[INFP] Disliking people on instinct?

[Valhallahereicome]

Heeeey there! I can come off a bit intense at times, please don't take any of my comments personally or in an offensive manner, I am just very direct and blunt but in all honesty well intended.

Regarding the bolded above, I have a simple question specific to people having two sides to them. How many sides do you have to you? Do you present yourself with full on openness and total vulnerability to strangers and family alike?

I myself am very open, but even I am aware that due to the nature of how life works and how variable people are, it is of benefit to have a side of you that deals with people that have not proven themselves to be part of your "cirlce of turst." [I love the movie, "Meet the Parents" Ha!!!]

And despite sounding like a crab, I did offer you advice in my initial response, did you read that part? Seriously, do you think that might be something of benefit for you to try?

Finally, please don't misconstrue me using language such as "chill out" or "attitude adjustment" as derogatory, I am a playful smart ass, and not an ogre. And you're right, I probably need to chill out too a little bit! Ha! Ok, following my own advice now, going outside to take nap in sun...

Cheers to you, good luck in your quest to better understand people!

All right, perhaps I was a bit quick off the gun. It's hard to pick up nuance in an internet forum!

Hmm, do I have different sides to me... Not consciously. There's probably more of a continuum where as people get to know me they get more of the real opinions and less of the cheerful small talk. But the cheerful small talk is part of me too. Haha, I guess that should tell me something.

As I said X number of posts ago, though - buried somewhere in this fat thread - after thinking about it a bit I've realized that a lot of the problem is that I am afraid of being rejected by the "shallow" people due to not being able to relate to them on their own level. I know I can't click with everyone, but instead of telling myself that I tend to blame myself for whatever goes wrong, and then I become really wary of people with whom I can predict the same thing happening again. It's easier to relate when you can see someone's genuine self right away, but I just get confused by the guarded "socially acceptable" side that a lot of people present.

It is also partly an impatience to get to the deep stuff, and annoyance that I don't go there often enough or that people won't let me go there. But a lot of it is just not wanting any kind of social rejection. So I guess I'm kind of rejecting other people in advance.

Yeah, I saw your advice. I'm actually part of 2 clubs already and yes, people do come off as less shallow when you're all working toward something you care about. I'm more worried about not disliking people in Starbucks or wherever based on the conversation I hear while they're waiting for their latte, because that's just an awful downer. Guess working toward that will involve a) Understanding that I'm only seeing their surface side and b) Getting over my own problems. But thanks for your advice, enjoy your nap.

 

[Frank]

Yeah it's definitely subjective, I don't see any right answer.

As far as authenticity goes, though, people who keep their true thoughts and feelings inside during a conversation are being less authentic and real than people who express themselves fully. You're saying that people who have these "trivial" conversations are just being themselves; I would disagree. It seems that a lot of the time people are following a social script that reveals very little of their genuine selves. If that wasn't the case, then yes, they would be authentic.

I'd reverse what you said in the last sentence. People going through an interaction following a socially-accepted "script" are searching to act as something they are not. People who let their real selves come to the surface are being authentic. I think you're misinterpreting the "search for authenticity" thing as searching for something outside of the person. The term "search" is misleading. It's more "stripping away" - of all the false layers that do not constitute one's real identity. Actually, even better would be "fighting off" all the outwardly imposed conventions that prevent one from expressing one's true self. "Inauthentic" means letting the conventions dominate your true self so that people interact with those instead of the real you.

I see what your saying but I still disagree. Maybe wanting to follow the socially accepted script is part of who they are. To some it is more important to "get along" than it is to impose their uniqueness on the world. Some people authentically prefer to keep their innermost self to themselves. Perhaps also this is more about the s/n divide than anything else. Stripping away false layers to expose your true self is a rather abstract concept and quite possibly an exercise in futility or complete gibberish to many people. Perhaps also I hold these views because I have concluded that authenticity is never found until you stop looking for it. You can never become somthing you are constantly seeking. Most likely though it is because at my core I am a pragmatist. Unless I am going to seek to change others to fit the mold of how I believe they should be, I simply say live and let live.

