ENFP and planning- good lord lol (from an INTJ perspective)

[ceecee]

I'm interested to find out how common this experience is out there:

I'm an INTJ, my social circle is small to the point of being non-existent, but when I do go out, it's usually because I have been invited out by more social friends, especially ENFP types.

I had an amusing experience last night that I now realize is a recurring pattern - ENFP and their idea of planning...

I suppose from an ENFP point of view, it starts out as an urge to be around their friends - just a general feeling of "I'M ALIVE AND I WANT TO HAVE FUNNN!"

The ENFP starts messaging all their friends. I find that typically the event is scheduled for TONIGHT!!!

The messages are typically exciting and upbeat.. "Come along! X will be there, Y will be there! We're going to do ABC!!!!"

I rock up to find only a handful of people actually present - it turns out that most people didn't reply, were busy or will be joining maybe later perhaps possibly.

ENFP still seems happy, keeps everyone engaged and happy despite the tiny numbers. The original plans have to be scrapped because there's just not enough people, but the ENFP starts coming up with new ideas.

The group generally has fun, feeding quite a lot off the ENFP's enthusiasm, jokes and random singing and dancing, but the need to create new plans on-the-spot as a committee generally leads to 1-2 hours of uncertainty as people generally pass time talking amongst themselves. The J-types start to dominate here in terms of actually forcing a plan through.

The group finally settle on something they can do together, and head off. The ENFP hits their highest point of enthusiasm yet, now that the group is moving with a purpose.

We arrive wherever we decided to go. Typically this goes 1 of 3 ways: the group hangs out and has fun that night. Or the lack of preplanning means a surprise kills the plan at the door (eg whatever activity was proposed needed a booking, or the place is just closed). Or the group hangs out and has fun - until something happens...they realize they are lost, they realize there's no food or some key ingredient is missing and all the shops are closed, or the bill arrives and they realize they have been massively overcharged because the costs weren't checked/understood at the beginning.

The party starts to get tired and people start to go home. The ENFP will almost always propose some kind of afterparty at this point.

And on it goes.

Dunno about other people's experiences, but there are 2 ENFP party planners in my life who habitually do this.

Welcome to my life with my two ENFP's. I will say that a decade + of my influence combined with maturity that comes with age on their part has caused me to be more flexible and them to be more organized. This is all I ask for. And many times I have said no to plans, on principal. See, I'm not dropping my fully scheduled plans of doing absolutely nothing for their plans of doing "something". It was very hard to get them to understand that my "nothing" is "something" for a long time. They do get it now.

 

[five sounds]

I'd say most the time I just end up deciding to do what I want, on my own and do things exactly how I want without compromise, precisely because of the above mentioned. It's just ugh, work! And what, you kill 2-3 hours just to get things moving with other people too? I think what actually happens come to think about it, is I'm usually invited to social things and I tag along or I just venture off on my own at the spur of the moment.

Whenever I find myself stuck in a position of coordinating many people at once I get VERY frustrated. Sadly since I'm a put the feelers out and run with wherever the motion starts kinda gal, I find myself updating people on what's going on and where we ended up/are going next, etc. I try really hard not to blow people off in this process, but there has been blood.

 

[Poki]

GF (enfp) enjoys get togethers, but hates planning and organizing. She is an ideas person, not an execution person.

 

[Starry]

idk...I can pack a hell of a lot of interesting and being alive into an unplanned excursion and have never had any complaints. Most of the stories my circle tells are of the spontaneous things I initiated. I imagine memories are easier to commit when they are not tainted by expectations

 

[Amargith]

Expectation is the mother of disappointment.

 

[Starry]

Expectation is the mother of disappointment.

You said it although I don't know if you said it exactly in these words...

But I totally relate to not making plans but rather rescuing assembled groups from plans that have failed

 

[ceecee]

idk...I can pack a hell of a lot of interesting and being alive into an unplanned excursion and have never had any complaints. Most of the stories my circle tells are of the spontaneous things I initiated. I imagine memories are easier to commit when they are not tainted by expectations

Why? I can have expectations and memorable experiences all at the same time. I don't find them tainted, I've never heard anyone say this. It's great that ENFP's have ideas. But they aren't plans or execution and I find it irritating that many of you seem to think - I came up with the idea. I'm done, except for enjoying and making memories.

 

[Amargith]

Intj to enfp:

'Why cant you be more intj already???'

We re not you. Never will be and for my part, never *wanna* be.

You value and focus on execution, we on ideas. Its what can make us a great team - provided we can appreciate that difference in each other.

 

[Starry]

Why? I can have expectations and memorable experiences all at the same time. I don't find them tainted, I've never heard anyone say this.

