Chimerical
Permabanned
- Joined
- Apr 30, 2008
- Messages
- 898
- MBTI Type
- INTJ
- Enneagram
- 1w5
I feel like I have this weird crazy creature hiding inside of me. It wants to come out and play and means no harm but everyone's creeped out by it because it's so different. So I were a mask, or I just don't let people get to know me. But I'm still seen by some through all the things I do.
I've yet to meet someone who actually understand that I'm hurting and mean no harm. People don't seem to get that I'm NOT NORMAL.
Most people, when they start to meet the real me, don't like me. They say I'm creepy and weird and run off. They talk to me like I'm some evil freak, it's very condescending and it pisses me off. Most people, I don't care so much, because they're usually pretty stupid and selfish. Some are just selfish.
There are a few who actually try to understand what the hell's going on, but so far no one who actually stuck with it. Everybody runs away at some point. But the people who try, they don't desearve it I guess.
I know it's not my fault that I'm weird and that I really don't desearve this, but I cut off contact with most of the world. All that's really left is my roommate and the nameless faces I see at work and the library. A few strangers online I talk to.
Myspace, I deleted it. It had too many people I knew, all who could potentially get "hurt" by my weirdness.
I'm not sure why I haven't died yet. I really don't enjoy life, but I guess I just don't have the balls to do it. If I had money for sleeping pills and alcohol, that'd be gravy, but I'm pretty broke, so my options involve drowning, jumping off a bridge, hanging, toaster in the tub and other things I wouldn't have the nerve to actually do. All very violent/cost effecient ways to die.
I've yet to meet someone who actually understand that I'm hurting and mean no harm. People don't seem to get that I'm NOT NORMAL.
Most people, when they start to meet the real me, don't like me. They say I'm creepy and weird and run off. They talk to me like I'm some evil freak, it's very condescending and it pisses me off. Most people, I don't care so much, because they're usually pretty stupid and selfish. Some are just selfish.
There are a few who actually try to understand what the hell's going on, but so far no one who actually stuck with it. Everybody runs away at some point. But the people who try, they don't desearve it I guess.
I know it's not my fault that I'm weird and that I really don't desearve this, but I cut off contact with most of the world. All that's really left is my roommate and the nameless faces I see at work and the library. A few strangers online I talk to.
Myspace, I deleted it. It had too many people I knew, all who could potentially get "hurt" by my weirdness.
I'm not sure why I haven't died yet. I really don't enjoy life, but I guess I just don't have the balls to do it. If I had money for sleeping pills and alcohol, that'd be gravy, but I'm pretty broke, so my options involve drowning, jumping off a bridge, hanging, toaster in the tub and other things I wouldn't have the nerve to actually do. All very violent/cost effecient ways to die.
