Desperate about finding my boyfriend's type :(....

[Halfjillhalfjack]

I had already opened a thread in which I asked for your help considering the typing of my bf.
however, over time, I am still so completely clueless regarding his type, it drives me crazy :/..... Maybe is is an x-case.....and I guess it has to do with my INJF-personality that I just cannot accept this insecurity....mh...wait... wouldn't I actually like ambiguity as a N? however.........I'm still desperate somehow....
He has tested as ISFP, INFP, ENFP, INFJ and ENTP, the latter two only once.
He has read the bestfit-profiles and argues ENFP is his best fit, but many things in the ISFP and INFP-profiles also fit. naturally, the first three share Fi, and somehow I am pretty sure about him being an F.
However, he and me really cannot decide on S/N and I/E. I think in either case, he must be close on those scales..........
He has read the functions and says he cannot identify with Se at all, that this is not him....... he says he mostly identifies with Ne and Fi, though he cannot decide on the order.....
I do see Ne in him, but at other times, I do see Se or at least very much S in him (he likes to play all kind of games with his friends, RP, table games etc. and finds this fulfilling).
I guess it's mostly me engaging him in theoretical discussions, but when I bring up theoretic issues he is interested and likes talking about it. I know none of these things really clearly point into either direction ......
sometimes I think he just can't be NF because I consider myself much more empathetic than him, and he isn't very good at creative/literary writing or
interpreting poems..........on the other hand, he is very creative with neologisms, combining strange things and creating something new, and is
really good at puns and makes a lot of word games......
I don't know where this limited bit of data is getting at, I'm sorry.
I just find it so hard to type him, and always when I think I have figured out his type I see something which does not fit. I am aware of the fact that people can operate in ALL FUNCTIONS, and that people are complex and that MBTI is only about PREFERENCE. still, I'd really like to figure out his preferences in order to help him develop and grow. I know this is not only depending on MBTI, but I'd really consider it helpful....
Do you have any ideas?
Sorry to come up with this topic again and again :sad:uch:

 

[entropie]

Hi

Hmm, from my experience the only types I knew ever really intrested in tabletop games were INTPs, INFPs, ENTPs and an occasional INTJ. Given he would play RPGs and fantasy related stuff, I'ld definitly give him the N notion ( not that Sensors dont do that, I just never seen one who took it real serious ).

Well hard to say, I am leaning towards INFP or ENTP. Ne and Si make sense tho so far

 

[Halfjillhalfjack]

Hi

Hmm, from my experience the only types I knew ever really intrested in tabletop games were INTPs, INFPs, ENTPs and an occasional INTJ. Given he would play RPGs and fantasy related stuff, I'ld definitly give him the N notion ( not that Sensors dont do that, I just never seen one who took it real serious ).

Well hard to say, I am leaning towards INFP or ENTP. Ne and Si make sense tho so far

Thank you a lot for you answer and your suggestions. I'm really sorry for my bad English, but I noticed that I actually used a wrong term when saying "table games"....I actually meant board games (he is into KREML a lot).
However, most of his times he plays DnD and KREML, but enjoys other games that I don't remember.... Do you think this makes a difference regarding your leaning towards N?
I appologize for my ignorance, I just don't play any kind of games.

 

[Halfjillhalfjack]

Ah, forgot to mention that he takes RPGs very serious ....

 

[entropie]

Hmm, hard to say, of course typing someone by his preferance for certain games is vague at best. I never played Dungeons and Dragons or Kreml so I cant really tell.

Do you have any other things you can say about him, like tell a story from a evening you spent together or a journey and some things he said you remember ?

(BTW: no problem regarding the english, my english also sucks )

 

[Space_Oddity]

If he's kind of N-ish, but you're not really sure about NF or NT, try considering ESTJ with very high Ne (or ISTJ if he's more introverted). I haven't read your first thread on him, but what you wrote reminds me a lot of my ISTJ boyfriend and my ESTJ teacher from high school. Specifically, this all fits:

he likes to play all kind of games with his friends, RP, table games etc. and finds this fulfilling.

I guess it's mostly me engaging him in theoretical discussions, but when I bring up theoretic issues he is interested and likes talking about it.

sometimes I think he just can't be NF because I consider myself much more empathetic than him, and he isn't very good at creative/literary writing or interpreting poems..........on the other hand, he is very creative with neologisms, combining strange things and creating something new, and is really good at puns and makes a lot of word games......

