[ESTP] ESTP friend, advice sought

[Ghost of the dead horse]

Well, he's a great man, and not so great. I've been his friend, and I've thought I've wanted to to. For every now and then, I've thought, fuck it. And so I've done.

But then again, I'm not the person to hold grudge. Not because of decision, it's just that I forget stuff and it becomes less significant. Then the underlying issues take over. Like he being an okay person and all.

Latest trouble come from a poker game. He has over-the-top silly girly-girl wife, a bit immature, young so it's acceptable - although she thinks she's a tough bone, experienced it all 'cos of having an alcoholic father (Laughing)

So I was expecting a lot from a poker game with her and the other female absent. I like being in mixed company, with guys only, or with girls only. It's just my experience of this thing working better with men.

Her wife was there, participated in the game, spoiled all the mood with extremely arrogant, mood-destroying behavior only concentrated on distracting the whole game as fucking much as she wanted, to take the winnings worth of zero euros.

She invented stuff to downplay men nonstop. Most especially, she invented stuff to embarass, downplay and harass her husband. I rarely see him in trouble, but this time he was in trouble. We all were. We were hit with the amount of juvenile behavior from a damned kindergarden raised to the power of ten.

I got agitated, I ended up criticizing her ways harshly.

I got away in seemingly good terms with everyone, but really it seemed like a damned disgrace.

The last win I'd want for her is the ability to inflict chaos and to disturb my friendship with the ESTP.

I'm not sure if the ESTP has fully realized everything around here, given how badly it all affected him. Or, then he has.

Three months has passed. I've sent them two invitations for something fun. They were unable to come the first time, haven't answered for the second.

After all this trouble, I'm thinking mentally, "pass". Let go.

 

[Giggly]

No, don't give up if you like him. Do you always want to see him during group activities or are you open to just hanging out with him alone? Cause that might be a good place to start. Just the two of you having "guy time". It's more personal and she should understand that.

 

[Halla74]

No, don't give up if you like him. Do you always want to see him during group activities or are you open to just hanging out with him alone? Cause that might be a good place to start. Just the two of you having "guy time". It's more personal and she should understand that.

I'm not so sure many wifey-poos would be OK with hubby hanging out with his girl-pal that chewed wifey-poo's ass out when she acted like a pre-schooler at the community poker game...

This guy knows his wife is a histrionic bitch. He also knows that Santtu did the right thing in chewing her out. If he has not contacted her yet, then he is either embarrassed (very un-ESTP-like, but possible), or on the fence about whether to tell his wifey-poo to grow up and be nice, or he is going to take it like a beeyatch (also not very-ESTP-like). Either way, if he's a cool dude, then just give him time, and if you don't hear from him then ambush him and talk to him in person. Good luck! Props to you for shutting her down!

 

[wolfy]

Why does this guy remind me of Ricky Bobby from Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby?

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

Okay, I feel ESTP are not the people to hold grudge either, so perhaps time and contacting later (not too often) will work.

I don't feel they're people to talk about their feelings. The drive to be cool is strong with them, and I respect that

 

[Amargith]

Could it be that he's been 'ordered' by the bitch to stay away from you? Halla, would ESTPs stand for that, in order to keep the peace at home?

 

[Habba]

Could it be that he's been 'ordered' by the bitch to stay away from you? Halla, would ESTPs stand for that, in order to keep the peace at home?

Well, any ESTPs I know would never compromise for the sake of peace. Quite contrary, they would do everything in their power to solve the grudge to the bone... not in the name of peace, but in the name of who's to blame and who was right.

 

[The Outsider]

Could it be that he's been 'ordered' by the bitch to stay away from you? Halla, would ESTPs stand for that, in order to keep the peace at home?

Based on my ESTP friend, I can't really see that happening. He wouldn't take any such orders from anyone.

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

It's most likely that I've got much of the blame from the evening. She didn't understand being an ass. By the time all that demeaning psychological poker game babble went both ways, she probably thought I was mean.

There was some strange sense of innocent belief in all that crap she threw, especially with the women supremacy stuff. Perhaps I burst a bubble there?

He doesn't have obligations to me, but he does to his wife. He's the kind of guy who wants to find blame and then get on with it. If her kind of childish stuff is something she can't get over, he's more probably to accept her as she is, and tell her I went too far or something like that.

But, I'll see.

Remember, I'm not free from blame. I was an ass as well. "Who started it" doesn't mean a damn.

 

[Wiley45]

I agree with Halla that not many wives are going to be ok with their husbands hanging around another woman who verbally put the wife in her place. If she's juvenile and insecure to begin with, it makes perfect sense that she'd "order" her ESTP to stay away.

My ESTP doesn't "take orders" well from anybody, but he does put his head down and shut up sometimes in order to keep the peace or do what needs to get done. It drives him crazy internally, but he'll do it if he needs to. I knew him a long time ago when he dated a really bossy, manipulative girl, and because he loved her and saw the good qualities in her that "nobody else saw," he let a lot of things slide that he wouldn't normally.

He'll take my side even when I'm wrong. When we're alone, he'll tell me that he thinks I'm wrong, but he won't run me down or side with somebody else in public. I think that's probably just a good relationship kind of thing ... if two people are married, the guy will probably choose his wife or his wife's wishes (bitchy as they may be) because he loves her and wants to keep things running smoothly.

 

[Giggly]

Santtu = male.

 

[Jaguar]

This guy knows his wife is a histrionic bitch.

Don't sugar-coat your thoughts.
You know I hate it when you do.

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

lol

 

[Wiley45]

Haha, whoops. Sorry.

Well, that changes things a little, but not much. I could still see the ESTP getting orders not to hang out with him.

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

me too.

Or practically, his wife declining to go anywhere I invite them.

But, application of this all will be interesting.

 

[Unique]

ESTPs are opportunists, why do you think he would be with his wife on this one?

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

Uhh, I'd think she's wife is of course tons more important for him than me?

Am I wrong to assume she'd agree with his wife then?

Hmm. Now that I think of it, that ESTP has shown superb situational awareness, perhaps #1 of any person I've met in my life. Of course he understands what's behind it all. Perhaps his solution would be to keep us at distance?

Uhh I'm just answering what's coming here, but I find it silly, this conversation will be meaningless if I don't talk to him. He's currently in another country and probably not in a situation to talk, so I'll have to wait a few days.

I'm all for hands-on problem solving now that I know what to do, as opposed to talking. You talkers, you!

 

[Unique]

You've lost me... I'm implying that at the end of the day all that matters is sex, I was kidding around