empathy for someone doing well

[Ghost of the dead horse]

How would a person deal if they had outwardly good appearances but severe hardships going on with their life?

Suppose you were a stewardess on an air line in an enviable setting, and people had read about your condition as in flight attendants get all the sex, they are tall blondes, get to travel etc. And what if the reality was they have to make do with 8-12 hours in a foreign country, barely getting enough sleep between the taxi drives, setting in to a hotel etc. And what if the sex is mostly harassment and nothing sexy at all.

Another idea. Suppose you were a rewarded computer scientist of some field. Surely someone would look up to you and say you could spend all your time with computer games, booze and international travel if you wanted. But your time went about getting contacts with anyone who would finance you, battling some contracts with ex-colleagues .. and you would get shit for pay.

Surely other people are in a similar situation. An occupation has been praised to heavens but the actual practicing is living hell, and few would now.

1) Petition for help. What is your actual help for a people in this situation?
2) Philosophical inquiry. How can you further understand this situation?

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

If you wish further definition of the subject, I can provide this:

How is empathy possible towards a person who's doing well?

Edit: and a third example. An entrepreneur is whining in a fllowing fashion:

ohh my back is hurting me from earning that 200$ extra. You know I only usually work at a hardware store but I'm also my own employer, the money is coming in but the hours are killing me. Yeah and I can't join your silly computer game because you know it, I'm earning. Time playing computer games is time away from earning. And what do you earn? Also, did I tell my back is killing me from earning so much?

 

[Dreamer]

First of all, that third example would piss me off like no tomorrow and have me rolling my eyes. If someone were complaining like that while also throwing in my face how they're making this money, I'd have no sympathy, that's their choice.

But, as the saying goes, "the grass is always greener on the other side". I don't know if it's worth explaining to other people what your work situation is actually like since you'll always get those questions. There are just some professions that people generally have favorable views of or hold in such high praise. Most likely due to what they see in movies, or placing some view they have of it and attaching an ideal they do not currently have, but see in that profession.

I am an architect (technically I'm still working towards that title, but I do many of the same things an architect does) and that is often a praised profession. I've never come across someone or seen it in a movie where the profession is painted in some negative light. But no one ever seems to understand, that working as an architect means long hours at the office, dealing with some of the most frustrating individuals ever (contractors and consultants and some clients that can drive you up the wazoo and try to undermine you every which way), and having to tear apart your visions for a project because it won't meet the budget, or some obscure city code won't allow it. We are also ultimately at the mercy of the jurisdiction we are trying to obtain building permits from since if we don't get approved, it ain't happening.

So, while I DO love my job, it isn't this fantasy vision that so many people seem to have. Does it bother me? Actually not really. It does have its perks, I won't try to nullify those.

 

[entropie]

cool, always cool... till you kill them all

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

cool, always cool... till you kill them all

Staying cool until I've killed them, yes, that's a setting I've long entertained myself with

 

[entropie]

Staying cool until I've killed them, yes, that's a setting I've long entertained myself with

Drama queen !

 

[Yuurei]

"Doing well" is really all about perspective.

Money may make one person jealous, while time would be more important to another.

...but I do have nothing but disdain for the rich who come into an area like locusts and give not a penny back.

 

[EcK]

Staying cool until I've killed them, yes, that's a setting I've long entertained myself with

Communism is CLEARLY the answer

 

[Forever]

Anyone is deserving of empathy be they rich or poor, black or white. Plus if all that person did was treat you nice, why doesn't he deserve the same? Most rich people are old people anyway and they had to work for years before they got their pay out.

I'm not rich but the robin hood theme/archetype is common in this forum haha (but heaven forbid if it's against celebrities because they entertain us, they even played robin hood so therefore they understand our concerns).

 

[skimpit]

I understand where you're coming from. There are definitely societal goals that everyone has to reach. To be considered something, you have to do something. But it's all about the application. If you earn something without truly working for it earnestly, then what is that position to you? It's not a position at all. It's like winning a gold medal by accident or something.

But people do deserve empathy. On every level. I would look more at their internal circumstances than their external. Sometimes that's the problem. And a lot of people need to be told they're doing something wrong before they'll correct it.

Ha, and I thought an INTJ had wrote this. ENTJ is close enough lol

Some people are just whiny. But some people are also upside-down, like me. I whine, but I don't whine because I hate my life or circumstances. Hell, I wouldn't be trying to move forward so quickly if I hated it. But the thing is, I'm always searching for myself. So it doesn't matter the circumstance if the place you're in isn't right. Like now, I don't know who I am. What I want to be. I don't want to discount those around me, however, so I try my best, but there are times I get lost in reverie wondering when destiny will call, or rather when it won't - I want to make my own. But also fit in. So, some people are just picky, like me, and some people are also lost - like me. The terms come on an individual basis, and you could switch your descriptions, OP, and still have wildly varying circumstances just by having different people, or different mindsets. Even different dollar amounts. Everything is relative ^^

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

The entrepreneur in the 3rd case is rude, invoking no sympathy from anyone. The reason is his behavior, not his income, although he makes an mention of it.

Some research suggests we have less empathy for people too different from us. Republicans and democrats don't have as much empathy for persons in the other group as they do for someone in their own group. I half remember reading something about wealth and income as well.

Ideally we would have empathy for rich and poor, yeah. I have little empathy for anyone, but I do have for some, and those people mostly seem somewhat similar to me, but some do not. How the celebrities get so much of our attention - and empathy - is pretty weird.

