Hi all,
Id really love some help! I have known about MBTI/Socionics for years and have identified as an ENFP. I've also known about Enneagram but ignored it mostly until now. I tend to write really long posts on forums so i'll try to keep this brief so it doesn't get off track.
A little bit of a history: - I am definitely ENFp most likely the Fi subtype. When i'm not worried, i'm very good at connecting with people, i have a lot of social skill, tact, humor and timing at my disposal. When i was younger (up to age 15) i was very happy, i had a very wide circle of friends and i felt healthy, i liked people and they liked me. I also have the problems associated with some ENFps too (poor logic / organisation, not following through on projects etc).
At age 15 unfortunately i started losing my hair, and while i seemed to handle it ok, I had a lot of self doubt, and developed a very bad anxiety disorder. I then started reading about a medication i took (and a the huge community that had formed around the idea that even after quitting the drug there is permanent side effects). A very long story short, i spent the next decade trying to fix myself. I worried incessantly, reading about my problems, becoming upset, trying to pull myself out of my rut, reading, thinking, getting nowhere. I still held down a job / socialized but I was never happy and had this ever present worry/fear in my head that something was very wrong with me that needed to be fixed. I've felt like i've been trying to figure out exactly what i need to be happy.
Eventually with finding the right resources and a lot of self determination i have minimized my anxiety a huge amount. I'm left with the consequences of the unhappy life that i have created (sitting at home fixated on myself too much, not having lots of social opportunities, few hobbies and basically being upset that i'm such a loner. How did things end up like this?). I'm fortunately pretty successful in my job.
So lately reading about personality types again i have become fixated, to the point where i am spending ALL of my spare time reading them about them. I cant let it go, i voraciously search for answers and this is what happens when i'm at my worst. I don't relax or do fun things much, i feel like i have to tear myself away from the computer only to be still thinking about it while i'm going to the gym or wherever.
I've done a test and the first one came up as 9 mostly with 4 and a bit of 7.
Type 9 - Some elements i can definitely relate to - Strangely, i do actually see myself as chilled out. If my friends want to see a movie i genuinely don't care what they do. I never get in arguments with anyone (except my father) as i have a very flexible way of thinking. The part about merging personalities with others kind of made sense - I often feel that i don't have a strong personality, i'm a bit boring as i don't have any major defining interests / hobbies. I did read though that this ennagram is unlikely for ENFP.
Type 4 - This one i can relate to a lot. I was shocked to read this type and became a bit upset after reading it. I read about 4w5 becoming lost in their own problems and that is exactly what i have done for the last decade. The things that don't fit are the creativeness at all. I don't create anything, nor do i have the urge too either. I also don't seem to feel i have to be different particularly? I have often wondered what the hell is wrong with me but i don't have a strong need to be different. I do feel different from most but i don't outwardly show it. I definately do think that something is wrong with me, but i think its based in reality (the fact that i am worrying my life away). Its possible that because i'm the ENFp-Fi subtype (subdued) that counteracts the individualistic tendencies of 4 but i just don't know. All these people online say its impossible to be an extrovert and be a 4. I don't think this is the case as ENFp's can be more ambiverted. These days i don't even feel that upset to not see friends on the weekends but i'm upset that i don't feel like connecting anymore. I don't particularly relate to envy as a problem. I do get envious that people can not worry about life, but i don't direct this to anyone in particular.
I'll leave it there, i wish i was a 7 to be honest but if i reflect back on my life and how i've tried to deal with things that seems like an impossibility. I'll be honest, i'm tired of searching i just want to let go and feel ok now. All i want is a happy life so i'm hoping ennegram can help me do it. If you can help me id really value it. Thanks
Id really love some help! I have known about MBTI/Socionics for years and have identified as an ENFP. I've also known about Enneagram but ignored it mostly until now. I tend to write really long posts on forums so i'll try to keep this brief so it doesn't get off track.
A little bit of a history: - I am definitely ENFp most likely the Fi subtype. When i'm not worried, i'm very good at connecting with people, i have a lot of social skill, tact, humor and timing at my disposal. When i was younger (up to age 15) i was very happy, i had a very wide circle of friends and i felt healthy, i liked people and they liked me. I also have the problems associated with some ENFps too (poor logic / organisation, not following through on projects etc).
At age 15 unfortunately i started losing my hair, and while i seemed to handle it ok, I had a lot of self doubt, and developed a very bad anxiety disorder. I then started reading about a medication i took (and a the huge community that had formed around the idea that even after quitting the drug there is permanent side effects). A very long story short, i spent the next decade trying to fix myself. I worried incessantly, reading about my problems, becoming upset, trying to pull myself out of my rut, reading, thinking, getting nowhere. I still held down a job / socialized but I was never happy and had this ever present worry/fear in my head that something was very wrong with me that needed to be fixed. I've felt like i've been trying to figure out exactly what i need to be happy.
Eventually with finding the right resources and a lot of self determination i have minimized my anxiety a huge amount. I'm left with the consequences of the unhappy life that i have created (sitting at home fixated on myself too much, not having lots of social opportunities, few hobbies and basically being upset that i'm such a loner. How did things end up like this?). I'm fortunately pretty successful in my job.
So lately reading about personality types again i have become fixated, to the point where i am spending ALL of my spare time reading them about them. I cant let it go, i voraciously search for answers and this is what happens when i'm at my worst. I don't relax or do fun things much, i feel like i have to tear myself away from the computer only to be still thinking about it while i'm going to the gym or wherever.
I've done a test and the first one came up as 9 mostly with 4 and a bit of 7.
Type 9 - Some elements i can definitely relate to - Strangely, i do actually see myself as chilled out. If my friends want to see a movie i genuinely don't care what they do. I never get in arguments with anyone (except my father) as i have a very flexible way of thinking. The part about merging personalities with others kind of made sense - I often feel that i don't have a strong personality, i'm a bit boring as i don't have any major defining interests / hobbies. I did read though that this ennagram is unlikely for ENFP.
Type 4 - This one i can relate to a lot. I was shocked to read this type and became a bit upset after reading it. I read about 4w5 becoming lost in their own problems and that is exactly what i have done for the last decade. The things that don't fit are the creativeness at all. I don't create anything, nor do i have the urge too either. I also don't seem to feel i have to be different particularly? I have often wondered what the hell is wrong with me but i don't have a strong need to be different. I do feel different from most but i don't outwardly show it. I definately do think that something is wrong with me, but i think its based in reality (the fact that i am worrying my life away). Its possible that because i'm the ENFp-Fi subtype (subdued) that counteracts the individualistic tendencies of 4 but i just don't know. All these people online say its impossible to be an extrovert and be a 4. I don't think this is the case as ENFp's can be more ambiverted. These days i don't even feel that upset to not see friends on the weekends but i'm upset that i don't feel like connecting anymore. I don't particularly relate to envy as a problem. I do get envious that people can not worry about life, but i don't direct this to anyone in particular.
I'll leave it there, i wish i was a 7 to be honest but if i reflect back on my life and how i've tried to deal with things that seems like an impossibility. I'll be honest, i'm tired of searching i just want to let go and feel ok now. All i want is a happy life so i'm hoping ennegram can help me do it. If you can help me id really value it. Thanks