Entropic
New member
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2012
- Messages
- 1,200
- MBTI Type
- INTJ
- Enneagram
- 8w9
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/so
Feeling like shit today. Woke up around 10, didn't want to do anything but continue sleeping and forget all annoying real life obligations. Work, fuck that shit. Money, fuck that shit. Fuck everything. It's not worth my time and effort. I only care about lying in my bed and pretend this day didn't exist just like all other days. It all becomes a big pile of days, none discernable from one another. As Chuck Palahniuk wrote: "This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time". Fuck life, fuck time.
So it's kinda sunny outside. I guess had this been any other day and not this very particular day I would be in a somewhat good mood. I am not even sure why I feel like shit. Just frustrated. Romantically. Sexually. Intimately. I spent a lot of time trying to discuss theory yesterday. None of it really continued to such a degree and depth where it felt truly satisfying. I'm left feeling frustrated and alone. I can't even see the person I like anymore because we're working different shifts and I don't have the person's number. So much fail and so much suck. I suck. The world sucks. Life sucks. Sucking the force out of me.
I also hate having this mild cold. It's like, I'm not quite sick but I'm not quite well either. I keep wanting to use it as an excuse to not go to work. To be honest, I don't want to work today. Don't feel like it. I just rather spend my time being useless, staying home, stare at my computer screen, wallow in some self-pity, write a terrible poem and listen to some depressive metal. I am left wondering if it's any good even being this honest on a blog on a forum no one but me and some of my e-friends give two shits about. I hate being emotionally expressive or even express emotional vulnerability to people I don't trust or even people I do trust. It's easier being angry, being frustrated. Want to destroy the world for what it does to you. For what it demands from you. Easier to escape. Think of something else. Do something else. Divert, distrust, destroy.
Writing this shit out doesn't make me happy either, but perhaps I could help people glean some insights into how my mind operates. Sure enough, you can see the underlying theme of avarice in there and you can see the apathy, the 8 anger, superego frustration and 4 wing influence. You just need to know where to look, right? I need to leave for work in about an hour. Fuck, I hate life obligations. Yep, poof, there went my integration.
So it's kinda sunny outside. I guess had this been any other day and not this very particular day I would be in a somewhat good mood. I am not even sure why I feel like shit. Just frustrated. Romantically. Sexually. Intimately. I spent a lot of time trying to discuss theory yesterday. None of it really continued to such a degree and depth where it felt truly satisfying. I'm left feeling frustrated and alone. I can't even see the person I like anymore because we're working different shifts and I don't have the person's number. So much fail and so much suck. I suck. The world sucks. Life sucks. Sucking the force out of me.
I also hate having this mild cold. It's like, I'm not quite sick but I'm not quite well either. I keep wanting to use it as an excuse to not go to work. To be honest, I don't want to work today. Don't feel like it. I just rather spend my time being useless, staying home, stare at my computer screen, wallow in some self-pity, write a terrible poem and listen to some depressive metal. I am left wondering if it's any good even being this honest on a blog on a forum no one but me and some of my e-friends give two shits about. I hate being emotionally expressive or even express emotional vulnerability to people I don't trust or even people I do trust. It's easier being angry, being frustrated. Want to destroy the world for what it does to you. For what it demands from you. Easier to escape. Think of something else. Do something else. Divert, distrust, destroy.
Writing this shit out doesn't make me happy either, but perhaps I could help people glean some insights into how my mind operates. Sure enough, you can see the underlying theme of avarice in there and you can see the apathy, the 8 anger, superego frustration and 4 wing influence. You just need to know where to look, right? I need to leave for work in about an hour. Fuck, I hate life obligations. Yep, poof, there went my integration.
