[Type 3] Could I be Type Three?

[Jeffster]

Type Three: "Key Motivations: Want to be affirmed, to distinguish themselves from others, to have attention, to be admired, and to impress others."

Type Seven: "Key Motivations: Want to maintain their freedom and happiness, to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences, to keep themselves excited and occupied, to avoid and discharge pain."

All of that seems accurate to me. But when I read the behavior descriptions found on the same site (Enneagram Institute: Enneagram Testing & Training) a lot of it isn't true at all. Especially the Three, which paints the picture of an energetic and super-charming businessman type, which doesn't fit me at all. But then, the Seven describes an extroverted type as well.

Behavior-wise, I am a closer match to the Nine or Four descriptions, yet I don't relate to their "Key motivations" at all.



This is once again why I say I don't fit into the Enneagram.

 

[JustHer]

Yeah, enneagram is weird like that for me too in that I fit the key motivations and basic fears of some of them, but not the behavioural part, while i fit the behavioural part but not the motivation part of others

 

[Magic Poriferan]

I could put out some areas where you might not be looking at it correctly, but instead I'm going to go with the grain and say that this, in a nutshell, is why I hacked up the Enneagram the way I did.

'Tis non-comprehensive. It fails to pass the tautology requirement by having too many unused permutations. Thus, lots of people may be left out.

 

[JustHer]

tautology hehehe

 

[syndatha]

There's no reason to hack the enneagram; it is a perfect system, but it may take years to understand

Both 3s and 7s are often energetic, but 7s more so than 3s, and in a much more physical way. 3s are happy to work in depth with something as long as there's a point to it, their energy is more focused. You really don't have to be hyper to be a 3. Most 7s I know love adrenalin kicks, adventures etc, and are generally less focused.

7s are a lot goofier, 3s normally take themselves way more seriously.

3s care about what other people think about them, they think about first impressions and their position in society. MBTI-wise, I think that 3s are more often Fs, 7s can be Ts or Fs, but they are always Ps. 3s are more (S)J. This is however just what I think.

I am a 3w2, who thought for years that I was a 7w8. 3s can be very difficult to type, because they try to live up to an ideal, and often succeed so well that they end up confusing the ideal for themselves. In my family, the qualities of 7s and 8s are very highly thought of, and I tried to live up that. 3s are chameleons, and I did well. I studied the enneagram every now and then, but had already decided that I was a 7w8, and used my knowledge mostly to type others. After many years (9, to be specific) - I suddenly realised that I was SO not a 7. I had to read the profile again with an open mind.

I was very young when I did the first test, only 19. Riso and Hudson say that the personality doesn't set until age 25-28. I also believe I have read that teenagers tend to score high on 7 and 4, because these types have some typical teenage qualities. (I'm not trying to say that 7s and 4s are childish, there are degrees of maturity - but depression/melancholy/identity-seeking on one side, and the urge for adventures and new experiences on the other side is pretty normal for all teenagers, regardless of type.) So, if you are very young, maybe the enneagram will be much clearer to you when you hit the 30s

Adding:
I just read the OP again, and just wanted to add something. 3s are only businessmen/politicians etc if that is the ideal they try to live up to. It depends on your family, culture - your situation. That's why it's so hard to type 3s. If the ideal is to be a buddhist monk; the 3 will be the most outstanding buddhist monk in his convent. If the ideal is to be a type 4/type 9 person, the 3 will be that - if that's what it takes to be loved. Average 3s think they have to do something to deserve to be loved

 

[Chloe]

There's no reason to hack the enneagram; it is a perfect system, but it may take years to understand

Both 3s and 7s are often energetic, but 7s more so than 3s, and in a much more physical way. 3s are happy to work in depth with something as long as there's a point to it, their energy is more focused. You really don't have to be hyper to be a 3. Most 7s I know love adrenalin kicks, adventures etc, and are generally less focused.

7s are a lot goofier, 3s normally take themselves way more seriously.

3s care about what other people think about them, they think about first impressions and their position in society. MBTI-wise, I think that 3s are more often Fs, 7s can be Ts or Fs, but they are always Ps. 3s are more (S)J. This is however just what I think.

