ladypinkington
Rubber Nipple Salesperson
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2007
- Messages
- 1,126
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
I don't even know where to begin.
I have learned a lot about life this year through failed relationships.
I am finding that I am on my way to becoming a cynic, though I must say I will actually never fully become one- but as of now I am at least going through a shift for at least a season.
I have realised this year that I need to be very careful and more cautious in relationships with people. I don't connect with many people and when I come across anyone I do find a spark with I can form a close kinship with them before there has been an adequate establishment of intimacy and screening. The relationships form too fast. I find that there are people who will promise what they do not have to give and that I need to know a person well enough to know whether they are too idealistic then realistic.
I have realised that people are often full of bull crap, and most disappointingly the idealists, even the idealist in me. Oh sure, there isn't the intention of being ful of bull crap, it isn't a conscious choice-but the end result is just the same as if it were.
My new year's resolution is to be more careful with people. To not make or accept promises until there has been a sufficient history.
I have learned that there are people who want the things they promise but cannot deliver and that I get my heart too attacthed to those promises and so really need to make sure a person has it in their nature and real life to give those promises before I accept them.
I feel very discouraged. There are so many misunderstanding floating about, so many sides of my story that will never get to be shared nor would they be welcomed. It would seem that I am not very good for people and people are not very good for me.
I am too demanding I think. I want depth, I want emotional intimacy, I desire consistentcy and I will not accept anything less. There are only two relationships in my life that are successful in meeting my ideal for relationships and perhaps that is enough, the two being my my hubby and my best friend named Lisa.
I wrote a blues song about my frustrations with my idealism. It talks about how I am very frustrated being me. There are times where I hate being an idealist and so put on the mask of a cynic.
Sometimes though it feels as if the mask fits tighter and tighter, showing more struggle upon the act of removal.
I feel lost. I feel like I am losing my sense of self even more. I feel like perhaps I have nothing to give to anyone else other then the two relationships which are so wonderful and dear to my heart. I have two relationships which bring such joy and great development.
This year I have come to appreciate the even greater significance of those relationships then previously thought- which were already thought to be as sig as the air I breathe.
I have these ideals for relationships that I will not give up on, that I will not accept anything less on. I simply can't and I simply won't. It is too engrained in who I am.
Other thoughts about things I have learned.
There are people whom I do not think to be personally bad- just not people I can deal nor can they deal with me well. There are people who feel rejected by me for the wrong reasons. I do not think them to be bad- just not compatible. Sometines I avoid certain people not because I don't like them or because they bring me down but because I feel like I bring them down and am just not good for them.
I am so not comaptible with most people.
I a mway too overactive in having a sense of humor and value humor way more then most. I am interested in weird things and am a strange person. Most people don't respect the things I value and I don't value what most others respect. I am on the how should I say curb of society? and yet don't fit in with most others on the curb.
I think a lot of people see me as weak. I am very open and honest about my shortcomings. One of my top values is authenticity and when I am sad I show it- I cannot hide it- some do not think that a good quality- that you should put your best foot forward for the benefit of others- to me I have to be me. If I am happy I smile, If I am overwhelmed with social anxiety I don't want to be around people, if I don't feel close to you then I won't open up to you. I talk about my demons and my faults. Faults that others have or are of equal value but they don't take ownership of or acknowledge themselves. I am too sensitive but don't know how to temper it.
I really feel uncomfortable around a lot of people I know. People whom started out as nice and potential for comfort but due to bad communication and uncompatibility had become
quite the opposite.
People are torture to me most of the time. I have visions of what things should be, could be, and it seldom ever comes true.
The upside is that when it does it is the most beautiful and meaningful events to ever take place.
There is a part of me that wants to like and be liked by everyone and there is another part that knows that can never be- that it would be the end of my sanity.
I won't give up on my ideals and so I become cynical as I realize I am almost completely alone in my ideals.
It is painful thing to realize. Especially when I thought certain others valued what I valued only to learn that they are blown by the wind and just say what you want to hear, not in a mean way-just in a well meaning but shallow way. They want you to feel good, but I want authenticity.
I realize that there are so many people who have no freaking idea who they are, and who are so out of touch with reality. Why do so many not value knowing who they are and getting to know their inner soul and the souls of those they love?
I admit I fall short of always knowing who I am, it is a constant task as I am a creature who is always evolving and who is going to always be weathered by the experiences that my life encounters. Sometime I lose my sense of self- but I fight like hell to get it back.
I just seem to be interested in knowing and exposing who I am to others and wanting them to know and expose who they are and it seems to me to be something not attractive to most- especially those I meet in real life.
