[ENFP] ENFPs...how easily do you forget?

[thescientist]

How easily do you forget special people in your lives? An infatuation? A friend? An ex?

Do you just move on and not look back and block it out of your memory? Do you feel anything when you think about it?

I ask because I feel like I can't get this ENFP off my brain. I've moved away, no goodbyes...I just disappeared with no warning...for my own sake. It's been 3 months since I left. No contact on either end. It was a year-long mess...a gray-area friendship I would call it (at work). I just can't help but wonder if I even remotely cross his mind.

I know you guys move on quickly and fall in love with the next interesting person...it's just so easy for you ENFPs! But this was the first time I fell flat on my face for someone. And it seems that no matter how hard I try, everything reminds me of him...

It just hurts to think that I'm a faded memory, while his is still very much alive in my head.

I'm sorry...I'm just recently over the anger phase and am now consumed by sadness and longing...I just miss him...

!@#$ I just shed a tear!

 

[gromit]

 

[Lady_X]

i really don't think it's a type thing babe...i think it just depends on how you felt when things ended...rather or not they were resolved...rather or not you are able to accept it. i'm sorry you're hurting tho....i really am. i've been there and it sucks.

 

[swordpath]

Subscribing to this thread.

 

[thescientist]

i really don't think it's a type thing babe...i think it just depends on how you felt when things ended...rather or not they were resolved...rather or not you are able to accept it. i'm sorry you're hurting tho....i really am. i've been there and it sucks.

Thanks

Somehow I do think it's a type thing...you guys are quick to move on. But in the rare occasion that an INTJ opens their heart up, they are giving you their very soul. It's so much harder to recover from that...

 

[Esoteric Wench]

QUESTION: I just reread my post below and realized that I assumed you wanted to get back in touch with this guy. Do you? What do you want out of this relationship?

===========================

I think that people blessed with Ne and Ni have a capacity to ruminate on such things farrrrrr more than other types. And, Ne Fi (ENFPs) and Ni Fe (INFJs) do the most ruminating of all on such matters because these types are all about relationships. INTJs and ENTPs can and do ruminate on such things but relationships don't play the central role in their lives in the way they do for INFJs and ENFPs. (Obviously I'm speaking in gross generalities here.)

So the good news, thescientist, is that if your ENFP put you in the "special" category, then he's been thinking of you, too. It's hard to describe, but I talk to soooo many people everyday. And, oftentimes these people walk away from the conversation thinking we're closer than I think we are. Part of the blessing and burden of being an ENFP is that we can make very quick and seemingly deep emotional connections with relative strangers. These people fade from my radar very quickly.

But there are others who I flag as special. I don't know why I put some people in this category. I just know they are 'special.' I will watch (from a respectful distance) such people and ruminate on them for a long time... a very long time.

Let me humbly offer this advice:

Your ENFP may be secretly very hurt that you haven't been in contact. Let me suggest that you be prepared for this and able to explain why honestly and kindly. And, if you mean it, then you should apologize.

Your ENFP wants to forgive you. He can't stay mad at you too long. Heck, I have a problem staying mad at people long enough. Just be sincere and warm and be strong enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable. You'll have him eating out of your hand.

[Wait a minute. I feel a little like I'm giving information to the enemy. ]

 

[Rebe]

Aww, sorry. ^

That's what I like about INTJs. You guys are so committed when you decide to.

ENFPs and INFPs are sort of similar so I will say a little something that I have been wondering myself. For me, I forget very easily people's faces; it very fast becomes a blur. I forget our important conversations (most of them), what we used to joke about, how we interacted, what we did. I don't know why; maybe I don't want to remember. But even as I forget all of those 'concrete' details, I remember the gist of my emotional attachment and the gist of our relationship. And I will always miss them. But if you ask me what we used to do together and how we fit together, I ... don't remember.

 

[thescientist]

QUESTION: I just reread my post below and realized that I assumed you wanted to get back in touch with this guy. Do you? What do you want out of this relationship?

There's no way I'm contacting him...He had every opportunity to do so, and didnt...and HASNT. I can't blame him. He probably doesn't want to open another can of worms. And what would be the point? My values are a dealbreaker for him. There was an inner struggle there for an entire year. I will NEVER know how much he really liked me, or if it was even significant...NEVER.