On the other hand, if you're sure he's not a J and doubt ENFP, try considering ESFP. Sometimes it's not easy to distinguish between those two. I've met both ESFP males who were geeky and playful and those who were very interested in abstract topics. You might try to find out if he listens to music etc. primarily because of 'sensory pleasures' (Se) or because it's food for his imagination (Ne), for instance.

 

[Halfjillhalfjack]

Hm...okay, I can give you some descriptions or stories from an evening or a journey etc. But I'm warning you that they are VERY random ...

- the last evening we spent together I showed him my Playmobil Advent Calender (which is a scene from a riding farm; in case you do not know Playmobil - kind of similar to lego, but with less details) and we built it together. then he stated playing with it in that e.g. he put one of the figures onto a horse, putting a fork into the figure's hand and pretending it to be a knight in a fight..... me made up little stories about a CIA agent trying to detect a murder etc., a lot of random stuff that actually had nothing to do with the original scene (pony farm, horses etc).

- When we meet we usually do things like going to a bar drinking and talking, to the movies, ach, this is really uninformative I guess......

It's kind of hard to remember specific things we talked about....I'll just try.....

- He can be very quiet, and lately I talked to him about his being quiet (which can be a problem, since I can be very quiet, too.). He then always argues that he cannot think of thinks to say when he is under pressure , which he sometimes seems to be when I claim that I am initiating a lot of topics to talk about. In general when we are arguing he closes down and sometimes stops saying anything. this is really characteristic of him when he has to do with conflict. when I ask him why he gets quiet in such situations, he tells me he is continuously thinking "insinde" in a mode of "meta-thinking" like "now I am supposed to answer, but maybe the answer isn't right, so I shouldn't say it, but wait, now I am already not saying anything which is exactly the point she has accused me of".

- He does in fact talk a lot about what he has done on a specific day (S), but I can't think of a concrete example.....

- When we are outside together he is very engaged with the outer world, always noticing certain things or details that I don't see. However, from my perspective, he always puts them into connections. One example:
He showed me a poster which was an advertisement for a shoe-store, which showed only the face of a man, and he told me that he found it strange that shoe-stores (in general) advertise their shoes with only showing people's faces (and not people wearing those shoes e.g.).

- actually we first met on a trip to bulgaria (he was a friend of my friend of mine), and there e.g. we talked a lot about music and bands we liked. he talked about this song and video he liked YouTube - Wir Sind Helden - Nur ein Wort
I like it too because it involves so many great worrdplays. I stated singing this song as we left our hotel-room and went outside, and he joined me and we sang this song together.

- he pointed out a restaurant in which people were playing karaoke and found it strangely funny that the restaurant (in bulgaria) was full of finnish people playing finnish karaoke

- Our first "date" was 24 hours long , and we talked for about 10 hours through. we eventually openly talked about wanting to be a couple before making any physical contact. he said he liked me because he thought I was a fascinating, intelligent and funny personality

- he did not have a girlfriend before me. he often told me he often felt as the outsider as a kid, and named this as the reason why he became the class clown. he says he always liked outsiders the best. but nevertheless wanted to have friends and belong to a group of people, even though he felt different and very often felt lonely and that his "friends" often abandoned him. he told of one instance when a girl was alone with him and told him that she actually liked him but couldn't show that in front of the others.
guess he was often mobbed as a friends in similar ways.

- he says he has difficulties with talking about his feelings/motives etc. because no one ever cared for those things (parents, "friends" etc.).

- he told me he wants to do a job in which he is not only programming (studies computer science) but rather developing something. working in a team is very important for him.

- he has a very childlike quality. e.g. he would take my teddy bear (yes, I am aware of the fact that it is ridiculous to have a teddy bear still, but....I love him) and do some "role-playing" with him....don't know how to describe it in a better way.....

- he is extremely good at giving personal presents. i have never gotten anything from him that wasn't extremely personal, e.g. a self-made t-shirt with a picture of "Daria" (from the series), because he knows I love this series

- he says that he really appreciates that I want to help him "grow", and in a way "inspire" him

- He likes to talk about politics, and about how injust he finds global economy. In this approach, he is rather "people-oriented", don't know how to put it.....he hates social injustice on a national and inernational level.


uff. I am really sorry, I guess I could go on for hours, and it'd still be only random stuff ... thank you for bothering with all this stuff, even though I don't know if it helps at all......

