[NF] Do you care how others feel?

[Alienclock]

I guess this is an NF type topic.
How much do you care how others feel?
In light of the idea that you can't control how others feel, how much should you really care?

Frankly, I enjoy caring about others... But there are times when I decide NOT to give a darn. Actually, I am leaning towards the understanding that in caring about my own feelings, its best to focus on them, and let others manage their own emotions...

Sometimes it feels like being a bad guy, but it seems important to staying happy.

Any ideas, thoughts, feelings?
How much do you care?

 

[targobelle]

I really do care how other people feel.

 

[Totenkindly]

Define "care."

 

[Jasz]

i care how others feel about me
i am a little immature in that sense, need validation and am sensitive when people close to me criticize me (though i can be quite critical myself, especially to those close to me)
i really want to do well in the eyes of those close to me

 

[FemMecha]

I generally place myself in a larger context than 'me' regarding both thoughts and feelings. I prefer to see a better net result than simply a personal one. I do care about the well being of others because it is clear I am not all that separate from them. Their well being and mine are intricately interlaced.

 

[rivercrow]

I care how the people I care for feel, and even that is on a sliding scale.

I do care how I feel. (But you didn't ask that.)

 

[MacGuffin]

How much do you care?

Is this measureable?

 

[disregard]

i care a lot for some

 

[Shimpei]

In light of the idea that you can't control how others feel, how much should you really care?

1. You can control how others feel to some, or even to a great extent. It's all psychology. And I think everyone should care a lot how others feel.
2. It's not always right when you let others feel good about themselves.

 

[MacGuffin]

1. You can control how others feel to some, or even to a great extent. It's all psychology. And I think everyone should care a lot how others feel.
2. It's not always right when you let others feel good about themselves.

I just broke out in hives.

 

[Totenkindly]

I just broke out in hives.

I just scratched my arm for you (because I care).

 

[Alienclock]

Define "care."

Would it bother you if some one felt "sad", and if does how much would you let it effect you? At what point would you give up your own happiness for another?

Is this measureable?

I guess I am measuring how much I care about how someone else feels as compared to how much I care how I feel.

If some one is unhappy for whatever reason, do you let their unhappiness bring you down?

i care how others feel about me
i am a little immature in that sense, need validation and am sensitive when people close to me criticize me (though i can be quite critical myself, especially to those close to me)
i really want to do well in the eyes of those close to me

Where do you draw the line? What price are you willing to pay for that validation?

1. You can control how others feel to some, or even to a great extent. It's all psychology. And I think everyone should care a lot how others feel.

When does minding others feelings cross the line over into manipulation? Or maybe I should ask does minding others feelings ever cross into manipulating them?

2. It's not always right when you let others feel good about themselves.

Why? What would be the purpose of stopping someone from feeling good about their self?

 

[cafe]

How much do you care how others feel?
I like it when people feel good or at least neutral. How much effort I will go to in order to help make that happen depends on several factors, not the least of which is how much I care about the particular person in question.

In light of the idea that you can't control how others feel, how much should you really care?
I have a vested interest in the feelings of others because it's very hard not feel other people's feelings as my own when I am interacting with or observing them. I can choose to block the feelings and sometimes do to survive, but I don't really like to do that. I don't know how much I should care, but I suppose I care a little more than I should.

 

[Totenkindly]

Would it bother you if some one felt "sad", and if does how much would you let it effect you?

All right.

Yes, I'm bothered if someone I know is upset (and sometimes even people I do not know)... but I usually don't interfere with strangers unless it's appropriate and the person seems very badly disturbed. As far as friends go, I would definitely ask them what was up and listen to them, and help them how I could... but usually the minimal amount to alleviate the sorrow... if they wanted to be helped.

(See, just because someone is sad doesn't mean they want to feel better right then... nor should necessarily. Sometimes people want or need to sit in the 'sad' state.)

At what point would you give up your own happiness for another?

Not sure. i suppose I have done that already in life with my family, since I'm still wrestling with "where do I draw the line?" between them and me. I honor commitments and do not want to hurt people; at the same time, sacrificing my own emotional needs so that others feel good eventually wears thin and kills me. I just did not recognize what my own emotional needs were for a very long time.

In any case, my answer to this would be context-sensitive.

 

[disregard]

I have a vested interest in the feelings of others because it's very hard not feel other people's feelings as my own when I am interacting with or observing them.

for me it's impossible to feel other people's feelings as my own when I am interacting with or observing them

except when it involves death of a loved one

i really internalise that

 

[Alienclock]

For people who don't respect my wish that they be blissfully happy, and instead indulge in all sorts of un smiling behavior, I withdraw all the caring I have about how they feel. If they cared how I feel, they would be happy, so why should I care about how they feel... sorta kidding, sorta not... Thats my take on it...

I totally feel emotionally moved by unhappy people, which is why I think they should be sorta... eliminated...

 

[Varelse]

I have a vested interest in the feelings of others because it's very hard not feel other people's feelings as my own when I am interacting with or observing them.

I do that sometimes...but I tend to be somewhat disassociated from all my feelings, so it doesn't alter my decisions. And I tend to hide it, I suppose.

 

[cafe]

for me it's impossible to feel other people's feelings as my own when I am interacting with or observing them

except when it involves death of a loved one

I would ideally be somewhere between your Fe and my own.

As you get older and your Fe begins to further develop that may alter for you a bit or maybe when you have children. Or maybe not.

 

[Totenkindly]

I have a vested interest in the feelings of others because it's very hard not feel other people's feelings as my own when I am interacting with or observing them. I can choose to block the feelings and sometimes do to survive, but I don't really like to do that. I don't know how much I should care, but I suppose I care a little more than I should.

Hmmm.

Well, I will say, in light of the last month of "crap" going on at INTPc, I was feeling pretty horrible... not just from the constant bickering, but because I also care about maintaining the relationships. So I could empathize even with the people I disagreed with, and couldn't just "cut them off" in my head and separate myself. There is a blending and sense of connection there, so arguing with them was like tearing myself apart in a sense.

An impersonal argument is fine, it's just a discussion... but that whole thing felt very personal. And I couldn't shut the "feelings off."

 

[Varelse]

Hmmm.

Well, I will say, in light of the last month of "crap" going on at INTPc, I was feeling pretty horrible... not just from the constant bickering, but because I also care about maintaining the relationships. So I could empathize even with the people I disagreed with, and couldn't just "cut them off" in my head and separate myself. There is a blending and sense of connection there, so arguing with them was like tearing myself apart in a sense.

An impersonal argument is fine, it's just a discussion... but that whole thing felt very personal. And I couldn't shut the "feelings off."

I had somewhat of the same impression-but, I can usually isolate the feelings even if I can't stop them.

If that makes sense. And there are a few things that can break the isolation.