[MBTI General] For ISxJ females....

[d@v3]

How do you like guys to pursue you?

That is, what would be the ultimate scenario?

Generally, how long do you banter before going on to all-out dating?

Please give as many details as possible. I need help with an ISFJ.

What would you want out of an ISTJ guy?

Is your view similar to your ISFJ/ISTJ female counterpart?

Oh... and try to answer as if the guy were an ISTJ.

 

[ayoitsStepho]

....you need help with an ISFJ?
so d@v3 IS trying to catch a girlie. you tiger!

 

[AutumnReverie]

Aw, the squishy penguin is pursuing a (squishy penguin) ISFJ? Cute!

How do you like guys to pursue you?
- Don't be too forward or painfully obvious with your flirting/interest. That turns me off right away. I like to know that a guy is interested in me as a person (read: friend) before he shows any strong romantic interest towards me. So I'd like a guy to pursue me by calling me (not every day, maybe like twice or three times within a 7 day period). Also, by inviting me to join him at an event that he thinks I may like. I also dislike small talk so if a guy calls me, he should actually have something to talk about before calling. Or if he has nothing to talk about when he calls, then she should at least be enough of a stimulating conversationalist so that the conversation doesn't turn awkward. Although, if I really liked him a lot already then I probably would just be happy that he called. Period.

That is, what would be the ultimate scenario?
- The ultimate scenario would be hanging out with the guy as friend frequently and getting to know him and talk to him (so that I can evaluate whether or not we're compatible, if he'd be someone I want to date, and how comfortable I feel around him). Then, once I've become to show some subtle interest in him (romantically) by calling him or wanting to spend one-on-one time with him or something else, he would tell me that he likes me and enjoys spending time with me-- directly, taking the initiative.

Generally, how long do you banter before going on to all-out dating?
- Until...he takes the initiative to ask me if I want to all-out date. I don't like to make the first move or state my feelings first when I'm unsure about how he feels (which I almost always am, since as an ISTJ, I'm not the best at interpreting those things). I prefer when the guy is honest and direct.

I know, it's not fair to a guy who's also shy to make him put himself out there first...but if you really want to make her happy (and less stressed out) then you'll do it.

What would you want out of an ISTJ guy?
- I would want my ISTJ guy to be thoughtful, sweet, consistent, and understanding. Be patient, but don't wait forever to make your move. If a guy takes too long (and she actually likes you), she may start getting impatient, confused, and a bit frustrated and discouraged.

Is your view similar to your ISFJ/ISTJ female counterpart?
- Hmm, I'm not sure. I've actually tested as an ISFJ a few times this year, but I'm 100% sure I'm still an ISTJ (just with a stronger F than before). So I guess my view would be more similar to an ISFJ who has a low F or is borderline. If the girl has a very strong F, then I'm assuming we'd be different in this way:

When I'm making a decision about whether or not I like someone, I strongly take into account (not only my feelings) but also mutual interests, future potential, etc. If, after all of that thinking, I've decided that he is someone I could see myself married to in the future then I'll be open to a relationship with him. So talking (getting to know his thoughts on various issues and his interests in general) is very important to me. Important, as in, if he doesn't have the values that I'm looking for....despite any feelings, I won't pursue a relationship with him.

This may just be an ISTJ thing and not an ISFJ thing, I'm not sure though...

 

[d@v3]

....you need help with an ISFJ?
so d@v3 IS trying to catch a girlie. you tiger!

I am not tiger! :steam:

Aw, the squishy penguin is pursuing a (squishy penguin) ISFJ? Cute!

:rolli:

 

[AutumnReverie]

:rolli:

Aw, but I meant it in a good way! When you talk about finding a girl, I imagine a cute fluffy penguin waddling over to another fluffy penguin asking her if she likes you or not haha.

 

[d@v3]

Thank you for answering the OP Autumn.