 

[Halfjillhalfjack]

If he's kind of N-ish, but you're not really sure about NF or NT, try considering ESTJ with very high Ne (or ISTJ if he's more introverted). I haven't read your first thread on him, but what you wrote reminds me a lot of my ISTJ boyfriend and my ESTJ teacher from high school. Specifically, this all fits:



On the other hand, if you're sure he's not a J and doubt ENFP, try considering ESFP. Sometimes it's not easy to distinguish between those two. I've met both ESFP males who were geeky and playful and those who were very interested in abstract topics. You might try to find out if he listens to music etc. primarily because of 'sensory pleasures' (Se) or because it's food for his imagination (Ne), for instance.

Thank you a lot. I will consider ISTJ. Even though I am quite sure he must be a P..... I would exclure ESTJ.....because my dad is one, and he is so extremely UNLIKE him in ALL aspects....I know, no two persons of one type are alike.......but....they are polar opposites.
I'll also consider ESFP....... I think he does both concerning to music ....

 

[Oaky]

^N. Not S

 

[MonkeyGrass]

Actually, this sounds a lot like INTJ-in-love behavior to me.


INTJs can feel more comfortable talking about the details of their day early on in a relationship, because they know they *should* be talking, and recalling details is a lot easier than getting the conversational ball rolling about something emotionally meaningful. For them, including you in the mundane details can act as a step towards self-disclosure and intimacy. A little clumsy, but endearing.

 

[bighairything]

He's probably an ENFP. The guy himself says that's the type that fits him best, and if that's what he thinks then he's probably right.

 

[Andy]

Hi

Hmm, from my experience the only types I knew ever really intrested in tabletop games were INTPs, INFPs, ENTPs and an occasional INTJ. Given he would play RPGs and fantasy related stuff, I'ld definitly give him the N notion ( not that Sensors dont do that, I just never seen one who took it real serious ).

Well hard to say, I am leaning towards INFP or ENTP. Ne and Si make sense tho so far

I'll add an ISTJ and 2 ESTPs to that list.

 

[MonkeyGrass]

big hairy- I'm just having a tough time reconciling the inability to talk with most ENFPs I know.

 

[brainheart]

I see Ni, not Ne, what with pointing out the ad, the thing about karaoke- those seem like very Ni+Se observations- I notice that kind of stuff often. (So maybe it's Se+Ni?) Or maybe I don't understand Ne vs Ni well enough?

Also, how you talked about being a couple before you'd ever even done anything, seems so Ni... But you are an infj so you should know... does it seem like Ni to you? My ESFP husband told me he loved me the first time we hung out alone... granted, he was drunk, but he's always said he just knew that we were supposed to be together. I felt that way, too- I've always felt that way... I know immediately whether I like someone or not- but my dominant Fi wasn't quite so willing to admit it.

I don't know about rpg, d&d, that stuff has never held any interest for me.

I could never talk for ten hours straight, I don't care how great the person is, but then how he is often quiet because he can't think of anything to say when under pressure, wow, yeah I'm like that. (Or were you saying that you talked for less than half the time you were together?)

I'm seeing Fi. I've considered all of the mbti options you first mentioned for myself, too. And I love words, playing with words, so don't let that rule out Se for you. Some of us Se types see words as something physical, auditory, something pliable to play with.

Feeling like an outsider... becoming the class clown... my husband felt the same way. Childlike... yep. He was a computer science major. Our first conversations were about music, and that's still what we mainly talk about, enjoy together.

I'm thinking ESFP, ISFP, or INTJ.

 

[brainheart]

big hairy- I'm just having a tough time reconciling the inability to talk with most ENFPs I know.

+1

 

[Laurie]

Yeah, I'm not getting ENFP. I could be quiet in a group I was uncomfortable with, but never in a romantic relationship.

 

[bighairything]

big hairy- I'm just having a tough time reconciling the inability to talk with most ENFPs I know.

How old is he?

A lot is made of the ENFP's social skills, but nobody comes out of the womb with a ready made set of skills of any kind (except for sleeping and crying). They all have to be learnt and developed, and not everyone does this at the same pace. I think it's definitely easier for ENFPs to be sociable and talkative, but they still have to learn how. This might particularly true of male ENFPs who often have gender stereotypes to contend with. I'm 31, and these days I'm highly talkative, but I was fairly quiet when I was younger.

