[ENFJ] Hate an ENFJ? Tell us why!

[proteanmix]

For real serious. We can handle it.

Substitute, you are not allowed to say ANYTHING!

 

[Usehername]

pssh impossible! no one hates an enfj!!

 

[proteanmix]

I know right? But tragically, somewhere out in the world, there are ENFJs daring to make enemies.

I have my own theory as to why this is so, but I'll withhold until there are more comments.

 

[Lookin4theBestNU]

I don't think this thread will end up being as as the ENFP one! We can handle it.

 

[Schizm]

I have a problem with ENFJ's neglect of their own needs. It is OK to want something. My question to you is, "what do you want?". Because I have observed ENFJ's give so much more than they are given.

 

[Littlelostnf]

I don't think this thread will end up being as as the ENFP one! We can handle it.

I think you're right Lookin4. Somehow I think this thread will definately not be as light and fluffy.

 

[Littlelostnf]

I have a problem with ENFJ's neglect of their own needs. It is OK to want something. My question to you is, "what do you want?". Because I have observed ENFJ's give so much more than they are given.

Many times I've said exactly what I want. In clear distinct english and still the person or persons seem to not hear me. Example: Please would you do a, c, d, e, f - z but for the love of goodness please don't do b. The person does b and then says tome if I ask why they did it what's wrong with you?

I say what I want and people ignore it. I'm not unclear altho it's true I think..does this sound unreasonable or bossy or whatever. When I deliver a message about what I want or how I feel you can believe it's been thought about. How can I ask for what I want and get it without imposing on someone elses freedoms or wants. (and the down side...when I get sick of doing that and don't think about the other persons feelings they get upset and huffy and say you're not thinking about ME!

 

[Varelse]

Some ENFJ comments that have annoyed me:

"You need to listen to me because I'm better with people and have read the Bible more than you."

Telling me that I need to obey my parents in all cases, even if I'm risking my life in the process. (Yes, really.)

And a general attitude of moral superiority because "people like me."

 

[runvardh]

It's a real pain in the ass to show them that yes you really do give a shit, 100 fucking %.

 

[Varelse]

It's a real pain in the ass to show them that yes you really do give a shit, 100 fucking %.

True.

Especially when they're going for the whole romantic, writing poems thing and I'm sitting there going....

 

[runvardh]

True.

Especially when they're going for the whole romantic, writing poems thing and I'm sitting there going....

My problem is when I'm trying to be the strong one to lean on and I end up comming off as cold to them. Shit like that really hurts my Fi.

 

[Littlelostnf]

My problem is when I'm trying to be the strong one to lean on and I end up comming off as cold to them. Shit like that really hurts my Fi.

That's a shame. My INFP friends have never been anything but understanding to me when I'm feeling like I need someone to lean on. I may do a lot more of the being leaned on but they've never not been there for me and I've never ever felt that they were cold.

 

[Domino]

I love my INFPs. Cuddly and steely at the same time.

 

[FemMecha]

I agree that it is difficult to near impossible to hate a random ENFJ. The ENF's have the most charisma of any type.

I did have an ENFJ (he took the test) that I admired toy with my emotions to the point that I needed counseling. He used people on a regular basis, and even though I spent many hours analyzing why, I can't condone it. I will say that his skill at emotional communication was as gifted as I have ever seen in a human being. I need to feel angry at him for what he put me through, but I struggle with that. He refused to see the deeper level of what was going on and forced everything into the context to fit his agenda. He could have been the source of greater damage to myself if I hadn't found some way to create the boundaries. Even with that he is a remarkable person in other ways. He has much to offer the world, but I will be keeping my distance forever.

I don't think all ENFJs are like that, but they do tend to be effective in working with emotional dynamics to get the end result they are working towards moreso than other types.

 

[Domino]

He manipulated you. What a rotten mean thing to do

 

[Magic Poriferan]

To be honest, I'm slightly wary of the fact that all EN's are skilled manipulators in one way or another. They are absolutely better at it than IN's, IS's and ES's.
It makes me a bit paranoid.

I've had much too little experience with ENFJs specifically to comment on the main topic, though.

 

[miss fortune]

ENFJs are always right... even when they aren't. They also can do odd things like insist that there are deep meanings in the lyrics to Metallica songs and calling me an evil cold hearted bitch for not crying at movies when I know how they end because they're based on a true story that everyone should know. ENFJs know the answers to everything... even when they don't. They also sometimes do horrible and odd things like listen to the same song or watch the same movie over and over and over and make a poor ISTP want to kill them!

These are things that all 3 ENFJs I know do rather consistantly!

 

[Domino]

ENFJs are always right... even when they aren't.

That's also right. heh. *sits back and shines fingernails* J/K!! (Though I'm positive my sister would agree.)

My ISTP best friend showed me how to lighten up. I miss him *goes for the phone*

 

[FemMecha]

He manipulated you. What a rotten mean thing to do

He was much older and outranked me in experience, skill, and status.

I think the positive spin on that skill is that ENFJs can inspire people. If they expect or desire the best from people, others tend to work to live up to those ideals and are better for it. Sometimes the world needs a little boost. That is why the ENFJ is called the pedagogue. They make uniquely inspiring mentors and teachers because of their ideals combined with their communication skills.

 

[wolfmaiden14]

Toonia, I can relate a bit.

I know someone I believe to be an ENFx who definitely can be self-righteous and manipulative when he wants to be. I don't know how much he manipulated me... but it was certainly frustrating to know how much he twisted the situation to get what he wanted out of me, and then back out and start acting like a different person. (I say it's not manipulation because of how much I DID fight him on it for months, and treated him pretty terrible in the process.. how could I really expect him to feel the same once I finally came around?) It's the worst.. I've seen him do this a couple more times, and the problem lies in the fact that he DOES mean what he says... at the time. I think the "x" in his type comes more from a struggle between the two rather than a balance.. The J likes the girl, and then the P kicks in with it's paranoia (especially since he got used really badly before)..X.x And yeah.. he REFUSED to listen to anything from my perspective and shoved the entire situation into his guilt complex and self-depreciating schemas. ><

And everytime he comes up with some hare-brained idea (that usually does revolve around ending a problem) and I ask him why his way is any better than anyone else's I get a simple. "Because I'm right!"

Sounds like an ENFJ gone wrong can REALLY dig into the nerves of us understanding INFJs..