Fi Demystified

[Little Linguist]

This is a good point. I might've misinterpreted what people mean with the "healthy vs. unhealthy" arguement.

I just wanted to mention that just because some people have demonstrated an over-exaggerated, unhealthy demonstration of Fi does not mean that we are all crazy maniacs who steal stuff, rant and rave, and all that (okay, I am exaggerating now). Anyway, Ne is my foremost, dominant characteristic....Not Fi...that's my auxiliary.

In my statement, I just wanted to mention that - developed properly - Fi can provide a great deal of fun, insight, and balance to other functions. To dismiss this function due to a few examples would be a shame. And I just wondered what prompted BlueWing to derive such a negative opinion of Fi due to a few unbalanced examples since he is normally not like that.

However, I did not want to attack the poor guy. He's as much entitled to his opinion as I am or anyone else is. I just think it is a shame that he is missing out on this. It would be like me totally dismissing rational, intellectual thought just because some intellectuals were poor examples of Te, Ti. See?

 

[colmena]

Thank you for letting some personality overtly shine through in the OP, BW.

I have a strong Fi, and found the OP quite accurate.


'though the best things in life are rarely rational. So as long as we are human, I think the power of feeling will always trump. And this goes with your inner peace thread; with the number of S types in the world, the good things come to those who wait mantra will never become universal, and will always be unrealistic. Where is an INTP supposed to fit within reality?

 

[alcea rosea]

lol
crusade against F

being objectively emotional
lol

 

[disregard]

It's alarming and shameful how much I identify with the following and much of what has been said in the OP:

2)Soren Kierkegaard(INFP) has courted Regine Olsen, a beautiful intelligent lady from Copenghagen. Has furthered his relationship to the point where she has agreed to marry him. Then randomly he breaks the engagement, making only a very superficial attempt to explain his plan, and leaves town. She was devastated, yet Kierkegaard would have liked to believe (as his diaries show) that he is completely innocent and he was hurt more than she was. Such thinking of his has reached an apogee in the 'Diary of a Seducer' in Either/Or. To his last days he ended up mourning her and wishing they'd be back together, dreaming of how it all may happen, staring at her picture for hours without respite. Wallowing in his wistful memories and kicking himself at the very image of Regine having anything to do with her husband or any other man besides himself. Apparently S.K lost all grounding in reality. He had no desire to demystify his fancies. He had no will to analyze the situation and see why he is suffering and what he could of done to prevent this, and what he can do in the future to avoid such problems. He simply sought to have an emotional reaction because this made him feel more alive. And obviously the emotional reaction centered around heart-warming sympathies. Obviously he could not have helped himself but screw up. Obviously he was hurt more than Regine, and obviously he is doing the right thing.

I am getting better at owning my responsibility, but this has really .. for bluewing to have chosen the perfect word .. demystified my egocentric, loathsome behavior (and feelings!).

Perhaps i am the only one..?

 

[Little Linguist]

It's alarming and shameful how much I identify with the following and much of what has been said in the OP:



I am getting better at owning my responsibility, but this has really .. for bluewing to have chosen the perfect word .. demystified my egocentric, loathsome behavior (and feelings!).

Perhaps i am the only one..?

Well, sure sometimes I am impulsive and emotional, but I do not think I would go so far as all that....

As far as obsessing goes, yes, I do that sometimes, sure. But would you really take it that far, Dana?

Okay, maybe I just feel differently because my Fi plays a secondary role. I am not sure....

 

[disregard]

I'm not sure what you're referring to when you say "take it that far".

I have indeed taken it that far in the past with my last best friend.. I am completely to blame, I severed ties, and yet I mourn.. Too prideful to ever apologise for fear that it would be ill received. What a selfish, despicable being I am.

 

[Little Linguist]

I'm not sure what you're referring to when you say "take it that far".

I have indeed taken it that far in the past with my last best friend.. I am completely to blame, I severed ties, and yet I mourn.. Too prideful to ever apologise for fear that it would be ill received. What a selfish, despicable being I am.

