LucrativeSid
New member
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2007
- Messages
- 837
Too much work. Too little reward.
I'm really impatient and lazy. I could change that, but I don't want to, because then I'd just be reality's bitch. It's reality's fault for being too slow and difficult. Reality needs to change, not me! Hah! That's right, reality. I hope my rebellious behavior makes you squirm! I hope it torments you. I hope it brings you to your senses. Some day, I will own you, reality. I will own you.
Well, that was fun. Now I'll express myself clearly by being specific about something. I hate my job. It's killing me. I need a job, though, as I have no other way to support myself right now. My only other option would be to mooch off of other people, and I'd never do that. In the future, I'm free to do anything I want to do for a career. I'm at least free to try. But I need to support myself along the way, because, unfortunately, things don't happen overnight. That pisses me off!
I understand quite well that there's an abundance of possibilities - as long as I'm willing to work towards something, there's a pretty good chance I can achieve it. I don't find this inspiring at all. Every little step seems like an impossibly large burden, and way too much of a sacrifice. I've felt this way my entire life, too. And I wasn't a spoiled kid. If anything, I just got used to having nothing and not expecting more than that. I've never found the reward worth the effort at all. Trying to choose something to dedicate myself to and to work hard on is like trying to choose an unpleasant way to pass time in order to grow closer to death. Life can't be so lame! (And it doesn't have to be.) I want to feel alive every single moment. I don't want to do anything less than extraordinary just because it's practical.
Daily reality seems so small and pathetic to me. Doing things the normal way seems so pointless and not even close to being worth the effort. I don't want to go to school, but think of it. Years! I can barely wake up in the morning or write out a check to pay a bill, much less do a single homework assignment. And to get through college, you've got to do lots of work every day. Just to make your life a tiny bit better in the end.
I could start my own business but that would take way more work than anything else. At least the challenge in it would make it somewhat tolerable. I can't stand doing anything with a predictable outcome.
Beyond a career, and all the crap I'd have to go through to start one for myself, there's that job issue again. I have to have a job to support myself while I go through all the work to get my career going. And it won't be a job that I like, guaranteed. So, unless I just want to lay down and die, I'm going to do have to do lots of things that I hate doing in life, beyond the bare minimum, of course, if I plan on being happy at all. Or do I? Well, the ability to do so would certainly be more helpful than harmful, at least.
I have no valuable skills or experience. I'm only open for unskilled jobs that will probably pay less than what I currently make and that will be farther away. Even if there is a regular job out there that won't make me want to stab myself in the eye with a fork as much as my current one, I'll still have to go through a lot of work to find it. And even if I decided to go to a vocational school or something, to, you know, "get ahead and earn more money", then not only would I be spending two more years at a job that makes me want to kill myself, but I'd be spending much of my free time studying and going to school! I can't seem to justify that. I don't believe that life is about making sacrifices. At least not for me.
The only solution is to do something so crazy and inspiring that it can't be considered work. I want to create and discover, not produce and maintain. Or I could suck it up and give in and act like most people, but I really don't think that wouldn't be much better than death. Of course it's fun to do things that don't feel like work. And it's also good to be practical. But I don't think my dreams are so big on accident. I'm either meant to live in an extraordinary way, or I'm meant to not live at all. This extreme thinking that I always have had will either motivate me to become one of the most extraordinary people of all time, or it will lead me to absolute despair. I accept. I like to live dangerously.
I'm really impatient and lazy. I could change that, but I don't want to, because then I'd just be reality's bitch. It's reality's fault for being too slow and difficult. Reality needs to change, not me! Hah! That's right, reality. I hope my rebellious behavior makes you squirm! I hope it torments you. I hope it brings you to your senses. Some day, I will own you, reality. I will own you.
Well, that was fun. Now I'll express myself clearly by being specific about something. I hate my job. It's killing me. I need a job, though, as I have no other way to support myself right now. My only other option would be to mooch off of other people, and I'd never do that. In the future, I'm free to do anything I want to do for a career. I'm at least free to try. But I need to support myself along the way, because, unfortunately, things don't happen overnight. That pisses me off!
I understand quite well that there's an abundance of possibilities - as long as I'm willing to work towards something, there's a pretty good chance I can achieve it. I don't find this inspiring at all. Every little step seems like an impossibly large burden, and way too much of a sacrifice. I've felt this way my entire life, too. And I wasn't a spoiled kid. If anything, I just got used to having nothing and not expecting more than that. I've never found the reward worth the effort at all. Trying to choose something to dedicate myself to and to work hard on is like trying to choose an unpleasant way to pass time in order to grow closer to death. Life can't be so lame! (And it doesn't have to be.) I want to feel alive every single moment. I don't want to do anything less than extraordinary just because it's practical.
Daily reality seems so small and pathetic to me. Doing things the normal way seems so pointless and not even close to being worth the effort. I don't want to go to school, but think of it. Years! I can barely wake up in the morning or write out a check to pay a bill, much less do a single homework assignment. And to get through college, you've got to do lots of work every day. Just to make your life a tiny bit better in the end.
I could start my own business but that would take way more work than anything else. At least the challenge in it would make it somewhat tolerable. I can't stand doing anything with a predictable outcome.
Beyond a career, and all the crap I'd have to go through to start one for myself, there's that job issue again. I have to have a job to support myself while I go through all the work to get my career going. And it won't be a job that I like, guaranteed. So, unless I just want to lay down and die, I'm going to do have to do lots of things that I hate doing in life, beyond the bare minimum, of course, if I plan on being happy at all. Or do I? Well, the ability to do so would certainly be more helpful than harmful, at least.
I have no valuable skills or experience. I'm only open for unskilled jobs that will probably pay less than what I currently make and that will be farther away. Even if there is a regular job out there that won't make me want to stab myself in the eye with a fork as much as my current one, I'll still have to go through a lot of work to find it. And even if I decided to go to a vocational school or something, to, you know, "get ahead and earn more money", then not only would I be spending two more years at a job that makes me want to kill myself, but I'd be spending much of my free time studying and going to school! I can't seem to justify that. I don't believe that life is about making sacrifices. At least not for me.
The only solution is to do something so crazy and inspiring that it can't be considered work. I want to create and discover, not produce and maintain. Or I could suck it up and give in and act like most people, but I really don't think that wouldn't be much better than death. Of course it's fun to do things that don't feel like work. And it's also good to be practical. But I don't think my dreams are so big on accident. I'm either meant to live in an extraordinary way, or I'm meant to not live at all. This extreme thinking that I always have had will either motivate me to become one of the most extraordinary people of all time, or it will lead me to absolute despair. I accept. I like to live dangerously.