So the good news, thescientist, is that if your ENFP put you in the "special" category, then he's been thinking of you, too. It's hard to describe, but I talk to soooo many people everyday. And, oftentimes these people walk away from the conversation thinking we're closer than I think we are. Part of the blessing and burden of being an ENFP is that we can make very quick and seemingly deep emotional connections with relative strangers. These people fade from my radar very quickly.

But there are others who I flag as special. I don't know why I put some people in this category. I just know they are 'special.' I will watch (from a respectful distance) such people and ruminate on them for a long time... a very long time.

How can you possibly know if you were in the "special" category if this ENFP was more inconsistent than anyone I've ever met. His words NEVER matched his actions.

Your ENFP may be secretly very hurt that you haven't been in contact. Let me suggest that you be prepared for this and able to explain why honestly and kindly. And, if you mean it, then you should apologize.

Your ENFP wants to forgive you. He can't stay mad at you too long. Heck, I have a problem staying mad at people long enough. Just be sincere and warm and be strong enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable. You'll have him eating out of your hand.

[Wait a minute. I feel a little like I'm giving information to the enemy. ]

After 3 months? Secretly hurt my ass...he's probably moved on. I just need to accept it...and I haven't.

VULNERABLE? are you kidding? I poured my friggin heart out to him...and he NEVER gave in. He was NEVER vulnerable with ME. There is no way in hell I am being vulnerable again.

(Just realized there was a lot of "NEVER"s in this.)

 

[thescientist]

Aww, sorry. ^

That's what I like about INTJs. You guys are so committed when you decide to.

ENFPs and INFPs are sort of similar so I will say a little something that I have been wondering myself. For me, I forget very easily people's faces; it very fast becomes a blur. I forget our important conversations (most of them), what we used to joke about, how we interacted, what we did. I don't know why; maybe I don't want to remember. But even as I forget all of those 'concrete' details, I remember the gist of my emotional attachment and the gist of our relationship. And I will always miss them. But if you ask me what we used to do together and how we fit together, I ... don't remember.

This is more or less what I think has happened. Even while I was there, he never remembered conversations that we had, or other details. He would block it out for forget about it...

All the while to me, those things were special...

 

[kiddykat]

^Sorry to hear about that.. Sounds like he was in a headspace, like he wasn't really 'there.' He was 'there' just not in a way that's reciprocated emotionally?

That's one thing that I notice about imbalanced relationships.

Think of it this way, TheScientist, he did you a favor. Better now than later, right?

I know. Easier said than done. I sit around and rationalize where things went wrong. Then afterwards I tell myself to pick myself up and take it one day at a time..

 

[CzeCze]

How easily do you forget special people in your lives? An infatuation? A friend? An ex?

Do you just move on and not look back and block it out of your memory? Do you feel anything when you think about it?

I ask because I feel like I can't get this ENFP off my brain. I've moved away, no goodbyes...I just disappeared with no warning...for my own sake. It's been 3 months since I left. No contact on either end. It was a year-long mess...a gray-area friendship I would call it (at work). I just can't help but wonder if I even remotely cross his mind.

I know you guys move on quickly and fall in love with the next interesting person...it's just so easy for you ENFPs! But this was the first time I fell flat on my face for someone. And it seems that no matter how hard I try, everything reminds me of him...

It just hurts to think that I'm a faded memory, while his is still very much alive in my head.

I'm sorry...I'm just recently over the anger phase and am now consumed by sadness and longing...I just miss him...

!@#$ I just shed a tear!

I feel so bad for you scientist. That Tert Fi can be real bear to deal with when you are used to being so...INTJ efficient.

ENFPs do not forget real emotional connections, attachments, and infatuations with people. Nor do we easily forget past wrongs, hurts, or anger. We also don't forget the times we have wronged or hurt other people. Our emotional memory is pretty much like an elephants, for better or worse.

Since you left with no chance for closure, my advice would be to write 2 letters. 1 is your free-for-all letter where you write everything you ever wanted to tell him. 2 is the actual letter you will send him. Email or real letter. And once you send it, let it go.

For me at least, that leads to real closure.

Closure is what you really need right now, not knowing whether or not he still thinks about you.

I think I have been hearing this story about this ENFP guy from you in the forum for a while, that lingering gray-area relationship is kinda like a slow death and makes closure REALLY hard.

This is a hard one to shake off so I wish you luck! Keep us updated!

