[Type 3] Dealing with the need to be noticed

[Evil Otter]

Anybody figured out how to get past the need for recognition or does it have to be constantly satisfied to not be felt? It's exhausting.

 

[Cygnus]

I get the feeling.


Every time I come here to TypeC the place is dead.

 

[Evo]

Anybody figured out how to get past the need for recognition or does it have to be constantly satisfied to not be felt? It's exhausting.

Gotta be your own parent to your inner child.

If you're really an E3...then you will prolly need constant satisfaction. That's just my guess though.

I have 3 in my tritype, and I think it makes me have some kinda hero complex sometimes...

If you're talking about other ppl needing attention from you, then they will have be their own parent as well.

Edit: Shit just realized the threads for 3's only. Sorry.

 

[Ozones]

Sweetie, everyone, at the end of the day is worrying about themselves. Everyones busy with there own lives, their own thoughts and their own happiness. People are rarely impressed and everyone thinks higher of themselves then others do of them. If you depend on poeple for validation and self esteem you ewill spend your life in a virtual prison. So cut out the people factor. Because honestly, no one cares. Focus on your goals and your attributes and what makes you happy and feel good about yourself. Validation and all that stuff is gotta come from YOU!

I swear i dont know where that came from but it sounds right

 

[á´…eparted]

There aren't that many 3's on here. Hopefully some will show up soon.

Either way, 3 is in my tritype. I definitely need attention and recognition for what I do or else I start to think really poorly of myself (I forever need some sort of external validation). It was more of a problem when I was a child and I'd preform negative attention seeking behavior and was too young to cognitively understand that it was indeed what I was doing. Over time I have just learned to "let go" in effect. It is possible to get internal validation, and not need it from others. Baby steps towards it. Consider trying to forgo situations in which you'd be validated or regonized for something in a small way. With time, it may get easier to learn how to let go and not need it.

 

[garbage]

It helps to recognize that you can't please all of the people all of the time. What's palatable for some will be disgusting for others. Individuals and societies have differing standards. That rules out the option of 'doing things to look good in the eyes of everyone.' There aren't many other options left.

It's not inevitable. You just gotta channel that inner flame--that motivation and energy--differently. Go after things for self-improvement--and for their own sake.

and

Sweetie, everyone, at the end of the day is worrying about themselves. Everyones busy with there own lives, their own thoughts and their own happiness. People are rarely impressed and everyone thinks higher of themselves then others do of them. If you depend on poeple for validation and self esteem you ewill spend your life in a virtual prison. So cut out the people factor. Because honestly, no one cares. Focus on your goals and your attributes and what makes you happy and feel good about yourself. Validation and all that stuff is gotta come from YOU!

I swear i dont know where that came from but it sounds right

this.

 

[Evil Otter]

Gotta be your own parent to your inner child.

If you're really an E3...then you will prolly need constant satisfaction. That's just my guess though.

I have 3 in my tritype, and I think it makes me have some kinda hero complex sometimes...

If you're talking about other ppl needing attention from you, then they will have be their own parent as well.

Edit: Shit just realized the threads for 3's only. Sorry.

Yeah, the hero complex is definitely a thing, might even be an Atlas complex to be more to the point. Not sure what you mean by being my own parent though. Could you explain that to me?

 

[Evil Otter]

Sweetie, everyone, at the end of the day is worrying about themselves. Everyones busy with there own lives, their own thoughts and their own happiness. People are rarely impressed and everyone thinks higher of themselves then others do of them. If you depend on poeple for validation and self esteem you ewill spend your life in a virtual prison. So cut out the people factor. Because honestly, no one cares. Focus on your goals and your attributes and what makes you happy and feel good about yourself. Validation and all that stuff is gotta come from YOU!

I swear i dont know where that came from but it sounds right

It helps to recognize that you can't please all of the people all of the time. What's palatable for some will be disgusting for others. Individuals and societies have differing standards. That rules out the option of 'doing things to look good in the eyes of everyone.' There aren't many other options left.

It's not inevitable. You just gotta channel that inner flame--that motivation and energy--differently. Go after things for self-improvement--and for their own sake.

It's not so much that I want everyone to admire me. It's more exclusive to certain people that I respect. And I don't mean that I want them to look up to me, but I get extremely frustrated and disappointed when I work as hard as I do, learning new skills and creating new things and then they blow it off as if it were expected or worse, worthless.