Why are you so hard on yourself? We all make mistakes. Why do you not speak to her/him again and try to patch things up??? I mean, look at it like this - what do you have to lose???

Well, what I meant is: Sure, I can be an emotional basketcase, especially around "that" time. Ahem, you know...

I can be totally logical when it is about other people....I can use my Ne effectively, and my Fi helps...I can see where people are coming from and understand them. BUT when I am emotionally attached, oh GOOD LORD!!!

But usually I come to my senses later and say, "Carolyn, damn YOU!!! Get your head out of your behind and start using the good brain ya got."

 

[disregard]

I am ashamed... To ashamed to ever look her in the eye again. I threw away the most meaningful friendship I've ever known just to free myself from the pressure of holding onto such a precious gift.

 

[Little Linguist]

I am ashamed... To ashamed to ever look her in the eye again. I threw away the most meaningful friendship I've ever known just to free myself from the pressure of holding onto such a precious gift.

Dana wake up, hon! It's okay, really!!! I do not want to know how many times I let myself get in my own way. Sure, it takes a lot of guts, but just go to her. Go on!!! She will probably ADMIRE you for standing up and overcoming your own pride. Show her that you are strong. Explain how you feel...and if you cannot speak....WRITE!!! It helps me.

That is, assuming it is not a stupid SMS. I mean a real letter. Not any electronic crap.

 

[disregard]

I will do that.

 

[Little Linguist]

I will do that.

Yes, it will make you feel better, and it will surely make her feel better. I hope I did not make you feel uncomfortable by saying what I did. It just pains me to see people who are unhappy when they are both alive and can do something to change it. I mean, after all, to hurt someone else, you must hurt yourself first. And the pain won't go away until you deal with it, heal it, and move on with your friendship....

 

[Gabe]

It's alarming and shameful how much I identify with the following and much of what has been said in the OP:



I am getting better at owning my responsibility, but this has really .. for bluewing to have chosen the perfect word .. demystified my egocentric, loathsome behavior (and feelings!).

Perhaps i am the only one..?

Yes, you resisted being needed. Many I_FPs do. But the solution to that is to develop Extraverted FEELING, not thinking. Yes, that's right, many "F problems" develop because of an ATTITUDE-problem (when people are too locked in thier preffered feeling-attitude). In those cases (as in yours), the answer is to develop MORE FEELING, just the other attitude.

(sorry for using your stuff for proving a point. But hey, there it is!)

Of course, this does apply to you, if you have a tendency to jump-ship on relationships (again, many __FPs do). Find some way to develop extraverted feeling. Fight for others! Be needed! (in some way)

 

[disregard]

I understand.. I understand how Te (developing thinking to fix the problem) does NOT help those situations, as it aides the Fi and finds evidence to justify everything. But Fe.. Yes... I need to really study Fe (its merits, of course) now.

 

[heart]

2)Soren Kierkegaard(INFP) has courted Regine Olsen, a beautiful intelligent lady from Copenghagen. Has furthered his relationship to the point where she has agreed to marry him. Then randomly he breaks the engagement, making only a very superficial attempt to explain his plan, and leaves town. She was devastated, yet Kierkegaard would have liked to believe (as his diaries show) that he is completely innocent and he was hurt more than she was. Such thinking of his has reached an apogee in the 'Diary of a Seducer' in Either/Or.

To his last days he ended up mourning her and wishing they'd be back together, dreaming of how it all may happen, staring at her picture for hours without respite. Wallowing in his wistful memories and kicking himself at the very image of Regine having anything to do with her husband or any other man besides himself. Apparently S.K lost all grounding in reality. He had no desire to demystify his fancies. He had no will to analyze the situation and see why he is suffering and what he could of done to prevent this, and what he can do in the future to avoid such problems. He simply sought to have an emotional reaction because this made him feel more alive. And obviously the emotional reaction centered around heart-warming sympathies. Obviously he could not have helped himself but screw up. Obviously he was hurt more than Regine, and obviously he is doing the right thing.

