[INFP] Disliking people on instinct?

[prplchknz]

see most people hate me, because of snap judgements, and it's like gah! so no you probably aren't better then these people, and once you get to know them you'll learn something about them, maybe they don't wear anything on their sleeves. I'm sure if you met me you would hate me, because you would just decide I was a moron, guess what I don't like people like you, because of that. I mean you can find something to hate about anyone, just like you can find something to like about anyone, doesn't mean you should decide to hate or like a person after first meeting them. So yeah.


oh crap I'm a hypocrit, damnit! oh well.

 

[kiddykat]

I think.. sometimes, my problem is?? I give people too much credit..

Sometimes, I over-idealize situations/people way too much? My instinct is to love them despite their quirks, flaws, etc, even though I may feel like pulling my hair out when I feel like my threshold can't handle it anymore.

At the same time, I'm well aware that first-impressions are just first-impressions. Hunches on the other hand.. I WILL admit, if my gut has a nagging feeling about someone or something that *doesn't* quite feel right no matter how much I try to rationalize, dispute, stay calm, make sense of the whole thing, I get wary, give the person a try, and at the same time, deal with the situation to the best of my abilities. In romantic relationships though, I'd rather be gentle and kind to myself when someone I'm with feels like they're not the right person due to the way they act, talk, their philosophical views, my gut picks up on these things. I can't force myself to try to make things work if we're the total opposite. I'd rather make a wise, smart investment.

 

[Nadir]

Here's another unpopular thought for the people here to consider: Try not to overestimate your own value. Saying something along the lines of "Maybe I should appreciate people for who they are." pretty much ensures that you'll never do it, because it doesn't come naturally to you, because you already assume there's a great difference, a chasm between you and others that prevent it, and because you're basically looking down on others. No, I'm not trolling, I'm completely serious, it's a selfish attitude. But it's a very common one, as after all, the person you know best, is you, residing in the ivory tower of the ego. So naturally when you perceive differences, trivialities, difficulty in relating to each other etc, you distance yourself from others, the unworthy ones. There are two suggestions I have: Either you recognize this natural tendency and own up to it, (and stop complaining, it doesn't sound very sincere) or, (better in the long run, IMO), stop thinking you're a very unique snowflake and realize you're special, just like everybody else, and let others continue their special existences without your flowery judgments of triviality. This latter approach, you'll find, will help you understand and be understood in times where you least expect it.

This rather blunt post brought to you by me. I know, I'm refreshing!

 

[placebo]

Here's another unpopular thought for the people here to consider: Try not to overestimate your own value. Saying something along the lines of "Maybe I should appreciate people for who they are." pretty much ensures that you'll never do it, because it doesn't come naturally to you, because you already assume there's a great difference, a chasm between you and others that prevent it, and because you're basically looking down on others. No, I'm not trolling, I'm completely serious, it's a selfish attitude. But it's a very common one, as after all, the person you know best, is you, residing in the ivory tower of the ego. So naturally when you perceive differences, trivialities, difficulty in relating to each other etc, you distance yourself from others, the unworthy ones. There are two suggestions I have: Either you recognize this natural tendency and own up to it, (and stop complaining, it doesn't sound very sincere) or, (better in the long run, IMO), stop thinking you're a very unique snowflake and realize you're special, just like everybody else, and let others continue their special existences without your flowery judgments of triviality. This latter approach, you'll find, will help you understand and be understood in times where you least expect it.

This rather blunt post brought to you by me. I know, I'm refreshing!

I dunno--for me, I say I dislike people in general, but I don't go around hating everyone I see because I think I'm better than them. That's far from the real case. If I dislike people in general, that even includes myself--but that's not to say I can't appreciate people for who they are. That's not to say I can't love the people I find trivial sometimes. It only means I dislike the entire situation of it because I can always picture something so much more fulfilling, and ideals don't just leave.