I understand theoretically that I should care more about my own goals and what makes me happy. In practice though, it seems like a Catch 22. The things that make me happy are things like the look in a beautiful girls eyes when she can't stop staring at me in the car, or the roar from crowd and teammates after a sprawling save. I live for those moments. So how do I know that my goals aren't motivated by the need?

 

[Ozones]

Everyone has a right to feel appreciated. Especially with loved ones. Sometimes you have to demand it. Like for example, my dad is an INTJ, so naturally hes not very warm and fuzzy in nature. Lets say I tell him something great that happened to me that day, say I made a great business deal. He doesn't say the proper "wow that's amazing, im proud of you", but immediately starts going on about the what ifs that might make the business deal go through.

what do i do? First i take into account his personality. His lack of social graces are not to be taken personally. Second, I know what I accomplished that day was great, I don't need anyone to tell me that. But would it feel nice and do i think its what I deserve as his daughter? Sure! Which is why i point it out to him. I say something like "Dad, when someone tells you about an accomplishment, the first thing you should do is congratulate them". And so now hes more aware!

So maybe being more vocal about what you want from your loved ones can help.

But then again, I'm not a three so I don't have the same needs and desires that you do. I cannot relate at all to the second paragraph. I think as a 7 I'm much more detached from the 'what people think' thing. If a hot guy was looking at me through a car, I either wouldn't notice, or I would make a silly face so he would get the hint. If i scored a winning goal I would feel awesome that i won and think about how talented I am at said sport and how much fun i had, but not really be in tune or care about the cheering crowd.

 

[Evo]

Yeah, the hero complex is definitely a thing, might even be an Atlas complex to be more to the point. Not sure what you mean by being my own parent though. Could you explain that to me?

Oh yes! Atlas Complex! Mhhmmm. That's me. lol But I am only starting to accept this about myself. It's hard to admit for me. Cause it makes me feel vulnerable, which I don't like.

So anyways, by "being your own parent," I mean that everyone has an inner child and that child still needs parenting and help throughout our life. It's not like just because you turn 18 or 40 you stop having to develop yourself.

So a way that you can do this is sort of by giving yourself the recognition that you desire. Talk to yourself, in times that this need is not being fulfilled, as if you were talking to a very close friend that has this problem. The important thing is to be nurturing to yourself, but at the same time, you don't need to reward bad behaviors, etc...

It might sound silly, but I have tried it and it works for me.

It's not so much that I want everyone to admire me. It's more exclusive to certain people that I respect. And I don't mean that I want them to look up to me, but I get extremely frustrated and disappointed when I work as hard as I do, learning new skills and creating new things and then they blow it off as if it were expected or worse, worthless.

The key word here is worth.

It took me a long time to really understand what it meant to have self worth.

You are born worthy and deserving, and no action, behavior, habit, words, people, etc...can take that away from you. Your whole life. You are as deserving now as you were when you were born...and as you ever will be.

And yes, external validation can create a sense of worthiness, but it is temporary.

The long term worthy feeling we seek comes from within.

I understand theoretically that I should care more about my own goals and what makes me happy. In practice though, it seems like a Catch 22. The things that make me happy are things like the look in a beautiful girls eyes when she can't stop staring at me in the car, or the roar from crowd and teammates after a sprawling save. I live for those moments. So how do I know that my goals aren't motivated by the need?

see above.

And also, I agree with what [MENTION=20943]Ozones[/MENTION] said about being more vocal. That was pretty much what I was going to say when I read that it was just about the people close to you.

I think that's why relationships are truly a gift. Because all these people we know, don't have to do anything. But if we ask them to do things, and they do...I think those are the relationships worth keeping.

So I would just tell them that you would like more of whatever it is.

Use "I" statements if you have to.

 

[xisnotx]

as an E3, i just accept it and trust if it was meant to be, it'll come. and if not, then that's fine too.
external validation is just fact.
but seeking it is futile.
the myth of sisyphus.
how you react to it, is what matters.

it is exhausting, yes. but i accept it and let it fuel my fire.

 

[Evil Otter]

[MENTION=11238]xisnotx[/MENTION] I see your point. I don't much care for Absurdism simply because I don't believe that certainty is necessary to feel that my life has purpose or to feel that I am accomplishing that purpose. But I do think that it contributes something valuable and that is that I don't always have to get it right, because even if the boulder has rolled back down the mountain a thousand times I have flattened the top of the mountain a little each time and I only need the boulder to stay once. And even if it doesn't maybe I not meant to be one that sees the boulder sitting firmly on the peak. Maybe my purpose is to soften the mountain for someone else.

I guess that's why it's so important that I as an E3 have hope and keep it alive. Without it there's just misery.