[ENFP] ENFP ISFP couplehood

[revolve]

just was wondering if any enfps have ever been in a long term relationship with an isfp? i guess i have been feeling very horrible for a year now because i was with an isfp for more than 5 years we ended up marrying and now are legally separated. always feel like i should've "tried harder" to make it work because he is just such a nice, kind, generous, genuine person. i feel like i'm an idealist jerk who expects too much (because i dream of how i would feel with an infj ) - - why wasn't an ISFP good enough for me ? Can any ENFPs relate to this? Or any NFs for that matter? There was nothing wrong or bad about my ISFP . . . i just longed and longed to be with an "NF" to the point where i had to end it with the "SP".

 

[Lady_X]

aww...no but i'm sorry you're sad.

 

[revolve]

thanks erina
you are a sweet enfp!

 

[kiddykat]

I did, in my teeny years, jr. high school romance..

What's important is if the relationship nurtures you from within right? If something doesn't feel *right,* it doesn't feel right. When I'm with the wrong person, there's this constant feeling of tension, uneasiness- like I cannot totally be myself, can't talk about anything & everything with and feel that mutual validation. That bond.

When you're with the right person, things just flow. Both people jive well together. Pure FUN! When times get rough, both partners make a great team. They work through troubles with ease (most times). Keep ya head up! I do believe things happen for a reason, and think you made the right choice. Look out for Mr. Right. We learn from our past relationships right? Hang tight.

P.S.- Erina sure is.. *carebear hug*

 

[Lady_X]

aww...just saw those. how sweet are you guys!

 

[revolve]

ENFP becoming ENTJ in a relationship

Viv, thank you for your positivity and encouragement - - sometimes i am truly amazed at how good another enfp can make me feel

another point i wanted to bring up to go along with this thread is the whole ENFP "going to" ENTJ when we are stressed or when forced to use our unnatural processes . . . in other words . . . i guess i realized that over time that my ISFP brought the ENTJ out of me and i did not like this feeling. It took years to really grasp how often i was going into ENTJ mode & was wondering if perchance any other ENFPs have ended a long term serious relationship for the same reason?

 

[Laurie]

It's hard for me to imagine an ENFP with an S even though, of course, we get along with s.

Don't forget that an NF may not fix anything for you either. You need to find someone you connect with and don't get tied down quickly. It's easy to see what could be but that doesn't mean you will find it by finding an NF.

Lotsa hugs, don't beat yourself up, try to learn from it.

Remember, you listed all those positive attributes of you ISFP. You could be saying the same about an NF in a few years. Try to keep your eyes open and not get caught up in ENFP relationship sparkles.

There are a couple of difficult relationship areas for the ENFP. The first problem is that many ENFPs have a problem leaving bad relationships. They tend to internalize any problems and take them on their own shoulders, believing that the success or failure of the relationship is their own responsibility. As perfectionists, they don't like to admit defeat, and will stick with bad situations long after they should have left. When they do leave the relationship, they will believe that the failure was their fault, and that there was surely something they could have done to save the relationship.

On the entirely other end of the spectrum, many ENFPs have a difficult time staying focused and following things through to completion. If they have not focused on their ability to follow through, they may have problems staying in dedicated, monogamous relationships. They are so in tune with all of the exciting possibilities of what could be, that they will always fantasize about a greener pasture out there somewhere. If they are not paired with a partner who enjoys new experiences, or who shares their idealistic enthusiasm, the ENFP may become bored. The ENFP who is bored and who is not focused will be very unhappy, and will eventually "leave" the relationship if the problem is not addressed.

I really like this page
ENFP Relationships

 

[revolve]

Elaur, you made me feel a million times better when you said that you cannot imagine an ENFP with an 'S'. A million, trillion bo billion!!!!! So thank you for that I met the ISFP during my early college years & he seemed different from other guys & more like me than other people & we clicked & stayed together. just a few years ago i just really started realizing that something was missing but could not put my finger on it. Then BAM - I fell in love with MBTI one day 3 years ago & was able to finally put a "label" to the feeling / understand the feeling through my understanding of S/N & then finally felt "justified" in my feelings.

AND . . . OMG Elaur - that ENFP relationship snippet is so true! I can completely relate to both paragraphs . . . sad, but true. I wish it wasn't so hard being us. My work will never be done!

 

[Lady_X]

tell me about it...blah

 

[revolve]

^ ^ ^ i love you guys!

 

[Xellotath]

... I dated one for 6 months.

Painful experience. That's when I learned that given enough time I'll fall in love with anything. It's called over-idealizing someone. I assume NFs are susceptible to this.

It's as if everything this person did was for the immediate and never wanted anything even remotely meaningful.

I -completely- relate to your post. It does feel like it is our fault because we're the ones with need for something more, while the other person seemed perfectly content with the way things are. Just like you I got the feeling that it somehow could have worked out... everything was so much fun in the beginning why couldn't it stay that way?

Time heals most wounds... but in the meantime..

 

[Rachelinpa]

I dated one for 6 months also. He was very good to me, kind and stable, which is why I was initially attracted. I agree that it was "so much fun the beginning," but I think that's because it was new and I thought it had to change. Eventually, I realized it wasn't going to and became bored. Nobody's fault, but I felt like I had reached the bottom of the barrel. A VERY NICE end of the road, but completely understimulating.

Perhaps this is an especially bad combination because we are always seeking the possibilities. And while the ISFP may be willing to go along with our adventures, they are not constantly seeking the new as we are.

 

[Laurie]

Sounds just like a bad idea to me.

 

[hakuna]

As I am not an ENFP or ISFP (even though I'm one letter away from both, ha!) I have never experienced a relationship of this sort firsthand. I have two friends of these types that will have been together for 2 years in a few months. They're close and very cute together, but their relationship has had it's rough patches. From what I can figure out, Fi brings them closer than ever at the good times but can sometimes cause a rift when both have very strong feelings about an argument or misunderstanding, which is usually then reconciled because of Fi.

My ENFP friend was initially attracted to the ISFP because of his kindness and the ISFP was attracted to the ENFP because she's unbelievably awesome. The ENFP loves to debate about ideas and theories that are important to her which the ISFP finds worthwhile and can relate, but isn't always able to reciprocate the enthusiasm that my ENFP friend wishes. She NEEDS to relate to people on this level. The Idealist vs Hedonist dichotomy can sometimes cause problems as the ENFP is looking for something more than temporary euphoria and can feel unfulfilled. The biggest problem that they've had is when the ISFP neglects to tell the ENFP the truth or falls through on a promise.

I'm not sure if that's what you were looking for, but I figured another real life account wouldn't hurt.

I guess you just needed some "N" in your life. I can't blame you... I need "N" too.

 

[revolve]

^^ thanks for sharing, Hakuna! -your response was what i was looking for . . . made me feel better. I definitely have decided that I REQUIRE 'N' now in a significant other . . . I just need to keep reminding myself that I didn't know this / understand this when I was younger & forgive myself. Also, my ISFP found my desire to debate about abstract ideas and theories stomachable up to a point & then he would grow very bored (eyes glazed over) & over time he got comfortable enough to tell me that whatever I was going on & on about was "boring him" and this hurt me to the core.