A little more on this girl and myself:
I developed "feelings" for this girl last March. (I made a thread about her) She said it was not a good time because she was just getting out of relationship. So, eventually my "feelings" disappeared. (Which I am good at making them do )

Anyway, recently she transferred to a university near the one I transferred to. However, she did not like it so she transferred back to our old one. Somehow we got to talking (I think I just randomly texted her and asked her how her new school was, not knowing she had gone back) Then she told me the story of how she hated it.

Soooo..... last weekend she invited me to go out with a few of our other friends from the old school. I said sure and we all met at a bar. We ended up sitting at a table alone together because all our friends moved to a different (bigger? ) table because more friends showed up. So, the two of us ended up talking for quite a while. We ended up leaving the bar around 2am. Throughout most of our conversation, I had her laughing and smiling.

On Sunday, two days later, was the next time I had contact with her... I texted her to say hi and ask her how she was feeling (she had a sore throat when we were at the bar) and she said she was a little better and that she would call me later that night. So, she called me last night and we had yet another one of our epic 45 minute conversations until she had to go to bed.

She said she would text me today unless she forgot. But she never texted me. I thought ISFJ's never forgot? =(

So, what do all 45 minutes conversations mean? I never talk that long to any females on the phone! And I would say AT LEAST 35 of those 45 minutes I had her laughing. Of course, she had me laughing too.

I don't know what to think.

 

[d@v3]

Aw, but I meant it in a good way! When you talk about finding a girl, I imagine a cute fluffy penguin waddling over to another fluffy penguin asking her if she likes you or not haha.

"Cute?" "Fluffy?!" These are NOT in the ISTJ vocabulary! You really ARE and ISFJ!

 

[ayoitsStepho]

Thank you for answering the OP Autumn.

A little more on this girl and myself:
I developed "feelings" for this girl last March. (I made a thread about her) She said it was not a good time because she was just getting out of relationship. So, eventually my "feelings" disappeared. (Which I am good at making them do )

Anyway, recently she transferred to a university near the one I transferred to. However, she did not like it so she transferred back to our old one. Somehow we got to talking (I think I just randomly texted her and asked her how her new school was, not knowing she had gone back) Then she told me the story of how she hated it.

Soooo..... last weekend she invited me to go out with a few of our other friends from the old school. I said sure and we all met at a bar. We ended up sitting at a table alone together because all our friends moved to a different (bigger? ) table because more friends showed up. So, the two of us ended up talking for quite a while. We ended up leaving the bar around 2am. Throughout most of our conversation, I had her laughing and smiling.

On Sunday, two days later, was the next time I had contact with her... I texted her to say hi and ask her how she was feeling (she had a sore throat when we were at the bar) and she said she was a little better and that she would call me later that night. So, she called me last night and we had yet another one of our epic 45 minute conversations until she had to go to bed.

She said she would text me today unless she forgot. But she never texted me. I thought ISFJ's never forgot? =(

So, what do all 45 minutes conversations mean? I never talk that long to any females on the phone! And I would say AT LEAST 35 of those 45 minutes I had her laughing. Of course, she had me laughing too.

I don't know what to think.

ok, first take a deep breath.
now if she doesnt text you its not the end of the world. she could have very well forgotten [i forget]. its very possible too that right now she's in the friend zone. which isnt bad at all. you WANT her to be your best friend. i couldnt say that she likes you or not. but she obviously likes you as a person and friend if she's got into communication with you. so dont loose hope on that. right now i advice you to just play it cool. dont make any sudden moves toward 'liking' and 'not liking'. just try to spend time with her if you can, be there for her, and just talk with her. it seems really early right now to know for sure

 

[AutumnReverie]

Thank you for answering the OP Autumn.

You're welcome! (<-- a little preview preparing you for Thursday )

A little more on this girl and myself:
So, the two of us ended up talking for quite a while. We ended up leaving the bar around 2am. Throughout most of our conversation, I had her laughing and smiling.

So, she called me last night and we had yet another one of our epic 45 minute conversations until she had to go to bed.

