Firebird 8118
DJ Phoenix
- Joined
- Sep 22, 2012
- Messages
- 3,119
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 279
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/so
And what did we do to deserve that?![]()
Aww


And what did we do to deserve that?![]()
AwwI didn't mean it in a negative way or anything. My companion is also an INFP like me (if I remember correctly, he's a 4w5), and we both get along very well.
We understand and try to support each other through thick and thin.
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That was a joke...and you should be insulted by it.
I can't see myself with another INFP or even an IxFP. Just casually dating them feels incestuous. I feel like I know how their brain is working too well. I can predict too much.
It's a great friendship though.
I used to think I was not a flake, at least not at ENFP level, until some recent events which could be filed squarely under flaky. The degree of it became evident to me when my mom told me, in an attempt to comfort, that it wasn't so bad because a certain "Karen", whom I type ENFP, has done the same thing more than once. This ENFP "Karen" is just about the most flakiest, fickle person you could imagine. She's smart, cool, interesting, and nice, but absolutely flaky. When I told my mom this comparison was no comfort because everyone says she is the flakiest person ever, she stayed quiet....she stayed quiet because she knows it's true. I suppose the comfort is that she doesn't believe this behavior deserves negative judgment or is all that bad, so that her view of "Karen" is also not negatively affected by it.
It was quite depressing to realize I was at that level of flaky, but it does give insight into how much internal motivation, intent, and effort there is to NOT flake out. I assign good intentions to these ENFPs, because it's not a weakness any worse than other weaknesses, it's just one that other people find hard to grasp, and so it's harder for them to accept it. I have some grasp of it, being nearly as bad at times....
Certainly, INFPs may be less flaky than ENFPs on the whole, but in comparison to everyone else, we can be kind of flaky still. Frankly, I don't find NTPs much better. Let's just all blame Ne.
Seeing others of the same (or nearly the same) type as a mirror can be quite revealing. One thing I learned from seeing other INTJs in action is that we could NEVER, EVER be construed as being too positive or too warm. I say this, because that was the constraint I had placed upon myself: I didn't want to seem too warm, too forward, too open, lest I cause awkwardness. Seeing other INTJs react in the same manner came across as very, very cold, almost inhuman, definitely dismissive.
So I suspect that INFPs need to pay close attention to the kinds of things that appear flaky (but don't don't feel flaky), while INTJs need to be aware of the kinds of things that appear cold and distant, but don't feel that way to ourselves.
There are few metrics on this path, however. So I was quite flattered when a friend of mine commented on my "warm energy" one evening.
I'm somewhat understanding of this because I have the same problem, not being aware that I may read as cold and being confused when I'm judged negatively for it. Being "cold" is one of the biggest criticism I've received in life, and one of the things that prevented me from typing as a Feeler initially.
But I am more likely to seem inconsistent as compared to an INTJ or an ENFP, neither quite as cold nor nearly as warm, and not as consistently so as either.
This inconsistency is a strike against INFPs too, because in this area, ENFPs tend to be less "flaky".
How do we become aware of these things in our own behavior, if they don't feel that way to ourselves? I suppose the INFPs might ask the same regarding their flaky behaviors. FWIW, the INFPs I have known come across as far less flaky than the ENFPs. Perhaps more spacy, in a "new age/flower child" sense.So I suspect that INFPs need to pay close attention to the kinds of things that appear flaky (but don't don't feel flaky), while INTJs need to be aware of the kinds of things that appear cold and distant, but don't feel that way to ourselves.
This is where typology becomes remarkably useful.How do we become aware of these things in our own behavior, if they don't feel that way to ourselves?
They're both. ENFPs are more obviously flaky a their random Ne approach to things, but INFPs are less obviously, but in a way more profoundly flaky in an "I'm going to follow my heart" way, and so they follow their heart in whatever random direction it pulls. To themselves, their heart doesn't feel random, but to everyone else, it seems completely random, completely unaffected by common sense or any regard for the facts on the ground.I suppose the INFPs might ask the same regarding their flaky behaviors. FWIW, the INFPs I have known come across as far less flaky than the ENFPs. Perhaps more spacy, in a "new age/flower child" sense.
This only works if we run into people that are demonstrably our same type, which is rather rare, AND we have a negative experience with them.This is where typology becomes remarkably useful.
Usually, we meet someone we dislike or have a bad encounter with, and we just think, "We're nothing like that bozo."
But with typology, assuming you can type the other person, and you see that the other person is of your type, you can't just dismiss their bad behavior as being "just them." We see that, yes, we're not only like that person, but we've done things exactly like that, but our thoughts in our heads weren't "I'm going to be an asshole," but rather "I'm going to do something entirely sensible in order to avoid annoyance." Seeing it from outside of ourselves points out the "asshole" side of things.
I'm not sure, there's numerous times where I knew I was being an asshole but the other person deserved the treatment. I'm not an asshole on purpose for no reason. if I am it's because like you said I didn't see myself being an asshole.This is where typology becomes remarkably useful.
Usually, we meet someone we dislike or have a bad encounter with, and we just think, "We're nothing like that bozo."
But with typology, assuming you can type the other person, and you see that the other person is of your type, you can't just dismiss their bad behavior as being "just them." We see that, yes, we're not only like that person, but we've done things exactly like that, but our thoughts in our heads weren't "I'm going to be an asshole," but rather "I'm going to do something entirely sensible in order to avoid annoyance." Seeing it from outside of ourselves points out the "asshole" side of things.
They're both. ENFPs are more obviously flaky a their random Ne approach to things, but INFPs are less obviously, but in a way more profoundly flaky in an "I'm going to follow my heart" way, and so they follow their heart in whatever random direction it pulls. To themselves, their heart doesn't feel random, but to everyone else, it seems completely random, completely unaffected by common sense or any regard for the facts on the ground.
Keep in mind, I'm describing "how" these types are flaky, not that they are necessarily flaky.
... it does give insight into how much internal motivation, intent, and effort there is to NOT flake out.
This is an interesting idea for a thread. I've never noticed it. I honestly think that INFP could be better. The reason I say that is the outgoing nature of the ENFP vs. INTJ is inevitably going to cause some conflict where one wants to go out and do a lot of stuff and the other just wants to chill. Also, I think the INFP could somehow provide more of a bedrock of support for the INTJ.
This inconsistency is a strike against INFPs too, because in this area, ENFPs tend to be less "flaky".
I'm somewhat understanding of this because I have the same problem, not being aware that I may read as cold and being confused when I'm judged negatively for it. Being "cold" is one of the biggest criticism I've received in life, and one of the things that prevented me from typing as a Feeler initially.
But I am more likely to seem inconsistent as compared to an INTJ or an ENFP, neither quite as cold nor nearly as warm, and not as consistently so as either.
This inconsistency is a strike against INFPs too, because in this area, ENFPs tend to be less "flaky".
I'm not sure, there's numerous times where I knew I was being an asshole but the other person deserved the treatment. I'm not an asshole on purpose for no reason. if I am it's because like you said I didn't see myself being an asshole.
Do you know what you do that other people take offense at, or conversely, what those who like you like about you?This is really so true of me. I try to be a friend of everybody, but I still manage to offend half the people I speak with. The other half really love me…
This is really so true of me. I try to be a friend of everybody, but I still manage to offend half the people I speak with. The other half really love me…
Do you know what you do that other people take offense at, or conversely, what those who like you like about you?
i don't think people hate me, well maybe they do it's more of they either love me like me or just indifferent to me. if they hate me I hate them too. so it's ok
i also associate this with you:probably completley wrong though
Not that far off, really.