I am a 3w2, who thought for years that I was a 7w8. 3s can be very difficult to type, because they try to live up to an ideal, and often succeed so well that they end up confusing the ideal for themselves. In my family, the qualities of 7s and 8s are very highly thought of, and I tried to live up that. 3s are chameleons, and I did well. I studied the enneagram every now and then, but had already decided that I was a 7w8, and used my knowledge mostly to type others. After many years (9, to be specific) - I suddenly realised that I was SO not a 7. I had to read the profile again with an open mind.

I was very young when I did the first test, only 19. Riso and Hudson say that the personality doesn't set until age 25-28. I also believe I have read that teenagers tend to score high on 7 and 4, because these types have some typical teenage qualities. (I'm not trying to say that 7s and 4s are childish, there are degrees of maturity - but depression/melancholy/identity-seeking on one side, and the urge for adventures and new experiences on the other side is pretty normal for all teenagers, regardless of type.) So, if you are very young, maybe the enneagram will be much clearer to you when you hit the 30s

Adding:
I just read the OP again, and just wanted to add something. 3s are only businessmen/politicians etc if that is the ideal they try to live up to. It depends on your family, culture - your situation. That's why it's so hard to type 3s. If the ideal is to be a buddhist monk; the 3 will be the most outstanding buddhist monk in his convent. If the ideal is to be a type 4/type 9 person, the 3 will be that - if that's what it takes to be loved. Average 3s think they have to do something to deserve to be loved

+1

I think many 3s mistype themselves for something else. As you said if a 3s ideal is to be "7-like", "cool, fun, good with people", 3 will try to be that, and take on the mask so good that he will not even be aware of it (self-deceit). Of course, it's not that WHOLE face is fake, it's individual and more likely that person will use her natural gifts in that mask.

For ex., I heard from a proffesional (who really knows her job. i dont understand why people think they mastered typology in 1-2 years more than people who are in it proffesionally for 30 years and have worked with thousands people, but that's another topic ) that INFP Ennea 3, and ENFP ennea 3 is not so rare combination, yet no NFP type themselves that way.
Also there are INFJ 3s etc.
edcoaching is INFJ 7

 

[Jeffster]

There's no reason to hack the enneagram; it is a perfect system, but it may take years to understand

No system is perfect.

Both 3s and 7s are often energetic, but 7s more so than 3s, and in a much more physical way. 3s are happy to work in depth with something as long as there's a point to it, their energy is more focused. You really don't have to be hyper to be a 3. Most 7s I know love adrenalin kicks, adventures etc, and are generally less focused.

Again, I can be either. I am constantly moving, even when I'm not actually going anywhere (which seems to be a very common SP trait.) I am focused within my adrenalin kicks! Haha. And life is about adventure.

7s are a lot goofier, 3s normally take themselves way more seriously.

I am very goofy, but I'm also quite easy to hurt, but I usually get over it fast.

3s care about what other people think about them, they think about first impressions and their position in society.

Yet again, it's half and half. I do care what other people think about me. Ideally, everyone would love me, even if I annoyed them sometimes. But I care less than a crap about my "position in society." I think that is the SJ half of the Three maybe. This is the kind of thing that makes me say "far from perfect." Enneagram seems to combine traits across more true types in my view.

I am a 3w2, who thought for years that I was a 7w8. 3s can be very difficult to type, because they try to live up to an ideal, and often succeed so well that they end up confusing the ideal for themselves. In my family, the qualities of 7s and 8s are very highly thought of, and I tried to live up that. 3s are chameleons, and I did well. I studied the enneagram every now and then, but had already decided that I was a 7w8, and used my knowledge mostly to type others. After many years (9, to be specific) - I suddenly realised that I was SO not a 7. I had to read the profile again with an open mind.

That's interesting. I hadn't read anything about 3's being chameleon-like. But then, I have still read a lot less about Enneagram than MB types, because the latter was so much more recognizable to me. I definitely fit the chameleon description (another SP trait) and even people who speak to me regularly will often say I don't "sound like myself." I go through phases of what is most important to me but there are a few constants through all of it.