Also, the kind of situations that you describe him as being quiet in are ones that sound like they might be quite emotionally charged (like an argument, for example). Don't forget that ENFPs have introverted Feeling, and it can be quite difficult for them to express their emotions, especially when they are younger. Again, this can particularly be the case for male ENFPs.

When I was 22 I went out for a while with an INTJ (I think) who was around 30. If I have her typed correctly, she also had introverted Feeling but she was quite a bit more mature than me, and in our relationship it was like she was the F and I was the T. We would often have arguments where at the end of it I didn't for the life of me know what it was we had been arguing about.

One last thing: I know lots and lots of other ENFPs and we come in many different flavours, as all types do.

 

[Ruthie]

And I love words, playing with words, so don't let that rule out Se for you. Some of us Se types see words as something physical, auditory, something pliable to play with.

That's a cool observation - I hadn't thought of it like that.

 

[Halfjillhalfjack]

I see Ni, not Ne, what with pointing out the ad, the thing about karaoke- those seem like very Ni+Se observations- I notice that kind of stuff often. (So maybe it's Se+Ni?) Or maybe I don't understand Ne vs Ni well enough?

Also, how you talked about being a couple before you'd ever even done anything, seems so Ni... But you are an infj so you should know... does it seem like Ni to you? My ESFP husband told me he loved me the first time we hung out alone... granted, he was drunk, but he's always said he just knew that we were supposed to be together. I felt that way, too- I've always felt that way... I know immediately whether I like someone or not- but my dominant Fi wasn't quite so willing to admit it.

I don't know about rpg, d&d, that stuff has never held any interest for me.

I could never talk for ten hours straight, I don't care how great the person is, but then how he is often quiet because he can't think of anything to say when under pressure, wow, yeah I'm like that. (Or were you saying that you talked for less than half the time you were together?)

I'm seeing Fi. I've considered all of the mbti options you first mentioned for myself, too. And I love words, playing with words, so don't let that rule out Se for you. Some of us Se types see words as something physical, auditory, something pliable to play with.

Feeling like an outsider... becoming the class clown... my husband felt the same way. Childlike... yep. He was a computer science major. Our first conversations were about music, and that's still what we mainly talk about, enjoy together.

I'm thinking ESFP, ISFP, or INTJ.

It's interesting that you can identify with so much I have said about him....
The thing about talking about being a couple before anything really happened....Mh....I don't really know if that sounds Ni to me ...the thing is, in general, I don't really see Ni in him..........I have quite a few friends with Ni as their dominant or auxiliary function, and I really very much relate to that....I just feel how similar we are.....I didn't really see that in him....but maybe one wouldn't be able to notice the tetiary function in that way....
the only function I can clearly identify in some cases is Fi......

 

[Halfjillhalfjack]

How old is he?

A lot is made of the ENFP's social skills, but nobody comes out of the womb with a ready made set of skills of any kind (except for sleeping and crying). They all have to be learnt and developed, and not everyone does this at the same pace. I think it's definitely easier for ENFPs to be sociable and talkative, but they still have to learn how. This might particularly true of male ENFPs who often have gender stereotypes to contend with. I'm 31, and these days I'm highly talkative, but I was fairly quiet when I was younger.

Also, the kind of situations that you describe him as being quiet in are ones that sound like they might be quite emotionally charged (like an argument, for example). Don't forget that ENFPs have introverted Feeling, and it can be quite difficult for them to express their emotions, especially when they are younger. Again, this can particularly be the case for male ENFPs.

When I was 22 I went out for a while with an INTJ (I think) who was around 30. If I have her typed correctly, she also had introverted Feeling but she was quite a bit more mature than me, and in our relationship it was like she was the F and I was the T. We would often have arguments where at the end of it I didn't for the life of me know what it was we had been arguing about.

One last thing: I know lots and lots of other ENFPs and we come in many different flavours, as all types do.

He is 29. So.....that should be an argument against ENFP, since one should have developed to some degree until that age.....
what you tell about your dating this female INTJ is quite interesting..... this also happened with one of my best friends whom I thought to be and INFJ for sure, and when I happened to find out she was an INTJ (though maybe a weak T), I couldn't believe that she wasn't my type, since we understand each other so perfectly that I could never have imagined that she didn't have F. However, does your example point towards him possibly beeing an INFJ or ENFP?