She said she would text me today unless she forgot. But she never texted me. I thought ISFJ's never forgot? =(

This sounds like she definitely enjoys your company. And that's a good start, even if she's not romantically interested in you yet. Also, I wouldn't worry too much about the text. Even ISFJs can forget sometimes :nod: or maybe she's just thinking about what to say.

So, what do all 45 minutes conversations mean? I never talk that long to any females on the phone! And I would say AT LEAST 35 of those 45 minutes I had her laughing. Of course, she had me laughing too.

Honestly, I've had 35 minute - 45 minute phone conversations with guys that I'm just friends with before. Although, the fact that I'm able to do that with them (and laugh and have an enjoyable conversation the whole time) definitely makes me consider them a "friend...with romantic potential".

I would just try to hang out with her more often, talk with her regularly, but also make sure to show subtle romantic interest in her every so often (i.e. flirt) so that you don't get "friendzoned".

"Cute?" "Fluffy?!" These are NOT in the ISTJ vocabulary! You really ARE and ISFJ!

:steam:

 

[d@v3]

ok, first take a deep breath.
now if she doesnt text you its not the end of the world. she could have very well forgotten [i forget]. its very possible too that right now she's in the friend zone. which isnt bad at all. you WANT her to be your best friend. i couldnt say that she likes you or not. but she obviously likes you as a person and friend if she's got into communication with you. so dont loose hope on that. right now i advice you to just play it cool. dont make any sudden moves toward 'liking' and 'not liking'. just try to spend time with her if you can, be there for her, and just talk with her. it seems really early right now to know for sure

I HATE waiting. =(

This sounds like she definitely enjoys your company. And that's a good start, even if she's not romantically interested in you yet. Also, I wouldn't worry too much about the text. Even ISFJs can forget sometimes :nod: or maybe she's just thinking about what to say.



Honestly, I've had 35 minute - 45 minute phone conversations with guys that I'm just friends with before. Although, the fact that I'm able to do that with them (and laugh and have an enjoyable conversation the whole time) definitely makes me consider them a "friend...with romantic potential".

I would just try to hang out with her more often, talk with her regularly, but also make sure to show subtle romantic interest in her every so often (so that you don't get "friendzoned").

Friend-zone is BAD
How long are you labeled at "friend with romantic potential? I am not on call for her.
So.... you have 35-45 minutes conversations too? Yup, you're an ISFJ.
So, I'm not too worried about the text, but how long to I wait to contact her again? I was going to ask her to go out this weekend somewhere.... I don't know where yet. I am also unsure on how to ask....
Subtle romantic gestures? For example.... ________________?

How do I get myself into these situations? =(

 

[d@v3]

You're welcome! (<-- a little preview preparing you for Thursday )

Here is the thread that I wrote about her before (I used to think she was ENFP ):
http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/sj-guardhouse/13285-istj-enfp-relationship-starter-help.html

 

[ayoitsStepho]

buddy, dating involves waiting. especially waiting for girls. that is if you want a healthy relationship [romantic or friend].
Friend zone isnt bad. Friend zone can up your chances at actually knowing her and her trusting you, THEN she may want you as more.

 

[AutumnReverie]

Friend-zone is BAD
How long are you labeled at "friend with romantic potential? I am not on call for her.

For me? It could be as long as several months to a year. Before "friend with romantic potential" can move to "romantic potential", I really have to be sure. The whole hanging out and talking a lot (fun things, but also about "real" subjects too -- future potential indicators) helps move that process along. But since you've known her for several months already, now could really be the time to slowly increase the amount of subtle indicators that show her that you're romantically interested in her again. That way, if she is in the process of deciding or already has decided on her feelings about you, she'll know that you're still interested in her.

So.... you have 35-45 minutes conversations too? Yup, you're an ISFJ.

So, I'm not too worried about the text, but how long to I wait to contact her again? I was going to ask her to go out this weekend somewhere.... I don't know where yet. I am also unsure on how to ask....

I'd probably contact her around Wed. and just ask her if she would like to do something this weekend, if she's free

Subtle romantic gestures? For example.... ________________?