 

[Moiety]

Somehow I do think it's a type thing...you guys are quick to move on. But in the rare occasion that an INTJ opens their heart up, they are giving you their very soul. It's so much harder to recover from that...

There are different people within a type though Thescientist. Anyone who is being truthful and honest in a relationship is giving you their very soul. If you already know you are giving someone your soul and no one is gonna give their's back to you...why even do the relationship dance at all?

There is some truth in Rebe's words and like Cze Cze was apt to clarify, ENFPs do have great emotional memories. We forgot the details of somethings, but we know how they made us feel.

Forget this ENFP guy, woman. From your descriptions he is not someone you wanna be with, and no...not a good example of ENFP male either no matter what you want to believe in. Hang in there.

 

[Amargith]

I don't think you should doubt that you gave him a rocky road as well emotionally. And I doubt he'll forget you lightly. Just as I don't doubt that you two should probably close the book on each other and genuinly wish for the other to be happy...with someone else

 

[thescientist]

Since you left with no chance for closure, my advice would be to write 2 letters. 1 is your free-for-all letter where you write everything you ever wanted to tell him. 2 is the actual letter you will send him. Email or real letter. And once you send it, let it go.

For me at least, that leads to real closure.

Closure is what you really need right now, not knowing whether or not he still thinks about you.

I think I have been hearing this story about this ENFP guy from you in the forum for a while, that lingering gray-area relationship is kinda like a slow death and makes closure REALLY hard.

This is a hard one to shake off so I wish you luck! Keep us updated!

I dont think writing to him is a good idea. Even if I did...what would I say? What would be the purpose? I would just further humiliate myself. He will probably be in shock that I am STILL thinking about it after 3 months. I just need to move on...and LET GO. Stop wondering if he's thinking about me...

Forget this ENFP guy, woman. From your descriptions he is not someone you wanna be with, and no...not a good example of ENFP male either no matter what you want to believe in. Hang in there.

Forgetting is the hard part...working on it...

I don't think you should doubt that you gave him a rocky road as well emotionally. And I doubt he'll forget you lightly. Just as I don't doubt that you two should probably close the book on each other and genuinly wish for the other to be happy...with someone else

Yeah...Leaving was closing the book for me...I cant/couldnt be just his friend. I should have fled much sooner...and I shouldn't have been vulnerable.

Until that 'someone else' comes around...the memories remain. He's been in my dreams for consecutive nights. Guess I just have to wait it out...

Everybody says that time heals everything
but what of the wretched hollow?
the endless in-between?
-Imogen Heap​

 

[Amargith]

Enjoy the emotions, but don't let them overtake you. You weren't compatible, as fun a guy as he is. He might've been fun for a few months, but not suitable as a life partner.

 

[thescientist]

Enjoy the emotions, but don't let them overtake you. You weren't compatible, as fun a guy as he is. He might've been fun for a few months, but not suitable as a life partner.

You're right...I just keep idealizing things in my head. The connection and chemistry was undeniable though. I feel like I will forever search for that again.

 

[Thalassa]

How easily do you forget special people in your lives? An infatuation? A friend? An ex?

Do you just move on and not look back and block it out of your memory? Do you feel anything when you think about it?

I ask because I feel like I can't get this ENFP off my brain. I've moved away, no goodbyes...I just disappeared with no warning...for my own sake. It's been 3 months since I left. No contact on either end. It was a year-long mess...a gray-area friendship I would call it (at work). I just can't help but wonder if I even remotely cross his mind.

I know you guys move on quickly and fall in love with the next interesting person...it's just so easy for you ENFPs! But this was the first time I fell flat on my face for someone. And it seems that no matter how hard I try, everything reminds me of him...

It just hurts to think that I'm a faded memory, while his is still very much alive in my head.

I'm sorry...I'm just recently over the anger phase and am now consumed by sadness and longing...I just miss him...

!@#$ I just shed a tear!

There is some vague speculation upon my ENFP-ness but, no, I do not move on quickly mentallly or emotionally.

You did an INTJ thing and disappeared. It's understandable because you felt that you needed to protect yourself. Totally. But look at it this way...That's really not nice at all if you put it in the context of him caring about you, even as a friend. He might be extremely hurt/sad by this if you haven't contacted him for three months. If he has similar feelings for you as what you feel for him, he's probably tortured by your seeming indifference. Being ignored is hell on earth for an ENFP. (I think, if I am one, I know I hate it more than anything.) You'll never know if you don't talk to him.