I have learned a lot about life this year through failed relationships.
I am finding that I am on my way to becoming a cynic, though I must say I will actually never fully become one- but as of now I am at least going through a shift for at least a season.
I have realised this year that I need to be very careful and more cautious in relationships with people. I don't connect with many people and when I come across anyone I do find a spark with I can form a close kinship with them before there has been an adequate establishment of intimacy and screening. The relationships form too fast. I find that there are people who will promise what they do not have to give and that I need to know a person well enough to know whether they are too idealistic then realistic.
I have realised that people are often full of bull crap, and most disappointingly the idealists, even the idealist in me. Oh sure, there isn't the intention of being ful of bull crap, it isn't a conscious choice-but the end result is just the same as if it were.
My new year's resolution is to be more careful with people. To not make or accept promises until there has been a sufficient history.
I have learned that there are people who want the things they promise but cannot deliver and that I get my heart too attacthed to those promises and so really need to make sure a person has it in their nature and real life to give those promises before I accept them.
I feel very discouraged. There are so many misunderstanding floating about, so many sides of my story that will never get to be shared nor would they be welcomed. It would seem that I am not very good for people and people are not very good for me.
I am too demanding I think. I want depth, I want emotional intimacy, I desire consistentcy and I will not accept anything less. There are only two relationships in my life that are successful in meeting my ideal for relationships and perhaps that is enough, the two being my my hubby and my best friend named Lisa.
I wrote a blues song about my frustrations with my idealism. It talks about how I am very frustrated being me. There are times where I hate being an idealist and so put on the mask of a cynic.
Sometimes though it feels as if the mask fits tighter and tighter, showing more struggle upon the act of removal.
I feel lost. I feel like I am losing my sense of self even more. I feel like perhaps I have nothing to give to anyone else other then the two relationships which are so wonderful and dear to my heart. I have two relationships which bring such joy and great development.
This year I have come to appreciate the even greater significance of those relationships then previously thought- which were already thought to be as sig as the air I breathe.
I have these ideals for relationships that I will not give up on, that I will not accept anything less on. I simply can't and I simply won't. It is too engrained in who I am.
Other thoughts about things I have learned.
There are people whom I do not think to be personally bad- just not people I can deal nor can they deal with me well. There are people who feel rejected by me for the wrong reasons. I do not think them to be bad- just not compatible. Sometines I avoid certain people not because I don't like them or because they bring me down but because I feel like I bring them down and am just not good for them.
I am so not comaptible with most people.
I a mway too overactive in having a sense of humor and value humor way more then most. I am interested in weird things and am a strange person. Most people don't respect the things I value and I don't value what most others respect. I am on the how should I say curb of society? and yet don't fit in with most others on the curb.
I think a lot of people see me as weak. I am very open and honest about my shortcomings. One of my top values is authenticity and when I am sad I show it- I cannot hide it- some do not think that a good quality- that you should put your best foot forward for the benefit of others- to me I have to be me. If I am happy I smile, If I am overwhelmed with social anxiety I don't want to be around people, if I don't feel close to you then I won't open up to you. I talk about my demons and my faults. Faults that others have or are of equal value but they don't take ownership of or acknowledge themselves. I am too sensitive but don't know how to temper it.
I really feel uncomfortable around a lot of people I know. People whom started out as nice and potential for comfort but due to bad communication and uncompatibility had become
quite the opposite.
People are torture to me most of the time. I have visions of what things should be, could be, and it seldom ever comes true.
The upside is that when it does it is the most beautiful and meaningful events to ever take place.
There is a part of me that wants to like and be liked by everyone and there is another part that knows that can never be- that it would be the end of my sanity.
I won't give up on my ideals and so I become cynical as I realize I am almost completely alone in my ideals.
It is painful thing to realize. Especially when I thought certain others valued what I valued only to learn that they are blown by the wind and just say what you want to hear, not in a mean way-just in a well meaning but shallow way. They want you to feel good, but I want authenticity.
I realize that there are so many people who have no freaking idea who they are, and who are so out of touch with reality. Why do so many not value knowing who they are and getting to know their inner soul and the souls of those they love?
I admit I fall short of always knowing who I am, it is a constant task as I am a creature who is always evolving and who is going to always be weathered by the experiences that my life encounters. Sometime I lose my sense of self- but I fight like hell to get it back.
I just seem to be interested in knowing and exposing who I am to others and wanting them to know and expose who they are and it seems to me to be something not attractive to most- especially those I meet in real life.
