[ENFJ] Hate an ENFJ? Tell us why!

[Tiny Army]

"Why are you doing this to meeeeeeeeeeee?"

 

[Hendo Barbarosa]

"Oh no I understand your solution to my problem very well, in fact I might've been able to come up with it on my own. I just want to complain, see."

 

[Domino]

*stays away from the Piranha*

What is with this controlling vibe ENFJ's have!

I call it my "giant butterfly nets attached to sharks wearing lazer hats", but that's just the technical term for it.

I find ENFJs are the type I dislike the most. I can even hang out and respect an ESTJ brefore an ENFJ.

We are so close yet so far apart and I drive them fucking batty. Maybe its my Fi but I can "feel" them applying the emotional push to control me P-ness and it freaks me out. Do not use my emotions to make me do things. The hardeer they push, the harder I push back.

Also they (pot calling the kettle black) are totally illogical at times, yet convinced they are right. This may work great when you are discussing opinions about politics but it is a waste of time when you are trying to tell them how to prepare a buffer or pour a plate.

They appear to feel that they know what is best for me. "Ah, honey, you just need to..." Dont wrap your request in enderments, and soft talk and expect me to hop to becuase of your need for harmony.

They also are really great at the implied emotional content in messages. They say something and I feel like they are leaving a whole lot more unsaid, yet implied. Could be me being nutty though.

For the few I have been around this back and forth sort of spirals into an unhealthy interaction, and we end up not liking each other very much

My twin sister is an ENFP and 99.9% of the time, we get along really well, but for those times we DON'T, it's WW3. I can clearly see how I make her insane, and she knows sometimes I can do nothing but stuff her in a hamper and sit on the lid until SHE'S done going postal. ENFPs and ENFJs pull in entirely different directions when under duress.

ENFJs steal people's mojo. For that I hate ever last one of them!

I've put yours in my little Alpine snowglobe village.

Okay, this rant has been a long time coming. My mother is an ENFJ and now I am faced with an ENFJ male who features prominently in my life. MY GOD. ENFJ + things not going 100% perfectly results in such WHINING. I can't handle that much Fe if all you're Fe-ing about is how shitty your life is, man. Depressed ENFJs are the worst because they're so vocal and self centered about it. This guy actually complained once because I was having a really bad period and this meant he "had to be sensitive" and couldn't talk about how shitty his life was because he was being so sensitive to my pain. Gee, I'm sorry my cramps took away from the Tim and His Shitty Life Show.

Ugh! Sorry! Period cramps don't play around. And that guy, tell him his eyebrows look funny but you can't figure out why. That'll trap him in the mirror for days.

Now, I've met ENFJs who aren't crazy and I really respect their passion and drive for self improvement but when an ENFJ is down they take everyone down with them.

I fully understand why you'd say this. Bent out of shape, primary Fe is awful. Perhaps I learned to control myself because I get no glee or validation by bringing people down, no matter how bad off I feel. If I'm depressed, I go off alone and try to get my head on straight, however long that takes.

I. must. sacrifice. myself. for. you.

Tasty!

 

[pecan111]

This is so amazing!!! I am laughing my head off!!!

I tend to agree with the appraisal of ENFJ's...but it does depend on how mature they are.
I am laughing so hard, because it does validate some of my experiences with them. I feel so used , controlled and manipulated at times by them. I JUST HAVE to distance myself from them...its such a shame bec. the CHEMISTY is AMAZING between me and them, but God, my emotional health gets all screwy around one that is depressed or stressed out..and I have to shut down and defend my boundaries because they sure as hell will attack them until they crumble, if i let them...

You guys are great!! i love reading all about this ...

 

[Domino]

Me and ENTP Guy:

It was full throttle and active in a good way. He kept me on my toes and I proverbially smacked him around for good measure. We had to be in our finest form at all times (not because we required it from each other, but because we were placed in competition by the powers that be). He would tease me constantly (when he wasn't terrorizing everyone else ) and it was a great adventure every day. He'd come cruising in late most times, and harass me on his way by. I made sure to lob a few choice words at him. It was our routine.

Trouble with him was he could make a fiend of a saint, tax anyone into a state of "One more word, boy, and I'm going to kill you". Which was a pain. Once he managed to work me into a state of tears (I was having a horrible time at home) and the minute I didn't come back at him, didn't retort, didn't verbally kick his shins, he came apart. I could NOT have predicted that reaction. I was stunned.

Deeply depressed, I had stopped speaking for several days (my life was really that bad and dismal at the time, I just couldn't speak anymore) and it drove him insane. I remember my partner Rob saying to him "What did you do to your girl? She hasn't spoken a word..."

After doing anything and everything to get a sign of life out of me, exasperated and anxious, he finally wound up throwing his tools down and cornering me between two marine engines. He was in the process of attempting to drag my half-dead self out of my shell when one of the diesel engines nearby went into a "run away" state (SCARY!) We both froze and waited tensely. The emergency passed. We were both so giddy at not having died that whatever was wrong just went "poof" and he spent the rest of the day picking on me and being very affectionate. I was acting like "pink" again. I think he was relieved?