Hmm, maybe you could make little comments here and there (i.e. complimenting her, jokingly suggesting how you two would be good together because you make each other laugh so much, etc.)

No serious heavy-handed statements (or love declarations) and don't make the little comments constantly. But I would probably just try to slip them into your back-and-forth banter every so often. She'll know you still think about her in a romantic-sort-of-way, at least, occasionally. And if she ever develops feelings for you, she'll be less afraid to make a move (or at least do some subtle flirting of her own).

 

[d@v3]

buddy, dating involves waiting. especially waiting for girls. that is if you want a healthy relationship [romantic or friend].
Friend zone isnt bad. Friend zone can up your chances at actually knowing her and her trusting you, THEN she may want you as more.

I know.. but I do not like it.
I have been friend-zoned before and I am all the time friend-zoned... it always ends up the same way.

For me? It could be as long as several months to a year.

That is such very bad news for me. =( Even though she has known me for more than a year, we have been 5 months without talking.

No serious heavy-handed statements (or love declarations) and don't make the little comments constantly. But I would probably just try to slip them into your back-and-forth banter every so often. She'll know you still think about her in a romantic-sort-of-way, at least, occasionally. And if she ever develops feelings for you, she'll be less afraid to make a move (or at least do some subtle flirting of her own).

I hope I pick up on her "subtle" flirting.

 

[ayoitsStepho]

im sorry
'just' friendzone is never fun. but you do need to make sure your intentions are pure. are you just interested in her for a dating relationship? or do you really like her for her. If you like her for her then just being with her will be good enough and you'll want whats best for her. in most cases guys get irritated if they just get the friendzone and nothing else and honestly i see that as decieving. some guys will do all this stuff just for a relationship and will only become a friend for that. thats not cool to me. that means your not really interested in ME, but in the relationship.

 

[d@v3]

How can you like someone for a dating relationship, but not like that person for who they are?

Oh yeah... what's best for her... I've used that line before more than once... and yes, it was sincere, and no, it didn't help. :rolli:

Like I said, I'm not "on call" for her, but of course I like her for her. I am very picky when it comes to girls. I will not date a girl unless I see potential marriage material.

 

[JustHer]

I have nothing to contribute but I just wanted to say that ISFJ women are really great.


Especially when they are your mother

 

[AutumnReverie]

That is such very bad news for me. =( Even though she has known me for more than a year, we have been 5 months without talking.

Don't worry, if she's an ISFJ she'll still remember those months that she did talk to you. So those conversations/time spent would still "count" in her mind, when trying to figure out her feelings towards you.

I hope I pick up on her "subtle" flirting.

*crosses fingers*

 

[ayoitsStepho]

How can you like someone for a dating relationship, but not like that person for who they are?

Oh yeah... what's best for her... I've used that line before more than once... and yes, it was sincere, and no, it didn't help. :rolli:

Like I said, I'm not "on call" for her, but of course I like her for her. I am very picky when it comes to girls. I will not date a girl unless I see potential marriage material.

no i mean do you just want her so you can have a gf? some guys do that and get frusterated when the girl they like doesnt want more, so they treat her like crap afterwards. no you dont have to tell her this, you just need to be sure of this yourself

And you shouldnt be on call for her, your not an item. but i agree with your view of what woman or potential to date and such. [if you wouldnt marry them, why date them?]

 

[d@v3]

I have nothing to contribute but I just wanted to say that ISFJ women are really great.


Especially when they are your mother

Don't worry, if she's an ISFJ she'll still remember those months that she did talk to you. So those conversations/time spent would still "count" in her mind, when trying to figure out her feelings towards you.


*crosses fingers*

The months from before... well... I hope she remembers them. =( If she does not remember to text me, then how will she remember the months from before?

no i mean do you just want her so you can have a gf? some guys do that and get frusterated when the girl they like doesnt want more, so they treat her like crap afterwards. no you dont have to tell her this, you just need to be sure of this yourself

I don't understand....

[if you wouldnt marry them, why date them?

I wouldn't!