I usually feel empathy for the capitalists and hate how people scorn them, even though I don't own much myself. I guess people want to be entertained while they are being ripped off. The position of a factory owner doesn't invoke quite as much empathy.

(but heaven forbid if it's against celebrities because they entertain us, they even played robin hood so therefore they understand our concerns).

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

Ha, and I thought an INTJ had wrote this. ENTJ is close enough lol

For a day I wondered what you were on about, then something occured to me. Being a curious person I got to ask you something.

What opinion did you read into the OP?

 

[skimpit]

For a day I wondered what you were on about, then something occured to me. Being a curious person I got to ask you something.

What opinion did you read into the OP?

You sound like my mom. And stereotypical INTJ things I've read. "I put so much effort in, more than my peers", "my life sucks because no one understands me" (not special snowflake - just an uncommon amount of determination), "why do people make life so hard (on me)?"
That.

Also, it was hard to tell what kind of question you were asking. Normally people do have empathy for people who are in the situation you described, but begrudgingly and snarkily. You didn't seem to have any and were wondering how to get it. So, I was like, let's use me as an example because it's pretty close to that hypothetical person OP is describing.

I didn't really read MBTI in this, it just occurred to me halfway through the post, and I thought it might be useful to include. It's rare to see posts like this, so I wanted to put my two cents in. That's all.

 

[FemMecha]

...Surely other people are in a similar situation. An occupation has been praised to heavens but the actual practicing is living hell, and few would now.

1) Petition for help. What is your actual help for a people in this situation?
2) Philosophical inquiry. How can you further understand this situation?

I think envy is one of the most irrational emotions. The outward appearance of someone's life does not reflect the actual experience. I think a great many people are in tremendous pain and no one has a clue. I know people who are living the idealized life that I worked towards, but I would still never want to trade places with them because I would not want to have to deal with what they face. I don't really envy anyone because I think life is potentially painful for anyone in any walk of life.

If I measure a person's pain, it is usually by how they respond to the pain of others. If they tend to dismiss others' pain as absurd and made-up, then I wonder if that is the description of their own pain. Anyone who has actually suffered and has a drop of reasoning or empathy will take the pain of others seriously, regardless of status or money. For example, people are abused in every socio-economic level and that pain is not lessened by money or fame.

 

[ceecee]

This sounds like the argument some use about the professional athlete that makes millions so they can't possibly have life issues or hardships. I have no idea why anyone would think that but they do - no one knows what goes on in others' lives.

 

[Tilt]

This sounds like the argument some use about the professional athlete that makes millions so they can't possibly have life issues or hardships. I have no idea why anyone would think that but they do - no one knows what goes on in others' lives.

So true. Oftentimes, those people get super lonely because others latch onto their stardom, exploit them, they are constantly under the microscope, there is the pressure to stay on top, along with the normal problems that everyone faces. While they are materially well off, many seem to buckle under the psychological/emotional pressure.

Same could be said for the exceptionally intelligent, gifted, or beautiful.

I read that the sweet spot is to be moderately above average to have optimal, long-term happiness.

 

[prplchknz]

if you judge people based on your own standards and how they appear on the outside, you're never going to have a lot of empathy for anyone. most people actually hide their troubles because they've learned that people don't actually care and those they share it with are trustworthy. it's so easy to look at someone and go oh they're blah blah blah blah because externally they have all this shit.

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

You sound like my mom. And stereotypical INTJ things I've read. "I put so much effort in, more than my peers", "my life sucks because no one understands me" (not special snowflake - just an uncommon amount of determination), "why do people make life so hard (on me)?"
That.

Also, it was hard to tell what kind of question you were asking. Normally people do have empathy for people who are in the situation you described, but begrudgingly and snarkily. You didn't seem to have any and were wondering how to get it. So, I was like, let's use me as an example because it's pretty close to that hypothetical person OP is describing.

I didn't really read MBTI in this, it just occurred to me halfway through the post, and I thought it might be useful to include. It's rare to see posts like this, so I wanted to put my two cents in. That's all.

I might be wishing to give or recieve empathy, or I might observe other people in such an interaction. I think I mostly fill the role of an observer right now, at least that's on my mind. But yeah, thank you for your explanation and thoughts, I guess I can bit better understand where you're coming from.

Edit: I seek understanding. My solution is not letting someone's wealth or good circumstances stand in the way of empathy, if at all possible. Someone with bragging, cocky attitude will get rid of people's sympathies, no matter if they're well off or not. I'm drawn towards polite, well-mannered people as these people get my empathies, but of course there are empathy-free relations as well, some of which are pretty fun.

 

[skimpit]

I see @ UnitOfPopulation. That's kind of what I thought, too, which is why I wrote that. I figured you could use my experience as a base or something

You say you seek understanding, but understanding... of what? Do you wish to understand the person, circumstance, or the whole thing? It does sound like you solved your problem, though, which is good

I think if you continue with observer role, you'll find that a lot of people create their own circumstances and don't realize how they affect others. So maybe this role is good, because you can help someone.

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

You say you seek understanding, but understanding... of what? Do you wish to understand the person, circumstance, or the whole thing?

Hell, I have understanding to expend, I'm going for the whole package.. wait, understanding is not expended when you use it. It does not follow the laws of conservation. Yes, understanding everything is definitely going to be my choice