 

[placebo]

The bolded portion was my point exactly. Actually I could argue both sides of this issue with equal conviction. It is highly subjective and could be viewed from many perspectives.

The main point i was getting at in regards to your op was basically that because people are "shiny" and "happy" and have what you consider trivial conversations does not make them any less authentic than you or as you said fake. In keeping with the devils advocate theme one could argue that in fact they are more authentic than yourself as they are just being and you are searching to become something you don't feel you currently are.

If it's authenticity, it's authenticity of superficiality. If one is truly happy and shiny inside of trivial conversations so often, it reveals a lack of a person. It suggests someone who is unconcerned with anything outside of their immediate world, who rarely questions things, searches for truth, or looks inside of themselves deeply, etc. It's of my opinion too that having these values is objectively better than not having them.

 

[Frank]

If it's authenticity, it's authenticity of superficiality. If one is truly happy and shiny inside of trivial conversations so often, it reveals a lack of a person. It suggests someone who is unconcerned with anything outside of their immediate world, who rarely questions things, searches for truth, or looks inside of themselves deeply, etc. It's of my opinion too that having these values is objectively better than not having them.

Or a person with different intellectual needs and ideas on what is trivial than you.

 

[placebo]

Or a person with different intellectual needs and ideas on what is trivial than you.

I realised quite quickly that I shouldn't have used the word 'person', but something more like 'character'. I'm fully aware people have different needs, different standards, etc. and it's pretty much in people's nature, but that just adds to the confoundedness.

 

[disregard]

This has been bothering me a lot:

I want to like people, I really do. I try to look for the good in people and I love it when people open up and really show themselves.

So why do I immediately dislike the majority of the people I encounter?

I'm talking less about people I actually talk to than ones whom I overhear talking to each other. On a college campus, I overhear a lot of conversations and there are two things that bother me the most:

1) They are so TRIVIAL. No matter what the topic of conversation is, no one ever goes into real depth on it; it seems to be more of an excuse for a smiley, fake social interaction. No one ever says what they actually think, that is assuming that they do have deep thoughts on the matter.

2) The ACCENTS. This is southern California, and the Valley Girl accent proliferates. Then again, I recorded an interview the other day and listened to it afterward and heard MYSELF talking with a Valley Girl accent and using about 4 "like"s in a sentence. That was embarrassing. Guess I shouldn't judge based on accents.

These problems are almost universal and I find myself wanting to vigorously smash things after I listen to a few people talk like this. Less common but as bad or worse is 3) Meanspiritedness. I do understand that it's fun and bonding to be meanspirited with other people, but this is a tendency that should be fought against.

When I talk to someone, it's generally easier to enjoy the conversation. Still, I meet too many people that I just can't relate to. Shiny, smiley, fake people. Probably a fourth to a third of the people my age that I meet are like this. I want to dig down beneath the surface and find something real that I can appreciate in them, but it's hard to penetrate that far down.

So I end up thinking that there's something wrong with me - maybe if I were more approachable, people would be more genuine. Or maybe if I were able to appreciate people for who they are, I would like them better.

Reading this over, it sounds very INFP. Anyone else have thoughts?

Misdiagnosis: superior depth
Diagnosis: chronic crankiness
Prescription: a more fulfilling existence

 

[raindancing]

I actually hardly ever dislike people from first impressions.

My view of people is more that they are interesting, I like to understand them. To get at the truth of a person, you need to be dispassionate.

There are things that people do or say that can cause me to feel some amount of irritation, but I don't translate this into a judgement of any kind. If someone says something that upsets me, I would either think it's my fault or look at their motive for saying it - try to understand them.

