H : How To attain Happiness

[Tennessee Jed]

I am taking happiness as a process of equilibrium here, because from my point of view, there can be no permanent happiness for everything must and is going to be balanced with its counter-opposite. I think that, you can only achieve equilibrium in your life by taking direct responsibility for your actions, life and psychological well-being. I can not say this is an easy path to choose, but eventually, it leads to maturity, growth and a personal sense of balance.

That observation (an excellent one) has inspired me to post a follow-up to something I said earlier in this thread:

What one needs for happiness is constantly changing.

In a previous long post, I pointed out that the path to happiness is through analysis and fine-tuning of one's "sense of life" (the unconscious conglomerate of one's wants, needs, values, hopes, dreams, etc.) But that's an ongoing process. One's needs (and thus values) are constantly undergoing change depending on one's phase of life. Take Maslow's hierarchy of needs (see bottom of my post for a picture of it): We're constantly jumping around to different places on it.

For example: Now that I'm 60, I'm buying up blenders for smoothies and exercise equipment. I'm taking care of all those health issues I never had time to address when I was married and working: I got a membership in a gym, I'm eating according to the Mediterranean Diet, and working to get my weight down and get fit before I head into my late 60s and 70s. Those are my current goals/values. At other times in my life, other goals/values were important to me. When I was young, there was a time when the most important thing was to experience love and find myself in a solid long-term relationship. Then later, my priority was on keeping my wife happy. Then at a time after that, my priority was on divorcing my wife in the interest of my health and sanity and the desire to have some peace in my life. After that, I went through a phase of upgrading my man-cave so that I would have all the latest amenities and comforts. I went through similar phases dealing with work objectives and career changes throughout my life. And so on.

So "Happiness" is a moving target. We need to be doing periodic self-inventories to see where we're at, what needs we should be meeting, whether our values have quietly and almost imperceptibly shifted due to changes in life.

Ask yourself: What do you need in order to live and flourish? What aspect of your life would you like to be working on? Work, recreation, relationships, hobbies, home, travel... You can play around with Maslow's pyramid and see if it sparks any thoughts. Or you can inventory your life using a book like "Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life" by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans. Then pick a project you want to be working on and use that as your primary goal/value. Example: You always secretly wanted to play poker in a Vegas casino? Pick up the book "Texas Hold'em for Dummies" and read a page every day over your morning coffee. It may take a while, but eventually your life will become electrified as your learning progresses and you get near the day when you feel ready, maybe start playing some on-line poker, etc. If poker is what you need to be doing in your life at the moment, then tackling the learning process will have meaning for you.

Okay, I'm done lecturing. I'll shut up now....

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[LightSun]

In short summary fashion I strive for two balance’s. First is a balance between heart and mind. How is this to be accomplished?

I. First focus on this mindful cognitive discipline and gaming an awareness of our underlying thoughts in the subconscious.

Second a focus on teaching active listening skills along with empathy skills.

II. Strive for a balanced equilibrium with our external world and maintain a balanced awareness of our internal universe also called our phenomenological inner world experience.