So, if you are very young, maybe the enneagram will be much clearer to you when you hit the 30s

I'm already a good three years into the 30's. And hadn't even heard of Enneagram before I was in my 30's.

Adding:
I just read the OP again, and just wanted to add something. 3s are only businessmen/politicians etc if that is the ideal they try to live up to. It depends on your family, culture - your situation. That's why it's so hard to type 3s. If the ideal is to be a buddhist monk; the 3 will be the most outstanding buddhist monk in his convent. If the ideal is to be a type 4/type 9 person, the 3 will be that - if that's what it takes to be loved. Average 3s think they have to do something to deserve to be loved

Hmmm. I think I have tried to be entertaining to people, and helpful and friendly, but really the only ideal I have tried to live up to is showing unconditional love for my son the way my mother has for me. I don't really feel like anyone "deserves" to be loved, including me.

 

[syndatha]

No system is perfect.

True. Correction: as perfect as a system may be
My point (which I didn't make) is that the enneagram goes far beyond the stereotype description of each type. It also considers levels of development/maturity, and is actually quite complex.
I will answer more extensively later, but it's 3 am here, and my head really needs to find the pillow

 

[syndatha]

BTW the enneagram also describes each type's relation to either parent. If you had a very close relationship with your mother, that also suggests type 3. 7s relationship with mother is described as ambivalent.
9s are connected to both parents, and 4 is alienated from both parents

 

[Jeffster]

BTW the enneagram also describes each type's relation to either parent. If you had a very close relationship with your mother, that also suggests type 3. 7s relationship with mother is described as ambivalent.
9s are connected to both parents, and 4 is alienated from both parents

Wait, are you saying that the Enneagram type is developed based on one's relationship with one's parents? Or just that people of certain types have typically had a certain relationship with their parents?

For the record, I felt alienated from both parents as a child, but after my parents divorced when I was 13 and I lived with just my mother, we developed our relationship over time and I think eventually became quite close.

 

[Delphyne]

There's no reason to hack the enneagram; it is a perfect system, but it may take years to understand

I agree. Hacking the enneagram is just a way of creating a pleasing image for yourself. You can pick those traits you like and leave the more negative things behind.

Jeffster, what are the things you can relate to in the 9 descriptions? Likewise, what doesn’t fit you?

 

[Jeffster]

Nines are accepting, trusting, and stable. They are usually creative, optimistic, and supportive, but can also be too willing to go along with others to keep the peace. They want everything to go smoothly and be without conflict, but they can also tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting. They typically have problems with inertia and stubbornness.

All true about me.

At their Best: indomitable and all-embracing, they are able to bring people together and heal conflicts.

I don't think I've ever been good at that, really. I think I've helped heal individual people by having fun with them and taking their mind off pain, but I am not really a conciliator by any means.

# Basic Fear: Of loss and separation
# Basic Desire: To have inner stability "peace of mind"

I don't think either of those are true, really.

Key Motivations: Want to create harmony in their environment, to avoid conflicts and tension, to preserve things as they are, to resist whatever would upset or disturb them.

In general, I like harmony in my environment, but I don't seek to create it really, and it's definitely not a key motivation. Some tension is a good thing, I would say I like to preserve SOME things as they are, but certainly not everything. I like change and variety and get bored easily with sameness. I'm pretty sure resisting what upsets or disturbs you is something everyone does.

Nines tend to adopt an optimistic approach to life; they are, for the most part, trusting people who see the best in others; they frequently have a deep seated faith that things will somehow work out.

All true.

They desire to feel connected, both to other people and to the world at large.

I'm not sure what "connected" really means here, but this could be true.

They frequently feel most at home in nature and generally make warm and attentive parents. The Nine's inability to tolerate conflict sometimes translates into an overall conservative approach to change. Change can provoke unpleasant feelings and disrupt the Nine's desire for comfort. Less healthy Nines seem incapable of motivating themselves to move into action and bring about effective change. When change does come however, as it generally will, Nines find that they are usually well able to adapt.

All true.

They tend to be more resilient than they give themselves credit for. In fact, Nines tend not to give themselves enough credit in general, and their self-effacing attitude often seems to invite others to take them for granted or to overlook their often significant contributions.