I feel like it would be wrong, in a moral sense, for me to judge people. Even once I get to know someone, I don't often judge them.
I've felt like this for as long as I can remember, even when I was very young I didn't judge people. I didn't even judge or dislike the girls who used to bully me.

Having said all that, my attitude towards the expression of any irritation I feel has changed slightly since being married to an INTP (i've been married for 10 years, but have started to notice these changes in probably the last 4 or 5 years)
He has never had a problem verbally blasting people. When I first met him, this was quite a shock - I had never heard anyone say those sorts of things when they weren't actually being nasty.
He doesn't ever mean it personally, it's more humorous observations (of the sarcastic sort), and he says them without applying judgement.

Anyway, eventually I felt like I could also say things about people, negative things, things that I would never ever say to someone else because I know they would misunderstand them for a judgement. It's not judgement, it's more an observation, possibly true, possibly not.
I think some people have a hard time understanding this, I have seen my husband misunderstood in this way many times.

Even so, there still have been a handful of people over my life that I would actually say I dislike. I guess. Even saying that is hard!
It's more like they irritate me such a degree that I feel my irritation becomes irrational. I go off on rants about them (to my husband's vast amusement), seething with furry. Yes, I really, really don't like being around them. But to say I don't like them, as a person... I don't know if I could say that. I don't think I have the right to make that sort of judgment.

One last thing I've noticed, the people who put me into such a frenzy seem from what I can tell, to have very overt Te. The in your face sort, that makes lots and lots of judgements. Not too compatible with my world view i suppose.

EDIT: Just remembered something, I think it's partially about expectations. I don't have any.
EDIT 2: Well, not many.

 

[Tallulah]

Re: the OP--I think it's pretty easy to come to the conclusion that most people are shallow/surface if you just talk to them for a few minutes. When I meet new people, I throw up my smiley face and make pleasantries for a while, partly as a means of energy conservation, partly as a defense mechanism. I don't WANT to have a deep conversation with everyone I meet. It would wear me out. And I'd be sucked into whiling away 30 minutes of my life where a "Hi, how are you?" would have been sufficient.

Sometimes there's a good mix of people, and you get an interesting conversation going, and then I'm more willing to really put myself out there. But I'm not "going deep" for someone I've just met, unless there's just something intrinsic about their personality mixing with my personality, and it just happens. And I'm mistrustful of people who want me to share deep stuff about myself when I barely know them. If they really want to know me, they'll hang around long enough for me to tell them when I'm ready.

 

[raindancing]

I throw up my smiley face and make pleasantries for a while, partly as a means of energy conservation, partly as a defense mechanism. I don't WANT to have a deep conversation with everyone I meet. It would wear me out.

That's so true.

Most of the time when I have gotten into a deeper conversation with someone right after meeting them it has been because they have something that's going on in their life that they want to talk about. Maybe it's just the people I have engaged with, but they seem to want me to provide them with a lot of Fe type feedback - very tiring!

And I certainly wouldn't want to start up a deep conversation about myself with someone I had just met, way to much rejection potential.

 

[Valhallahereicome]

Misdiagnosis: superior depth
Diagnosis: chronic crankiness
Prescription: a more fulfilling existence

You're so insightful. Please, take your insights somewhere else.

I actually hardly ever dislike people from first impressions.

My view of people is more that they are interesting, I like to understand them. To get at the truth of a person, you need to be dispassionate.

There are things that people do or say that can cause me to feel some amount of irritation, but I don't translate this into a judgement of any kind. If someone says something that upsets me, I would either think it's my fault or look at their motive for saying it - try to understand them.

[...]

Even so, there still have been a handful of people over my life that I would actually say I dislike. I guess. Even saying that is hard!
It's more like they irritate me such a degree that I feel my irritation becomes irrational. I go off on rants about them (to my husband's vast amusement), seething with furry. Yes, I really, really don't like being around them. But to say I don't like them, as a person... I don't know if I could say that. I don't think I have the right to make that sort of judgment.