 

[Valhallahereicome]

Here's another unpopular thought for the people here to consider: Try not to overestimate your own value. Saying something along the lines of "Maybe I should appreciate people for who they are." pretty much ensures that you'll never do it, because it doesn't come naturally to you, because you already assume there's a great difference, a chasm between you and others that prevent it, and because you're basically looking down on others. No, I'm not trolling, I'm completely serious, it's a selfish attitude. But it's a very common one, as after all, the person you know best, is you, residing in the ivory tower of the ego. So naturally when you perceive differences, trivialities, difficulty in relating to each other etc, you distance yourself from others, the unworthy ones. There are two suggestions I have: Either you recognize this natural tendency and own up to it, (and stop complaining, it doesn't sound very sincere) or, (better in the long run, IMO), stop thinking you're a very unique snowflake and realize you're special, just like everybody else, and let others continue their special existences without your flowery judgments of triviality. This latter approach, you'll find, will help you understand and be understood in times where you least expect it.

This rather blunt post brought to you by me. I know, I'm refreshing!

Huh? Which part of me complaining doesn't sound very sincere? I'm completely sincere in everything I've written in this thread. I mean come on, if this stuff didn't bother me so much I certainly wouldn't be posting and opening myself up to, ahem, blunt comments such as this.

Yeah, me thinking I'm a unique snowflake is a part of it, I suppose. *shrug* There's other posts in this thread where I describe other reasons.

It's easy to judge when you don't get to know a person and are just viewing safely from afar. I know that'll sound really trite and annoying to some, but I say it because it's something I recognize in myself -- just that it is easy for me to judge others and set myself aside as somehow 'unique' and 'different' from them so as to never be able to connect with them -- but the minute I start talking to people, and getting to know even a little bit about them, the judgements just kinda fall away and I start seeing a lot of commonalities amongst people -- just more basic human things, like, we all have desires, needs, hopes, dreams, problems, etc etc.

Yes, it's amazing how I can end up having a really good conversation with someone I wrote off at first or second meeting. And sometimes it even happens right away like you said. I need to keep an open mind.

The last conversation I had with my ex-husband before I left him involved the two of us sitting on the couch - he with his arms crossed facing the television and I sitting with my whole body turned towards him.

Me: I just want more of you. I want more of you, Travis.
Him: Maybe this is all there is.

I'm sorry. That's a tough situation. Kinda had a similar thing with my ex-boyfriend.

With my co-worker in mind, I told my mom the other day that I get frustrated with people who seem not to have souls (I don't actually believe in souls, but she does). And I don't mean that in a good vs. evil sort of way. I'm referring to that spark in someone that meets yours and ignites something beyond the two of you.

I keep trying to dig beneath the surface of their predictable going-through-the-motions conversations, as though I hear the faintest ping through my soul detector, see the faintest glow emanating through the dust. Sigh...

Yes! That's exactly what it's like. I mean, I know that everyone is able to connect and have that spark with SOMEONE, but I'm always looking for someone who can have that spark with me and it's disappointing not to find it (but wonderful when it happens!).

 

[Skyward]

*Skips posts to post*

I get this too. Mostly it's from a 'Can I really trust this person?' standpoint. I tend to befriend a lot of the semi-ignored people in school because they are more trustable than 'fun' (From an SP standpoint).

Though popularity isn't a major factor in my school, people hang out with people they are most like. I just stay away from the groups I don't really trust to relax around.

About shallowness, some people like to be doing things that are exciting. Conversations usually aren't so they end up shallow just to 'get by' on them. I know I do it, too, but just because I am not interested in talking at that moment. Though for me, non-shallow conversations are ones that brainstorm and get to an end or find an answer. Deep debates on politics, or religion, tend to scare me away since I have my own ideas on them and don't want to be attacked for it.

Edit: I guess I find engaging conversations not to be shallow ones... or vice versa?

 

[Eagle]

*also skips posts to post*

I do dislike some people on instinct. I haven't been wrong yet. I have been wrong on liking people on instinct... But either way, I don't pass to much judgment till I get to know the person.

 

[Skyward]

I do dislike some people on instinct. I haven't been wrong yet. I have been wrong on liking people on instinct... But either way, I don't pass to much judgment till I get to know the person.