campfirecontours
New member
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2008
- Messages
- 1
- MBTI Type
- INTP
words of advice are welcome.
I am loosing it... things I used to know, by coming to believe that I truly know nothing. Least of all how I'm going to over come this state. It has been a repetitive situation. Each time all the more potent.
Do I not want to be in this purgatory... but here I am, does that mean that I do? What is the sense in asking this question if the answer will arrive when I say it does? Because it's not coming any other way. Is that me choosing? What did I just choose?! I am so crazy right now.
Some of my recurring thought processes:
I feel so ripped apart. I imagine possibilities and it's like part of me is there, with my thought. The energy that would have been in my body is out there away from me. Gone. Precious energy. I can't think, I'm weak. I cannot be this way.
I am under the impression that I enjoy engaging with others so when interacting with other people and I'm reduced to small talk(that is barely passing as a conversation), which I hate, because I can't focus. I'm a deer and someone's attention is the headlights. My voice box slinks into my stomach while my brain is being invaded through every orifice in my head.
I just can't seem to grasp the other person/myself/the context in which we are in and it is crippling.
I feel powerless. How does someone come to believe that they control even the smallest bit of existence? Why do people have this need? Is it an artifact? I'm positive these swelling questions are shortening the time in which I may even come close to resolving them.
I believe I am a burden to anyone to talks to me. I can give them so little. I take too much? I consume too much for what I give back. I am in debt. I hate that worse than small talk.
Who am I to judge all this even? I don't want to think about it. Why can't I drop these ridiculous questions? They should not be having this much of an affect on my life. If one can't judge how does one make a decision. It's all neutral.
It seems as if at some point I became so detached that I floated away to a place where everything around me has blended together.
I am loosing it... things I used to know, by coming to believe that I truly know nothing. Least of all how I'm going to over come this state. It has been a repetitive situation. Each time all the more potent.
Do I not want to be in this purgatory... but here I am, does that mean that I do? What is the sense in asking this question if the answer will arrive when I say it does? Because it's not coming any other way. Is that me choosing? What did I just choose?! I am so crazy right now.
Some of my recurring thought processes:
I feel so ripped apart. I imagine possibilities and it's like part of me is there, with my thought. The energy that would have been in my body is out there away from me. Gone. Precious energy. I can't think, I'm weak. I cannot be this way.
I am under the impression that I enjoy engaging with others so when interacting with other people and I'm reduced to small talk(that is barely passing as a conversation), which I hate, because I can't focus. I'm a deer and someone's attention is the headlights. My voice box slinks into my stomach while my brain is being invaded through every orifice in my head.
I just can't seem to grasp the other person/myself/the context in which we are in and it is crippling.
I feel powerless. How does someone come to believe that they control even the smallest bit of existence? Why do people have this need? Is it an artifact? I'm positive these swelling questions are shortening the time in which I may even come close to resolving them.
I believe I am a burden to anyone to talks to me. I can give them so little. I take too much? I consume too much for what I give back. I am in debt. I hate that worse than small talk.
Who am I to judge all this even? I don't want to think about it. Why can't I drop these ridiculous questions? They should not be having this much of an affect on my life. If one can't judge how does one make a decision. It's all neutral.
It seems as if at some point I became so detached that I floated away to a place where everything around me has blended together.