One last thing I've noticed, the people who put me into such a frenzy seem from what I can tell, to have very overt Te. The in your face sort, that makes lots and lots of judgements. Not too compatible with my world view i suppose.

Actually, I think that irritation is more appropriate to describe what I feel as well. There's difference between that and the real dislike I feel for a select few people I actually know. Te doesn't bother me; maybe Se does? Not sure, hard to tell. I don't know that much about the functions.

"Dispassionate" is a great way to approach dealing with new people. That's something I'll try to cultivate in myself.

Re: the OP--I think it's pretty easy to come to the conclusion that most people are shallow/surface if you just talk to them for a few minutes. When I meet new people, I throw up my smiley face and make pleasantries for a while, partly as a means of energy conservation, partly as a defense mechanism. I don't WANT to have a deep conversation with everyone I meet. It would wear me out. And I'd be sucked into whiling away 30 minutes of my life where a "Hi, how are you?" would have been sufficient.

Sometimes there's a good mix of people, and you get an interesting conversation going, and then I'm more willing to really put myself out there. But I'm not "going deep" for someone I've just met, unless there's just something intrinsic about their personality mixing with my personality, and it just happens. And I'm mistrustful of people who want me to share deep stuff about myself when I barely know them. If they really want to know me, they'll hang around long enough for me to tell them when I'm ready.

That makes sense. I can understand your point of view. For me, it's the opposite - deep conversations energize me and "Hi, how are you" conversations tire me out. But of course everyone is different.

EDIT: Saw raindancing's post too. Oh yeah, I've definitely had people try to spill their problems on me way too soon. That's not the kind of deep conversation I'm talking about though.

As an example of an ideal interaction: A few weeks ago I had to share the table at a cafe with a guy and he struck up a conversation about the book I was reading, which was something fairly philosophical and "deep." Then we quickly progressed to politics and spent an hour and a half debating economic issues and the pros and cons of a popular democracy. That was fun! It doesn't always have to get that intense, but I do love it when people share their opinions.

 

[placebo]

For me it's not about wanting to have deep conversations with everyone I meet though. But knowing that a person potentially could is nice. Just having some common interest is enough, yet that's hard enough to find that sometimes. People I find myself around tend to usually be interested in discussing grades, Gossip Girls, boys, shopping, text messaging, or video games. It's just frustrating? :\ I mean, I know not everyone's like that all the time, and I like talking to people whoever they are, but dealing with hearing that day in and day out is just annoying.

 

[raindancing]

As an example of an ideal interaction: A few weeks ago I had to share the table at a cafe with a guy and he struck up a conversation about the book I was reading, which was something fairly philosophical and "deep." Then we quickly progressed to politics and spent an hour and a half debating economic issues and the pros and cons of a popular democracy. That was fun! It doesn't always have to get that intense, but I do love it when people share their opinions.

Yes that sort of deep conversation I always enjoy and would be keen for anytime.

Unfortunately it doesn't seem to happen that often, but when it does I really value it. I guess I don't expect people to want to engage in these sorts of conversations, although from memory I used to when I was young (8-11ish?). Too many instances of being rebuffed caused me to decide they weren't the norm.

But oh, for an ideal world, where every cafe table is a different intriguing conversation just waiting to happen

 

[the state i am in]

to me this sounds like being in kind of a negative state and allowing your own like symbolic perception to determine what and who everything is.

i used to hate this, and this, and this, and it was bc to me it REPRESENTED something that encroached upon my ideals, that was anti-thetical, that grossed me out, that was evil and conniving and despicable and deserved to die (the cultural meme itself).

i wanted to blot out this blight on humanity that was pushing it in the wrong direction.

i have no problem making snap judgments of people, the representational framework i've made is enjoyable, interesting, and usually correct. nevertheless, keep gathering information, don't filter out anomalies but instead look for them, there are plenty of little cracks in the surface you can get into and learn why these things make sense and some of what they can offer.

with that said, we're nfs and nothing is ever gonna change the fact that we are inspired and motivated and moved by impulses that are contrary to most of the activities pertinent to society at large. and to express these feelings and ideas and meanings and symbols is important, but so is finding a way to affirm the whole complex mish-mash of life that includes that which is outside of, contrary to, and even sometimes hurtful to us.