I can't make any promises, of course, because I don't know know him or what you mean to him. But if you miss him that much, and you've been gone that long, maybe you should contact him...if for no other reason than closure, so you'll know for sure.

 

[Thalassa]

Yeah...Leaving was closing the book for me...I cant/couldnt be just his friend. I should have fled much sooner...and I shouldn't have been vulnerable.

What exactly did he do to you? I mean if he was cruel to you, then I totally take back my advice to contact him.

Everybody says that time heals everything
but what of the wretched hollow?
the endless in-between?
-Imogen Heap​

I love Imogen Heap too.

 

[sculpting]

We forgot the details of somethings, but we know how they made us feel.

I think Rebe said this as well-I forget the details but I recall the emotional sensation of "them".

However I will find i do everything possible to delete evidence of "them" from my life as even to see pieces of a person who hurt me, makes me hurt again. But I forgive endlessly and try to forget as carrying emotional angst is very bad.

I dont think writing to him is a good idea. Even if I did...what would I say? What would be the purpose? I would just further humiliate myself. He will probably be in shock that I am STILL thinking about it after 3 months. I just need to move on...and LET GO. Stop wondering if he's thinking about me...

Yeah...Leaving was closing the book for me...I cant/couldnt be just his friend. I should have fled much sooner...and I shouldn't have been vulnerable.

Scientist, i am sorry as this guy sounds quite immature based upon all your previous posts about him. He seemed to be playing games. I am sorry that you were hurt.

There is something to be said for Te directness though. He is designed to receive it-did you ever directly confront him? Not cruelly-but just honestly? Just to be perfectly clear about your feelings towards him and ask what he expected or wanted of you in return?

If you did want to write a letter-it actually would be okay I think. ENFPs need a sense of closure as well-especially if he was emotionally invested, thus it may be good for him and you.

Also calling him on his f'ed up emo games, may teach him something of value. Let him know that he hurt you, so perhaps he will not repeat that mistake with others in the future-as it may not have been intentional.

 

[Esoteric Wench]

There is some vague speculation upon my ENFP-ness but, no, I do not move on quickly mentallly or emotionally.

You did an INTJ thing and disappeared. It's understandable because you felt that you needed to protect yourself. Totally. But look at it this way...That's really not nice at all if you put it in the context of him caring about you, even as a friend. He might be extremely hurt/sad by this if you haven't contacted him for three months. If he has similar feelings for you as what you feel for him, he's probably tortured by your seeming indifference. Being ignored is hell on earth for an ENFP. (I think, if I am one, I know I hate it more than anything.) You'll never know if you don't talk to him.

I can't make any promises, of course, because I don't know know him or what you mean to him. But if you miss him that much, and you've been gone that long, maybe you should contact him...if for no other reason than closure, so you'll know for sure.

marmalade.sunrise articulated the ENFP take on things very well. I agree with her completely.

I'm trying to keep the facts straight @ you and your ENFP, so bear with me....

Whatever happened between you two before you left, you leaving without any goodbye probably was gut wrenching for your ENFP if he cared for you at all.

You say you'll never contact him. You say that he's had time to contact you. Let me share with you this observation as someone who has much experience being an enxp interacting with inxj's:

There is this unspoken / often unconscious push and pull between enxp's and inxj's. The enxp initiates contact. The inxj waits on the enxp to initiate contact. This is normal and part of the whole inxj/enxp magnetic attraction.

However, this does not alleviate you of the responsibility of initiating contact with him when necessary... and that includes proactively telling him that you would like to know how he feels about you rather than waiting for him to come to your INTJ emotional rescue. (Easier said than done, I know.) Sometimes we ENFPs need for you INxJs to come to our emotional rescue. Sometimes we ENFPs can't tell what you damn Introverts are thinking. :steam: He may assume you hate him, or perhaps he is so stuck in feeling abandoned mode that he can't reach out to you. Or he may have moved on.

But, madam, there is only ONE way you're going to find this one out: If you ask him.

It may be that you're not ready to take this risk. If so, at least recognize that you have made the choice to not ask him... for whatever reason. It may seem that this matter isn't in your control. But that's not really true. You can take charge of this relationship's destiny.