I'm currently working on projects for an ENFP. I'm just frustrated by how I essentially get critiqued for everything that 'goes wrong' (75% of that in my opinion is not anything that went wrong at all) when he doesn't apply the same rules to himself. Ok that's not relevant I guess.
I think the main problem I have is communicating with Fi. Because to me it sounds "i feel a and b and c" and frankly I don't care how someone feels about things in a work context. whether it's my employer or client. I realize that's an issue and I'm easy to talk to for 'positive talks' however I have a hard time in Fi talks where I feel like it's all a 'personal talk about work' which has no place in a work context and gets my 'fe guilt trip' started. Which drives me nuts because i'll start feeling like shit when I have to be motivated on the project.
I think NTJs deal with that better. IE: in my experience they 'll just state A) is ur problem because C and D and don't seem to harbor any doubts what so ever. Whether I see critique when I'm working hard as a personal attack on my ability. Because all i hear in these context is ' you are incompetent' which I am not and "I am perfect" which he is not. And it drives me nuts.
I'm someone who learns new skills on the fly as projects require. Including programming and design. I don't know many people in my industry willing to do that without an hourly compentation just because they want to make sure the project is successful.
so yeah. I guess I'm just pissed off.
So i'd say my main problem is that the Fi talks just drive me into Fe guilt trip and prevent me from being 'rational' on the project and therefore impact my productivity. Which in turn gets me more 'Fi talks' and makes me murderous.
As an ENFP I'll give you some help. When working with ENFP's you will find that ENFP's vary widely depending on their stage of development as well as their environment. So it will be hard for me to give you specifics but it sounds like you are dealing with someone who isn't as developed as some of the world class ENFP's. Their are many ENFP's that even I have a hard time getting along with although their behavior brings a smile to my face because I can understand where they are coming from. While most ISTJ, ENTJ's and ESTJ for example understand each other very well, I find that NF functions don't.
Here is some of my advice.
#1 Motivations are the most important thing for us. We focus way more on what we intended then what the person actually understood.
#2 Authenticity comes hand in hand with motivations. Be real and stop sugar coating. If you are holding back DON'T.
#3 The stress situations you mentioned are generally two things.
a. Anything that goes wrong is a breakup of our "perfect" reality. The reason we are so easy going most of the time is because we just go with the flow and rarely plan. When something goes wrong it shatters our sense of calmness.
b. AND (our calmness won't shatter if we are dealing with someone who is highly resourceful) we are anticipating a negative conversation. More often then not what I've found is that if an ENFP gets negative its because intuitively they have picked up on a negative pattern and they are anticipating it.
#4 If you are dealing with a well developed ENFP. They will expect accountability for mistakes and they will own up to their own mistakes as well. If this is not the case then you don't have an ENFP who is very self aware.
#5 Don't underestimate our Fi. Personally I think Fi is a far more accurate predictor of reality then lets say Ti or Te. I say this because we live in a human world and usually logic isn't the driving force, motivations, intentions, emotions are. .... Something most Te and Ti people fail to understand. Every single NT and ST is motivated by their cognitive order, their belief systems, and their goals -- They then rationalize and argue within those boundaries. If you think YOU are being logical and he is being emotional you are wrong. You are misunderstanding the functions completely a COMMON mistake for T functions. You focus on the use of things, we Fi types (specially) focus on the meaning of things. How is that not rational? To get to the core of it? Also emotions such as fear, anger, distaste, pessimism,
control,
power,
security are all emotions similar to giddiness, excitement, sensitivity, and optimism. Anyone who thinks they are NOT being influenced HEAVILY by MANY emotions is the one being illogical and misjudging the situation.
It's funny how certain emotions are viewed as rational and others are viewed as irrational lol... Then people find all kinds of reasons to rationalize their emotions as "rational" because that's how the world "is".
Ok back on topic. Sorry for the rant.
It sounds like you guys share similar weaknesses, this probably isn't a good thing to begin with BUT you can HACK the process to make it easier. Use a project management process like SCRUM. Brain dump all of your ideas, prioritize, gain a shared vision on everything, then execute. That way you are working on the things that matter most and you can focus on 1 task at a time. If you are truly resourceful you will find a way to make it work. Change your approach until ...
More insights into the ENFP mind. Right and wrong (ethics) are very important to us. NEVER play games and NEVER lose our trust. If we start doubting your intentions trust me the situation is going to get really bad. Be clear about WHY you want something done a certain way. If you don't want to do it all day long, fair enough. Set clear boundaries. Do a morning huddle and an evening recap session as well as weekly recaps and meetings as well.
More than anything ENFP's are motivated by possibilities, more specifically PEOPLE possibilities. If you can prove to the ENFP that you are the resourceful baller you say you are. (Learning code etc...) Then be resourceful in this situation and I pretty much guarantee the ENFP will catch to the knew shift and join you.
I'll add a few more things. ENFP's are stars when performing with a limited amount of variables. When we have too many variables we often expand possibilities into infinity. That's why a framework for reigning in the chaos is necessary. ENFP's are naturally great sales people although I think ENTP's are also great salespeople. For the most part I guess both ENTP's and ENFP's are highly capable at almost anything they set their mind to. The best advice I have is stop thinking the way you think is rational and they way the ENFP thinks is not. Instead harness the energy and direct it towards something productive, I think that's the only truly "rational" thing you can do.
That's how I FEEL
))
Technically, I don't think this is what he is doing here in that I strongly suspect he has actually convinced himself that these faults...whatever they may be...are truly on you. And this is the mind-fuck of the Feeler in a nutshell for you...this thing that I'm trying to describe... that when a Feeler is stressed and/or unhealthy...and feels they are letting down someone they care about or merely feel an obligation to...they will unknowingly turn that shit around on you. I am not even remotely explaining this well at all...but I very much believe that is what is occurring. He resents you for having let you down...it's all very painful for our tender souls Eck can't you see?
