DRAMA

[mgbradsh]

I’ve been meaning to start this thread for a while.

I’ve noticed, in both my personal and professional life, that people will gravitate towards interpersonal drama given the opportunity. This is something I’ve witnessed on the forums I’ve been on as well.

I might try to quantify it in both cases, in real life using time and on forums using posts, it seems to heavily weigh towards drama when it’s around.

I have a theory about this. I think it’s because interpersonal drama or conflict is something that is easy for everyone to relate to and provide input on. It’s natural. It’s easy. I think people do it because it’s easier than trying to fix more complicated problems. A lot of problems I’ve seen, be it workplace or personal have really complicated and time consuming solutions, they take time and commitment to work on and often collaboration, but it can be easier to pick a different fight and give the appearance of having a “win”.

I’m kind of curious what the members here think about this and if they’ve witnessed the same thing and hopefully in a way that keeps it on topic.

 

[Mole]

I’ve been meaning to start this thread for a while.

I’ve noticed, in both my personal and professional life, that people will gravitate towards interpersonal drama given the opportunity. This is something I’ve witnessed on the forums I’ve been on as well.

I might try to quantify it in both cases, in real life using time and on forums using posts, it seems to heavily weigh towards drama when it’s around.

I have a theory about this. I think it’s because interpersonal drama or conflict is something that is easy for everyone to relate to and provide input on. It’s natural. It’s easy. I think people do it because it’s easier than trying to fix more complicated problems. A lot of problems I’ve seen, be it workplace or personal have really complicated and time consuming solutions, they take time and commitment to work on and often collaboration, but it can be easier to pick a different fight and give the appearance of having a “win”.

I’m kind of curious what the members here think about this and if they’ve witnessed the same thing and hopefully in a way that keeps it on topic.

We come here with all the unresolved dramas of our childhood because we had to suppress our negative feelings towards our parents in the interests of our psychological survival. And in suppressing our negative feelings, we also suppress our positive feelings.

But here we are equal and so our repressed feelings come bubbling to the surface, what a relief, and so we can indulge in psychodrama to our hearts content. And naturally we rope in others to our own psychodrama.

But we do not offer therapy here, so no rational interpretation of our psychodramas is possible, and so our psychodramas remain unresolved and misunderstood.

 

[1487610420]

Suppression is not a main factor, imo, it's emotional triggers, when something resonates with memories, past trauma, and the reason why people escalate quickly, because they feel it, their past pain and fears get triggered again, like salt on an wound. The severity changes, it's not binary 0-100, something can start serene, but it's always a personal narrative playing, all the things dear to us, our own, and those close to us as well that causes speaking up, taking sides, even attempting to defuse.

 

[Yuurei]

I really, really don't and I find it frustrating. In fact, I was just about to head to the rant thread to say something about this: I hate how hard it is to be friends with people. I genuinely love the holidays. I try to throw parties for no other reason than I want to enjoy the company of the people I like.
I don' want to compete with anyone, I have no desire to make it about me, I expect nothing in return. Yet every single time those involved blow me off for those who do. Every time they come back and tell me how bad it was or how it seems that tsaid person only wanted them to feel obligated to do something for them in return. I tell them my door is always open but no. No.

We come here with all the unresolved dramas of our childhood because we had to suppress our negative feelings towards our parents in the interests of our psychological survival. And in suppressing our negative feelings, we also suppress our positive feelings.

But here we are equal and so our repressed feelings come bubbling to the surface, what a relief, and so we can indulge in psychodrama to our hearts content. And naturally we rope in others to our own psychodrama.

But we do not offer therapy here, so no rational interpretation of our psychodramas is possible, and so our psychodramas remain unresolved and misunderstood.

I realize that this post is futile because you're just going to tell me how what I think I feel is wrong and you know me better than I do, but I don't learn:

This isn't always true.

Of course I have negative feelings about my parents, but I neither repress nor dwell on them. That was in the past and I have my own life to worry about. I do not go out of my way to stay in touch, I do not go out of my way to avoid them. When they call I answer. I am polite and pleasant I do not drudge up shit from the past.
But I do hold my own "orphan holidays " (all of my friends rather than family) not because of what they did but what they continue to do. Really, it is the same complaint as my previous response; it's never about family or enjoyment but all about whomever is hosting and how they are doing better than so and so.

We are adults. They should have left that shit in High School.

 

[Lib]

Most people can't have a conversation without taking it personally but that's the tendency to jump to conclusion before being able or care to understand other person's point. Whether one turns it into drama or a monologue, or two parallel monologues, the effect is the same - closing one's mind to new information.

 

[Sacrophagus]

I really, really don't and I find it frustrating. In fact, I was just about to head to the rant thread to say something about this: I hate how hard it is to be friends with people. I genuinely love the holidays. I try to throw parties for no other reason than I want to enjoy the company of the people I like.
I don' want to compete with anyone, I have no desire to make it about me, I expect nothing in return. Yet every single time those involved blow me off for those who do. Every time they come back and tell me how bad it was or how it seems that tsaid person only wanted them to feel obligated to do something for them in return. I tell them my door is always open but no. No.

I think it is time to close that goddamn door that has been long been taken for granted. You have suffered enough, and that's just me scratching the surface.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I often hate being involved in drama after the fact but apparently I have no fucking filter and opinions just vomit out of my mouth-hole. Or through my fingertips.

Obviously, I'm a very dramatic individual, so repressing that can be difficult.

 

[Lady Lazarus]

Obviously, I'm a very dramatic individual, so repressing that can be difficult.