 

[kiddykat]

Hi,

For me, my intuition picks up on certain cues about people. I don't necessarily not talk to them based on a premonition of whether or not I feel we will get along. Instead, I base it on the fact that I can gauge myself a certain way so that I can 'handle' the situation.

Sometimes, I think some people may call certain things intution, when really, it's just fear talking. Often, people fear what they don't know, so they mistake that as intuition, when it really isn't. Intuition for me, is something that I feel when I feel calm from within. Also, I'm learning to listen more subtly when people behave a certain way, even though it's not apparent why they do. It tells me a lot about why people do things the way they do, not because they ask for it, but because of their environmental influences, personal experiences, and self-identity.

I personally think that when people are fake and live that kind of life, it's bc they're too scared to handle the truth. They feel too scared for being judged, too scared to be strong, too sheepish. In a way, I feel sorry for them. I know I shouldn't.

I completely understand what you mean, being that I'm also native to the land of fakeness, socal. Seriously, the shit drives me up the wall. I try to shrug it off though.

Despite everything that may come off irritating, sometimes, I guess one way to look at it is what we're going through only defines who we are, what we do want in life so that we can set goals to get there?

 

[cascadeco]

I have not read all of the responses so am probably missing some good ones or will be repeating what's already been mentioned by others.

I will say that I related a lot more to the OP as a teenager, in college, and in my early 20's. But to be honest, much of my time during that period was observing others, and not really interacting with others. So, I made assumptions, and pretty much wrote off the vast majority of the human population as people I'd never connect with, or who'd never like me, or who I had nothing in common with. And at that time I kinda viewed most people as being trifling and ignorant, so it's not like I wanted to forge relationships with most of them anyway...and I held many of them in disdain. Also was scared of most, but that's beside the point. ;-) I just always felt on a different wavelength from most, growing up, so I think this attitude was a result of that feeling.

It's easy to judge when you don't get to know a person and are just viewing safely from afar. I know that'll sound really trite and annoying to some, but I say it because it's something I recognize in myself -- just that it is easy for me to judge others and set myself aside as somehow 'unique' and 'different' from them so as to never be able to connect with them -- but the minute I start talking to people, and getting to know even a little bit about them, the judgements just kinda fall away and I start seeing a lot of commonalities amongst people -- just more basic human things, like, we all have desires, needs, hopes, dreams, problems, etc etc.

Of course this doesn't take away from the fact that there are people who I really would NOT be able to connect with, and there are people whose behaviors DO annoy me. I'm not saying I don't dislike some people and am warm and fuzzy towards everyone - because that's just not true.

But I guess I've kinda stopped lumping people into groups that I 'won't get along with' and ones I will get along with, just by observation. Personality and all of that can be very subtle, and often first appearances can be quite deceiving....or at the very least, don't begin to show the full person. (and another caveat...sometimes you learn that what you saw at first really IS pretty much all there is) Some people who I would never have thought I'd be able to converse with, and enjoy conversation with back in my early 20's, can be quite delightful, fun, interesting, and really good people. They may not fulfill my deepest soul-needs (or whatever), but seriously.....it's not like I'm fulfilling most of these peoples' soul-needs either, and I'm probably an oddity on many levels to them. They're probably not fully comfortable with me either. So I guess that's what it boils down to these days - trying to connect on whatever level is possible with whomever I'm with, and not needing some uber-connection with everyone...and being quite happy with those smaller connections as well, which can be just as meaningful in some ways. Yes, my soul can be exceedingly lonely at times, but....oh well. That's probably human too.

