx dom. I wonder if you're not sx/sp.

 

[rav3n]

Instinctual variants

Self-preservation variant
People of the self-preservation variant are generally trying to be comfortable and independent. Their well-being is very important to them, so they pay much attention to their health, house and financial position. They are less interested in interpersonal contact, and are typically less spontaneous and don't show as much emotion as people of the other two subtypes of their enneagram type.

Sexual variant
People of the sexual variant are very much interested in one to one contacts. They are looking for intimacy and this may show in sexuality, though not necessarily. Being in a relationship is very important to them. They are the most passionate of the subtypes, being temperamental and having more energy. They have less of a problem with getting into a fight and care less about rules and responsibility.

Social Variant
People of the social variant prefer to be in groups or teams. They are more interested than the other subtypes in the position that they and others have in a group, and are consequently concerned with status. Wanting to be accepted, they try to fit in and be nice.

Pick your poison. IMO, you're definitively not an SO first.

 

[Luminous]

Better definitions:

Sp: "The self-preservation survival instinct is the instinct of physical self-protection. As living species, our bodies are the catalyst for our lives. This is the most basic ubiquitous survival instinct. If our bodies fail, we cannot live. This instinct is concerned primarily with one’s own physical body and its health, stability, protection, and ultimately that it continues to live."

Sx: "The sexual survival instinct is the instinct of attraction and seduction. Beyond the physical drive to actually have sex, this instinct is the drive to attract sex. As a species, mating is a means of keeping the human race alive. However it is often not easy to ensure a mating partner. We have choice in who we mate with, and humans have developed attraction strategies to ensure that they are consistently able to seduce the interest of a mate. Sexual selection has ensured that our most attractive qualities be genetically passed on through the ages. For example, the female peacock is attracted to large, colourful plumage, and so it evolved to grow larger and more elaborate. In people, this instinct is an over-identification with the attraction strategies and elements of mating (beyond the act of copulation itself)."

It's chemistry. Not intimacy. Of course that does not mean sx doms don't care about or want intimacy. I do want that. I seek the chemistry along with the intimacy. But of course, each can exist independent of each other.

So: "The social survival instinct is the instinct of connection. Connection is a gigantic domain and so this instinct is multi-faceted and adaptable, which is part of its innate skill. The prehistoric human brain became larger and larger very quickly, which resulted in offspring being born out of the womb less developed in growth than other species. Many species’ offspring are born almost fully formed, and the period of infancy is much shorter. However, because the human brain is so large, offspring were born early with a long period of helplessness before adulthood. This meant that young sapiens needed a strong bond with a caregiver that could protect them for several years, including the parents and other tribe members. The red-alert response we get when we hear a baby crying is the social protection drive in all of us.

This drive to form connections with another human being developed deeply in humans to point where we are able to live in extremely large societies cohesively. Few other species are able to do this. Bees and ants are examples of other very socially cohesive creatures. In humans now, this instinct is an over-identification with relationships with other humans in various ways whether they be deep or cursory."

 

[Peter Deadpan]

The rarity of being drawn to and ignited by individuals while still craving it is a symptom of Sx. Sx is very choosey about chemistry, but unconsciously so. Sx/Sp can be more "I don't really like you so I'm going to ignore you and put this wall up". So/Sp can be too, but for different reasons.

 

[rav3n]

And another description but this time, you can see the instinctual variants as they relate to the nine enneatypes, as well. Their model was premised on Naranjo's interpretation of the enneagram. You'll notice they replaced 'sx' with the 'one-on-one' term.

https://www.integrative9.com/enneagram/27-subtypes/

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

I do crave it, like a lot. But I always feel guilty and try to suppress that feeling because I’m married. We were supposed to be best friends and soulmates but I think about rediscovering that spark with someone else all the time. Not necessarily a spark of sexual attraction. Though sometimes I fantasize about the rush that comes with being sexually attracted to a new person for the first time, yes.

Sometimes I try to rekindle that feeling with her. By trying to put my mind at a state like we just met, trying to revisit the feeling of seducing and being seduced for the first time again