Same.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

Same.

You hide it well. More practice I suppose.

 

[ceecee]

There is very little drama in my personal life. That's because I actively avoid it and if I get caught up in it, I remove myself from that environment or situation. I don't care about the drama here but it's even easier to remove oneself from this environment or situation.

I do agree with the OP - interpersonal drama or conflict is something that is easy for everyone to relate to and provide input on. Especially online and until recently, it's mostly stayed there. That line has been blurred and much of the online drama either spills offline or people are no longer able to separate the two spaces.

Ultimately I'm responsible for the people I surround myself with and that includes family.

 

[Yuurei]

There is very little drama in my personal life. That's because I actively avoid it and if I get caught up in it, I remove myself from that environment or situation. I don't care about the drama here but it's even easier to remove oneself from this environment or situation.

I do agree with the OP - interpersonal drama or conflict is something that is easy for everyone to relate to and provide input on. Especially online and until recently, it's mostly stayed there. That line has been blurred and much of the online drama either spills offline or people are no longer able to separate the two spaces.

Ultimately I'm responsible for the people I surround myself with and that includes family.

It sound strange but this is a way in which I am greatful for all the problems that I had growing up.
Honestly, I don’t relate to it. It’s something that has always greatly confused me. “ Drama” only exists because people create it. Typically ove4 shit that just. Doesn’t. Matter. They could choose to ignore it, to let it go and move in but they choose not to and then complain about it.

My theory is that human beings need something to fight and overcome or thier lives feel meaningless. In the midern world we have safety and comfort, nothing to really fight for so people create battles to keep themselves from going completely insane, the irony is not lost on me. wrth...

 

[cascadeco]

Well, it's always easier to weigh in on things you aren't actually involved with -- whether it be relationships, conflict, other sorts of 'drama' - as you're not emotionally invested or biased with it.

It's basically no different from us 'seeing' the pitfalls of other peoples' relationships or selves, having more clarity often-times and objectiveness, vs the person who's immersed or buried alive in it.

So that might play into why everyone piles onto 'drama' when it occurs, assuming they're not part of the drama.

So yes, to tie into the OP, we all can relate, and it's 'easy' when it's not your own drama.

 

[Yuurei]

Well, it's always easier to weigh in on things you aren't actually involved with -- whether it be relationships, conflict, other sorts of 'drama' - as you're not emotionally invested or biased with it.

It's basically no different from us 'seeing' the pitfalls of other peoples' relationships or selves, having more clarity often-times and objectiveness, vs the person who's immersed or buried alive in it.

So that might play into why everyone piles onto 'drama' when it occurs, assuming they're not part of the drama.

So yes, to tie into the OP, we all can relate, and it's 'easy' when it's not your own drama.

Please don't speak for me.

Drama only becomes our when when we allow it to.

Anyone-involved or not- can take a step back and question whether or not a situation is worth the trouble they are making of it and anyone can decide that it is not and walk away from it.

 

[cascadeco]

[/B]

Please don't speak for me.

Drama only becomes our when when we allow it to.

Anyone-involved or not- can take a step back and question whether or not a situation is worth the trouble they are making of it and anyone can decide that it is not and walk away from it.

Hmm. I don't really think I was talking about what you are referring to, and maybe was too vague. Did you find what I wrote offensive? I lead a pretty drama free existence myself and I have no issue keeping people I find unhealthy out of my life and drawing lines. I was merely musing over why many people might participate in 'drama' or feel the need to state their own opinion. Admittedly though I was thinking mostly of online drama.

 

[1487610420]

[/B]

Please don't speak for me.

Drama only becomes our when when we allow it to.

Anyone-involved or not- can take a step back and question whether or not a situation is worth the trouble they are making of it and anyone can decide that it is not and walk away from it.

lol, wtf would you/anyone NEED to say this? oh wait...

Suppression is not a main factor, imo, it's emotional triggers, when something resonates with memories, past trauma, and the reason why people escalate quickly, because they feel it, their past pain and fears get triggered again, like salt on an wound. The severity changes, it's not binary 0-100, something can start serene, but it's always a personal narrative playing, all the things dear to us, our own, and those close to us as well that causes speaking up, taking sides, even attempting to defuse.

This post is so meta tho

 

[Yuurei]

lol, wtf would you/anyone NEED to say this? oh wait...

This post is so meta tho

I don’t think that interpersonal drama and real trauma caused by bad parenting are even remotely similar.

 

[1487610420]

I don’t think that interpersonal drama and real trauma caused by bad parenting are even remotely similar.

I think you're wrong.

eta: my quote was to point how your post was doing the thing I said people do that you posted to say you don't do - while doing it.

 

[Yuurei]

I think you're wrong.

eta: my quote was to point how your post was doing the thing I said people do that you posted to say you don't do - while doing it.

Figured it was more of your juvenile antagonism. I didn't understand your point because whatever "pwning" correlation you were trying to make just wasn't there. Better luck next time I guess.

 

[1487610420]

Figured it was more of your juvenile antagonism. I didn't understand your point because whatever "pwning" correlation you were trying to make just wasn't there. Better luck next time I guess.

Do you always feel a need to interject when you see someone using absolute terms like 'everyone' about something you don't think you relate to, despite there being nothing that specifically targets you?

 

[Yuurei]

I think it is time to close that goddamn door that has been long been taken for granted. You have suffered enough, and that's just me scratching the surface.

I think it is.

And I know you’re right but my greatest weakness is my extroversion. I get so bored when I’m alone. It isn’t something I can begin to know how to solve.