I think you've probably heard what I was saying in that bolded passage many, many times you just need me to provide a translation since I wrote that for ENFPs in ENFP.


Mechanisms of emotional arousal and
lasting declarative memory

The Science of Emotion: McGaugh (Library of Congress)

(Beta)-adrenergic activation and memory for emotional events - ProQuest

^^edit: I should probably mention that they are not referencing emotion as in *Feeler-emo* in the above articles...


The human animal is wired to more readily and vividly recall the unusual and unexpected period. And it is during those moments when we find ourselves without a script or map and are facing the unknown that our bodies will take us off auto-pilot by giving us a hit of stress hormones...and it is this cocktail at low and healthy levels...that sharpens our senses, our mind focus intensifies and clears having cut itself off from accessing past and future concerns in order to concentrate solely on the present...a present which is often reported as being experienced more vividly as if time itself has slowed down...etc. etc.

I'm not saying you can't just as easily remember highly planned and thus relatively predictable events. I'm saying science is saying you can't just as easily remember highly planned and thus relatively predictable events.

It's great that ENFP's have ideas. But they aren't plans or execution and I find it irritating that many of you seem to think - I came up with the idea. I'm done, except for enjoying and making memories.

Yah, I never think of myself as making plans.

 

[entropie]

If I read all that, I am prolly ENTJ after all. Cause I am a masterplaner and dont even have Te

 

[Amargith]

Planning isnt that hard to do, there is just little reward to it, for me.

Pulling a rabbit out of your hat while in the zone, otoh

That seems to be an unconfortable position to be in for many, though - especially those that do enjoy the planning process and therefore apreciate a high quality piece of execution.

While that's understandable, i resent having to live up to those standards due to people's expectations as it stiffles what i enjoy and do best.

If you love execution and planning so much, have at it - just dont expect me to do it your way or live up to your standard. Similarly, if it makes you uncomfortable to be in a rabbit out of a hat situation, you re free to decline joining me on that particular type of adventure. That, or have some faith in me doing what i love. Dont worry, i wont demand you do any rabbit pulling or tell you that rabbit better be white, should you wanna try your hand at it

 

[five sounds]

I feel you [MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION]. The ability to enjoy a moment or event without having an expectation for how it will be is something I value in myself. The illusion of having control over life I have seen stress a lot of people out.

 

[entropie]

Planning isnt that hard to do, there is just little reward to it, for me.

Pulling a rabbit out of your hat while in the zone, otoh

So when you are flirting on five guys simoultaneously and you havent planned for the axe murderer, you call it a little reward? xD

 

[Amargith]

So when you are flirting on five guys simoultaneously and you havent planned for the axe murderer, you call it a little reward? xD

That shit just happens, man

If it's meant to be, it'll be

 

[entropie]

That shit just happens, man

If it's meant to be, it'll be

Puuuh

 

[Amargith]

Luckily, we tend to be equipped with both a disarming vulnerability, so the guy puts down his axe, and a natural aptitude for escape and avoidance, as a last resort


Seriously though, all too often that guy is just a misunderstood forest laborer

 

[entropie]

Luckily, we tend to be equipped with both a disarming vulnerability, so the guy puts down his axe, and a natural aptitude for escape and avoidance, as a last resort


Seriously though, all too often that guy is just a misunderstood forest laborer

"the guys" (except entp guys)

 

[Starry]

I feel you @Starry. The ability to enjoy a moment or event without having an expectation for how it will be is something I value in myself. The illusion of having control over life I have seen stress a lot of people out.

100% organic under the vanilla and Kung Fu Panda connection umbrella

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

Lol yeah I honestly had no reactions while reading your post that were strong. By that I mean it sounds so normal to me to the point of feeling benign. I honestly don't know of another way to do things. Can't predict the future ya know? Just round up the troops and follow leads so that whoever ends up being there does what's best for that particular group, with room left for new opportunities of course

Yeah. While reading OP, I'm like...yeah that sounds normal. I don't see ENFP's as planners, more like gatherers of people. The plan normally happens organically after everyone meets somewhere.

With that many people together, there's usually a network of friends who knows someone doing something to pull the group one way or another. Some break off, some don't. Which is pretty cool because you can do whatever you feel like or don't. I enjoy that type of low pressure socializing.

 

[entropie]

Yeah. While reading OP, I'm like...yeah that sounds normal. I don't see ENFP's as planners, more like gatherers of people. The plan normally happens organically after everyone meets somewhere.

With that many people together, there's usually a network of friends who knows someone doing something to pull the group one way or another. Some break off, some don't. Which is pretty cool because you can do whatever you feel like or don't. I enjoy that type of low pressure socializing.

pretty much 'I' in one post