Too bad about him... I would have done just about anything for him.

 

[Domino]

I have something I wish to hate on about ENFJs.

Our high emotional states. I feel like I'm strait-jacketed into a giant shock collar. It makes me react to things in an irrational manner when I'm tired or done in, and I hate it because I realize what it must be like for the people around me. I always sure I'm driving my loved ones to drink. That I'm "too much".

Also, how can we care this much about people and STILL have that powerful drive for conquest? That can't be a healthy pairing. It's bound to make me insane.

 

[Desperado44]

Wow....I don't get all this hate for we ENFJ's...

I understand all the emotion, passion, etc....can drive some crazy. But mainpulative? Is that really a quality of ENFJs?

You people are just jealous...

 

[MacGuffin]

They smell funny.

 

[Tallulah]

Hee, I love them, but they sometimes can talk the hind leg off a mule, as they say.

 

[SpottingTrains]

Also, how can we care this much about people and STILL have that powerful drive for conquest? That can't be a healthy pairing. It's bound to make me insane.

I laughed and almost cried when reading this lol.

 

[WithoutaFace]

INTJ:
oooooh so and so is right because e=mc^2 and f=ma
and i have contingency plans blah blah blah

ENFJ:
But I have jedi mind tricks.

INTJ = 0 ENFJ = 1

 

[briochick]

Me and ENTP Guy:

Too bad about him... I would have done just about anything for him.

what was too bad about him?

 

[Laurie]

Also, how can we care this much about people and STILL have that powerful drive for conquest? That can't be a healthy pairing. It's bound to make me insane.

Wow, so true. I like ENFJs. But just like every other personality there are things that can be irritating. And like other E's it can be more pronounced than some of the introverted irritations.

For me I think it lies in the "I just want to help" mode ENFJs get in without realizing that it's still about themselves, just like everyone is about themselves.

Every personality has their own hang ups, ENFJs (and enfp) just usually wear their heart on their sleeve enough to get hurt over having hangups that other people dislike.

 

[Domino]

I laughed and almost cried when reading this lol.

I laugh-cried, even.

INTJ:
oooooh so and so is right because e=mc^2 and f=ma
and i have contingency plans blah blah blah

ENFJ:
But I have jedi mind tricks.

INTJ = 0 ENFJ = 1

lol! True dat.

what was too bad about him?

I could have made him a happy man.

Wow, so true. I like ENFJs. But just like every other personality there are things that can be irritating. And like other E's it can be more pronounced than some of the introverted irritations.

I watching a docu about Joe Strummer last night. He's textbook INFJ, very intense guy. I related to his intensity and the snap to his tone, but I could see in his face and his eyes the boiling Fe contained beneath Ni. There's a difference between I and E energy. Being Fe-primary before Ni is a different animal.

For me I think it lies in the "I just want to help" mode ENFJs get in without realizing that it's still about themselves, just like everyone is about themselves.

I do this sometimes. I go into "fix it" mode w/o being aware of it. If it's about someone I love, it's not just about saving them from the flames, it's saving myself. So there's this shadow of selfish motivation to the altruistic things I do at times. Another puzzling aspect of my nature that I'm not sure about - whether to be ashamed of it or not.

Every personality has their own hang ups, ENFJs (and enfp) just usually wear their heart on their sleeve enough to get hurt over having hangups that other people dislike.

It's a shame issue for me. Being displeasing to people ultimately hurts me.

 

[Tiny Army]

So I'm on a business trip in DC (where my mother lives). I haven't called her yet because I wanted to finish up a bit more work before hanging out with her.

She apparently called my roomate, found out where I was and came into my hotel room at 7:00 in the morning to complain about how I hadn't called her yet and she told me off because I was sleeping too much and all normal people are up at this time.

I am a freelance artist. I do this so I can sleep during the day. I told her so and she insisted that I don't love her and then proceeded to plan the rest of my trip. I came here to WORK dammit. Not to participate in the Fe "pay attention to me" parade.

 

[tibby]

I'm not a baby!

(enfj parent)

By the way I think enfj's are GREAT role-models and great teachers/parents to teach about/pass on ethics and push the kid to the very best they can be (positive/negative). As in give their children the best tools possible (offer all kinds of possibilities to all kinds of activies, hobbies, clubs etc) and treat them as individuals.

ENFJ as a parent can be quite perfectionistic. I think it's not intentional in a negative way, I understand why they are that way, they just want their kids to have the very best (not in spoiling sense) and grow up to be the best they possibly can, with the world open for them.

 

[Hendo Barbarosa]

I just make sure to separate myself from my ENFJ parent by like, at least three thousand miles, and things go swimmingly between us

 

[Tiny Army]

Man, can you tell Tjasse to stop answering the phone when my mother calls. She makes life difficult for everyone.

 

[Synthetic Darkness]

No one can hate an ENFJ

They're my favourite type.

 

[Ulaes]

you guys are far too charming.