 

[Southern Kross]

I have not read all of the responses so am probably missing some good ones or will be repeating what's already been mentioned by others.

I will say that I related a lot more to the OP as a teenager, in college, and in my early 20's. But to be honest, much of my time during that period was observing others, and not really interacting with others. So, I made assumptions, and pretty much wrote off the vast majority of the human population as people I'd never connect with, or who'd never like me, or who I had nothing in common with. And at that time I kinda viewed most people as being trifling and ignorant, so it's not like I wanted to forge relationships with most of them anyway...and I held many of them in disdain. Also was scared of most, but that's beside the point. ;-) I just always felt on a different wavelength from most, growing up, so I think this attitude was a result of that feeling.

It's easy to judge when you don't get to know a person and are just viewing safely from afar. I know that'll sound really trite and annoying to some, but I say it because it's something I recognize in myself -- just that it is easy for me to judge others and set myself aside as somehow 'unique' and 'different' from them so as to never be able to connect with them -- but the minute I start talking to people, and getting to know even a little bit about them, the judgements just kinda fall away and I start seeing a lot of commonalities amongst people -- just more basic human things, like, we all have desires, needs, hopes, dreams, problems, etc etc.

Of course this doesn't take away from the fact that there are people who I really would NOT be able to connect with, and there are people whose behaviors DO annoy me. I'm not saying I don't dislike some people and am warm and fuzzy towards everyone - because that's just not true.

But I guess I've kinda stopped lumping people into groups that I 'won't get along with' and ones I will get along with, just by observation. Personality and all of that can be very subtle, and often first appearances can be quite deceiving....or at the very least, don't begin to show the full person. (and another caveat...sometimes you learn that what you saw at first really IS pretty much all there is) Some people who I would never have thought I'd be able to converse with, and enjoy conversation with back in my early 20's, can be quite delightful, fun, interesting, and really good people. They may not fulfill my deepest soul-needs (or whatever), but seriously.....it's not like I'm fulfilling most of these peoples' soul-needs either, and I'm probably an oddity on many levels to them. They're probably not fully comfortable with me either. So I guess that's what it boils down to these days - trying to connect on whatever level is possible with whomever I'm with, and not needing some uber-connection with everyone...and being quite happy with those smaller connections as well, which can be just as meaningful in some ways. Yes, my soul can be exceedingly lonely at times, but....oh well. That's probably human too.

Basically what I said . Great minds think alike!

 

[alcea rosea]

When I talk to someone, it's generally easier to enjoy the conversation. Still, I meet too many people that I just can't relate to.

I cannot really relate to most people I meet either like you. I don't know if I even like most people I meet but I do find people interesting. I don't mean interesting in what they are saying (necessarily) but the way they are behaviour interesting. And people are all unique and that's interesting too.

 

[nutella]

i have this same problem, but not so much with things that people can't change, like accents or manners of speech. i will engage people in conversation and once i am able to start predicting their response, i become annoyed. i also don't like people who visibly follow any set "social rules", like the hipster movement in new york. it just bothers me because it is completely insincere. okay, so maybe you're a guy and you LIKE wearing girls' jeans. maybe you woke up one morning and thought you'd look good with an asymmetrical haircut. i'd be willing to accept it, but chances are, it's just pressure to "fit in". i've never felt this and i've never wanted to feel this and the fact that some people are so easily ruled by "what is expected" tends to gripe me beyond belief. standing in starbucks, i'll hear bits and bobs of conversations and then begin to, in my mind, formulate opinions on a person based off of that. is it true? maybe. can i start to predict how they will respond and react? often. do i use this to judge them for all eternity, never giving them a chance if they approached me? no. i think that's the difference. for all the internal compartmentalizing and labeling i do in my head, i never let it reach a point where the person's ACTUAL interaction with me couldn't change it. if, say, the girl in front of me who's talking about skinny jeans and the jonas brothers orders a frap just the way i imagine she would turns to me and strikes up a conversation, it's almost like what i was thinking before hangs in limbo until it's either confirmed or rejected. does that make any sense? the danger is letting the first impressions hang and not letting a person redeem themselves from your interpretation.