I think this used to be true of me when I was younger, but I've gotten better at giving myself credit for what I do well as I've matured. I do think I am often taken for granted and not appreciated by other people.

 

[Delphyne]

I'm pretty sure resisting what upsets or disturbs you is something everyone does.

No, some people find it rather exciting.

The desire of having an inner stability peace of mind is more true of the 9w1 than the 9w8.
How do you avoid conflicts? What do you do if you can’t avoid them?

 

[Rhapsody]

Jeffster, have you looked into the lines of integration/disintegration yet?

When stressed, 3s disintegrate (take on unhealthy characteristics of) 9s. Likewise, when healthy, 3s integrate (take on positive characteristics of) 6s.

On the other hand, 7s disintegrate to 1 under stress and integrate to 5.

So do you act more like a 1 under stress, or do you act more like a 9 (and when you're happy, do you act more like a 6 or a 5)? That might help you figure it out.

I have been trying to figure out my Enneagram type forever ... I'm kind of similar to you in that I relate most to a 3's key motivations, but behaviorally am more like a 4 or a 9 ... but I'm starting to think I really am a 3 because the 3's lines of integration/disintegration fit me spot on.

 

[Jeffster]

I don't think I ever act like a 1 or a 5. Those are about the farthest from me possible, with the 8 also very far away.

6 I can see some common traits in, especially as I get older, as I said I definitely have 9-like behavior much of the time.

 

[Chloe]

it's actually pretty simple : 3s care (at least a little) what other people think. 9s dont care (by caring i mean not wanting to be seen in neg. light, i dont mean "caring to have positive relationships with others" because most people care for that, especially Fs.)

 

[theplacesyoullgo]

I know I'm probably opening a can of worms, but the OP inadvertently demonstrated a main problem I have with the Enneagram. I definitely identify with Type 3 more than any other, but I identify more with Type 7 than I do either 2 or 4. (Identify with 4 somewhat, not at all with 2.) I've never really understood why I can't be 3w7 - I know there's a whole theory behind it all, but I just don't understand why someone's "wing" has to be from one of the two types closest to your own. It seems so arbitrary.

 

[Rasputin]

If you look at the types one at a time and go around the circle, you'll see how there's a sort of basic change that takes place from one type to the next on one parameter, but the more types you skip around the circle the more complex the nature of difference. For example, one is more deatached and objective and morality whereas two is personal about morality. A one with a two wing, and more so with a strong two wing, will make morality a more personal matter, and a two with a one wing, and especially with a one wing, will be more detached in their personal morality. The strong wings come close to blending in the middle without actually doing so; once you cross that line, you're in the realm of the next type. You could point out other type similarities, such as how fours and ones have a lot in common because both are in the frustration triad and both tend to be pretty serious people. However, in explaining these similarities you see that there is far more complex a difference than between one and two. Fours are an image-type, like twos. Once could basically say that a two is an image-focused one and a one is a gut-centered two. Take being image centered and take the locus off morality and onto internal feelings (how others feel vs. how you feel) then you have made a composite step from one to four. Further, the types are arranged according to gut, heart, and head triads along the circle. Looking at this, you can see you can be a three and have a seven in your trifix. Also, once you align the types in the circle, the directions of integration and disintegration also fit nicely into the enneagram symbol.

 

[BlueFlame]

That's interesting. I hadn't read anything about 3's being chameleon-like. But then, I have still read a lot less about Enneagram than MB types, because the latter was so much more recognizable to me. I definitely fit the chameleon description (another SP trait) and even people who speak to me regularly will often say I don't "sound like myself." I go through phases of what is most important to me but there are a few constants through all of it

The ability to be malleable is extremely important for someone who's drive is success, admiration, and affirmation, if you think about it. The only way to attain all of those things is to be what society, your family, and your social networks find desirable, regardless of what you REALLY are. A 3 who doesn't have the chameleon-esque qualities would likely be quite miserable.

 

[Rasputin]

It does however operate on a spectrum. A three with a strong four wing would be the least chameleon-like whereas a three with a strong two wing would be the most so.