Yes, agreed. He really distorted the situation and didn't work through the root causes of his feelings. Then he used the romanticism of the situation to isolate himself from further loves by holding onto the dream of love for Regine, wallowing in the pain of loss and what might have been (which he could never know if the reality would have matched his imagination of course) instead of moving on with his life and finding a way to share his life and give more selflessly in the future. Easier to be in love with the dream of love and its grandiose drama than the nitty-gritty of love. It is like he had a big, years long tanturm because his first love didn't turn out the way his imagination told him it might at first. All people who love pass through this but for some reason he got stuck in it.

I understand.. I understand how Te (developing thinking to fix the problem) does NOT help those situations, as it aides the Fi and finds evidence to justify everything. But Fe.. Yes... I need to really study Fe (its merits, of course) now.

Te can help a Fi dom evaluate what went wrong in a relationship and help to give perspective to change behaviors in the future. To not jump to conclusions or engage in over sensitivity or suspicions without due evidence. Ne can provide perception to aid perspective. Sure a person could use Te to aid Fi in justifying a given perspective but it can also be used to analyze the situation.

 

[disregard]

Excellent point, heart. I didn't mean to say that I only use it in a negative way. This is a pretty new subject to me. An excellent one!

 

[heart]

I am ashamed... To ashamed to ever look her in the eye again. I threw away the most meaningful friendship I've ever known just to free myself from the pressure of holding onto such a precious gift.

I wouldn't make any assumptions about this without knowing all the facts about the dynamic of the friendship and take a hard, honest look at all the reasons why you may have chosen at the time to end the friendship. Things are not always as black and white as they seem on the surface.

In our friend Kierkegaard's case, there may have been a very valid reason why his N told him that the relationship with Regine was unhealthy for one or both of them and if that were the case it would be better if they found different people to share their lives with, but his mistake was in not looking at the situation clearly enough and then his romanticising of his pain of loss and not learning from it prevented him from moving on to other more viable relationships where there was a greater benefit to both parites. He built up this great dramatic idea that he was tragically flawed and could not form a healthy love so best he refrain for life from loves but then he was a victim of this horrible affliction of being unworthy of the normal human love...so grandiose.

No matter his reasons for ending the relaitonship, it seemed he did do it poorly without enough explaination at the time and that is something he needed to admit and correct in his behavior in the future. jmo.

 

[Little Linguist]

I wouldn't make any assumptions about this without knowing all the facts about the dynamic of the friendship and take a hard, honest look at all the reasons why you may have chosen at the time to end the friendship. Things are not always as black and white as they seem on the surface.

In our friend Kierkegaard's case, there may have been a very valid reason why his N told him that the relationship with Regine was unhealthy for one or both of them and if that were the case it would be better if they found different people to share their lives with, but his mistake was in not looking at the situation clearly enough and then his romanticising of his pain of loss and not learning from it prevented him from moving on to other more viable relationships where there was a greater benefit to both parites. He built up this great dramatic idea that he was tragically flawed and could not form a healthy love so best he refrain for life from loves but then he was a victim of this horrible affliction of being unworthy of the normal human love...so grandiose.

No matter his reasons for ending the relaitonship, it seemed he did do it poorly without enough explaination at the time and that is something he needed to admit and correct in his behavior in the future. jmo.

Assuming that the relationship was unhealthy, one should definitely end it, even if it might cause temporary pain and suffering. While offering my advice, I assumed that the relationship was healthy, and that a mistake was made that could be remedied. In that instance it is a shame to leave a situation like that unresolved if some action can be undertaken to correct it. Of course, only Dana knows the depth of his/her own emotions, the situation, the feelings regarding it, etc.

Well, Dana, hon, I wish you luck and wisdom so that you make the right decision for everyone involved. However, if you truly know and believe that reconciliation would be the best answer, I wanted to support you.

 

[01011010]

BlueWing,

Are you being serious? Or is this an experiment of some sort?

 

[SolitaryWalker]

BlueWing,

Are you being serious? Or is this an experiment of some sort?

Listen to your heart! Then decide for yourself!

 

[colmena]

BlueWing,

Are you being serious? Or is this an experiment of some sort?

I felt a guinea pig from the off.

I have mixed feelings of pride and disdain.