i've always felt that i get way too intense and invested in things. if people don't match my interest or level, i become bothered or feel that it doesn't matter as much to them. in retrospect, i see this is unfair because who am i to say it doesn't matter as much to a person, based off of my external view of the situation? maybe the level their offering, even if it's less than mine by my scope of it, is just as intense in their mind? maybe they're doing all they can? maybe they show things differently than i do and i'm just unable to recognize it? i am learning, especially as i get older, to allot for this. it's hard because i often feel like a loner, just hanging out, caring about something too much, expecting too much in return, when everyone else seems to just cruise along, satisfied with this or that. especially being introverted, engaging people past a certain point is difficult and uncomfortable, so the draw of just "hanging back" adds to it. i'd rather just sit here, comfortably inside my head, but i'm learning to recognize when it's needed for me to dig deeper. i think it'll just take practice and some time spent being uncomfortable, but i think if you allow for opportunities for redemption and opinion-altering, you won't feel like you're being so unfair.

 

[nightning]

I've only skim through the responses... do excuse me.

Yes, sometimes I do "dislike" people on instinct. But very rarely when I've been introduced to somebody, not while talking to them. Usually my first impression of "like" or "dislike" stems from how they act outside a conversation. For example how somebody behaves on the bus... Like this lady who always put her purse beside her on the seat towards the window such that she sits pretty much in center leaving half a spot towards the aisle. The buses are usually pretty full... you can see how people eye the spot but decided to stand. Then one time a girl did take the spot. The lady made no attempts to make room at all. The girl ended up getting up to stand after 2 stops. I didn't have a good first impression of her the first time around and the incident with the girl just proved me right.

I would say most of these snap judgments are Fe related. I agree with you that there is the danger in making the wrong judgment but I find that reading from "non-deliberate" actions to be fairly accurate. After all they have no reasons to be anybody other than themselves. In conversations, well I guess all you can really do is to put a check on your initial judgment. Ask yourself is there any other reason they might be acting in this fashion. Are they nervous perhaps? Or is this "expected" way to act.

 

[beyondaurora]

I want to like people, I really do. I try to look for the good in people and I love it when people open up and really show themselves.

I form very quick judgments of people. However, I am constantly open (not intentionally - it's not a mindset of being "open-minded") to the idea of them revealing something within them that connects with something within me. (Not that this ever happens...)

I want to dig down beneath the surface and find something real that I can appreciate in them, but it's hard to penetrate that far down.

The last conversation I had with my ex-husband before I left him involved the two of us sitting on the couch - he with his arms crossed facing the television and I sitting with my whole body turned towards him.

Me: I just want more of you. I want more of you, Travis.
Him: Maybe this is all there is.

For some reason, I can't accept that what I get from other people is really all there is to them.

There is a lady at my work who I really like and would like to be friends with. But she drives me crazy because I keep trying to get her to open up about something not work-related or particular event-related, but nothing ever happens.

With my co-worker in mind, I told my mom the other day that I get frustrated with people who seem not to have souls (I don't actually believe in souls, but she does). And I don't mean that in a good vs. evil sort of way. I'm referring to that spark in someone that meets yours and ignites something beyond the two of you.

I keep trying to dig beneath the surface of their predictable going-through-the-motions conversations, as though I hear the faintest ping through my soul detector, see the faintest glow emanating through the dust. Sigh...

Or maybe if I were able to appreciate people for who they are, I would like them better.

I have been thinking about this a LOT lately. At least, if I could start appreciating people for who they are, maybe I would stop looking for them to be someone they are not, which in turn, might help me to realize that some people are just not compatible with me (romantically, that is).